Spoilt my make up!

[Amy A]

Came home to find the new dress I'd ordered, plus some makeup, had been delivered. Spent a good hour getting ready (just so I could sit around the house on my own :doh:) then went downstairs and looked in the mirror.

I promptly welled up and burst into tears.

Its the only time I look in the mirror and like what I see. Tye only time I feel like some part of me that could be happy, and content, is physically visible.

I have an assessment appointment with a councillor coming up, when I know I'm going to have to walk into a room and say to a complete stranger, 'Good day to you sir, I like to where the clothing of ladyfolk!' which is completely against all of my instincts having suppressed and hidden my female side for so long. But I'm getting tired of not living. Whilst I'm so worried about the therapy sessions, part of me hopes they ask to meet me (as I am now).

I need to go out soon. It's going to happen. I never thought I'd do it, but I can't fight it any more. I'm happier and to be honest, better looking like this. I wish society could cope with it!

Sorry, feeling tired and emotional.

[kellycan27]

Came home to find the new dress I'd ordered, plus some makeup, had been delivered. Spent a good hour getting ready (just so I could sit around the house on my own :doh:) then went downstairs and looked in the mirror.

I promptly welled up and burst into tears.

Its the only time I look in the mirror and like what I see. Tye only time I feel like some part of me that could be happy, and content, is physically visible.

I have an assessment appointment with a councillor coming up, when I know I'm going to have to walk into a room and say to a complete stranger, 'Good day to you sir, I like to where the clothing of ladyfolk!' which is completely against all of my instincts having suppressed and hidden my female side for so long. But I'm getting tired of not living. Whilst I'm so worried about the therapy sessions, part of me hopes they ask to meet me (as I am now).

I need to go out soon. It's going to happen. I never thought I'd do it, but I can't fight it any more. I'm happier and to be honest, better looking like this. I wish society could cope with it!

Sorry, feeling tired and emotional.

Show up en femme.. A picture is worth a thousand words, and it would be a great ice breaker. It's going to come out sooner or later anyway, and you might just be surprised how much of a non-event it will probably be to your therapist.

Here's a little song that I find inspiring....... http://youtu.be/luarG07cVfM

[Stephanie Miller]

Kelly has it right. Go the way you feel you should be. Dressing the way YOU desire is not your problem - the public not accepting it is the problem. It's all in perception.

Reminds me of this little ditty...
Guy with a parrot on his head goes to the doctor. Doc looks right at the guy and asks him " what can I do for you".
The doctor is startled when the parrot pipes up, and asks the doc " How do I get this guy off my butt"?

[Maria in heels]

Rachel...I can only imagine what you are going thru, and if you learn to trust your feelings, speaking with this councilor in a deep truthful discussion if you learn to trust them can be a very good thing - it is part of the process, and if you are afraid to trust that person, then you must find someone you do truly feel comfortable with to find out what you really want.

[Angela Campbell]

If it makes any difference ... WE accept you just the way you are.

[donnalee]

Not only that; we accept you for who you want to be.

[Beverley Sims]

You have the early signs of insecurity and wonder where you are going.
You do have to live with it a little bit and find answers to more of your questions and anxieties.
It will all come eventually and you will then work out what you will do in the future.
Look forward to a bumpy road and keep asking questions.
Sift through the answers and you will find some that apply to you.
All the best in your endeavors.

[Amy A]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I ended up staying up quite late last night because I couldn't bear to go back to guy mode.

Kelly - You're absolutely right, I should do that, the only thing stopping me is my own fear. Once I've met the councillor, and I feel a bit more comfortable, I will try and muster up the courage to do it. I'm such a wimp! :D

Stephanie - when there's a whole world of diversity, and beauty out there, I never understand why human beings can be so cruel as to try to make everyone conform. I'd be more socially accepted if I went out getting slaughtered and getting into fights every Saturday night, because apparently thats what men do! :)

Maria - I hope it does help. I'm going to throw myself into it as best I can, I want to get the maximum benefit from it. I hope the person I speak to is someone I can feel comfortable with, if not I'll do as you say. :)

Almostalady and Donna Lee - It does make a difference. A massive difference. It's the most accepting and friendly forum I've ever come across, thank you. :)

Beverley - thank you for this post, you seem to know exactly where I am, and hit the nail on the head. It really helps. :)

[Lady Slipper]

Good luck Rachel! I hope you get what you are looking for from therapy. I am also continually impressed by this wonderful forum and its incredible members. Go out! You can do it! :)

Hugs,
Stephanie Marie

[Brenda Freeman]

Hi Rachel,
I waited way to long to just go for it and not worry what others think! I finally decided Dressing up is the most fulfilling experience for me, it makes me feel complete and happy. I hope you can gain that confidence and enjoy life to its fullest!!

[Angela Campbell]

Rachel, we all know how you feel because we go through the same things at times. It isn't easy being a girl that looks like a man but we are here to talk if you need us. But think about this. Many GG's have problems with the way they look too, just be who you are, not everyone will accept it but they don't have to.

[kellycan27]

I wouldn't call yourself a wimp.. This has to be one of the hardest things that one can do in life. It takes a giant ( and I mean HUGE!) leap of faith.. like stepping off a cliff without knowing how far it is to the bottom... armed with nothing more than guts and intestinal fortitude. Many of us go through this and if this is truly what you need to do.. you will be ready when you are ready, and when that time comes.. you'll step off. There is no time table, and no set rules as to when you do it. The support that you receive here is great, but when the time comes.. it's just going to be "ALL YOU"

[STACY B]

Kelly is right ,,,Not many guys could do this on a bet ,, So we must be tougher than those Nancy Boys ,,, It's easy to act like a Bad Ass or Act all tough ,, Try an turn a Man into a Somewhat presentable version of the Female Gender an Swallow all the Dumb Crap that comes with it an all the ridicule an Hate becuz of lack of Education on there part ,,I'll bet if Some one else had a disease or disorder they would Read up on it an find out all about so they could deal with it like we do ! So Pucker Up World ,,, Take a Big Kiss ,,Cuz I am Walking away an Bending over !!

[Amy A]

Thanks again for the replies. I've just come back from a trip to the pub with a friend. We were surrounded my what most people would refer to as 'real men', and I've never felt so uncomfortable. I couldn't identify with these people at all. I hate that their behaviour is more accepted than mine. :(

I know that I have some tough decisions ahead of me. Things might get worse before they get better. But I have to make sure I do what's best for me. I'm still scared though, and I sometimes wish it could all just go away.

BTW, I think you are all fantastic. :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rachel, A girl as young and pretty as you are should be out there.