Lainie
09-29-2012, 10:24 PM
At lunch yesterday, I asked my wife "If we jointly decided that on a particular day I would wear a dress or skirt at home, how would that change things?"
We've been doing Don't Ask Don't Tell for a long time. She was & is ok with people doing as they please in general, but freaked that I want to wear women's clothes. She thinks it's a compulsion, is unsettled by mental illness, afraid of discovery. But we had a longer, better conversation than we've had in a long time. At one point she asked "I guess you've gone out in public. Did you ever see anyone you know? How did that feel?" I had never admitted before that I've gone out--although I have, sporadically, frequently, many times over many years. Only once* have I encountered a work colleague, I told her, and it was really scary. But when I said "The masquerade is a secret, but feel free to tell some one I don't know", he was very sympathetic and not at all judgemental. Great relief.
She asked what I get out of it, why I do it. Hard questions to answer, I did my best. She's still very uncomfortable about the whole thing. Gets upset when I wear a necklace--rather unisex ones around her, but still.
Some progress in principle. She offered to schedule time out of the house so I could dress, which is nice of here, but I do that already, as I'm sure she suspects. Still really reluctant to talk about it, and not at all accepting. Would like to give me an ultimatum to quit, but doesn't think I could do it.
So we're still at DADT. I've been doing this so long I'm used to it. She's still at square one. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Anyway, it felt good just to get to talk to her about it.
:straightface:
(*I've dressed often & encountered people I know from the local art scene, but that crowd doesn't overlap with my business associates or family.)
We've been doing Don't Ask Don't Tell for a long time. She was & is ok with people doing as they please in general, but freaked that I want to wear women's clothes. She thinks it's a compulsion, is unsettled by mental illness, afraid of discovery. But we had a longer, better conversation than we've had in a long time. At one point she asked "I guess you've gone out in public. Did you ever see anyone you know? How did that feel?" I had never admitted before that I've gone out--although I have, sporadically, frequently, many times over many years. Only once* have I encountered a work colleague, I told her, and it was really scary. But when I said "The masquerade is a secret, but feel free to tell some one I don't know", he was very sympathetic and not at all judgemental. Great relief.
She asked what I get out of it, why I do it. Hard questions to answer, I did my best. She's still very uncomfortable about the whole thing. Gets upset when I wear a necklace--rather unisex ones around her, but still.
Some progress in principle. She offered to schedule time out of the house so I could dress, which is nice of here, but I do that already, as I'm sure she suspects. Still really reluctant to talk about it, and not at all accepting. Would like to give me an ultimatum to quit, but doesn't think I could do it.
So we're still at DADT. I've been doing this so long I'm used to it. She's still at square one. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Anyway, it felt good just to get to talk to her about it.
:straightface:
(*I've dressed often & encountered people I know from the local art scene, but that crowd doesn't overlap with my business associates or family.)