Emily Barton
09-25-2012, 08:05 PM
Hey all,
I'll apologise in advance - this is a very, very long post! But there's a picture of some pretty heels at the end of it should you make it that far ;)
So far I like to think that I've been very level-headed when it comes to my cd'ing, and I've been successful at taking things slowly. I've read of the pink fog and experienced it somewhat in the past, but I've always kept it under control. Unfortunately, no matter how rational or sensible I consider myself to be, I am only human. We all make mistakes eventually, and this was the case for me a couple of nights ago.
So first of all some background: I moved back into my uni accommodation about a week ago, and I've been weighing the idea of telling my housemates for some time now. My SO hasn't moved in yet, but the other girl (who I'll refer to as Becky) in our house has. She's fairly girly when it comes to things like clothes and I have often found it hard to stay quiet and act disinterested when she gets a new dress, for instance, or talks about her clothes in general. Of all the people in my house I'd say she's the hardest one to keep my feminine side suppressed around.
The day I arrived Becky had a friend staying, and I spent my afternoon watching them paint their nails and talk about girly things, all the while unable to participate. There were jokes made about me feeling 'left out' but nothing more than that. Becky's recently obtained a new fluffy coat, and since her boyfriend and several others had already tried it on I asked to try it too after her friend had left. It was really comfortable and she found the sight of me in it quite amusing, but commented that it wasn't a particularly feminine coat so it didn't look too strange. There were a pair of her flats laying around on the floor and, knowing we were the same size, I slipped them on and jokingly asked if I was looking feminine enough now.
Anyway... she was fairly surprised that they fit and I then tried on her wellies to confirm that we had similarly sized feet. I remained in her wellies and coat for a while, and when she asked if I wanted to try on her heels I quickly agreed, though it didn't actually happen that night. I went to sleep confused - I'd enjoyed the attention and the chance to let the mask slip a little, but was a bit disappointed that it didn't go further.
The next day, though, during a lull in conversation she brought up my feet again. Then she remembered the heels and after some time went and got both pairs for me to try. I gladly strapped myself into the first pair and enjoyed strutting around in them, especially on the tiled floor in the hallway. Then came the second pair, which was a really beautiful purple pair that I've admired/envied for some time. Halfway through putting these on she asked me if I wanted to try on a dress with them, and I'm ashamed to say that I agreed.
This was the point where my rational side should've kicked in and snapped me out of it, but I was enjoying myself too much. Considering that I've been taking it slow with my SO and she's never even seen my clothes, to suddenly be prancing around in a dress and heels with my other housemates was insensitive at best. Also, Becky's boyfriend (and my best male friend) was also present, and with no alcohol in me I had no real defense for my decision to agree. But to finally be getting the sort of female attention I'd been wanting from Becky felt amazing, and somewhere between the beautiful dress and heels I just couldn't listen to my rational side.
So I wore the dress and heels and loved every minute. At one point Becky said I was like the sister she never had and it was all I could do not to give her a great big hug. Her and her boyfriend then went to bed, leaving me still dressed in the clothes. I kept everything on while moving my stuff upstairs and then reluctantly took the dress off and came back down to earth. What had I done? How would my SO react when I told her? And how would this affect my plans to come out - would Becky feel manipulated to find out that I was actually enjoying myself that whole time?
As it turns out, I needn't have worried. Later that night Becky returned to the living room for some food, and after some soul-searching I fessed up there and then. She was a bit stunned and things were awkward at first, but they soon improved and she even said that she thought it was quite cool. I told her everything - about my SO and how she was handling it, about how it had felt to repress it around her, and I even told her about my photoshoot. She said she'd like to see the pictures but I'm holding off until my SO gets here as she should be the one to see them first. We then spent some time talking about clothes, and I finally got to tell her about how I admire her fashion sense and the items she has that I particularly love.
Today I spoke to my SO online and to my astoundment she took the whole episode completely in her stride. She told me that I was silly for worrying and that she was glad that someone else in our house knew and had taken it well. She has a birthday in a week or so's time and I've been putting a lot of planning in to make sure it's special for her - she well and truly deserves it <3
I've spoken to Becky some more today too, answering some general questions and then browsing online stores together and showing each other things we liked. After hearing the difficulties I've had obtaining clothes discreetly she even said she'd buy things for me, or I could order them in her name, if that made things easier. She said she'd go shopping with me too, and showed real sympathy at how hard it must have sometimes been to keep this all a secret.
So... a clumsy step in the right direction, I think. It's such a weight off my mind that Becky finally knows, and I think the rest of my housemates may soon follow. I'm looking forward to showing my photos to my SO and then to Becky and will definitely update with how things go over the next few weeks. And, if you made it this far, here's a photo of the heels I tried on. I actually still have them in my room and Becky said that I could wear them whenever I liked - why haven't I told this girl sooner?!
I'll apologise in advance - this is a very, very long post! But there's a picture of some pretty heels at the end of it should you make it that far ;)
So far I like to think that I've been very level-headed when it comes to my cd'ing, and I've been successful at taking things slowly. I've read of the pink fog and experienced it somewhat in the past, but I've always kept it under control. Unfortunately, no matter how rational or sensible I consider myself to be, I am only human. We all make mistakes eventually, and this was the case for me a couple of nights ago.
So first of all some background: I moved back into my uni accommodation about a week ago, and I've been weighing the idea of telling my housemates for some time now. My SO hasn't moved in yet, but the other girl (who I'll refer to as Becky) in our house has. She's fairly girly when it comes to things like clothes and I have often found it hard to stay quiet and act disinterested when she gets a new dress, for instance, or talks about her clothes in general. Of all the people in my house I'd say she's the hardest one to keep my feminine side suppressed around.
The day I arrived Becky had a friend staying, and I spent my afternoon watching them paint their nails and talk about girly things, all the while unable to participate. There were jokes made about me feeling 'left out' but nothing more than that. Becky's recently obtained a new fluffy coat, and since her boyfriend and several others had already tried it on I asked to try it too after her friend had left. It was really comfortable and she found the sight of me in it quite amusing, but commented that it wasn't a particularly feminine coat so it didn't look too strange. There were a pair of her flats laying around on the floor and, knowing we were the same size, I slipped them on and jokingly asked if I was looking feminine enough now.
Anyway... she was fairly surprised that they fit and I then tried on her wellies to confirm that we had similarly sized feet. I remained in her wellies and coat for a while, and when she asked if I wanted to try on her heels I quickly agreed, though it didn't actually happen that night. I went to sleep confused - I'd enjoyed the attention and the chance to let the mask slip a little, but was a bit disappointed that it didn't go further.
The next day, though, during a lull in conversation she brought up my feet again. Then she remembered the heels and after some time went and got both pairs for me to try. I gladly strapped myself into the first pair and enjoyed strutting around in them, especially on the tiled floor in the hallway. Then came the second pair, which was a really beautiful purple pair that I've admired/envied for some time. Halfway through putting these on she asked me if I wanted to try on a dress with them, and I'm ashamed to say that I agreed.
This was the point where my rational side should've kicked in and snapped me out of it, but I was enjoying myself too much. Considering that I've been taking it slow with my SO and she's never even seen my clothes, to suddenly be prancing around in a dress and heels with my other housemates was insensitive at best. Also, Becky's boyfriend (and my best male friend) was also present, and with no alcohol in me I had no real defense for my decision to agree. But to finally be getting the sort of female attention I'd been wanting from Becky felt amazing, and somewhere between the beautiful dress and heels I just couldn't listen to my rational side.
So I wore the dress and heels and loved every minute. At one point Becky said I was like the sister she never had and it was all I could do not to give her a great big hug. Her and her boyfriend then went to bed, leaving me still dressed in the clothes. I kept everything on while moving my stuff upstairs and then reluctantly took the dress off and came back down to earth. What had I done? How would my SO react when I told her? And how would this affect my plans to come out - would Becky feel manipulated to find out that I was actually enjoying myself that whole time?
As it turns out, I needn't have worried. Later that night Becky returned to the living room for some food, and after some soul-searching I fessed up there and then. She was a bit stunned and things were awkward at first, but they soon improved and she even said that she thought it was quite cool. I told her everything - about my SO and how she was handling it, about how it had felt to repress it around her, and I even told her about my photoshoot. She said she'd like to see the pictures but I'm holding off until my SO gets here as she should be the one to see them first. We then spent some time talking about clothes, and I finally got to tell her about how I admire her fashion sense and the items she has that I particularly love.
Today I spoke to my SO online and to my astoundment she took the whole episode completely in her stride. She told me that I was silly for worrying and that she was glad that someone else in our house knew and had taken it well. She has a birthday in a week or so's time and I've been putting a lot of planning in to make sure it's special for her - she well and truly deserves it <3
I've spoken to Becky some more today too, answering some general questions and then browsing online stores together and showing each other things we liked. After hearing the difficulties I've had obtaining clothes discreetly she even said she'd buy things for me, or I could order them in her name, if that made things easier. She said she'd go shopping with me too, and showed real sympathy at how hard it must have sometimes been to keep this all a secret.
So... a clumsy step in the right direction, I think. It's such a weight off my mind that Becky finally knows, and I think the rest of my housemates may soon follow. I'm looking forward to showing my photos to my SO and then to Becky and will definitely update with how things go over the next few weeks. And, if you made it this far, here's a photo of the heels I tried on. I actually still have them in my room and Becky said that I could wear them whenever I liked - why haven't I told this girl sooner?!