Time for 'Gina's downfall'; it's dangerous territory again

[GinaMarie]

Welcome back to "hostile territory," Gina. (alternate title for thread)

As a follow-up to the previous threads about me in harm's way and my fear, matters of my "secret" have gotten worse.

I found my mom cleaning up my room "behind my back" and although I have a small collection hidden, she found a bigger surprise other than the crap that's piled up. And it's not being dealt with properly. She discovered that I'm hiding her and the brother's GF's clothes.

As if I am not under enough scrutiny, I'm having reiterated the fact I will get into serious trouble with everyone for hiding their things. It went as far as being told I "will end up being beaten up by my brother for keeping my 'dark secret' from him, as well as his GF." It's not like I can, out of thin air, return the "stolen" articles of clothing without it "being noticed."

How does violence fit into the picture? Well, I, for one, am not strong enough to face the possibility of "being found out" and the extreme fallout over it, and am defenseless, being the youngest and most vulnerable in the household. Purging won't help me face the demon before me and continuing to hide my "secret" will slowly break me.

I'm scared now, and don't want to be "backed into the corner" again. Once again, I fall to darkness and there's no way out of it. Otherwise, for "Gina", "it's time to die." Literally.

[bimini1]

Ah the joys of still living with the folks. Unfortunately for you as long as they are paying the bills it's their house and mom can search anywhere she damn well pleases. Plus, its you who have stolen and hidden things. I've been through this and worse when I was still "at the house". I moved out over 20 years ago but it still affects me on some level the negativity that went on between me and my mom due to my ,er, proclivities.
I don't know what you are gonna do, for me it just got worse and worse then I moved out on my own and it was still pretty bad. If I ever visited and anything came up missing, she'd point the finger at me. Then it would turn up behind the washing machine, etc.

But for what its worth, I do feel your pain.

[Mollyanne]

I kinda understand the motive behind what you did but lets face the fact(s) it was a bad decision and a wrong thing to do. I have no idea how old you are but it appears that you are young and for the "moment" trapped in your moms' house. Fessin' up is probably the best thing to do to some extent but consequences will be forth coming!!!!! Its one thing to "hide" your own things but when it belongs to some else, well that's a different story. I hope it doesn't go to badly for you.

Molly

[Stephenie S]

Gina, Gina, Gina.

If you steal things you had better be ready to accept the consequences. For goodness sake dear, stealing is stealing and it's against the law because people get REALLY upset when you take their stuff. It doesn't matter if the stuff is your brother's girlfriend's panties or $10,000 from the bank. It's still stealing and you CAN'T do it. Period. Of COURSE he is gonna be pissed. Might he beat you? Yeah. Will I feel sorry for you? Yup. But only because I abhor violence. If your brother beats you, you brought it on yourself. Coming here for sympathy? Sorry, none available.

While it seems to be true that many crossdressers begin their career by "borrowing" someone else's things, those people you "borrow" from don't think about it as borrowing. They think about it as STEALING!

PLEASE give everything back. Apologize. Promise it will never happen again. And then GET YOUR OWN STUFF!!!!

Auntie Stephenie

[Stephenie S]

Welcome back to "hostile territory," Gina. (alternate title for thread)

As a follow-up to the previous threads about me in harm's way and my fear, matters of my "secret" have gotten worse.

I found my mom cleaning up my room "behind my back" and although I have a small collection hidden, she found a bigger surprise other than the crap that's piled up. And it's not being dealt with properly. She discovered that I'm hiding her and the brother's GF's clothes.

As if I am not under enough scrutiny, I'm having reiterated the fact I will get into serious trouble with everyone for hiding their things. It went as far as being told I "will end up being beaten up by my brother for keeping my 'dark secret' from him, as well as his GF." It's not like I can, out of thin air, return the "stolen" articles of clothing without it "being noticed."

How does violence fit into the picture? Well, I, for one, am not strong enough to face the possibility of "being found out" and the extreme fallout over it, and am defenseless, being the youngest and most vulnerable in the household. Purging won't help me face the demon before me and continuing to hide my "secret" will slowly break me.

I'm scared now, and don't want to be "backed into the corner" again. Once again, I fall to darkness and there's no way out of it. Otherwise, for "Gina", "it's time to die." Literally.

So, Gina dear, perhaps a post with a bit more positive stuff will help. Let me encourage you a bit.

If you are indeed small, you will find, as you go out into the world, a much easier time of it presenting as a woman. This will be an enormous advantage.

And a suggestion. Keep your room CLEAN yourself. If your room is always perfectly clean, there will be no reason for your mom to go in there. Clean your own room. It's part of growing up and it's a signal to others that you are growing up.

Getting your own stuff is easy, hon. Panties are cheap at the supermarket or at WalMart. Pantyhose likewise. Outer wear can be found at VERY reasonable prices at the thrift store or Salvation Army.

You are just starting out on this journey. Every crossdresser on this forum had to "just start out" too. You are not alone. Hang in there. Life really does get better, honest.

S

[GinaMarie]

Well, I am truly paying for it now. If anybody were to see any "stuff" of mine, or theirs especially, it's most predictable what will happen. Fessing up might be the only way out of it, as well as tidying up my room so it's not a freakin' mess. Depending on how disrespectful I am to everybody and no matter the condition of my room, she will come do or finish the work for me.

Another thing; getting my own stuff is not easy, not without hiding what I get. What am I supposed to do, put a smile on my face when I go shopping for "forbidden things"? I know I will be given hell when I do my own shopping; worst part is possibly seeing my friends at it and finding the family figuring out what I just got. From my point of view, everything feels "(un)reasonably priced," unless I absolutely need it.

And Steph, you are right; I won't get any sympathy from here. I'm all alone on this. It's up to me how I own up to my wrongdoings. I'll face whatever repercussions that come my way, and I figured out for myself a punch in the face won't do any good. The worst I'll get is me having to "pitch a tent in the backyard." The "ultimatum" has always been thrown at me, and this issue I am in will justify it.

[larry]

Still don't know how old you are but as soon as you are old enough find a boyfriend or girlfriend that will accept you and git outta there.

[Laura912]

Would disagree that you do not get any sympathy or empathy here...in fact, this is the only place you may receive that for now because many have already traveled your road or a similar path. Unfortunately, the mode of travel was a one seater so each follower has to the the traveling alone. But that does not mean we cannot give a few directions, hints, and outright "you need to do this" statements. Hang in there and keep talking to us.

[Helen_Highwater]

Can I suggest a compromise way out? It will mean Gina taking a “holiday” till such time as you’re living away from home.
Talk calmly to you Mom, apologies for talking her clothes. If the other items are still in your possession, in return for her not saying anything to your brother, offer the compromise of getting rid of them by giving them to charity. In other words, purge. Commit to staying that way. As long as you live at home keep Gina alive in your heart and through the words in this forum until such time as you gain independence by leaving to live in your own place. Gina’s time will come and it will be all the more a rewarding experience when it can be free of guilt and free of the fear of being “found out”.

[GinaMarie]

Still don't know how old you are but as soon as you are old enough find a boyfriend or girlfriend that will accept you and git outta there.

First of all, let me answer the age question. I'm 21 now, and not in the near future am I expecting to find a girlfriend that will "accept me."


Can I suggest a compromise way out? It will mean Gina taking a “holiday” till such time as you’re living away from home.
Talk calmly to you Mom, apologies for talking her clothes. If the other items are still in your possession, in return for her not saying anything to your brother, offer the compromise of getting rid of them by giving them to charity. In other words, purge. Commit to staying that way. As long as you live at home keep Gina alive in your heart and through the words in this forum until such time as you gain independence by leaving to live in your own place. Gina’s time will come and it will be all the more a rewarding experience when it can be free of guilt and free of the fear of being “found out”.

Living in my own place won't happen either, not for at least 10 years, due to my health conditions. Plus I'm not ready for it. Truth is, I don't know how I would feel about purging. Maybe I will come out without exposing anything of mine. I might write it out instead of talk directly. The more I think about it, the greater the frustration. And I've been told not to make it such a big deal.

If anything, I'll do the following: I'll let Gina lay low for awhile, then resurrect her when the time comes. I won't purge but will keep my own collection* in a safe place away from reach of anybody. Though I will give "her" a chance-- just one chance this year.

*I bought some things for myself this past summer; just making sure I wasn't misleading anybody about the clothes I have.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina, That's the trouble with a small Island there's no where to hide.

[Beverley Sims]

Remember girls clean their room and keep it neat. Their car is like a trash can.
Boys have a trashcan for a room and a pristine shiny car.
If you want to be a girl, do what girls do. :)

[kimdl93]

You've painted yourself into a corner, Gina. So, now how to get yourself out? For starters, you need to have a long talk with your mother. Explain why you have been hiding her and your brother's GF's. She already knows, so why not talk about it? Then, start respecting other peoples privacy - and property. Why shouldn't your mom feel free to go through your room. You don't keep it neat - which is disrespectul to her, and you have obviously been rummaging through other peoples stuff. Not only is it stealing, but its an invasion of their privacy. Stop that now.

You ask how your supposed to shop for forbidden things... well, first off, they aren't forbidden. To everyone else, clothes are clothes. Yes, they probably will correctly assume that you are a CDr, but so what? Its not a crime. Invading the privacy of others is bad behavior. And stealing other peoples property is a crime. Grow up, behave respectfully, buy your own things and then live the life you choose.

[GinaMarie]

Remember girls clean their room and keep it neat. Their car is like a trash can.
Boys have a trashcan for a room and a pristine shiny car.
If you want to be a girl, do what girls do. :)

Cleanup is a WIP; at the moment it's difficult. I'm getting a small grace period to get my messy room cleaned up, which I hope will ease things on me. It's bad enough being disorganized; my mom is the same position as me, but it's not as messy.


You've painted yourself into a corner, Gina. So, now how to get yourself out? For starters, you need to have a long talk with your mother. Explain why you have been hiding her and your brother's GF's. She already knows, so why not talk about it? Then, start respecting other peoples privacy - and property. Why shouldn't your mom feel free to go through your room. You don't keep it neat - which is disrespectul to her, and you have obviously been rummaging through other peoples stuff. Not only is it stealing, but its an invasion of their privacy. Stop that now.

You ask how your supposed to shop for forbidden things... well, first off, they aren't forbidden. To everyone else, clothes are clothes. Yes, they probably will correctly assume that you are a CDr, but so what? Its not a crime. Invading the privacy of others is bad behavior. And stealing other peoples property is a crime. Grow up, behave respectfully, buy your own things and then live the life you choose.

Trying to have that "long talk" with my mom hasn't been easy either. It is really a matter of finding a suitable time to discuss it without anyone knowing about it. Actually, we did get to it yesterday. I went through a hard lesson about not hiding things from anybody, that I do not "raid" anybody's rooms for stuff, clothes especially. I'm now trying to avoid invading anyone's privacy but respect as far as non-related stuff goes is still a challenge, given we've been on-and-off getting into verbal arguments; I provoke them, unfortunately. And I know I am responsible for getting into my "corner" this time.

Now that you mention "forbidden things" and buying my own stuff, I actually did some last weekend. But for my safety, she's keeping some of it in her room; it won't come out until Halloween or at least when no one is home so I can try it on without being afraid of getting caught wearing a dress. Therefore, none of my "forbidden" stuff will be in the unreachable, yet visible, back of my closet, because anyone can walk pass and see what's in there. I can't slide it closed without it toppling on me; add to that my room has no door, only a curtain.

We talked about it yesterday and I agreed not to go through anyone's s**t, or I "would get caught." If anything, the least I'll get is hell from her.