How to come out of the closet when you don't know which one is?

[Saffron]

So I have been thinking about coming out of the closet to certain family members and a girlfriend, but I'm currently struggling with the doubt of being TS or CD.

Should I come out now, or wait until I have a clear message for them?

The only point which is clear to me and always was is my sexual orientation, so that's not a problem. At this point I'm still unsure If I need to transition, or I'm "just" a CD.

I want to tell them sooner than later, but I think that If I do it right now they can get a wrong impression since I cannot respond to a lot of questions they will surely want to ask me.

Also I wanted to know, does it coming out to the people you care more and more easy, or is always plain hell?


pd. Sorry for my poor English.

[Kate Simmons]

It depends on your relationship with them. No one reacts exactly the same way Hon.:)

[Jorja]

Is it really necessary for you to come out now? Once it is out of your mouth you can't put it back in, you know. I am not saying to wait or anything. Just be sure it is what you want to do before telling anyone. Know and understand the the consequences of your actions before speaking out.

[flatlander_48]

I would think it would be best to have more understanding as to what it is that you need to do. It's harder to explain and defend what you are thinking unless you have a reasonable degree of clarity.

[NicoleKent]

Do you have anyone who you expect will be understanding that you can confide in? I've found from recent experience that sometimes talking about it can help you figure out where you are. Keeping it all inside makes you doubt and question yourself. Good luck, I really hope everything works out!

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree with Jorja! You need to know what you have to gain by coming out! Or what can you lose by coming out! Good luck!

[Saffron]

You all have very good points. Thank you very much for your input.


Do you have anyone who you expect will be understanding that you can confide in? I've found from recent experience that sometimes talking about it can help you figure out where you are. Keeping it all inside makes you doubt and question yourself. Good luck, I really hope everything works out!

That's the main reason I want to tell. I feel lonely and want to share my thoughts and try to come to a better understanding of my situation.


I would think it would be best to have more understanding as to what it is that you need to do. It's harder to explain and defend what you are thinking unless you have a reasonable degree of clarity.

And that's why I think I should wait.


Is it really necessary for you to come out now? Once it is out of your mouth you can't put it back in, you know. I am not saying to wait or anything. Just be sure it is what you want to do before telling anyone. Know and understand the the consequences of your actions before speaking out.

You speak words of wisdom. I don't want to rush things, I really don't.

[JeanneF]

Coming out is hell. Anyone who says it's easy is either lying or delusional.

Like others have said, what do you have to gain by coming out?

When it comes to family, my personal opinion is that unless you are planning on spending time as a girl in front of them, it's probably not worth coming out to them yet.

The girlfriend issue is kind of a sticky one. What are your long-term plans with this girl? How do you think she's going to react? Can she be trusted if you tell her and things go south? If you're living with her and you're actively dressing, she's probably going to find out at some point. It's better if it's on your timetable as opposed to her finding a stash of clothes somewhere.

Coming out is a Pandora's box. It really does depend on where you want to end up.

[Pexetta]

This question has been on my mind too, because my family (parents and brother) have noticed that I've had something massive on my mind for the last few months, and have got concerned about what it might be. And I've evaded their questions about what's going on for the same reason as you, Saffron. The difference with me is that if I turn out to have been just a cross dresser all along, they don't need to know. But otherwise, they do need to know. It's kind of awkward.

[MsRenee]

I thought about telling my wife about a year after I started dressing but never could realy figure a good way to tell her. One day when I came home from work and found my things boxed up. She wanted nothingto do with me because she thought I turned gay for being a crossdresser. It took a few days for her hatred to subside. We talked for longest of time, we did counceling and just talked amongs ourself and over time she began to understand my side. Weve been together a total of 19 yrs now. Was married 13 of it and now were engged again and planning our wedding. Only thing holding us up is were trying to find our dresses as she wants yo marry Renee this time around. I know im very lucky and wish the best for others and there s/o. .
Renee

[~Joanne~]

This really is a big decision. Like others have stated, once you let the cat out of the bag, you can't put it back in so with this knowledge, and sense your unsure of where your life is going to lead you, as far as to whether your going to transition or not, I would wait. At least until you are sure.

[Saffron]

Coming out is hell. Anyone who says it's easy is either lying or delusional.

Like others have said, what do you have to gain by coming out?

When it comes to family, my personal opinion is that unless you are planning on spending time as a girl in front of them, it's probably not worth coming out to them yet.

The girlfriend issue is kind of a sticky one. What are your long-term plans with this girl? How do you think she's going to react? Can she be trusted if you tell her and things go south? If you're living with her and you're actively dressing, she's probably going to find out at some point. It's better if it's on your timetable as opposed to her finding a stash of clothes somewhere.

Coming out is a Pandora's box. It really does depend on where you want to end up.

Sorry, I said girlfriend meaning female friend. She is in fact my best friend. We know each other for about 8 years. She's like a soul mate to me.


I wanted to tell my mom the first and the most. We're close, she's open minded and being a nurse I know she has seen a lot and could help me.


But as you all said, you never really know what reaction you will get.

On the other hand, I think it's for the best, if s/he's a person with such prejudices, s/he's not worth it.


I would wait. At least until you are sure.

I've been lost in the mist for almost 30 years, I'm not sure if I will be sure someday


Edit: this weekend my mother comes to visit me, I'm going to tell her, wish me luck.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Saffron, Be careful what you wish for, It might come back and bite you in the @$$ .

[Beverley Sims]

I would wait until you have more of an understanding of your situation.
You have only been posting here for a couple of months and I would suggest you keep asking opinions here for a while before coming out to friends and relatives.

[Saffron]

You're right and It's not like I'm was planning to come out to a lot of people! There was only 3 people I was thinking of. I've decided to tell just to my mom. We're close, she usually comes to visit me (or I visit her), I'm tired of hiding things each time she comes, biting my thong for all those years... I want to do it.

I have been registered here for only two months, but I have been like this for all my life.

I know I'm TG, and that's what I gonna tell, my only doubt about it is if I need to transition or not. I think I can answer to this question by simply saying "not for now".


Hi Saffron, Be careful what you wish for, It might come back and bite you in the @$$ .

In that case, I wish for good luck. Just to be clear :)

[Nichola]

I'm so deep in the closet, sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, so I can imagine how you feel. Take your time, figure out what you want & good luck, maybe your telling your mother might be the right choice. But telling your female friend could be good for you, especially if you think she is open minded.:)