a family's views on all things different

[Megan Briana]

Well, I found out today where half of my families opinions are on anything remotely homosexual. And to them, crossdressing falls pretty damn close to the tree.
Somehow, during a family get together, the subject of gays (fairies as one put it) came up in reference to an absent family member. For the one who owned the house we were at, he said he did not want any "fairies in his F'ing house". A sister, who is southern baptist, her response was typical; "It's just wrong," she says. I already knew where my mothers opinion was; "disgusting". My father, who claims to be open minded, would change the tune if He had any clue that his "number 2" as he calls me, enjoys dressing like a lady and doing other feminine things. I have two other brothers; one of which would probably talk even less (if possible)to me, and another that would attempt to be supportive but i doubt we would do any more fishing trips or ballgames together.
Now this does not speak for stepmothers, inlaws, nieces, nephews, or aunts, and uncles. (which really makes little difference if the blood family is against it.)

I almost burst everyones bubble right then and there. I wanted to, I really did! I told myself no, not in front of the children. Not only were my children there, but so were all the other children, thirteen in all and all under the age of twelve. I knew it would start a massive blowout, probably coming to blows (as brothers are known to do). I spoke my mind simply. "Into every life, a little weirdness comes, and who are you to tell any one what that weirdness should be?" This had a surprising effect of utter silence. Perhaps I spoke too adamantly or maybe it was body language but i think i just let the elephant into the room. But after a couple of long minutes of silence and a few sidelong glance in my direction, it was the children that got conversation started again. I don't remember how though. I was too busy thinking if and how i spoke too defensively, and if I had given my self away.

I have come to one conclusion concerning the whole thing:
Down the road, when I am able to "present" myself, I believe my family will disown me. But I will deal with that when I get there, and I will get there. I'll even have new "Big Girl" panties to wear.

[MsMegan]

Thats unfortunant that you have such a hostile environment to reveal yourself in. Hopefully your family will surprise you when you do deside to reveal yourself. Good luck with that one. :)

[Cynthia Anne]

Oh yeah! Your story sounds pretty much like mind! The redneck family I'm suppose to be part of is very simular to what you discribed! I've proved to some of them that I can stil be a redneck but in girl fashion! It's 50/50 on those who accept me for who I am! To hell with the other 50%!

[Leah Lynn]

Sounds so much like my family, we could be related.

[Megan_Renee]

I want to say that they might surprise you, much in the way ignorant people speak from ignorance, then mend their tunes... There are several stories of bigots changing their tunes when a family member is found to be a hated class... By then there are just as many stories going the other way...


At any rate, ~~hugs~~

[MindyJ]

Youre not alone. There are many similarities between your family and mine. You do have a family-of-sort in your friends here at crossdressers dot com. I know they wont disown you. Also, I think you were right to speak your mind truthfully about the wierdness.

[Jenn A116]

Perhaps its time to say that you don't want any bigots in the house?

[Wildaboutheels]

It's simply pack mentality at work. DON'T BELIEVE IT! I have seen it in action so many times at so many places.

ONLY when you get people alone and come in the back door with a topic will MOST people divulge their true feelings on anything remotely controversial. Even then, if they are in the slightest bit needy, they will agree on YOUR own take if they detect even the slightest bias from you.

Don't let that event discourage you.

[STACY B]

It's simply pack mentality at work. DON'T BELIEVE IT! I have seen it in action so many times at so many places.

ONLY when you get people alone and come in the back door with a topic will MOST people divulge their true feelings on anything remotely controversial. Even then, if they are in the slightest bit needy, they will agree on YOUR own take if they detect even the slightest bias from you.

Don't let that event discourage you.



HOME-RUN>>>>>>>>>HOME-RUN --- Took the words right outta my mouth ,,, An if they don't want to have any thing to do with you GOOD ,,,At least you know where they stand ,,,Bet you could dress if you WON the Lottery ? Ohhhhhhhhhh BET that would make it BETTER ?

[Mollyanne]

I would be careful as to what I would say and to whom. Family is a VERY delicate subjective issue when it comes to "exposing" one's self. From what you have described some of them COULD get aggressive and you could be on the receiving end of something very unpleasant. I would go slow here and look forward to the day when you could move out on your own.

Molly

[STACY B]

I would be careful as to what I would say and to whom. Family is a VERY delicate subjective issue when it comes to "exposing" one's self. From what you have described some of them COULD get aggressive and you could be on the receiving end of something very unpleasant. I would go slow here and look forward to the day when you could move out on your own.

Molly



I get that -------- BUT ----- What if YOU rule the ROOST ? Then shouldn't you Educate an make the rule ? Remember there looking at you wanting answers an Guidence in how to act an react ? So why not show them the way an re-educate them in how the world is an how to act an respect other people an why all people are different in some way . Not all familys are the same . Some need to be tested an pointed in the right direction so they don't go round acting a fool an embarressing you with there ignerant way of thinking ?

[Celeste]

It is a fine line in determining weather being who you want to be in life is important enough to let it all out.I might never hear from family again after doing that.I'd bet the other parents there questioned their teachings at that moment of silence..I think it's cool that your statement planted the seed of acceptance and conformity You were clearly the one with the guts here.

[Beverley Sims]

I would not even bother outing myself in such a hostile environment.

[STACY B]

I would not even bother outing myself in such a hostile environment.




Hell no,,,,That would be Crazy ,,, Like they said MOB mentality ,,, But she did it right laying the seed for future education . Catch um one by one if your that close to the family ? But what's funny is what about when you get to the point of no return ,,,, With the hair an all the trimmings ? Just not get invited I guess ,,No wonder I am on here an not at the party .....lol....

[EllenJo]

Well as they say: You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family!

[Megan Briana]

Thank you all for the advice and support. My sisters here have been my biggest source of strength, confidence, and advice. It helps make life easier when dealing with my family. I don't think I will be sharing this secret with any of my familythough. But I won't sit back and listen to their jokes either. I will defend my choices against them and continue to shut down any comments and negativity from them.
In my world, there is only one person I would feel safe and comfortable coming out to. She is a GG friend of twenty years. She is a straight GG and she is a strong proponent for LGBT rights. She may tease me some about wasted shopping time and things like that , but I believe she would be incredibly supportive of my CD-ing.
Hugs for everyone! Beamer

I want to thank all of you girls! This place is what I call a godsend. I found it when I needed it most, and I haven't looked back since then.

[Angela Campbell]

You may be surprised if talking to them one at a time. Many men will say things in order to present an image they want the others to see in them, not at all based on their actual opinions. Especially in a family situation.

[Megan Briana]

You may be surprised if talking to them one at a time. Many men will say things in order to present an image they want the others to see in them, not at all based on their actual opinions. Especially in a family situation.

You are probably right and at some point I will try this. But for now, I think I will just keep it in my hat, and turn to those i KNOW i can trust. My confidence keeps going up and down already. I want to build it up and if doing that means keeping distance from some family members then I will do just that. And I will keep my family here closer 8)

[Brianna612]

Well as they say: You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family!

and you can't choose how the think.

I don't know how often you see your family. If you see them often you might have to tell them.

I would of never had told my family however my X wife sent pictures and a letter to all my friends and family. My most bigoted uncle would not talk to me for a year but now we get along great. Time has a way of healing.

[roy m]

I have found that the biggest bigots sound-off so much because they are afraid of being "outed" themselves. My reply is always the same, the second word is-off! Screw the family, if they won't support you, why should you reciprocate.

[StephanieJ]

I'm so sorry your family is being like that. Ignorance and group dynamics are no doubt huge factors. I hope you aren't ever "forced" to find out how they would react by being outed, but someday you may want to confide in some who you feel you can trust. It won't be fun and it may be a bit like stirring a hornet's nest. But one thing I've learned here on this forum is complete honesty with myself and others. those who truly love you will be accepting. Others wont... so it goes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Beamer, It sounds like it's time to put an add in the want adds looking for a new family.

[Launa]

When I've been in these situations with my family I used to say well, "you should all move to China. You can all get up in the morning and go to work wearing a starched white shirt, navy blue slacks and everybody can be and look the same. Nobody would be different in any way. Wouldn't that be great?" That used to create some silence too however it was the older generation in my family that were this way.
I will appologize now if I offend anybody from China.

[MissTee]

I have the same weirdness in my family, but they are my family and thus I put them before my dressing. It's simply not worth it to lose even just one by outing myself. I have a few family members who I know are gay (they shared with me privately) but keep it in the closet for the family. I have one brother who goes off on every alternative lifestyle and ethnic group at every chance, but his life is a sad, sad story of grief and disappointment, so we give him a wide berth. Nothing we could say could be worse than what he's been through.

Anyway, if you are content and feel good about yourself, why bother unsettling the whole family? Maybe approach a select few one on one, but I just don't see what starting a family feud over dressing will accomplish. You also don't have to just the hate mongers in their banter.

Just say'n . . .

[Jess Marie]

We are in the same boat in that regard. My family, though not religious at all, condemns homosexuality and any femininity within men. It really sucks, but what are you going to do? I don't hate them for their views, I respect them, though I do not agree with them. Sometimes it is better to be the bigger woman. I'm not coming out because of the implications and I am loving where I am, but I would dread telling my family. If they disowned me, sucks for them because I am a nice person and they will not deserve me around.

[Megan Briana]

Anyway, if you are content and feel good about yourself, why bother unsettling the whole family? Maybe approach a select few one on one, but I just don't see what starting a family feud over dressing will accomplish. You also don't have to just the hate mongers in their banter.

Just say'n . . .
I feel great about myself. well, except the current end product lol, BUT that is coming along so very nicely. As for the family, well I have over the years learned to keep my distance away from family drama ( I had enough of that in my marriage). So connections are there, but they are not so tight that I am missed from daily events, or heck almost nearly yearly events for that matter. But I am ok with that. I have always been the introverted loner in the family. If they find out, it will change things, but not as drastic as they could be. Its like my ex used to say," Life stinks sometimes, so you learn to fart rainbows."

I am happy with my CD-ing and I enjoy all the time I get to spend doing it. Like everything else in my life, If they want me then they have to accept the whole package. Its like starting a new relationship. If she wants to be with me, then she has to accept the fact that I have 3 children, I am divorce, medically disabled from several massive heart attacks, and I crossdress.