crossdressers have it backwards?

[jo_ann]

Ok, I'm realizing something lately. All my life I have always dressed glamorous "dress, heels, etc."... I've never felt that I really passed, I always felt like a guy in a dress. Lately I've been dressing down (sweater or blouse top with jeans), and I must say I look a lot more passable, yet I can still look sexy. It's gotten better ever since I got my corset (mostly because the sucking in means I have a high waist like a woman), and the padded panties keep them up without a belt.. So I wonder, does every crossdresser go through the same stages? And if so why, is it because we want maximum femminization for our efforts? Is it because even little girls start out with dress up and play princess? I just wished I had realized this sooner.. I think I'm gonna keep going with the casual look and build my way up to more fancy dressing.

[Sherlyn]

think we do all do ..Ive noticed this too when going out ..however my casual is more like a sweater or top with loose fitting jacket jean skirt or similar casual skirts...2 inch sandals ...just cant wear jeans although I have.I feel like my boi self more in the jeans :)

[Helen MC]

I have thought this for a long time and that many TVs, (as opposed to only at home Crossdressers like myself), do overdo things and dress in a manner that is 200% female. The women I observe in the street, at work, etc do NOT "dress up to the nines" but are quite ordinary in their attire. Teeshirt and jeans or other female trousers, or a quite plain skirt and blouse or top and in the cold weather a jumper over that in some cases. You wouldn't give then a second glance and I feel that to pass without attracting undue attention it would be better for some TVs to wear quite ordinary female clothing rather than too many frills, short skirts, etc.

[Karen Francis]

I have never really wanted to dress up in the ultra feminine way. Since passing has been a goal since forever( I am 52, getting closer to the goal all the time) I study the competition a lot. Just like the other thread says, most gg's do not dress up most of the time. But the look that I like the most is "dressy casual". Say, a pair of jeans with a little extra stitching and shapely pockets with a top made of a material other than cotton with some nice detail. Of course underneath, fancy panties, pantyhose or tights, padded corset should make you feel feminine enough. Finish it off with a nice pair of ballet flats or 1" heels and that should do it. Take a look at women who have money and poise, of any age, they always know how to dress casual without looking like a slob.

[cindybarnes]

Joann, same here, my fancy dresses dont get out much anymore.
I started realy looking what gg's were wearing while shopping and its almost always casual. This time of year is great since I like sweaters and slacks with some boots that have a nice heel. Comfy like that and Im relaxed when Im trying to blend in,, that has to help some trying to pass
Cindy

[MandyTS]

In order to be passable you need to dress like everyone else and not stand out. For someone who is tall (like me at 6'6") clothing, voice, manerisms, etc are more and more important. I can not speak for TV and CD (I am not one of them) but if I want to "be myself" and live as Mandy on the outside the main way to pass is to dress and act like GGs, then you pass.

I don't personally care about the whole passing thing anymore, I just go as myself and dress how I will dress after transistion. This means being approprate to others my age, etc. Now I can get by with a little more because I look about 9 - 20 years old, not 23/24 but even then it is normal clothing.

For me normal means if it is warm, shorts or a skirt, a tshirt or casual blouse (I will not dare wear a cami right now), cold means longer dress or pants (jeans or slacks) and a nice sweater or jacket. Shoes are sandals, tennis shoes or low heeled (i.e. flats or under 1 inch) pumps or other shoes.

Another big thing people overlook is approprate makeup. check out the pic in my coming out for the first time thread... what do you notice... very mild makeup, some eyeshadow, mascara and light foundation. You almost never see GGs wearing super opaque makeup, blue eyeshadow ect (well eye shadow maybe). Basically if you want to pass be real, and the mundane stuff is that way!

Mandy

[Jasmine Ellis]

Dear Joann. If I wear Trousers or Jeans, then I might as well be my own self. My life dressed means a lot to me that I can't bring myself wearing Jeans. I do know what you are on about wearing what the ggs are. But give me a skirt and high heels anyday......If it's nice or cold!

[Dayna]

My thread fromthe 'Desirable Ages' post...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=267071&postcount=18

[Kim E]

Hi Jo Ann ~
I'm guilty as charged. When I was younger I tried to emulate women way too much, kind of like you see in the fashion magazines. Never went anywhere without heels, frilly dresses and tons of makeup. I might have occasionally passed but I sure was extremely over done, so to speak.

Many years later, a girlfriend told me I stuck out like a sore thumb. She helped me a tremendous amount with finding a more natural and accepting level of dressing. I think that's when I turned the corner and I owe her a lot for helping me.

So, today living almost 24/7, I am ultra casual. I rarely go out wearing a dress and heels unless its to something special and if that's what all the females will be wearing. Cold weather its usually slacks or jeans with a sweater and either boots or flats. Warm weather its jeans or shorts with a tee shirt or tank top and sneakers. That said, if the mood strikes me, I can wear painted on jeans with a top that's cut way too low. But that's only to a picnic, cookout or hanging out with friends. Sort of a controlled environment.

Same with makeup, a light foundation, some mascara and lip gloss and I'm ready to go.

I think, many times, dressing is a sort of evolution, where many of us reach an accepting level of comfort, in how we dress and how others see us.

Kim

[susiej]

Jo_ann,

I certainly have gone through the glamour->jeans cycle you describe, even though I've never been "out".

It has to do with the subtlety and depth of the self-image. When I was younger, and dressing was a relatively new thing, more glamourous = more feminine, so, hey, go for it, girl! More eye-liner! As I've grown ol -- er, that is, more mature and sophisticated :), my interest in appearing feminine has been replaced with a need to be feminine.

I have a set of maroon leotards, that I sometimes work out in, en femme. The neckline is very high; they're kind of the opposite of glamourous. Yet, these days, I feel the most feminine wearing them.

Hugs,
Susie

[susandrea]

I never wore dresses or played princess as a little girl. I was a tomboy.

I was always climbing trees and LIVED at the pool.

I was never mistaken for a boy, though.

It wasn't until Jr. High that I really embraced my femininity (just after the whole "horse crazy" phase).

Nowadays I'm pretty girly. It's rare I go without make-up, at least.

You have a point though. Women notice when another woman is over-dressed for where she is at the moment, so a CD who is over-dressed is just as likely to stick out.

[fionablack]

I have to have a skirt on in order to really enjoy my cross dressing. The right women's underwear, shoes and top would just feel pointless to me if i was wearing jeans. I can wear jeans as a man whenever i want.

I understand why women wear jeans, and a beautiful woman can look sensational in a little cami top, the right pair of jeans, and the right pair of boots or shoes. That being said, that same woman will always look better to me in a skirt.

I don't think anything makes the statement "I'm a women" more than a skirt. It is the ultimate in femininity. I agree with the point about CD's overdoing it at times, but the most casual it will ever get for me is a denim skirt.

[Wendy me]

i dress to please me some of the more fab things but over all all my things can be every day type things and it can be from jeans to skirts to a nice dress but like ball gowns or something realy glitzy no not for me...

[Toyah]

I can see your point on wanting to pass more for me it is the feel and the look of the clothes rather than passing or not passing. I certainly would not venture out in daylight with most of my clothes they would draw far too much attention and have no intention of going out at night.
Enjoy what you wear thats the most important thing.

[Kimberly]

A year or so ago, all I bought was random stuff that looked good on the spur of the moment... and what turned me on.

Now, I go for whatever I see my peers wearing. (My friends, mostly - not these samey middle of the road types, with their belts that look like a shield attached to their waist!) It's what I had in my pictures, and I love the result: what I feel is quite passable - AND comfortable.

xx

[gennee]

I see your point, Joann. I am a sweater and jeans person myself. I also like sweaters and skirts. I would dress to the nines on special occasions. Most women don't so I don't worry too much on passing.

Gennee:)

[Katrina]

You know if you asked me about this a year ago I would have said - must...wear...ultra-feminine...clothes - no jeans! When I went out last week to the drug store, I was wearing jeans, a nice shirt, and some really cool boots, but the boots were not something most women would wear to the drug store. So I turned myself around and went home to change them. I changed into a pair of loafers that I have worn to work in drab mode several times - not very exciting to say the least. I can't believe that I actually thought like a woman then. I should have been wearing a nice prom dress or ball gown and 6" platforms shouldn't I? ;)

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well I think the desire to look good/feel sexy is definitely one motivation for dressing -- so dressing up like "sweatpants Barbie" doesn't really fulfill that need.

So if you're "dressing for pleasure" most of us will be a bit more glam, or more sexy than is appropriate for going outside. Which is fine, as long as you realize that's what you're doing. Some of us realize this before we start going out, so after.

As others have pointed, dressing appropriately to the context where you're going to be out in public is one key to blending in. GGs don't usually wear clubwear to the mall (or vice versa) and doing so will make you stand out just as much as if a GG did so. To be honest, unless I'm going to a CD/TG event, I'll usually wear pants. Besides the fact that most GGs do, San Francisco is on the cool and windy side, so wearing a dress is even less common than usual.

OTOH, casual isn't incompatible with stylish -- you can always pair a nice top with jeans. Just realize being stylish may catch people's eye and you need to ready to handle that.

[jo_ann]

I'm all for dressing to the nines now n then, but lately it seems like I get a better feeling by passing better.. I don't know if it's the idea of fantasizing about going out in public lately, or perhaps I don't like how my feet hurt in 5" heels walking around the house, but I guess this is just the mood I'm in.

[Phoebe Reece]

When going out I dress in a manner in which I believe most women would consider appropriate for the destination. That is not neccessarily the same as wearing what most GG's are wearing. I sometimes go to the mall wearing a nice skirt suit and medium heels. There might be only one or two other GG's in the mall wearing something similar. It's appropriate attire, just not common. I wouldn't wear a prom dress to the mall - that would be inappropriate. I went to a museum a few weeks ago and wore a turtleneck top, corduroy knee length skirt and tall boots. There were a few other GG's wearing skirts there, but not many. I didn't get any unusual or unwelcome attention, as what I was wearing was appropriate - just not that common. I don't dress to simply be invisible and blend with the crowd. I like the idea of being one of the better dressed women wherever I happen to be.