Mom found and threw away all of my clothes... again

[Ms. Molly]

My mom hates that I crossdress so she makes it her mission in life to find and throw out every bit of clothing that I buy. Today I was kicked out of my stepfather's house for my lifestyle choice and he also fired me for it. So I moved back to my mom's this morning to find that I have a single pair of tights, a swimsuit, a dress and a bra left at her house. I don't know how to get more clothes now that I have no job, no money, no car and nobody who supports me. I don't know what to do :/

[Madam Rose]

first off you can't be fired for your lifestyle dear. You can justice on your side and sue his ass. Also try to get yourself a friend who supports you or someone like that. It seems your boned as long as you live with her.

[mikiSJ]

Rose

It was his stepfather that fired him. I don't think I would want to go there.

Miki

[StephineUK]

Sorry to read that and not a easy thing to be in.

have you tryed carefully talking to your mum and try and reach a crompronise somehow ... or if anything show her this site and tell her that there are many men that like to dress up and it is harmless and only clothing , pick a good time to tell her.

on the job side have you tryed looking out for work or is the employment bad in your town/city , having no job is not good. try volunteer work as that can help as will give you something good to do and prob your mum will like you for doing that

best of luck and i hope that you can find a way out of that situation.

[~Joanne~]

Sorry to hear things are really bad right now in your life but they always seem to turn around when you least suspect it. Hang in there. I also suggest that you find a better hiding place for your wardrobe. If your leaving it in the open because they know, it's not hard to find.

[Ms. Molly]

I had them hidden pretty well, my mom just won't give up on finding stuff. She even finds her old clothes in random places and thinks I took them or something. In her arguments against me crossdressing she claims that the clothes are hers and my sisters that I'm wearing when not one thing is. I have boundaries, you know? I work hard and buy my own clothes just for her to claim they're from her or my sister and throw them away. It's pretty frustrating. I also can't do anything about being fired :/ I'm about to check a few garage sales for clothes, not having but a couple things that are worn out is a bit depressing. Thanks for everyone's input thus far, it helps more than you know.

[kimdl93]

well, Ms. Molly...welcome to adult life. I don't mean to be insensitive, but sooner or later, most of us do have to get a job on our own and scrape together enough money to cover our own living expenses, including housing, food, car and clothes. When you pay for these yourself, no one can take them from you. My advice to you is to take advantage of this time under your mother's roof to get your act together, find gainful employment, or if you're not adequately educated, get back in school and prepare yourself for a job. Between now and the time that you can attain a degree of independence, you'll have to make due as best you can. But don't lose heart. Its amazing how fast time goes buy when you keep yourself busy.

[Cynthia Anne]

Get away from there! That's right! Find a job as soon as you can and get and stay away from the ones that don't respect your rights! Good luck!

[EllenJo]

I agree with Kim and as hard as it may sound there are times when you have to prioritize your life. Get a job, Get your own place, get stable and pay the bills and then worry about Crossdressing. I have had to go inactive and yes I hated it but food shelter ect were more important. Once you have things in order you are free to do what you want. Of course even when I was inactive I did have on my big girl panties. Good Luck.

[DonnaT]

Join the Navy?
..........................

Sorry to hear your things keep getting tossed out.

[reb.femme]

well, Ms. Molly...welcome to adult life. I don't mean to be insensitive, but sooner or later, most of us do have to get a job on our own and scrape together enough money to cover our own living expenses, including housing, food, car and clothes.

Totally agree Kim. Leaving home at an early age was the best decision I ever made. Still with the girl I moved in with, having met in 74.

Just to be completely vindictive when you do move, don't let anyone know where you are and then you can pop back to mum and trash her wardrobe. :devil:

Revenge is a dish best served cold as the old saying goes!

Reb

[Ressie]

Yes, you may have to put cross dressing aside for a while until you get your own place, job, car etc.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Kim, too. Put your energy towards independence. Until then, find a better hiding place.

[Karren H]

Go throw away her clothes!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Molly, You know that things are not likely to change there so you need to make a change of address.

[bobbimo]

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear,, but maybe you need to play the boy, and play by mom and dads rules until you are in a stable place.
Unless your on your way to SRS, I'm sure being the boy will not kill you.
Take a deep breath and conform to the outside world. When you have established your self, developed a good skil and have a steady income. Then you can let the gurl within out again.
We will still be here for you
Bobbi

[Cheryl T]

Patience...
If you're living home with mom I'm assuming you're young. Life is not all that short and things have a way of working out. Just be patient and see what comes your way. This is not the end all and be all...you have lots of life to live.

[Jill Devine]

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear,, but maybe you need to play the boy, and play by mom and dads rules until you are in a stable place.
Unless your on your way to SRS, I'm sure being the boy will not kill you.
Take a deep breath and conform to the outside world. When you have established your self, developed a good skil and have a steady income. Then you can let the gurl within out again.
We will still be here for you
Bobbi
Solid advice IMHO. I know it's tough but one has to do what you have to do to survive. Right now you need to focus on surviving - but knowing that it will get better.

Apply all energy in getting employed. Save your money. Learn to budget.
When the time is right, you can move out (even if it's renting a room from open minded people).

Good luck and hang in there!

[flatlander_48]

Focus on your living and work situation FIRST. Dressing can come later...

[Amy R Lynn]

From the sounds of things, I'm thinking that you are still pretty young. You are still living with your Mom. There is nothing wrong with that! I agree with Kim here. However, I would take advantage of your living arrangement. Get a job first off, get some money in your savings so you can move out and have a place of your own. You may even want to consider getting some schooling. A college degree, or trade schooling. Then you can make some good money.

Once you get your own place you can do as you please. There would be no one to tell you otherwise. You definitely need some independence here.

[linda allen]

Kim gives good advice. Heed it.

As far as "first off you can't be fired for your lifestyle", well, in the real world, you can be fired for your lifestyle or many other reasons in many jobs. It's a shame, but it's reality.


I had them hidden pretty well, my mom just won't give up on finding stuff. She even finds her old clothes in random places and thinks I took them or something. In her arguments against me crossdressing she claims that the clothes are hers and my sisters that I'm wearing when not one thing is. I have boundaries, you know? I work hard and buy my own clothes just for her to claim they're from her or my sister and throw them away. ........

You have been given good advice and I hope you take it.

If you choose not to take that advice and continue living with your mom, how about this; When you buy something, take it and your receipt and show it to her so she will know it belongs to you and not her or your sister. Use a permanent marking pen to mark the tag as yours or sew a tag into the item. Keep a written inventory of your clothing and show that to her also.

[Krististeph]

The first thing you need to do is to find some kind of support network- this might take a little effort- do you go to school at all? Check out a local college or university's center for alternative lifestyles or whatever it may be called. Ask for contacts to support groups and/or counseling. Simply making contact with others who are not like your mom & stepdad in terms of their opinions on what you are is an important step.

Get involved in some of the discussions here. There are some REALLY AWESOME people here, and while not everyone will agree with you or say what you like to hear, even the folks with opposing viewpoints are worth listening to-- the more sides you see something from- the more you understand it, and the more you may learn and understand the 'hidden' aspects.

Listen to Lady Gaga's 'born this way' to boost your mood, and then search and contact a support group- colleges are pretty anonymous, well most of them, just make sure you don't choose a religious based school that is not tolerant!

-Kristi

"My mother made me a transvestite"
"If i buy her the fabric, will she make me one too?"

[BRANDYJ]

My mom hates that I crossdress so she makes it her mission in life to find and throw out every bit of clothing that I buy. Today I was kicked out of my stepfather's house for my lifestyle choice and he also fired me for it. So I moved back to my mom's this morning to find that I have a single pair of tights, a swimsuit, a dress and a bra left at her house. I don't know how to get more clothes now that I have no job, no money, no car and nobody who supports me. I don't know what to do :/

I'm a little confused. If you were kicked out of your step-father's house and it's not the same house you moved into with your mom, does that mean they are separated or divorced now? If that's the case, seems like your step-father went out of his way to be a father to you since usually a step parent does not want much to do with the step children when he divorces their mom. Was it that bad at mom's house that you felt a need to move in with your step dad?
In any case, you need to find a job before you do anything. As others have said, put the crossdressing away until you square away your life with a job, schooling and your own place.I hate to say it, but it's your mom's house so you have to place by her house rules. If you moved in to my house, you have to play by my rules, plain and simple. So perhaps you can try to talk to your mom about the way you feel. Maybe she will come to some sort of compromise. In the mean time, you have to respect her feelings.

[Tina B.]

We use to have a girl on here that was homeless, believe me her life was hard, you don't want to go there. It's mom's house, and she is not going to change, and she has no respect for you as an adult, so she treats you like a child. Get out find a job, any job, on your own, show her you are an adult, can pay your own way, and unless she starts to treat you like an adult, your out of there. It's about the only thing that will fix your problem. That and a good locked storage trunk too Strong for her to get in to it.
Tina B.

[Joanne f]

Sorry to hear that you are not only getting any support but also a deliberate attempt to get you to stop with your style of clothes , normally I would prefer that there is at least an unspoken type of support from a parent that may not understand and for the son/daughter not to have to say anything unless asked a question but in this instance it may be a good idea for you to ask what the problem is and is this throwing out of you stuff going to continue as that is not really right even if they do not like it .

[Misty52]

Sorry to hear what happen to you. I agree with the gurls...Need to find a job, pay your bills, and get ur own place. Then let the gurl out...step dad and mom can't say anything then.

[Beverley Sims]

Get another job first and then think about living away from home.
A seperate living arrangement and independence can work wonders.

[Brenda79135]

The advice that has been given is top rated. For the privacy problem that you face also, get a pet spider/snake/... Make it unbearable for her to go into your room and snoop. If she throws everything away that she thinks was taken from your sister or her, then start taking their stuff. Eventually everybody will be naked.

[Mollyanne]

I'm going to play "devils advocate" here. If your old enough to go out on your own, do it!!!!! If not, then your "stuck" for a while. You have to get a job first, SAVE YOUR MONEY then do whatever it takes to get back on track. DO NOT DESTROY ANY PROPERTY (LIKE CLOTHING) THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!!!!!! You COULD find yourself in jail!!!!!! I know how good revenge feels but somehow it always comes back to bite you!!!!! Move away, far away and start a new life.

Molly

[linda allen]

....... If she throws everything away that she thinks was taken from your sister or her, then start taking their stuff. Eventually everybody will be naked.

I hope that was not meant to be serious advice and I hope it's not taken as such. Stealing is not a good response to someone else's stealing and stealing from the sister in response to the mother taking things is a very poor response. The sister is not a part of this conflict.

[RADER]

Go throw away her clothes!

I know that two wrongs do not make a right, But what is good for the Goose.
is Good for the Gander......... After you throw away all her clothes, ask her if she likes it.
I bet that will stop her from throwing out your stuff.
Rader

[Thera Home]

I have no job, no money, no car and nobody who supports me. I don't know what to do :/

First of all kiddo, youre freaking them out.:eek: Sounds like your folks have enough troubles of thier own. Youre going have become stealth with this until youre old enough if not responsible enough to get youre own place away from the calamity your family is expierencing.

Just mi two bits:2c:

Thera

[Julogden]

As others have suggested, the solution to your problems is actually a simple one: get another job, save up money for a basic used car and then get a place of your own, assuming you're old enough to do that. In the short term while living with your mom, you need to curb your dressing, both to keep the peace and also to keep from wasting any money as a result of mom throwing your stuff away. Don't take anything belonging to your mom or your sister, just dedicate yourself 100% to getting your own place. Don't bother arguing with your mom on this, chances are that all it would do is make your situation worse.

Depending on where you live, it's possible that your stepfather broke the law by firing you for crossdressing, but unless you have ironclad, concrete proof that he fired you for that and you live somewhere that has anti-discrimination laws regarding transgender employees, don't bother trying to do anything legally about your firing.

Good luck!
Carol

[JenniferR771]

And...you need "off-site storage"...mainly a secret place or a friend who can be caretaker of your stash of girly stuff. Buy your own stuff at thrift shops--its cheap. And if you are still at home --it won't hurt so much to lose it. And then maybe she wall respect your privacy, if it isn't her or your sister's stuff. And think a little harder...crossdressers are really good at hiding stuff. See that hiding thread a few months back. Get your life in order and be extra nice to the parent thing--it will be tough--but clean up your room and be a little more polite--take some of the pressure off until you can move far away.

[Aylineira]

You need a better hiding spot. Hide your things in your mom's closet or dresser. That's the LAST place she'd look for them.

[Nicole Erin]

One thing you can think about when you are trying to get educated, established etc is part of the prize will be to get these two out of your life. If people cause you problems for your lifestyle choices, do not associate with them.


I'm a little confused. If you were kicked out of your step-father's house and it's not the same house you moved into with your mom, does that mean they are separated or divorced now? If that's the case, seems like your step-father went out of his way to be a father to you since usually a step parent does not want much to do with the step children when he divorces their mom. Was it that bad at mom's house that you felt a need to move in with your step dad?


Step-family is just that - step family. Same rank as "in-laws". I think a lot of step-fathers are more interested in whatever woman he wants to date than about taking care of her kids. The only reason some men do this is cause they pretty much know that between the ages of 21 and say 40, they are not likely to find a woman with no kids still at home.

[Angela Campbell]

It is a tough lesson to learn but if you depend on someone else to support you and pay your way you do not have the luxury of doing everything your way. If you need someone else to support you you need to do as they say until you can take care of yourself. Focus on getting a good job, save money and get your own place. Then you have earned the right to live as you want to. Until then just keep in mind that in the span of your life a few more years until you can begin to live your life is not so long after all. Respect the ones who pay your way and do as they ask.