Would you choose NOT to dress?

[Briana90802]

I, like most, if not everyone, else here knows that your dressing isn't really something you choose it's more or less in our DNA. It's at our core being. BUT given the choice, would you choose to not dress? Would you prevent yourself from trying on that first addictive piece of clothing? Would you spare yourself the pain and anguish of your cd feelings that we all have of trying to deny that we love crossdressing? Or would you do it all over again knowing how expensive it is? Knowing terrifying it can be to go out in public?

IF it were possible, would you remove your tendency to dress? Is it all worth it? And why?

[Laura912]

Sixty five years ago the answer would have been a resounding "Yes, I chose not to!!!". Now, with a knowing wfe, and knowing how rich the experience is, the answer is, no, leave me as is. Just wish there did not have to be all the angst in between.

[KatieTaylor]

If it were possible to completely change me, completely remove any desire i've ever had to try on a pair of heels or a skirt etc, then i would choose to not be a crossdresser as it would make so many aspects of life so much easier. Since that can't happen, i'm happy being a cd.
Katie Taylor x

[EllenJo]

No, I would not choose to be a CD. Why would anyone actually choose to be ridiculed by the women we love or by society. Of course I would not choose this. Which means that it is not a choice for me it is a very integral part of who I am. I am exactly the way God made me. I am a male, a husband, a father and a grandfather that has the body of a man and the heart of a woman. I am a caretaker, a housekeeper, a lover, a babysitter and most of all I am me. I can plumb the house, fix the car, then shave my legs and have a full dinner on the table while wearing 3" pumps and a knee length skirt. If this had been a choice when I was a teenager I would have not become what I am, but it was never a choice for me. With all that said I firmly believe that my feminine side has made me a better man.

[Erica2Sweet]

...I, like everyone else here, know that your dressing isn't really something you choose it's more or less in our DNA. It's at our core being. BUT given the choice, would you choose to not dress? Would you prevent yourself from trying on that first addictive piece of clothing? Would you spare yourself the pain and anguish of your cd feelings that we all have of trying to deny that we love crossdressing? Or would you do it all over again knowing how expensive it is? Knowing terrifying it can be to go out in public?

IF it were possible, would you remove your tendency to dress? Is it all worth it? And why?

First, dressing as a woman is something I choose to do. The desire to explore gender outside of societal norms is not engrained into my DNA or any such thing. I recognize that any willingness on my part to consider it anything but a choice as a cop-out the personal responsibility associated with doing something that goes against what society views as normal. The long story short is that I suck at playing a victim. I insist that I remain in charge of how I conduct myself on a daily basis, and I claim no disability with regard to my gender issues.

Would I choose not to dress knowing what I know now and having the opportunity to re-live my life? No, I don't think I would. It's a relatively healthy part of me now and brings me a lot of joy and also some adventure.

Had this not been a part of my life, I'd have not met my wife, which has been the single best thing to ever have happened to me. As challenging as a transgendered person's emotional baggage is sometimes, it's worth it, because my gender exploration has done wonders for our marriage in terms of sharing and intimacy.

The years I spent lonely and frustrated was a massive challenge emotionally, as my gender exploration sometimes did feel like a curse. With that in mind, given the chance to rewind, I know I would do some things differently, but I simply would not remove my gender flux from my life entirely.

So yea, it's worth it. :)

[Kelley]

I would not want to change a thing about my life as a CD. I suppose I have been one of the lucky ones as I have enjoyed my littlel secret for as long as I can remember. After my wife found my stash life got even better, she is very accepting. During the last year I have been able to explorer my gender identity and am discovering where I fit in the spectrum. I am very happy being who I am and am not to concerned about what others may think. My faimily does not know or any of my friends but I believe I can Handel it if (when) they find out.

[bridget thronton]

No - if anything I would have chosen to dress more often and more openlucht at an earlier age

[~Joanne~]

Back when I first started, many, many years ago when I thought I was alone, it was confusing, and I couldn't find many answers, I would have. Not today. Now I know a lot more, I have come to terms with it and am starting to get past a few of my fears about it. I wouldn't change a thing at this point.

[Leslie Langford]

Despite the roller-coaster ride of competing emotions over the years - confusion, self-loathing, shame, fear, anger, exhilaration, inner peace, contentment, and self-fulfillment etc. - I am now in a happy place in my life with regards to my transgenderism and crossdressing. I have finally come to accept that this is who I am, that I am hard-wired this way, it is not a character flaw, and that there is no more reason to be ashamed of having been born transgendered than for being, say, left-handed or having blue eyes or a prominent nose.

If anything, I have now come to embrace this "gender gift" - one which makes me "special", but in a good way. And while my wife may still struggle with this side of me, I have made numerous GG friends and acquaintances over the past 5 years since first openly going out in public as "Leslie". They seem to truly enjoy her company and are intrigued by her uniqueness and courage to be true to herself.

I might not have felt the same way 10 -15 years ago, but society has become so aware and accepting of people like us in the intervening years that there is simply no longer any valid reason for us not to lead the kind of lives that truly reflect our duality.

[becky77]

Very hard question to answer. And the older you get changes your view on it. Possibly yes, I would choose not to dress as it has left me with very low self esteem as a man, constant frustration and I have to hide part of myself from friends and family.
That said it is part of my personality, if you took that away I would cease to be me anymore. The older I get the more I accept it, i'm getting to a stage in my life where I'm not sure if I really care if someone found out. Where as when I was younger it would have been the worst thing ever. Shame as I start to think I should have embraced it more when in my teenage years and perhaps just gone along with the ride.

Sorry can't give you a definitive answer.

[Amanda_P]

If I had a choice I would still do it with only one change. I would have come out a long time ago. That way I could behappier with myself and not worring about who knows.

[Julie Denier]

Ah, the old "if you could push a button" question again ... my life would definitely be less complicated if I did not like to crossdress. So I'd probably push that button -- unless there was another button that would make my wife accept it ...

[Jenniferpl]

Difficult to answer. It has been an amazing journey of self discovery. Looking back, I would pass on dressing. Overall it just seem to complicate my life. It is like being stuck in the middle of a game of tug of war. Emotions run back and forth. Although I have an accepting wife, it is exhausting leading a double life.

[suzy1]

You say we all try to deny the love of crossdressing but is that true?
I have never had a problem with it. I love all aspects of my life but being Suzy is the icing on the cake of life for me.
I get a deep sense of well being as Suzy. Why would I want to loose that!

SUZY

[kimdl93]

There are several questions in your post. ONe question is whether or not we would choose. To this I believe that each of us, unless we suffer from some sort of obssessive-compulsive disorder, are able to choose whether or not we will dress. Your second question, in the end, is really whether one would remove the need or desire to CD if that were possible. When this question has been asked in the past, some people respond with a very strong "Yes", acknowledging that life would be easier if they weren't transgendered. Others, myself included, state that they have embraced this part of themselves and wouldn't give it up if they could.

Your last question is "Is it all worth it?" For some people, CDing may have contributed to unhappy lives and broken relationships. For others, life has been rewarding and our relationships surprisingly enhanced by our feminine nature. So, take your pick.

[Marlana]

I agree with Becky77. Hate that I have to hide it, but no I wouldn't want to erase this part of me.

[Jamie Ann]

I, like most, if not everyone, else here knows that your dressing isn't really something you choose it's more or less in our DNA. It's at our core being. BUT given the choice, would you choose to not dress? Would you prevent yourself from trying on that first addictive piece of clothing? Would you spare yourself the pain and anguish of your cd feelings that we all have of trying to deny that we love crossdressing? Or would you do it all over again knowing how expensive it is? Knowing terrifying it can be to go out in public?

IF it were possible, would you remove your tendency to dress? Is it all worth it? And why?

I would choose to be a crossdresser, even if there were a pill that would remove the associated feelings and desires forever. Those feelings and desires are part of me. I would not shed them gladly!

At the recent Southern Comfort Conference, one of the seminars described the changes in level of transgender acceptance over the last decade. Today over 75% of the US states have non-discrimination laws that include transgender persons, not just lesbians and gay men. Corporations such as IBM, New York Life, and a dozen or more others have policies to insure that transgender persons are given a fair shake in hiring, salaries, promotions, and other personnel matters. Hate-crime laws at the federal level now include transgender persons. In sum, the level of acceptance over the last decade has improved more than it had in all prior US history. Given that positive trend, there is less and less reason to try to get rid of one’s core feelings and desires pertaining to crossdressing.

[suchacutie]

I was fine with not being transgendered for 55 years.

Then one day Tina showed up. It was clear she had always been there, but we hadn't been able to identify her. Now that we have, how can anyone deny a part of themselves? If I don't let her be her own person, I'm denying part of myself.

Sure, I think I'm a strong enough person to change any part of me if I have to, but there are some parts of me that would require a very severe situation before I would move to deny that part, and Tina is one of those!

[Stephanie47]

Even before I login to this site, if at all possible, I am totally en femme. I sit in front of the screen dressed in a Passion Faith Love beautiful wrap dress, and, wonderful undergarments. (See that other perpetual thread for today's attire). That being said, yes, life would have been a lot less complicated if I was not a cross dresser. Sure, there are many things in life we all wish we could change, that is, have made a different decision. Bought a different house, in a different neighborhood. Bought a different car. Etc. Those were choices, no different than my choice of the color dress I felt like wearing today. They are choices with short term consequences. Sell the house and move. Buy a different car in five years. Return the dress.

Unfortunately, wearing a dress is not a decision that can be easily changed. My first interest in wearing anything feminine was when I was a single digit kid. In kintergarten my teacher complimented my cowboy shirt but called it a blouse. That really bothered me. As a little kid I thought she was really stupid. I was wearing a cowboy shirt. But, I found the slips my mom hanged to dry in the bathroom felt really nice. Nylon. Really, in the 1950's, what else was made of nylon. I fondled the fabric. Finally, I put one on. There was absolutely no sense of sexual arousal. So, what made me start to indulge myself later on with trying on my mother's bras, girdles, slips, stockings and then the dresses hanging in the communal closet? I don't know.

That's when the inner conflict started. Shame. Loathing. You know the drill. Am I gay? So, life would have been less stressful without cross dressing. But, cross dressing has been a stress reliever. If you ever have read my other comments, you know there is some combat related PTSD going on. So, I ended up indulging in cross dressing as a stress reliever, a coping mechanism. If I wasn't a cross dresser, would I abuse alcohol or drugs to cope? I don't know. Cross dressing is not expensive, and, has never been for me.

Right now I love being a cross dresser. I wish I could express myself more often.

[Lorileah]

If you could win the lottery would you try? If you could live your life as a blond and blonds have more fun....

Hypothetical questions always show up here and the fact is that no matter what you have the ability to choose no matter what it is. You need to breathe...that is not a choice that one should make to not do. you can choose not to eat or drink...whatever. Dressing IS a choice. No one threatens you with bodily harm if you don't. Thus it is really more an issue of self control and how well you can bypass the down side effects of not dressing. The majority here live with that everyday. They have to make a conscious decision to not be who they are (this applies to other things in life too. You have to be who you HAVE to be in daily life in order to survive usually). Maybe a better way of asking is "If you could make the desire and need go away would you?"

You will get 50/50 on that. Some find it a burden, an albatross. Others find it is what they are and have learned to live with it in whatever choice they make. You will also see that the older people here often will be the ones who say Hell NO. Because we have found that no matter what, life is short and after pleasing everyone else we realize that there are only two people in the world we really need to please, our SO's and ourselves (You can add children on there ..I just don't have any). And when it is all over, if you aren't happy, no one is happy around you.

[Angela Campbell]

My answer is.....only if I could have been born a girl. I am not crossdressing because I enjoy the clothes, or because of some impulse I cannot resist. I have resisted many times in the past for years with hardly a thought of getting dressed up. I have for all of my life wanted to be a girl. That is the only change I would consider, if I could go back, be born a girl and live a normal female life.

[DonnaT]

As long as nothing else changes about my personality, I would choose not the CD that first time that got me hooked.

But, you never know what can happen later. Like if I were to dress for the first time this halloween, since it's "in the blood" then I would get hooked at that time, and have to learn to cope with the desire/urge.

But learning to cope when I was younger seems the better option.

Too many what ifs!

Would I want to remove the tendency now, like some magic pill? I don't know. I don't have a problem with myself, it is my wife that I would be thinking about. For her, yes.

[franlee]

Have you ever consideered the "Butterfly Effect" I think it would apply here in reality. Changing the slightest thing in ones life would alter the next event or moment that follows. Maybe for the good maybe for the worse, but without question changed weather felt/recognised or not. I will spare the reputission from so many of the previous posters but Erica2Sweet summed it up perfectly for me too. There is no "crossdressing gene" anymore than any other one that makes someone do anything other than grow biolobicaly in a predetourmanded pattern. The life styles and habits we pickup are of our own choice and can be influanced but short of forced submission you make the choice for whatever reason. It is a shame when people that are so gifted or cursed if you think in those terms can't own their own decessions and blame everything from society to family and nature for their inability to do or not do, that simple. The complexity come in when we need to vendicate and justify our actions. I am the one that endears my choices and glad I don't need an excuse, only thing I would do is try an experiance more.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Briana, That's a hard question to answer at almost 70 and dressing for about 65yrs.
it's just who I am and it's what I do.

[Marleena]

Some days I would just choose to not be me. It would be so much easier.

[meganmartin]

Great topic and sometimes I have wondered this. My wife discovered this about me about 5 years ago and it has at times strained our relationship and at times it has enhanced it. During her times of concerns about this part of me often wondered if I was better off not doing it. Then something happens in our lives with family and other obligations that prevents me from dressing for 3-4 weeks then it becomes evident to me I could not stop if I wanted too. At that point I am moody and every little thing just irritates me.

Great topic and responses ladies.

[GingerLeigh]

A year or so ago I would have shouted an emphatic YES! Now? Ahh poo. It's just too much fun and it hurts nobody. I am beginning to care less and less about what others think about it and just have some harmless fun with it.

Don't like? Don't look! (just offer pointers)

[Sporco]

I'd have to say no. There are a few positives, yes. But oh so many negatives. Maintaining two wardrobes is expensives too, not to mention hard on closet space. The biggest thing though is that I could be the 100% man my wife needs. I hate to disappoint her, but I do sometimes.

To me, the other option would be to be born gg. A large part of me is transgendered. This is the option I probably would have preferred.

Since I can do neither, I'll forge ahead as I am, making the best I can of each day...

[Janelle_C]

A year or so ago I would have shouted an emphatic YES! Now? Ahh poo. It's just too much fun and it hurts nobody. I am beginning to care less and less about what others think about it and just have some harmless fun with it.

Don't like? Don't look! (just offer pointers)
I have to agree a year ago I would of rather died then have some one find out my big secret. I started therapy this year and know even throw I haven't come out yet now there is a yet and I love this side of me. I got my ears pierced and I'm letting my hair grow as long as it can. Life is to short, a friend of mine said you reach a age where you don't care what others think and I'm there. But I do care what my kids and family think so that's yet part I have to figure out. Hugs Janelle

[Kate Simmons]

Most of my life has involved CDing, whether in the closet or out. Since amalgamating my feelings, the challenge to myself is to enjoy being Richard. It's easy for me to be a woman, much harder to be a man as I have never fully done that. I think it's easier to be your whole self if you find someone who appreciates you either way and is okay with what you choose to do. I have found such a person.:)

[Amy R Lynn]

For me this is a two sided debate. I enjoy the female side of me. I enjoy all that Amy has to offer. Its exciting, fun, and challenging. I feel good when I dress! However, on the other side, it presents many complications to an already complex life for me. It makes dating more of a nightmare than it is for most. I am a single father of two young boys. Their Mom is not part of their life. So I need to keep things on a balanced level. Which CD'ing adds a burden to.

For me its a complication to my life. There are many times that I wish I didn't have these feelings about dressing. It would make life a little more easy for me.

As it is though, I wouldn't change it. Dressing is a part of who I am. Can't be helped. So I have to accept it, and I'm good with that. Just wish the rest of the world would be too!

[heatherdress]

I am satisfied, happy, content, at peace when I am dressed.

[sissystephanie]

I started wearing panties at age 6, and went on to become a full fledged crossdresser. Many years ago, after I was married to the dear lady who knew I was a CD, I decided to stop crossdressing completely because of my family. I did totally stop for a five year period. Then my dear wife asked me to start dressing enfemme again! Her reason was that she missed Stephanie!!! She had done my makeup and fixed my wig when I was Stephanie, and wanted to go back to doing that. Of course I agreed! Then 7 years ago I lost my dear wife to cancer. I almost stopped dressing again because I am terrible with makeup and even worse with fixing the wig. But I decided to be a male Stephanie!! I wear feminine clothing, from the skin out, to go out in public, but with no makeup and no wig! I am very much a male in female clothing. And the only questions I ever get asked is where did I buy the skirt or dress that I am wearing!! If you are decently covered, the vast majority of people don't care what you have on!!

I dress solely because I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing. I have no desire to be a woman, and never have had that desire. I spent many years wearing a suit to work because it was necessary. Now that I am retired, I dress enfemme most of the time! But there is a condition involved! If my children asked me to stop dressing enfemme, I would do so. Family comes first!!

[AnitaH]

First I must say that for me this thing started several years before I ever tried on the first piece of woman's clothing. The desires, the need was there for years before I finally succumbed and put on that first article of womans clothing. A couple of years I go I would have said: If there was some way to have removed those feelings those needs that led me to this yes I would have done it.

But I'm glad I didn't have that option because I'm a different person today. Anita is me, I've learned to embrace her and enjoy her. Since accepting Anita I have become a better person and a better spouse, I've learned to not be judgemental about other people and to appreciate of all of our differences.

So NO WAY would I do it today. Yes it complicates life and has caused no little pain and anguish throughout the years, still today I would say I would not change this.

Given the chance I would however change a few things the first and most important is to have been born a GG to start with. Failing that it would have been to embrace Anita several decades ago and transition at a much younger age.

AnitaH

[Saffron]

It's a though decision. I love to CD, but being closeted sometimes I find myself alone and sad with that "I need a hug" feeling.

So maybe life could be easier without CD, but after all is part of who I am, so I prefer to embrace it and have all the fun I can :)

[elizabethamy]

As a person who first dressed after age 50, of course sometimes I wonder how my life would be different (better?) if I had never started. Yes I was at a dark place mentally and emotionally and began an exploration to try to understand what was wrong with me. Had no idea I would discover that gender was the core problem. Had I not started dressing life would be easier at home right now -- or would it? Would I still be depressed and miserable? Suicidal? etc. Everything is connected. The very introspection that makes us interesting means that sometimes we will discover things about ourselves that aren't terribly helpful or convenient when we find them. But they matter because they are who we are...life is a journey and sometimes journeys are hard, not fun, and full of mud and biting insects. At other times, sunshine and butterflies.

elizabethamy

[Beverley Sims]

I am curious as to how my life would have been if I had not engaged in cross dressing.

[Cheryl T]

Fire up the time machine ...
I'd still be me...but I would have come out sooner and probably be farther along by this point...along to where?? I don't know.

[Kaz]

There are loads of other people that I wish I had been instead of me... at my age and where I am in my head.. I rather like me! It's taken a long time to get here... I have loads of flaws and I've made stupid mistakes, but I like the me I have become... I could do with being in better shape and not being so wrinkly...

But Kaz is so much part of me and I realise as I age that she has always been there... I am she and she is me and we are we and we are all together!

Je ne regret rien... just the time I have wasted in not realising how cool this was!

[mirandacdgirl]

I have tried to stop several times.. just doesn't work out..i just end up being a grouch and eventually the feeling of "Want" over comes me.

[ArleneRaquel]

Never am I going to be who I am, which is ArleneRaquel. :battingeyelashes:

[Michelle (Oz)]

Because we have found that no matter what, life is short and after pleasing everyone else we realize that there are only two people in the world we really need to please, our SO's and ourselves (You can add children on there ..I just don't have any). And when it is all over, if you aren't happy, no one is happy around you.

If pleasing the two people SO's and ourselves could be achieved by CDing life would be simple but herein lies the only reason why I would push the off button to CDing. My wife whom I love and cherish will not tolerate my dressing nor agree to DADT. So I must do so without her knowledge with the limitations and risks that entails.

After 8 glorious days away out and about dressed much of the time, my view has changed from pushing the off button to total acceptance of who I am.

So, I choose to dress as much as circumstances allow.

[sometimes_miss]

Of course we have a choice; but for me, it's the lesser of evils. I can choose to suppress my desire to crossdress with violence, alcohol or drug addiction, or be nasty and short tempered with everyone I meet. I choose crossdressing, even though it means it's me who will suffer the most, rather than everyone around me. I have not found another alternative that works....believe me, I've tried everything I can think of.

[STACY B]

Of course we have a choice; but for me, it's the lesser of evils. I can choose to suppress my desire to crossdress with violence, alcohol or drug addiction, or be nasty and short tempered with everyone I meet. I choose crossdressing, even though it means it's me who will suffer the most, rather than everyone around me. I have not found another alternative that works....believe me, I've tried everything I can think of.



AMEN !!!!!!!! Gotta do what we do ,,,, An then all is right in the world ,,, Bars suffer ,, An strip clubs ,,, LOL,,,, But we won't ,,,,,, Stocks dropping on Wall street ,,Stacy Stop drinking again ,,,lol,,,,,

[Joanne f]

Would I choose not to dress, after all it is only clothes that you feel really happy in so why choose not to like wearing them ,but (always that but):D if only it stopped there, it is that other part that I would choose not to have , that underlying reason why I dress , to be and feel feminine and when you get to the point that even the dressing is not enough the dressing almost becomes a teaser type of thing , look you can have this bit but not the rest , but I still love dressing so why complain :)

[Briana90802]

It's funny, I keep hearing people say that this is something that they choose to do and they can stop anytime. However other topics suggest otherwise, saying things about the pink fog coming back. It would seem to me that crossdressing is like food we can say don't need it all we want but that's just not true. Whether you dress or not is a choice, whether you need to dress would seem to be more in our DNA.

[sherib]

Since it's in our DNA there would be no way you couldn't choice not to dress. I wish it was not in my DNA, but it's too late to worry about it now. Besides, I love to dress. If only I had enough time.

[Foxglove]

If I were to change this part of me, what else could I change? I'm sure "society" or Mom and Dad or the old biddy up the road could give me lots of advice on that score.

Accepting my TGism is just part of accepting me as a whole. Many years ago I probably would have changed a lot of things. Now, it's realizing what you are, realizing that you didn't start out any more handicapped than anybody else. Sure, lots of things you might change--but why not work with them instead and see what you can make of them?

On another forum I'm a member of, there's a girl who is blind from birth. Some of the other members (rather rudely, I thought) asked her if she could have her sight, would she take it? She said no. She's learned to live without it, in fact doesn't even know what it is. One member in particular was pushing her a bit: "But, but, but think of all the advantages you'd have." I could understand what she was saying even if he couldn't: she is what she is, and her lack of sight is part of her. If she changed that, what would it do to her overall? She's not unhappy, so why change? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Other people can say what they like about TGism. It's me, it's part of me. And there's nothing wrong with it. And I actually like it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Annabelle

[Tina B.]

Of course we have a choice; but for me, it's the lesser of evils. I can choose to suppress my desire to crossdress with violence, alcohol or drug addiction, or be nasty and short tempered with everyone I meet. I choose crossdressing, even though it means it's me who will suffer the most, rather than everyone around me. I have not found another alternative that works....believe me, I've tried everything I can think of.

If the compulsion to dress was gone, my wardrobe would follow it out the door, otherwise if I quit I'd lose my wife, she couldn't stand what would be me, sometimes described me to a tee! I don't remember choosing to dress, I think it chose me. But then I don't really remember, that was 62 years ago.
tina B.
Tina B.

[danielletorresani]

I get a long of enjoyment out of dressing up. So much pleasure involved in it, for me...but if I could choose to switch that part of my brain off permanently, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[franny lin]

life would be so much easier if the desire would completely go away. But I love my fem side and it a part of me I could never let her go.

[Lindsay_T]

I would do it all over again.... painfull as it`s been.... YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, BY THE WAY.... like u said, it`s in the DNA... I feel best when I`m `dressed` .... without that, I`d be lost... I only wish all this knowledge and technology had been available 30 years ago.... But then, I may have missed out on my totally great two kids.............

I was so lost ... thought I was the only one in the world with these screwed up feelings and emotions.... enjoy the moment... AND ROCK ON...

Linds....