Dressed in front of my wife doesn't quite feel right

[Karren J]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?

She will giggle to her self, and occasional say I'm obsessed which hurts a bit, but I guess I'm lucky after reading about some of you being kicked out of you homes.

Sorry about the venting.

Kelly

[bobbimo]

I have the same feeling!
I feel uncomfortable about putting on my bra when she is around. But I have found that if you ask her to help with make up and hair they actually start to get more into it, and becoming the girl with them around a lot easier.
I get the same response from my wife about becoming obsessed, but its done in fun. If you put yourself in her shoes its got to be pretty funny to watch the man in her life, want to be all soft and femme.
The more fun you have with your wife, the more fun you will have.
Bobbi

[linda allen]

I made it a point to wear my bras and panties in front of my wife when I first started, as much for me to get used to it as for her. Same with my boobs.

So now I wear female clothing all the time at home and my boobs most of the time. I don't "dress up" often because it just doesn't seem right (especially to her) to be walking around the house or watching TV in "dressup" clothes and heels.

[dsmth]

Definitely self-consciousness at work here. I know I feel somewhat similarly. I don't like it either. But when you know that you are being observed you unavoidably end up thinking of yourself (and of the image that you are presenting) differently and "from the outside". It takes you out of your own head (and a small step into the world) and that place is not necessarily as kind, is more uncertain and also is simply less familiar territory (at least for now).

[Crissy Kay]

Yes, I have had the same problem. I still have not gotten over it. I always feel a little strange, while dressed up in frount of my SO!!

[Karren H]

Yes you are lucky and aren't we all obsessed? lol.

[wilt575]

I made it a point to wear my bras and panties in front of my wife when I first started, as much for me to get used to it as for her. Same with my boobs.

So now I wear female clothing all the time at home and my boobs most of the time. I don't "dress up" often because it just doesn't seem right (especially to her) to be walking around the house or watching TV in "dressup" clothes and heels.

I don't like to be dressy dressed up a lot, dress casual fem 90% of the time, same as you with bras and panties openly wore to let her know and accept I was wearing them also forms just to get used to projection. Knowing they are there and can be in the way, "in a good way". Now wife likes my fem side has broached the idea of my getting implants, should I any ideas?

[Wildaboutheels]

I musta missed that part in the CD handbook that says once you inform your SO, one is SUPPOSED to dress in front of them. Could someone please point me to that page?

Or is it one of those "unspoken rule" kinda things?

[kimdl93]

I think its bound to feel a little different the first few times you dress in your wife's presence. And its understandable that she giggles a bit or makes a comment or two. She's adjusting to this, just as you are. All in all, it seems that you're both handling this pretty well. Give yourself time, try to appreciate the humor of the situation and eventually, hopefully, both of you'll feel at ease.

[Roberta Marie]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.


Your comment that you framed your dressing as "playing dress up". Is this how you see it, a recreational pursuit, or as part of who you are? If it's part of who you are, I can't help but wonder if part of your discomfort is coming from the incongruity between how your wife views your dressing and how you view your dressing. She's giggling at what she sees as you "playing" while you see her giggling at you. That is bound to cause some discomfort.

[Dannigirl]

Yes, I did it a couple of times but felt strange as well because when I am dressed up I like to girl it up as much as possible but don't want to do that in front of my wife. So now I don't dress in front of her anymore - like wildaboutheels says - there is no rule that says you have to. If she asks me to I might but I told her I feel too strange dressing in front of her. She asked why I can do it in front of strangers and not her and I told her because I don't care about what they think at all, just what she thinks - which is true. With my job I perform on stage in front of a thousand people and I don't care what I do on stage unless somebody I know is in the audience, then I feel strange then as well. Oh well. For most of us we have gone from hiding it all of our lives and now that somebody knows, I think we just can't believe that they don't care that we dress up. This winter my wife will be home with me rather than working so I am going to have to suck it up and slap the warpaint on in front of her.

[prettytoes]

I am fine wearing capris or yoga pants around my wife, but neither of us would be comfortable if I was wearing a skirt. I don't mind wearing panties in front of her, or a nightie/girly pajamas, but I choose to not wear a bra around her. I also keep my toenails colorful most of the time without a problem, but I seldom wear any facial makeup. I also shave my legs; I don't think she's crazy about that, but she tolerates it because it makes me happy.
I have a good wife, and I appreciate how well she accepts me. I try not to do anything that would make her uncomfortable.

[Lynn Marie]

If you know that your wife is only tolerating your crossdressing, then it's going to be very uncomfortable dressing in front of her. It's just like kids doing what they've been told not to do and watching for the parents disapproval. Why play that game when you know she disaproves and might even view you as ridiculous?

If your wife is willing to share the experience with you, then it can be great fun for both of you. If not, you're better off with DADT, which is really just her tolerating your hobby/obsession/perversion.

[StaceyXOXOX]

this is a fear i have when i do eventually come out to my wife. part of the excitement is the sneaking around.

[Karren J]

Your comment that you framed your dressing as "playing dress up". Is this how you see it, a recreational pursuit, or as part of who you are? If it's part of who you are, I can't help but wonder if part of your discomfort is coming from the incongruity between how your wife views your dressing and how you view your dressing. She's giggling at what she sees as you "playing" while you see her giggling at you. That is bound to cause some discomfort.

Roberta I think you might have it, this is a part of me that has been out and pushed down at various times over the years, the "playing" seemed like the best transition to dressing in front of her but perhaps not the most accurate representation of what it is to me. I'm not going to rush but maybe in a little while I'll explain how far this goes back and how it makes me feel. I will definitely take it slow as she's a great girl and I'm blessed that she didn't react terribly.

Thanks everyone!!

I'm sure you all know this already but for me having somewhere to talk about these things instead of chewing them over alone is fantastic!!!

Kelly

[NicoleScott]

My wife is tolerant, accepting, supportive, and sometimes encouraging, but in many ways is indifferent about my crossdressing. It's OK with her if I dress when she's home, and OK if I dress when she's away or I'm away. I've dressed alone and with her around, and I prefer to dress alone. You know, no rules.

[Barbara Ella]

It is hard when something you have developed in private and shared with yourself, even when going out in public, is suddenly shared with another, even a loved one. You have trained yourself to enjoy it alone, so it does not feel natural. And it does go against projecting manly for your wife, which you dont have to do for others. Lots of reasons, and simple answer, do what feels right and good, and if it doesn't feel right, do something else. No harm no foul

Sounds like a sit down talk about it session may be in order to clarify what you do and what feels comfortable for you both.

Barbara

[Stephanie47]

I'm in a DADT marriage. I often think what if my wife was accepting of me being totally en femme. Decades ago before we recognized what cross dressing is, she did buy me nighties and hosiery and garter belts. I told her I liked the feel of the fabric, which I did and still do. When she found I had bought my first bra (Vanity Fair red), she just shutdown about it. She did buy some lingerie fabric to caress my body in bed, but, she was trying to satisfy my craving for the feel. I could tell she was resistant to going any further, which really killed the idea anyway.

At this point in time I prefer to be totally en femme, wig to heels. I know that would turn off my wife. So, if she said let me see you en femme, I really would be reluctant to appear as Stephanie. I do not need to be Stephanie to interact with my wife. I would never be en femme, if I wanted to interact with the scale modelers from this site's Lounge. Even, if she were to suggest being en femme at Halloween, I fear the negative effect that maybe would happen. Right now, if she thinks about me en femme at all, it is just her unrealized fantasy. Also, she would finally realize I have wigs, dresses, heels, the whole deal.

And, I cross dress for the peace and serenity it brings me.

[Megan_Renee]

IMHO, and this will get you as far as nowhere, is that we subconsciously realize the absurdity of wearing 5" heels and evening wear around the house to do chores or surf the internet. I mean, seriously, think about it -- When have you seen any real woman wearing 5" stiletto heels while doing the dishes, like I do? It's absurd. I don't really care that it is, but it is.

When I dress in front of my wife, I want her to take seriously my needs and desires. That's why I talk about it with her, and want her to see what I do. It's kind of hard to take someone seriously when they are wearing a little-black-dress and sparkly silver heels.

To test this out, I did chores in my Mary-Janes (a much more sensible 2 1/2" heel), and I did not feel as silly with her around.

Likewise, I might feel silly if I went out to go dancing in flats and a bulky sweater with loose jeans.

tl;dr -- it's hard to take someone seriously when they are dressed too far out of their intended actions.

[dsmth]

Very interesting. I agree that that is the problem -- the absurdity of things in context... That since we can't wear what we want when we want to we end up wearing inappropriate clothes at inappropriate times not so much because we want to as because there is no other choice. There simply is no other time to do it. If we all could just wear whatever and whenever we wanted then we would seem more normal!

[Tina B.]

I remember way back when I first told my wife, she went out and bought me 2 new outfits, brought them home, and said I want to see you in them. It was strange, I was uncomfortable as all get out, and I think she was too. So I didn't dress for a while, until she noticed, and commented on it. I was still getting moody, because I needed to dress, but was not comfortable doing it now that she knew. She told me, in that case it's on you, because I'm the one that said go put something on.
She was right, so I did, and I kept doing it until it didn't feel strange to dress in front of her anymore, for either of us. This morning on her way out to work her last words to me where, you don't have much do today, why don't you take a bath and put on something pretty, and enjoy yourself. So here I sit, dinner in the oven, me in a skirt and blouse, and 3" inch heels (way to old and tall for those 5" things you Young one's love so much) The wife just got home, and we are about to open the bar, have a cocktail before dinner, and I'll serve her the best dinner I can make, I've had a great day, she gets a great meal and a happy companion for the evening, it's a win, win situation!
Tina B.

[STACY B]

Keep on Trucking ,,You will get past it ,,, Just like 2 little girl friends ,,LOL,,,,

[Marleena]

Kelly you need to feel comfortable with it before she will. I think it's very common for the wife to giggle seeing their man in a dress.

[Abbygirl]

My GF has been supportive, although curious and a bit baffled since the day I told her about Abby. That was years ago. I still a bit weird dressing in front of her. I try to respect the fact that she wants to be with a man, not a woman, so I only dress around her every now and then.

....

All right, I can't believe no one has made a comment on this yet:

If you put yourself in her shoes its got to be pretty funny to watch the man in her life, want to be all soft and femme.
Bobbi

...If you put yourself into her shoes you might decide you want to keep them! Or you might stretch them out or something! Careful! Hee hee hee. But seriously folks, I'm here all week- try the fish!

[Miko Suzui]

My wife of 41 years knows about Miko and like the other posts, I too don't feel good dressed with her around. I feel a lot more comfortable when I'm by myself. She's impressed with my dressed pictures and will buy makeup or whatever I need to make Miko better!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi KD, The forbidden fruit always tastes much better.

[jsunic_1978]

Its because we HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT :) we appreciate the fact women accept that. women want a man when its time for that role :) We are just happy a woman will go shopping with us sometime and we really appreciate women a great deal. Im finally learning, ITS MY ATTITUDE! once that gets better and it has over time, lasting relationships will develop.

[MissTee]

Can't say I've ever been uncomfortable dressing or dressed in front of her. Have gone from drab to darling while she watched and even helped. Not sure if it matters, but I dress as an average lady would: skirts, dresses, capris, blouses, tunics, etc. Never any mini skirts (don't like them) and certainly nothing exotic like the town **** or Bo Peep style clothes.

That said, we've grown up with it in our relationship and both been fine with the idea. Always kept in to ourselves and our home. I'm in man mode most of the time, though, and maybe it would be different if I insisted on full time dress up. After all these years it's still a treat to power up the girl in me and dress up. Not sure it would be as special if I did it full time.

Could it be you're a bit ashamed of it? I mean, we're taught men aren't supposed to wear women's clothes. That's what "they" say and as men it's been drummed into our head for many years.

[jsunic_1978]

The lady friend Iv just meat, well, were friends with special fun :) but taking it slow, she sometimes gets offensive when I get embarrassed of my dressing and I say I know she wants to be with a man, so I don't dress in front of her SHE WANTS ME TO :) I THINK ITS AWESOME :) Im still quite shy about it since Iv always kept that to my self. she thinks its cute then I wear her shoes while we kiss. I let her set the pace. she wanted me to see me in my wig while i was wearing her shoes. THAT WAS HOT :) again, im making sure its not just a fling and if it it, cool, but I really want something long term, even if we just stay friends and meet people trough her. she just appreciates she finally meat someone that really respects her and doesn't swear much. I LOVE MY SHOES, REALLY!! I just gave her a BUNCH I HAVE A LOT :) I usually just trade one or two pairs and that's about it, but something told me shes really special and I cant wait to see what may develop :) also, she gets a little offensive when I reply its OK as shes telling shell let me know when she will see me again. She thinks I take that as a NO but
I just say its OK, meaning when ever I will see her, its great. This may be something special. I cant wait to see what may develop :)

[Cheryl T]

Felt strange to me too at first. I think mostly it was getting used to the idea of someone actually seeing the transformation. Now it's become second nature and we both accept and enjoy it.

[Diversity]

Hi Kelly,
I don't feel you 'vented' at all! You merely described what you were feeling. If this helps, from my perspective, I think you are lucky that your wife will let you dress in front of her and if her giggles are hurting you a bit, may I sugges that the next time this occurs, that you ask if you both can talk about it? I say you are lucky, as I cannot do ANYTHING related to CD'ing at all. So I am a bit envious of the support you are getting. Good luck, and please do keep communications open and honest between you and your spouse.
Kind regards,
Di

[linda allen]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?

She will giggle to her self, and occasional say I'm obsessed which hurts a bit, but I guess I'm lucky after reading about some of you being kicked out of you homes.

Sorry about the venting.

Kelly

If you look at this from her point of view, you should be able to understand how this would be difficult for her. She (we hope) loves you unconditionally, but she has just found out that the man she married is turning into a woman right before her eyes.

Try this - Be especially attentive towards her, especially when dressed. Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her understanding. If you don't already, begin helping around the house with "chores" such as the laundry, house cleaning, and cooking. Take her shopping and buy clothing together for each of you. Ask her to pick out blouses and skirts for you.

The other side - Don't let your dressing get in the way of things the two of you might otherwise do. Don't choose to stay home and dress when in the past you might have gone together to dinner, a movie, a club, etc. Remember that your dressing is fun for you, but probably not for her, just something she tolerates because she loves you.

[Inna]

because it questions your masculinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By opening up your inner self, you really are exposing all your vulnerable spots, and seeing your self in the room with female, whom I suspect you do love, tends to put a spin on who you are suppose to be! Suppose to be however isn't your own self but mere interpretation what everyone else wants you to be.

I thought a psychology 101 was called fer, lol :)

[Melissa73]

i just recently came out to my wife! I had prolonged it for along time, and for 2 days i really pondered and choose to tell her. I was afraid what she'd think! But to my surprise, she was like ok! and now we talk about going shopping together and talk about panties and bra colors. Really nice! In fact, days after i told her, i started wearing my bra and panties when i was around her. :)

[Beverley Sims]

It all takes time to get used to wearing clothes in front of someone else.
Remember it also takes time for the other person to get usd to it as well.
Yes it does feel weird at first.
If it didn't there would be something radically wrong.
Only dress when the time feels right.

[joanna marie]

Since my wife has found out
I don't hide that I wear panties full time
but I could never dress in front of her,there would be a grand explosion

in fact now that she knows, She comes unglued whenever I wear my kilt
And I don't consider my kilt to be a female garment but she thinks it is and thats why I enjoy wearing it

[mirandacdgirl]

I'm starting to dress around my girl more.. its taken some time to get use to.

[noeleena]

Hi,

For myself it was not a problem i was comforable in who i am, though you must remember Jos & i have had a life to gether of some 37 years . Jos of cause percived me as male so when she knew i was not it took her a few years to get her head around the fact i was / am intersex, so it has taken a toll & time.

Now we are just two women , i was going to say normal , well you know & so does Jos & our family & friends & those who know me im not yet that is not a concern for any one now every one is so used to myself now so in a way im normal to them.

Being different does have its moments of frustrstion ill say anger a bit, not being sure you can be accepted, & that comes from knowing your different so being a loner was in many ways my lot. well then it was & many years of.

Being dressed doing makeup & my wig, funny as Jos was with me when i brought my first one some 12 years ago . Jos thought it was good & still does , so do my friends . just im not getting headaches with one on, so dont wear it,

For myself its being comforable in who you are, & yes the clothes become an expresson of in some ways who i am. just not the whole of my being , being accepted as a womaN IS, so its different for each one of us,

...noeleena...

[DebbieL]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

This is a good thing. When you're wife accepts your dressing, she is accepting the most intimate and personal part of you.


I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

This is natural. In many ways, you have split yourself into two personalities, the male one everybody sees, that may or may not be masculine, and probably is not "macho" but hide the femininity well. The other is your feminine persona, who up to now, has been like a secret. Both are part of you, but since you had to repress your feminine side, and keep it a secret, she may not be very experienced in social skills. She hasn't learned to interact with other people, let alone your wife. Naturally, she feels bashful, and she is terrified of being rejected.

On the flip side, your wife is experiencing your feminine side for the first time. She may have suspected for a while, maybe even since she met you, but was afraid to threaten your masculinity, your masculine persona. It's quite possible that this is a part of you she has even wanted to see, and may even eventually come to love as much, or even more, than your masculine side, if you are willing to trust her.


I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?

If you were just another of her girl-friends, like back in high school, someone she was friends with, but not terribly interested in as anything other than a casual friend, it would be much less awkward for both of you. For her, she has this new person, who has previously been her husband, and has already become someone very important to her, who is now also showing her a dimension she may want to explore, but at the same time is new and different, in many ways a total stranger. You may not even be aware of differences in your personality. You may be more gentle, listen more intently, and pay more attention, both while dressed as Kelly, but also while as Ken (made up male name). You may be more tender, more attentive, you might even be cleaner.

My wife knows when Debbie has spent the day - when I have gone full femme, because I've usually done some laundry, the bedroom is neater, the bathroom is clean, the dining room table has been cleared, and I might have even cooked dinner. Even if I have changed back to Rex by the time she came home, she knows that I will be more affectionate, more tender, and more serious, less of a clown. I won't have cleaned up her stuff too much, because Debbie knows that Lee (my wife) has her own way of organizing things, which sometimes means boxes of paper in the living room and dining room, but I can at least get the boxes organized so that we can sit on the couch and eat dinner at the table.

She knows that "Debbie knows just where to scratch" - when I scratch her back, especially along the bra lines and under the straps. She also knows that with a little encouragement, Debbie will make love to her so gently and so slowly, and so sweetly, that Lee will be almost begging her to stop being such a tease. She knows that I will give her hours of intense pleasure and since it depend on what's between my legs, it can be as long and intense as she can stand. Sometimes even too intense (she has had 5 hernia operations from orgasms so intense that she literally busted a gut). When we're done, I'll cuddle with her, hold her, kiss her tenderly, and she will fall asleep in my arms. I'll still be wearing my sexy nightie and lingerie, and may even fall asleep wearing it. The next day, she will want to thank Debbie by taking her out shopping. I'll dress more casually, and we just look like to older women shopping. When we get home, usually after a light dinner, she'll tell me to get dressed, I'll put on one of my more ****ty outfits, and she will make love to me very aggressively. There may or may not be bondage, and there are usually different toys and play. She will bring me to the first orgasm, give me a chance to recover, and then take me to one climax after another, no longer limited by ejaculation. Often, we will both be so spent and satiated, in such bliss, regardless of who seduces who, that we just hug and hold each other.

When I'm in "Debbie mode" - but not wearing the bra, wig, or make-up, things are more casual. We'll watch America's Top Model or Project Runway together, or we'll watch "Chick Flicks" together, and I'll end up crying even more than she does. We'll cuddle up on the couch together, and take turns getting each other snacks and drinks. Today, Lee loves Debbie as much, if not more, than she loves Rex, because I love Debbie more than Rex. For me, Rex had to learn how to act like a man so he could survive in the world without getting bullied or fired. Debbie came out of the closet before I met Lee, and I made many public appearances, going to 12 step meetings, 12 step dances, 12 step conventions, and other events. When Lee met Debbie, she met a confident woman who knew how to be beautiful when she wanted to be, sexy when she wanted to be, and serious when she needed to be.


She will giggle to her self, and occasional say I'm obsessed which hurts a bit, but I guess I'm lucky after reading about some of you being kicked out of you homes.

Right now, she is not comfortable relating to you like a woman. You need to let her know it's OK for her to give you advice. When you're selecting your wardrobe, ask her which would look best? And go with her decision. Ask her for advice on how to do your make-up, and take her wig shopping with you so she can pick out a wig she really likes on you. Better yet, look at some beauty magazines together and ask her which hairstyles she likes, and THEN ask which ones she would like for you!

You also want to give her lots of positive feedback on her efforts to look pretty. Before she goes to work, see what you like about her outfit, and give her a compliment on it. It gives a woman a real boost of confidence to get a complement on her appearance at the beginning of the day, especially when there is no implication of sexual intent. It's funny, but when I give a woman a compliment on her wardrobe in my low bass voice, she's like "yeah thanks" - but a bit freaked. When I give a similar compliment in my high femme voice, even though I'm wearing the same boy clothes, she will perk up, smile, and say "Thank you so much!" - because she knows that I'm really admiring her fashion choices, not undressing her with my eyes.

When you're in public together, and you see a woman in a great outfit, your wife will know you are looking at another woman. Rather than pretend you didn't, ask her to look, and then ask if you would look good in something like that! My wife knows that when I admire a woman in a beautiful outfit, especially a pretty skirt/blouse or skirt/sweater set, or a pretty dress, that I'm admiring the DRESS! We both know that I know nothing about the woman wearing the dress, and might not even like her, because she's to self centered or too much of a control freak, or she's dressed like that to please her boss or her boyfriend. Why she's wearing the dress isn't important, we both know that I'm thinking:
- wow what a beautiful dress, I wonder where she got it?
- I wonder if they have it in plus size?
- I wonder how much weight I'd have to lose to look as good in it as she does?
- Where could I wear it when I got to looking that good?!?
- I think I'll have the Greek Salad instead of the Steak dinner.

Lee loves it when I go there, because she knows that if I really like it, it might motivate me to lose another 20 lbs (I've lost 185 lbs as Debbie ). She knows that if I go into "Rex Mode" too long, that I'm likely to start gaining weight, eating more fats and sweets, and not wanting to exercise. Rex-mode often ends with a trip to the hospital for a heart problem, or a stroke.


Sorry about the venting.

It's probably a good thing that you did. As you have seen from this thread, you are not alone. I even have to admit that if I have been in "Rex mode" too long, that I feel a bit awkward getting dressed in front of Lee. She sometimes even has to TELL me to get dressed, because she can see that "Debbie needs to get out". If Debbie feels that it's not safe to come out and play, it can often lead to health problems described above, but long before that it can have bad effects on my work performance, my time at home, even our time together. I'll go up to my office and hide out, won't exercise or go shopping (a form of exercise for me, since I have to do 2 laps of the mall before buying anything), and I'll stay upstairs watching "Talking heads" (MSNBC, CNN, Fox), rather than spending time with her. When Debbie's been out to play, shop, or even just have dinner or go to a 12 step meeting, we spend more time together, talk to each other more, and I really want to hear what's going on in her life.

Lee knows that if she wants to be Rex's wife instead of Rex's widow, that she also wants to be Debbie's friend and Debbie's lover. Sometimes, she even enjoys being the "man" in the bedroom ;-).

The only time there are some conflicts between Debbie and Lee is when there is a family event or church event - and Lee has to say "Debbie can't come to this, Rex needs to come instead". She knows that it can turn into a situation where I may end up avoiding the situation all together, or end up coming and spending most of my time reading a book and not being very social. She knows that Rex may end up going "Robin Williams or Jim Carey" on everyone - and if the roles are "Mask" or the male side of Mrs Doubtfire - or even the male side of Tootsie - it could turn into political arguments, or spout endless factoids on every subject discussed, or the teenagers freaking out over their "Weird uncle Rex". On the other hand, if there is a concession to Debbie - shoes, a sweater, shorts, or something similar and appropriate, Debbie will come to the party and have lots of nice things to say to everyone, will complement everyone, take an interest in what's great about their lives, and even get them talking about themselves in ways they might not have talked to Rex, or even Lee before.

There are even times, when I'm on the road, and I need to finish a document that is to be presented to the client, I've done all the research and techie stuff, that I'll go "Full Debbie" - wig, makeup, skirt, heels, nice jacket, go to a nice restaurant, finish dinner, and put in 4-8 hours as Debbie, putting in the spit and polish on the documents, getting things finished and polished enough that it's ready for the client the next morning.

Your wife is meeting a new person for the first time. She has your face, your body, and even your memories, but she experiences the world in a different way, expresses herself in a different way. She may be shy, afraid of people, afraid of rejection, afraid that this most precious and intimate part of herself will be rejected, despised, even bullied. There may have been a time, when she was very young, when she could play with the other girls and just have fun together, but at some point, she was forced to hide, because if she didn't, the boys would come out and beat her up, and the girls would just laugh and tell her she couldn't play anymore because she's a BOY!

Even you don't know who that little girl will become, now that she's grown up. She's observed the world, she's experienced the world as a man, and she has only been able to experience the world as a woman in the privacy of your bedroom, when no one else was around, when she had to limit herself to dressing, because make-up, nail polish, even shaving her legs, would be noticed, and might start the cycle of rejection and violence all over again. You have stayed hidden all these years because a 4 or 5 year old little girl decided that it wasn't safe to come out and play anymore. But today, you are still letting that 4-5 year-old run your life. When you finally let that girl out, let her play, let her shop, let her grow up, and let her experience being loved as a girl, as a woman, you will begin to relate to the world as an adult. Your wife will probably LOVE the woman you have become, because YOU have learned that she LOVES not only the man she married, but that little girl hiding in the dark corners of your mind, afraid to come out and play.

You may or may not be transsexual, but your cross-dressing is important enough that you were willing to put your marriage and risk by telling your wife. You are transgendered, there is a part of you, deep within, that loves the world of women, that wants to be able to dress like a woman, to look pretty, even beautiful, maybe even sexy, and wants to be loved, and to love.

Anyone may feel free to share this with their wives, loved ones, or anyone who might be helped by it. It took me 50 years to work through these issues, and if I can save a few people a few decades, that would be wonderful.


Kelly[/QUOTE]

[Noel Chimes]

Once my ex and I had sat down and talked about my dressing, I asked her if she would be comfortable seeing me dressed. What I suggested was that I would take a shower and let her pick out something for me to wear. It would be her choice of whether it would be male or female. I felt that would let me know just how she really felt about the whole thing without having to face; me with her decision.
To my surprise she picked out a conservative female outfit but left the accessories and makeup to me. She was surprised at the transformation but pleased with the end results. Before we separated (due to other factors) I would dress in various stages from just undies, to full dress mode. Since we worked on different schedules, (she worked days and I worked nights) she could come home to me sometimes fully dressed. I would call her when she got off work to give her advance warning if I was dressed so that she could decide if she was ready for it or not. Sometimes she didn't want to see me dressed so I would disrobe before she got home. Sometimes you have to take the bitter with the sweet.

[Diane Meris]

I dressed for my wife finally just this week. I was very nervous and aprehensive about it because dressing was always something I felt guilty about and I was afraid she would reject me. She has known for years but I was always too embarassed to talk to her or share that part of me. She was very accepting of me and told me she was proud of me for finally facing my fear and sharing this with her. It was a truly liberating experience to be out in that sense and be totally accepted by her instead of rejected as I feared. "The truth shall set you free."

[danielletorresani]

No way I could ever dress in front of my wife. It would be way too weird. Though I totally fantasize about being with a woman while I'm dressed up...it just definitely couldn't be my wife.

[linda allen]

No way I could ever dress in front of my wife. It would be way too weird. Though I totally fantasize about being with a woman while I'm dressed up...it just definitely couldn't be my wife.

That's something that's entirely in your head. You can change it if you want to. It's your choice.

Once you change it, you no longer have to worry about her coming home unexpectedly and your dressing sessions (if that's how you think of them) can be as long as you want them to be.

[heatherdress]

The more comfortable you feel and act, the more comfortable your wife will most likely be. If crossdressing makes you feel good, and you accept this is something that is part of you, in some degree, then you must accept it as more than "dressing up" and convey your feelings to your spouse. There are many threads in this site which share excellent suggestions and histories of members doing that. There are many, many men who or would like to crossdress. You must be honest with yourself and then honest with your wife. You are doing nothing wrong by dressing. Get over your own inhibitions and grow, learn, examine, experiment, enjoy what you create and discover about yourself. It is normal to feel embarrassed when you start. That will pass. If your wife is accepting, then she will become more comfortable, too. Go slow - you don't want to battle the obsession or compulsion worries that your wife might have as you develop and grow. Inform her of what you are doing and maybe ask her help. Let her know that this offers you pleasure, peace, stress-relief, ability to emotionally grow. Maybe if you have some roles to play (e.g. - the maid) when dressed it might be easier and beneficial to her. Good luck. Don't be impatient.

[STACY B]

I try an hide while getting dressed while my wife is around ,,, Mostly when I steal something from her ,,So she won;t see it before we leave,,,LOL,,, She will Throw a FIT !! SORRY ,,,, But it fit soooooooooooo good ,,,,,

[Erica2Sweet]

...I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?...

You'll get used to it as long as you're expressing yourself in an environment that feels safe. :)

[May(be)]

The uncomfortability could be due, in part, to not knowing how this person (Kelly) relates to others. I don't know from reading your post if you have gone out anywhere else or communicated with others while fem, but I've found that you must reset many of your expectations for how others will relate to you. Especially your wife.

My wife likes to think that she is just dating May and that things will get more comfortable over time, as it is with any new relationship. The scarey thing is, not all relationships last. While you have a history with your wife, you may have to go (partially) through awkward dating process all over again... in a way. But, as you know by being married, interacting with your partner is a great way to learn about yourself as well.

[franny lin]

my wife is uncomfortable with me dressing and will not have anthing to do with it.

[Ambergold43]

I have only dressed around my SO twice. Its nice to not feel like you have to hide anything, but yeah it was sort of a strange feeling, especially if you get the vibe that maybe she isn't all that into it... Just do what feels right, if it feels weird for you, maybe just don't do it around her?

For me, I think it felt weird because I am usually all decked-out up in makeup, jewelry, and a nice dress and she's usually in PJs... haha, so maybe the weird feeling is from feeling "inappropriately dressed" for whatever you're doing?

[Kathi Lake]

. . . which I framed as "playing dress up"I'm curious as to why you phrased it this way. You 'framed' it that way? Does that mean it wasn't truthful? Did you say one thing because you thought it sounded less 'odd' then the truth?

I remember my wife asking once if I wanted her to participate with me. I thought she was just trying to be a good wife and engage in something that I knew was painful to her out of respect for and deference to me. I told her no, for many reasons:

• One, I could hear the pain and hesitation in her voice. I've put her through enough. Subjecting her to the sight of me in a dress. Yikes! :)
• Two, I was embarrassed - not for me and what I do, but for her. As I said, I could tell that even bringing the subject up was painful for her. As one of my life goals is to spare this woman pain if I can, I declined. I know that her idealized picture of me as a man has been irrevocably shattered. Do I really want the both of us to 'roll around in the broken pieces' so to speak?
• Three, I know I am not one of the most attractive people out there. To list my flaws would take even more words than I'm accustomed to - and for those that know me, you understand that that's a lot! :) To have criticism from the one I love the most in this life would be pretty devastating, I believe.

So, was this refusal a good thing? I don't know. The embarrassment that I mentioned earlier continues to make discussion of this subject, if not taboo, then at least difficult.

Kathi

[carrkool]

Ok This will be a two part post. The first will be Me and the second my wife.

My wife was 100 percent against me dressing at all. I was allowed to dress when she flew to her parents to vist. 4 days a year. But she noticed that I got moody unhappy and down right hated everything and did not care about most things i did before. So after talking to me, she decide to let me dress alittle. Everytime I dressed I felt alittle better. It was odd dressing infront of her knowing she did not truely like it. But she found she liked what it did for me. and over time came to like it more and more. we are still working on some things, but she has accepted me now and even told her family about me. It takes time but to turn this off is like dying inside your skin. Now for my wife.

Its hard still to this day for me when my husband dresses up, I know it makes him happy to do it and in turn I am happy as well, the hard part that I still have is when we go into a store or a gas station and Everybody stares, he loves it but I am a quiet person and dont like to be noticed so that part is hard. I love my husband and accept him for who he is and I know that no matter what other people think its not going to change the way I feel about my husband and who he is :). It gets better with time and just remembering how much you love him and nothing can change that. I hope this helps anyone who may be going through the same things I have gone through.

So here you have both sides of a relationship. In both our eyes you love the person for who they are not what they are not. You have to be true to yourself otherwise hiding and holding back will only cause more problems down the road so why not handle them now while the love is still fresh and at its strongest. meaning after time we all get a norm for daily life. things become boring sometimes and small things can upset the cycles. Best of luck to all dealing with this. it is a hard time but be true

[Megan Briana]

Very interesting. I agree that that is the problem -- the absurdity of things in context... That since we can't wear what we want when we want to we end up wearing inappropriate clothes at inappropriate times not so much because we want to as because there is no other choice. There simply is no other time to do it. If we all could just wear whatever and whenever we wanted then we would seem more normal!

(Enthusiastic Applause) THis hits the nail on the head. If time and circumstances allowed, we would be dressing like all other women do-i.e. a mom withs pit up on shirt, worn down nails from dishwashing, frizzed hair because the three year old just fed the Blue Ray a pb&j.

disclaimer-not all women do this, but is common around first time mommies. I witnessed this so i can speak from experience

[linda allen]

.............. For me, I think it felt weird because I am usually all decked-out up in makeup, jewelry, and a nice dress and she's usually in PJs... haha, so maybe the weird feeling is from feeling "inappropriately dressed" for whatever you're doing?

That could be a big part of it. If you and your wife are just lounging around the house after dinner and she's in pajamas or a nightgown and you're wearing 4" heels and a party dress, it should feel strange. It would be strange even if you were two females.

My wife typically gets up and goes to the gym in the mornings. She dresses appropriately. When she gets home, if we're not going anywhere, she will stay dressed as she is or change into something even less "dressy". As much as I would like to greet her in a sexy dress, heels, makeup and jewelry, etc., I find that she is more comfortable with me in something more appropriate for lounging around the house. And of cours, I feel less out of place as well.

[sami1952]

My wife has know about janie for about 20 somewhat years and at first i didn't dress up in front of her but later on i started doing in front of her and at first it felt wierd. she has gotten used to the idea of me dressing up and me going out all dress up.I love this woman to death and i thank her for being so understanding.

[Eryn]

We often overlook that one of the people who has has to accept our crossdressing is ourselves. For the short period of time that I dressed before my wife and I had "the talk" I could easily put the clothes back into the closet and ignore what I had done. In fact, ignoring it was pretty much mandatory as I couldn't talk about it.

When we had "the talk" I still didn't understand myself well. I had a lot of shame that had to be worked through before I could feel comfortable. Mimi helped a lot by being quietly supportive and giving me encouragement and advice. Her actions all said that she was OK with my dressing and slowly I was able to become OK with it myself. I am very grateful that she gave me the support I needed when I was still getting acquainted with this new part of myself.

[Joni Beauman]

My wife covers her eyes if I have a skirt on, so that's kind of discouraging. She has only seen me a couple times fully dressed and would much prefer not to. Accepting, but preferring not to see is her way of maintaining some limits and boundaries. Joni

[linda allen]

If it doesn't feel right? Guess what? It isn't. Go with your inner-feeling...always. It will never fail you, that small voice inside your head. If it doesn't feel right? Don't do it. 1st, second....tenth wife....It's Very very easy. It's always the same answer.

If people had that attitude, there would be no progress. I'm not just talking about crossdressing, I'm talking about life.

If it doesn't feel right, figure out why. Is it illegal? Imoral? Will it hurt somebody? Will it cause a problem?

If it's something you really want to do and it passes the tests above, just do it.

[linda allen]

My wife covers her eyes if I have a skirt on, so that's kind of discouraging. She has only seen me a couple times fully dressed and would much prefer not to. Accepting, but preferring not to see is her way of maintaining some limits and boundaries. Joni

I'll make a suggestion - Be especially nice to her when you're dressed or even partially dressed. Kiss her and tell her how nice she looks and how much you love her. Help with the cooking, dishes and cleaning if you don't already. Make it clear by your actions that good, not bad things happen when you are dressed. Save the "fully dressed" for later after she has become more used to you in casual female clothes.

[DAVIDA]

Well, if I am sitting around and I am dressed in guy clothes, Jean will ask me if there is something wrong.:straightface:
She knows that I am more comfortable wearing my women's clothes.
I wear the clothes that any woman would wear while just being at the house.
It might be a simple dress or a skirt with a casual top.
The days of sitting around in a gown have been long gone.:heehee:

[Tara D. Rose]

My wife knows all about me being a cd. She accepts this side of me and even loves Tara tremendously. I become Tara in front of her every now and then. But the only time that I will or can feel uncomfortable dressing in front of her is if we are in a tiff and are not talking for a day or two. During those times, I have thought, well right now would be a perfect opportunity to become Tara, but for some reason, I would be embarrassed at times like that, even though she has seen Tara hundreds of times and takes all of my pictures. I just can't dress in front of her if she's mad at me.
Very Strange.
Tara

[bobbimo]

EXACTLY Tara!
I have the same feelings.
When my wife and I are fighting I lose a lot of interest in dressing, But I have been fighting my way through it lately, because I enjoy Bobbi and the transformation, and I just tell myself that I do this for me, and for no one else.
Its a lot more satisfying to share the moment with, but I have decide I am worth it anyway.
I have also found that asking her to help with a zipper, or try different outfits on, as in put on a top and ask her to help with a skirt.Then she gets more into doing girl things with Bobbi. And then there is having her help with hair or makeup.
Bobbi

[Stephenie S]

I musta missed that part in the CD handbook that says once you inform your SO, one is SUPPOSED to dress in front of them. Could someone please point me to that page?

Or is it one of those "unspoken rule" kinda things?

I am constantly amazed at the insistence of most crossdressers that their "tolerating" wives participate. Why????

She does not like it! Why are you forcing her? Leave her the heck alone why don't you? She knows you dress. Why force her to watch?

Look, I know you like to dress up. That doesn't mean I want to help you with your makeup and pick out your outfit. Do it yourself for goodness sake. I do.

Stephie

[heatherdress]

My wife knows all about me being a cd. She accepts this side of me and even loves Tara tremendously. I become Tara in front of her every now and then. But the only time that I will or can feel uncomfortable dressing in front of her is if we are in a tiff and are not talking for a day or two. During those times, I have thought, well right now would be a perfect opportunity to become Tara, but for some reason, I would be embarrassed at times like that, even though she has seen Tara hundreds of times and takes all of my pictures. I just can't dress in front of her if she's mad at me.
Very Strange.
Tara

Tara - Not strange that you feel that way. I do,too. I suspect we often are more open, more intimate, more vulnerable when dressed. My wife fully embraces and enjoys when I dress. We are seem to be even closer, maybe because I feel happy. But when we are at odds about something, I need barriers. I want to hold back - until whatever it is is resolved.

[TeriAnn]

I was scared to death to tell my wife but after I came out to her she was just fine with it. When I told her I knew it could go one of two ways she would either love it or she would go screaming it to everyone she knew and my life would be over. It was a week or so later I asked if she would like to see me dressed. She said yes and after I got dressed I came out to the living room so she could see me. She started crying I was afraid what she would say next. She said you look beautiful and hugged me. Needless to say I was blown away. I love being a girl

[Michelle V]

I'm totally with you, I feel like it is a let down for her, she makes more a huge effort to accept me and make me feel comfortable but deep inside I feel I am letting her down, there are days when it feels normal to be around her as Michelle, we play with make up and it is fu, but other times My subconscious just does not let me enjoy being Michelle. You are not alone

[suchacutie]

The very first time I dressed was a few minutes before we knew Tina existed, and my wife had just asked, "am I going to get to see?". I was completely male then, so I thought. I left the bathroom of that hotel without makeup or wig or breastforms as I knew nothing about those things, knowing not at all what would happen in the next number of minutes. I had no understanding that my life was about to change. In the next 5 minutes we were on the internet looking for a dress for "Tina".

Every time I "dressed", we added more and more of the pieces that conceal our male selves and bring out our feminine selves. Each time, my wife was there to comment and, frankly, educate. It was the better part of a year before Tina as we now know her emerged from her transformation in full "regalia", and reasonably transformed mentally. It was almost another two years before language and voice started to become "normal".

Almost every time Tina arrives it's for a "girl's day/night". Tina "grew up" being with my wife and being my wife's girlfriend. They truly are girlfriends, and in many ways Tina is a product of my wife's patience, knowledge, and...well...love.

When I transform to Tina without my wife being present (one of us traveling or whatever) it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be Tina, always, but Tina much prefers her girlfriend's company to being alone. As you might imagine, Tina's arrival generated an immense amount of conversation among the "three" of us. It may be that this complete openness and willingness (eagerness?) to discuss anything and everything about Tina's place in our lives that makes spending time with the truly lovely woman who is my wife better than any other situation. My wife is as curious about Tina as I am. We still wonder how she could have remain hidden for so many years!

We started from scratch together, we grew together, and we enjoy each other's company.

I will say that there is one moment of some lack of comfort, probably because it rarely happens. That moment is being with anyone when I'm in the process of transitioning. I guess it's because we don't know who we are at that point, to the extent that my wife has to ask what gender words to use. So, transition time is a private time to get the mentality and the physicality straight!

It is a wild life!

Tina

[bobbimo]

So you made me start to think about feeling uncomfortable getting dressed or undressed in the presents of my wife, and decided to change it.
In my own case I can tell my wife accepts Bobbi the more she sees her. This summer was very hot and I had a lot of 'manly' tasks almost everyday, and at the end of a long day I didnt feel up to an hour of getting pretty, so Bobbi took a summer break.
For the first few weeks my wife would ask, 'where's Bobbi?' or how come your not dressing.
Now that Autumn is here and my outside tasks are minimal I can dress a lot more and regularly. At first she said, little zingers like, 'I like my man', or she wouldn't want to go shopping with me.
Now that Bobbi has been around every day for over a month, I see a note of acceptance and she will make helpful comments on what I have chosen to wear.
Our evenings before bed would usually have her going to the bathroom and I would change from dress to nightie, while were out of each other site.
But after reading this thread I started taking off my dress before she gets to the bathroom.
And I find that I am much more comfortable now standing before her in my bra and panties.
And she is feeling more normal about it as well.
I think the more time she spends with Bobbi, the more we are becoming girlfriends as well and Husband and wife.
I asked her to do my hair this afternoon and she agreed without a lot of teasing.
The bottom line here is to try a little bit.. The more the girl is out the more she will become part of the norm.
Bobbi

[sabrinaedwards]

I never feel comfortable dressing in front of my wife. I do not understand the need to CD, hence I do not expect my wife to understand it.

[jigen32]

I live with my girlfriend of 4 years now. She dresses me up once in awhile and have fun with it but I still don't feel perfectly comfortable with it. Perhaps it should stay more of a personal thing even though I would love to be more comfortable around other people.

[Jenniferathome]

it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Kelly

I think you may be confusing this with embarrassment. You were not embarrassed before because no one saw you, in particular, you wife didn't see you. As you get more comfortable, the embarrassment drops. You should feel glad that she can joke with you. THAT is a huge positive sign from her.

[CD_blue]

I know where you are coming from. In my situation though I got an absurd amount of support. When I told her about my cross dressing said she was fine with it. She took me straight to try on one of her skirts and it was very, very, very, very strange moment for me. I didn't know if she would just say "This is awful actually and I am outta here"

She asked me if I liked it.... I felt weird but told truth and said yes. She was supportive so we went shopping that weekend got me couple things. That night I tried on what I got and even though she helped me pick it out I was still nervous. It was pretty hard just to walk into the kitchen where she was at when I came out of the bedroom. She was cool with it, and couldn't handled it any better. Still was quite nervous about whole thing.

That was about a year ago and STILL even though I cross dress daily, she has bought me tons of stuff, taught me how to put on make up, and taught me to walk in heels I still get nervous at times.

Good news is though! It has become more and more rare for me to feel that way which I think might be same with you. Just give it some time and it will lessen :)

[AmyGaleRT]

Since I told my fiancee last week, I have no qualms about appearing in front of her en femme. In fact, the "big reveal" turned into an impromptu fashion show. :)

She likes the way I look in dresses; she's a bit jealous, because I can look more feminine than her. But she also wants to get herself a new headband like the one I'm wearing tonight, and she's considering borrowing some of my earrings on occasion, because she doesn't have pierced ears, either.

She also likes me having long hair, which is an added bonus for my femmeself. :)

- Amy

[Rachel Lea]

My wife knows about me wearing pantyhose since September of this year and she has help me purchase them in the store. But I still feel uncomfortable when I am putting them on and she walks into the bedroom or bathroom and "catches" me. I was also wondering if that feeling goes away and now I suspect it will take some time. I still have not informed her of my crossdressing.

[Raychel]

My wife has know about my crossdressing for several years now.
In the beginning she stated that she could live with it, as long as she never saw me dressed up
After time she has seen me. By her own choice. Now when I have my dressing time I still keep the door locked
just so the kids don't walk in on me. But my wife will occasionally knock and I do let her in.
In the beginning it was very awkward being dressed in front of her.
Now after she has seen me a bit and we talk, it is really not that big of a deal.
If she knocks on the door, she is expecting me to be dresssed. And she is fine with it.
But it has taken time for both of us to be totally comfortable with it

[Ann Louise]

Yes, I did it a couple of times but felt strange as well because when I am dressed up I like to girl it up as much as possible but don't want to do that in front of my wife. So now I don't dress in front of her anymore - like wildaboutheels says - there is no rule that says you have to. If she asks me to I might but I told her I feel too strange dressing in front of her. She asked why I can do it in front of strangers and not her and I told her because I don't care about what they think at all, just what she thinks - which is true. With my job I perform on stage in front of a thousand people and I don't care what I do on stage unless somebody I know is in the audience, then I feel strange then as well. Oh well. For most of us we have gone from hiding it all of our lives and now that somebody knows, I think we just can't believe that they don't care that we dress up. This winter my wife will be home with me rather than working so I am going to have to suck it up and slap the warpaint on in front of her.

Like the originator of this thread, I too just recently came out to my wife. And in large part based on all the good advice I've picked up here, I'm taking it very slow with her, and have confined myself largely to sleepwear like nice silky nightgowns, and a soft pink robe, when around her. She know's I underdress (usually tights or thigh-highs and panties), and she helps me color my toenails in the evening sitting on the bed. She's said that she regards this as something "only two girlfriends" would do, and that gets to the point I'm trying to make here. Even though she know knows that I'm TG, she's still my SO, and I've assured her that I intend to remain her SO. So, like most everything else in our life together, this is something we're doing together. To me, this means that I'll gradually work "our" way up to being alot more dressed than I am now, and when I do, it will be both "age appropriate" (I'm 59, and can't realistically pull off the look of a 25-year old, right?) and tasteful, meaning I"m not going to dress like a hooker around her unless it's for a fun session in bed. Know what I mean?

So, to me, this is not a "dress up" game with her, but rather, the development of a mature, feminine, female partner of my SO, who's a naughty, classy lady that she's spending her life with. Elfin

[Lucy Long Legs]

I am constantly amazed at the insistence of most crossdressers that their "tolerating" wives participate. Why????

She does not like it! Why are you forcing her? Leave her the heck alone why don't you? She knows you dress. Why force her to watch?



Stephie

My wife was very encouraging about my dressing some years ago and used to buy me clothes and help with make-up. She gradually began to dislike it and I would now never do it in front of her and we never talk about it. It's a shame but that is simply the way it is.

[SandraV]

At this point my wife does not want to see me dressed. But then again, she's known about Sandra for less than two months. I wont push the issue, and to be honest, even though she now knows, I'm still not used to the whole idea myself. We've taken the stance that, I will leave it up to her to tell me when/if she is ready.

[I Am Paula]

I have a strange sort of double standard here. My wife has seen me dressed everyday since before we got married. (16 years). We do everything together. I still don't like it when she comes into the bathroom, and I'm in bra and panties, doing my hair or make up. It's like it's my only private time, invaded. I undress in front of her to put on my nightgown, so why does this one little thing upset me? I feel like locked doors mean I have something to hide, so I don't do that. Wierd?-Celeste

[Samantha_Smile]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?

She will giggle to her self, and occasional say I'm obsessed which hurts a bit, but I guess I'm lucky after reading about some of you being kicked out of you homes.

Sorry about the venting.

Kelly

Been there.
Truth is, with a tolerant/accepting SO, youve got it made. I know I have.
I get embarrassed buying anything but underwear, jewelery and perfume as these can be passed of easily as gifts.
But that dress I keep seeing in new look is another matter. But all I need do is tell my SO I'd like it, and she grabs one off the rail for me. Easy.
Also useful for makeup, 'magic' underwear and femme deodorant... the rest is what ebay was invented for :D

When she's a little more comfy with it, you may even have your own personal style/makeup consultant to bounce ideas off.

And if your anything like me, she'll be happier with a a more relaxed you.

As for her giggling at your obsession.
I play PC games, I love PC hardware, I watch videos on youtube dedicated to COD and Minecraft. I get called a sad obsessive for that, doesnt make me sad though.
I enjoy it, why should I be sad?

And finally, the 'not feeling right'.... It will. Time is what that one needs

[STACY B]

Know just how you feel ,,, Dressing in front of the wife ,,, I try an hide or she will surly see me with something that belongs to her on ,,,DOH !!! Sorry ,,, But,,,But,,,

[Danielle_cder]

I went through this as well. But got over it, I don't go the whole 9 yards (wig make up) but will definatly rock panties bra n forms.

[Angie G]

When I got to dress in front of my wife it felt awesome Kelly.It felt right from the first time even after hiding it for years. If your wife lets you dress just enjoy it girl.:hugs:
Angie