My FFS Surgery!

[Pamela Kay]

The time I've been waiting for so long is finally here!

I leave early tomorrow morning to have Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) with Dr. Lázaro Cárdenas in Gudalajara Mexico. I fly down tomorrow and should have surgery on Tuesday sometime. I will stay in the recovery house and fly home on Oct 12th, I will go full time as Pam when I return.

It seems like it has been a long time since I started this journey but in reality it has been a pretty short time compared to others who have transitioned.

I filed for my legal name change this last week and have a court date about 1 1/2 weeks after I return from FFS surgery. Hopefully I will walk out with a court order to change my name to my true self.

I know there will be more trials in the journey forward but I'm looking forward to living my life as me.

I will post some updates and pictures as I can and try to keep everyone updated on my recovery and progress. It really helped me out when Melissa (badtranny) did this so I'm going to try and do the same and pay it forward. No matter how gruesome it is. lol

I have learned so much here in the last year or so and thank you all for sharing and helping those of us who are becoming who we have always truly been.

Thanks for your support everyone!

[AllieSF]

Good luck on your journey and with the upcoming surgeries. I will enjoy reading about your recovery process and then your transition to full time. Hopefully, you will not scare that judge too much so soon after your FFS.

[StephanieC]

Good luck and speedy recovery.

-stephani

[Nigella]

Good luck and safe journey, both of them :)

[Marleena]

I'm happy for you.:) Best of luck and I wish you a speedy recovery also!

[outhiking]

Get well soon. We are all looking forward to updates when you are feeling better.

[Jonianne]

Best wishes and a speedy recovery, Pamela!

[Bree-asaurus]

Good luck! All you lucky b****es gettin' your surgeries on!

[stacycoral]

Pam, i wish you the best, i be waiting to hear about your tran, girl you will look pretty when it all over just look at the othre girls who has done it. Hugs.

[Michelle.M]

Happy dance!

Are you going to give us some reports as to how things are going while you're there?

[Anna B]

Good luck Pamela. Hope it works out for you. I hope you will keep us informed of the progress.

[Saffron]

I hope everything goes well, good luck!

[Jorja]

Good Luck and wish you the best for a quick recovery. I hope you will update us of your progress.

[Kaz]

Sam... really really good luck from the bottom of my heart! I am one of those who won't for lots of reasons, but am so in awe of those of you that do! My thoughts are with you :hugs:

[ReneeT]

Best of luck, Godspeed, and may your surgeon have steady hands, a skillful eye, and a heart of gold!

[Tammy V]

Pam, I am so really happy and excited for you! You are a strong woman and you will get through the recovery and pain just fine and emerge a much stronger, happier and more confident woman and I know you are so finally ready for life as yourself and best of luck, prayers and hugggs to you.

[Barbara Ella]

The best of all I can send you Pam. Lookng forward to your reports on the success.

Barbara

[Melody Moore]

Good luck Pam, I hope it all goes well. xx

[Nicole Brown]

Here's wishing you the best of results and speediest of recoveries. I simply can't wait to see your pictures and read your updates.

[LeaP]

Good luck! We will all be waiting for the "OW" thread ... with pictures, of course!

[Badtranny]

Wow that was quick.

For us. I know it's been a string of long days for you. ;-)

I would say have fun, but I know better than that. I will say enjoy the friends you will meet during your stay. I got the chance to meet some crazy broads and a couple of them I will remember forever. Both were named Michelle oddly enough. One was a sister and the other one was a ballsy GG getting some lipo and stuff done. It's a neat experience but not once in a lifetime, as I will be going back as soon as I can afford it to get some tweaks and further nippage and tuckage. Hopefully I can coordinate it with Inna's next trip and I can finally meet that nutty broad. ;-)

I'm very happy for you Pam, this is a HUGE step and your life is about to change in ways you can never imagine. Nobody willingly gets their face cut up unless they are seriously committed. ...Or should be. ;-)

[Stephanie-L]

Many good thoughts for you Pam, less than 6 months to go for me, and then I will be there too...................Stephanie

[arbon]

Very excited for you and wish you a safe trip :)

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone!

Yes I'm going to do updates and post some pictures. Just remember, you asked for them. lol

As my sister referred to me, Pam 2.0 will soon be online.

[Anna Lorree]

Best of luck, I'm eager to hear (and see) how it goes!

Anna

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Best wishes!!! It's a huge step and you are going to love it! It will be tough for a bit but the impact for you will be immediate. I hope you get the result you want and have a quick recovery


Enjoy your next 24 hrs before Tuesday. Also, get some light reading, you are going to spend time in the "library" !

[Persephone]

Hugs, prayers, and best wishes, Pamela! May you have a speedy recovery!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Inna]

HOLA niña bonita! Say HI to my family, Lazaro, Theresa and Tyler and Vicente, I miss them so much. I know this is the time you had been waiting on, but those dreams are now and becoming as real as your own flesh, WOW, I remember like yesterday the joy in post surgical discomfort of knowing what is to come in the next few months, real, beautiful, wholesome, true! Cant wait till some pics come our way!

All the love, and looks from here, like you got plenty of that coming your way :)

[morgan51]

Have a safe trip Pamela and heal well and fast I'm so happy for you .Looking foward to your reports on recovery, results ,and healing Big Hugs. I hope to follow in your footsteps soon.

[ColleenA]

All the best, Pam. This is a milestone. May you be happily astonished at the look your surgeon brings out.

[Laurie Ann]

Pamela all the best for a great surgery and uneventful recovery I look forward to Pam 2.0

[Pamela Kay]

Well I guess this is update #1. I'm here in Guadalajara in room #1 of the house of broken dolls as some of it's previous tenants refer to it. Vincente picked me up at the airport and took me to the recovery house (sure was glad he was driving and not me) where I met some of my house mates.

Getting ready to leave in a few minutes to go meet with the cardiologist and Dr. Cardenas to discuss my surgery in the morning and take some pre-surgery pictures. I'm a little nervous but looking forward past the pain to the end result.

More to follow.
Will probably be out of touch after this evening until I get back from the hospital

[Eryn]

Pamela, I didn't notice your thread until Monday evening but I'd like to wish you a successful surgery and a quick recovery.

Hugs, Eryn

[Stephanie-L]

I was talking to Tyler this evening and while he couldn't give me any details, he did say Pam made it there safely, had her surgery today, and is probably out of surgery. We shall see in a few days when she is feeling well enough to post.................Stephanie

[Pamela Kay]

Well I survived the approx 8 hour FFS surgery. Still have tubes sticking out from lipo and have to wear a wrap around bandage and a diaper for a few more days. The part that bothers me the most is the packing and straws in my nose from the nose job.

I'll post a picture tomorrow, just up for a pain pill.

[Saffron]

congratulations! have a fast recovery, try to rest as much as possible. :)

[Aprilrain]

YAY! for Pam! I'm excited for you your going to love the results i'm sure

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Best of luck on your surgeries and youve come a long way.

[Pamela Kay]

Well here are the pictures I promised, pretty rugged huh. I am ready to get this packing out of my nose and then things will get better. Doing better today than yesterday and hopefully that's the way it is every day going forward.

Dr. Cardenas was happy with the results so I'll have to take his word for it until the swelling goes down in the next few weeks and I can start to see the results for myself.

More to come!

[Jorja]

OUCH! I know it is a pain now but will be so worth it. Hang in there it will get much better but it's going to take a few days.

[LeaP]

Ow! It is so painful to see these pictures, but it is also delightful! I'm slightly amazed at your posting so soon.

Big congratulations on getting through the surgery! Best wishes for quick healing.

[Anna Lorree]

Ugh, I have had non FFS nose and jaw work done in the past, so I feel your pain (or have felt it before). The little bandage under the nose gets really annoying after a couple of days, the area where the tape sticks starts getting raw. That said, the worst was over in 5-7 days for me. I have had the splints in my nostrils as well, having them removed feels VERY strange (they go deeper than you think), but you will feel sooooooo much better when they are gone.

I'm really interested in your experience, as I can see that you have had most of the same procedures I want. Please get your rest, and pass the time as easily as you can. I know it hurts, but there is a great prize for you at the end of this!

Anna

[Inna]

"Yey! A wonderful site!" Such words can only come out of the Transsexual woman's mouth, lol. But I know for the fact of how it feels and the price to be paid for being YOU! You did it brave girl, yes you did!

I can't wait for further updates on your progress....
Kisses to T&V and of course L&T&kids

[Paulette]

Wishing you pleasant days and beautiful evenings while you heal.

[Eryn]

The great thing is that now you'll look better every day! Keep us up to date on your progress!

Hugs, Eryn

[morgan51]

You are amazing, sorry for the pain but soooo Happy for you and your resolve . Hang in there girl! I know this will be amazing as you heal and recover. Big hugs

[Pamela Kay]

Well here's the latest. Feeling much better today, got to take a shower. I took a picture before the shower and then another one after the shower and a light treatment that they give you to help reduce swelling and bruising.

We stopped at Walmart on the way back from the treatment. So I may make it on the next Mexican people of Walmart video. I looked just like I do in the after shower photo.

I'm supposed to get the packing and tubes out of my nose and the tubes out from the liposuction on Monday. I'm looking forward to getting this stuff out of my nose but at least the swelling has gone down enough that I can eat solid food again and drink without problems. Haven't got used to my lips not being in the right place yet so I still dribble once in awhile. Can't quite get my mouth open enough to eat this chocolate donut yet but I'm making the attempt.

I thank you all for your concern and support.

Love

Pam

[pickles]

Man Pam, that was quick! I remember when you first became a member here, it wasn't long ago.

Well I hope things work out whatever you do in life.

[Kathryn Martin]

Oy vey, aua, ouch..... all my best to you

[Kirsty_D]

Sorry Pam, I just seen this thread so I'm too late to wish you luck with your surgery. The 'nose job' looks painful and brings back memories of mine a few months ago, though I didn't have the bone broken. I hope everything heals up quickly for you with minimum discomfort.

[Kristy_K]

I am very happy for you Pam... No pain .. no gain girl...

[ReneeT]

I hope your recovery continues to go well. It will be so worth it

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best!!

[Pamela Kay]

Hey everyone, still here in Guadalajara.

I'm still healing and seeing slight improvement every day. Not much going on until Monday when I get my lipo drain tubes and nose tubes and packing out. I can't wait for that one. Got to shower again this morning and shaved my face (carefully) and shaved my legs for the first time in almost a week.

Working toward being almost human again. :)

Thanks for all the support everyone!

[Eryn]

Better and better! Thank you so much for keeping everyone informed of your progress.

Hugs, Eryn

[Tammy V]

Hang in there sis, you are almost home and I am seeing the results through the healing :)

[Pamela Kay]

Today was a great day in that I got my lipsuction drain tubes pulled but even better because I got the tubes and packing pulled out of my nose. They also pulled the hard cast from my nose and I got to see what it looks like now before they taped it up again (great!). I also had another light treatment today to help with the bruising and swelling.

Kind of tired today because I didn't sleep to well last night. Hopefully I'll do better tonight since I can breath again. Next up is another light treatment on Wednesday and get the stitches out of my face on Thursday morning. Then it's back home on Friday and I'm ready to be home.

Thanks for your support everyone!

[Tammy V]

wow, i see a big difference from before surgery, especially in the side views. I think you are going to be very happy with the results :) definately seeing the woman now!

[Eryn]

Wow, what a change in a day! You've lost a lot of the swelling and the results are becoming apparent!

Hang in there, you'll be home before you know it!

[Pamela Kay]

Hi everyone,

I've been trying not to send pictures and info unless something changes enough that you can see it. Today I got my stitches out (except under my nose, 5 more days) and the swelling has gone down some more so things are looking up. I even snapped a couple of shots in the chair while the tape was off of my nose so you can see it uncovered.

There is still a lot of swelling and the nose as well as the rest of my face will change more as it goes down. You can start to see though, at least I can, that things are a little different now with more improvement to come.

It's still me, just a little softer version.

This is my last full day in Mexico and I will come home tomorrow. It has been a nice stay but I'm ready to be home. Will take it easy for a couple of days then there is much to do. I have a court date for my legal name change in the next couple of weeks, have to get something done with my hair, clean the guy stuff out of my closet, and buy more womens clothes for work.

The time for Pam to go full time has come.


Thanks again to everyone who has supported me through this, it is truly appreciated.

[ReneeT]

Looking good! The changes are dramatic! I am so glad things have gone well for you!

[Inna]

WOW! I second that, dramatic is right. You will be going through slow metamorphosis for months to come, but I remember those few days past surgery when changes were happening daily. profile is especially dramatic! Great job! you are gonna be a knockout :)

[Pamela Kay]

Don't know about a knockout Inna but feminine I'll be happy with. Thanks for the encouragement!

[Kristy_K]

Pam I a glad everything is going good so far... I think you are looking good also....

Just remember it takes 6 to 8 months to see the true results.

[Badtranny]

Pam I a glad everything is going good so far... I think you are looking good also....

Just remember it takes 6 to 8 months to see the true results.

True words. My face is STILL changing at 6 months. It's bizarre how you get used to it again, then it slightly changes again.

Welcome to the ranks of the Guadalajara Girls. ;-)

[Inna]

True words. My face is STILL changing at 6 months. It's bizarre how you get used to it again, then it slightly changes again.

Welcome to the ranks of the Guadalajara Girls. ;-)

"CHICAS DE LA GUADALAJARA" gosh, it sounds like a girlbanditos gang from mehico, which we like totally are, bad real bad, I mean like beautiful and awesome at the same time bad like...........hmmmmm.....oh yeah, like BAD Tranny!

[Stephanie-L]

Ah, I can't wait to be one of the Chicas De La Guadaljara. Pam, you are looking good, even at this few days you look so much better. Keep up the posts.............Stephanie

[pickles]

Lookin' good...please keep postin!

[ColleenA]

I hope the healing is continuing to go well. Hope things go well with work.

And happy belated birthday to you. :bday:

[Michelle.M]

True words. My face is STILL changing at 6 months. It's bizarre how you get used to it again, then it slightly changes again.

Welcome to the ranks of the Guadalajara Girls. ;-)

I was thinking the same thing. On the one hand what you say is true, in that my face continues to evolve by itself and also by what I do to it (changes in eyebrows, new makeup techniques, etc).

On the other hand it's also a matter of being more accustomed to my own changed appearance and therefore my perception of myself has changed, and that makes me see changes that are not actually physical changes.

When I first returned from Guadalajara I got a lot of attention, mainly for the bruises, the tape on my nose job and all the healing that was still happening. Unfortunately the attention I got was not all that welcome. Now that I'm well healed and looking better I get a lot of attention for good reasons.

Yeah, life is pretty good!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

True words. My face is STILL changing at 6 months. It's bizarre how you get used to it again, then it slightly changes again.



This is so true....and its longer than 6 months... this is BONE surgery...add the hormones and over a very long period time your skin, muscles, fatty areas all get used to the new infrastructure.

[Jorja]

This is so true....and its longer than 6 months... this is BONE surgery...add the hormones and over a very long period time your skin, muscles, fatty areas all get used to the new infrastructure.

Wait until you get 15 - 20 years down the road, you will not believe you were ever a male at one point in your life. Then it is time to start thinking about how to tighten it all up without looking like a bugeyed fish or something.

[ReneeT]

Pam, how are things going? Enquiring (sp) minds need to know!

[Pamela Kay]

Hey everyone, sorry I've got behind on my updates but been kind of busy since I got back.

Here are pictures from yesterday. I have been full time now since last Sunday and have been out a couple of times now. Had my hair styled a little and evened up yesterday morning, then ran around all afternoon with a friend. I had a couple of second looks but didn't notice as much attention as I did before FFS. My hair is still pretty thin on top but there are many women my age with the same issue. My scar is still noticeable but not terribly so that may be more what caught their eye. I still have some swelling too so I will look better yet as that goes down (I hope).

I could wear my wig but I have grown to hate it over the last few months. As long as I'm not drawing too much attention to myself I would rather just be me. Here's some pictures when I got home yesterday. Should have got some pictures out but didn't think about it. I'll try to do better next time. :)

[Anna Lorree]

I could wear my wig but I have grown to hate it over the last few months.
I completely understand. Most people say I look better with the wig (my avatar here), but it's just another thing that feels fake to and about me. I don't want to be fake anymore, so I don't tend to wear the wig.

You are looking better and better each time you post! I can't wait to see you in 6 months.

Anna

[PaulaAnn]

Hi Pamela;Oh my ! well done girl ;you look great.I understand your feelings in regards to wigs.I love long hair,and it's shoulder length but I'm bald on top.So I'll shave it all off and wear a wig ...not a big problem for me.
But yes ,you are doing well for yourself and it is a big step forward ..how elated you must feel and how confidant you are.My congratulations on your progress.
Paula.

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Anna and Paula!

It's definitely different to be "out there" every day but I'm glad I am and I get more comfortable the more I'm out and about.
I didn't know if I would ever be able to be me but here I am and it is good.

I'm sure there are still trials ahead but I will deal with them when they come.

[Saffron]

It's healing fast! In the last pictures only the scar is noticiable.

[pickles]

Lookin good!

Have you got your beard removed already too?

[Pamela Kay]

Still have more electrolysis to do. Still have a little shadow without makeup.

[morgan51]

I look better with a wig as well I'm follically challenged though. Full time seems to take some of the agnst away "this is as good as it gets "deal with it. Lol I'd look stranger without hair. You my dear are looking better by the day thankyou for posting. Morgan

[LisaMallon]

I know I am late on this, but godspeed and all the very best.

"May your surgeon have had a .. very quite night beforehand" ;)

[Diversity]

Hi Pam,
I want to wish you good luck in your transition, and thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I look forward to hearing how things progress in the future.
Kind regards,
Di

[arbon]

I didn't know if I would ever be able to be me but here I am and it is good.



Thats so awesome! I am happy for you Pamela. :)

[Pamela Kay]

Had a good day today, went shopping at Ross and Walmart. Also went to my credit union and asked about ordering checks but they want the name change documents first. My court date for the name change is next Wednesday.

My last stop was for dinner because I didn't want to fix anything when I got home. Got sir'd not once but three times by the teen age boy behind the counter even though I was wearing a womens top, jeans, sweater, and had my purse sitting on the counter in front of him.

I know my hair is too thin on top and I need to do something with it but here is the outfit I had on (except the sweater). Still work to be done.

[Kirsty_D]

Your looking fantastic Pam. Never let the 'Sirs' get you down, just rise above it and soon it will be a thing of the past.

*Edit* I should add, that your one of the people who has really inspired me to go through with my own transition.

[Eryn]

Pam, you look great! Things are coming along nicely! Thanks so much for keeping us updated!

[Beth-Lock]

Thank you for posting this thread and especially the pictures, Pam. They give the rest of us hope!

[morgan51]

Pam I wouldn't let a couple of sirs take you down. You are comming along nicely and looking more feminine with each new picture. It seems kids delight in torturing us and I'd just consider the source. You are doing good keep up the progress. I'm amazed by your changes so far. It gives me hope for me!

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks everyone! My goal when starting this post was to help others and pass on any information I could. I'm glad so many of you have found it useful.

This was really the first time I had been sir'd since going full time so it probably hit a little harder than it should have. I don't worry about it too much because a teen aged kid isn't an opinion that I put much stock in when it comes to transition issues.

Thanks for the support!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

getting sir'd is not about your face...

...As you say, it's your hair..you'll have to decide how much you want to be comfortable vs how much you want to blend in the short term...

the surgery results are only going to get better..

Do you plan on getting work done for your hairline?

Good luck with a seamless name change!! You are going be amazed at how that feels when its done!


...i know wigs arent the best, but i'll bet you'd be delighted with your appearance with the right wig for you.

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Kaitlyn,

I know my hair is the issue and I'm exploring possibly getting hair extentions or a partial hair piece which Melissa suggested to me. I am interested in getting implants but money is an issue and finishing electrolysis is still at the top of my priority list. I've let my hair grow for a long time now in preparation for going full time and I just don't want to wear a full wig if I can keep from it. I may have to but it will be after I have exhausted some other possibilities.

I am looking forward to getting the name change done and getting another step out of the in between time.

[Chickhe]

Why not do a wig until you can do one of the other things? Seems like a contradiction to me that you would go through all this medical stuff to look and feel better, but not frame it perfectly. Probably would help with the Sirs...although, I'm kind of impressed how after the first pictures you looked more like a cage fighter than any sort of nice woman and with a little time the changes are showing through with each new set of images.

[Pamela Kay]

I am just tired of hiding and not being me. I realized a short time ago that I had been playing the part of a man and was trying to do the same by playing the part of a woman instead of being myself. I realize there are some things that have to be done to pass as a woman.

A lady friend at work recommended a beauty salon today and I have an appointment next Friday to have my eyebrows done and to see what can be done with my hair. The lady at the salon mentioned extentions or a partial hairpiece as possible options which I have already considered.

It's just hard to know where to go for such services when it's never been something you've had to do. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for some good GG friends who have helped me along the way. One of these ladies has helped me with my clothes and is going shopping with me tomorrow to finish up my work wardrobe and find some shoes.

I'm so fortunate to have help like this.

[Inna]

Well, getting sired can be a slew of different factors including our healing faces. I was back from Mexico and all the way home was maamed gallore, to the point that after 2 weeks i was simply gliding instead of walking and then a word which brought me back to the ground with a ton of weight "Sir, may I help you?" my world suddenly became dark and cold, after a while I realized that such expectations were in fact way too good to be true, and somehow I calmed my self down and resumed healing. 7 months later I AM a natal woman to anyone looking, weather from 100 feet or 2 inches. But the time it took to get this girl on seemed like a lifetime.
Arm your self with patience, I know you cant wait, I too was not too happy about the weight, but it is a part of becoming!!!!!!

And in a meanwhile do everything in your power to help the image become congruent and feminine.

[pickles]

Just some advice, passing is 90% attitude I've found out.

[kellycan27]

Just some advice, passing is 90% attitude I've found out.

Attitude might help you walk out the door, but you're going to need to have a lot more going for you than that in order to convince someone that they are seeing a woman.

[Paulette]

Pam a human hair partial clip in piece could save the day for you. You get the extra hair you need without the band around you head causing a headache. I just got one and it so much nicer to wear with my own hair. I just clip in the hair piece and I have bangs and hair to cover the bald spots.

[Michelle.M]

Well, getting sired can be a slew of different factors including our healing faces.

Right! Probably due to the nose job tape and that fact that my face still had not settled the first couple of weeks back I got "sir"ed all the time. Never happens at all now.

[Badtranny]

Pam, you are right at the beginning of this thing.

Inna and I were both on HRT for quite some time before our FFS, we were also well into serious weight control work. (I had already had my first round of Lipo) My hair had been growing for nearly two years before I went full-time. My beard shadow was gone before I ever even went to Mexico. I was already 100% out and presenting as gender queer or female everywhere except work where they still knew I was transitioning for MONTHS before I did what you just did.

In January it will be THREE years that I have been actively transitioning and you have been at it for what 6 months now? You have a lot of physical changes in front of you over the next couple of years. Some of them will delight you and others not so much but I want you to understand one thing; you are WAY early in your transition so give yourself a break on the expectations. A wig or hairpiece now doesn't mean forever. I know you don't want to hide anymore, but this is a tough road and nobody will think anything less of you if you wear a wig. You shouldn't think less of yourself either.

Your courage and resolve are indeed inspirational.

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Ladies,

Actually Melissa I have friends who tell me I am on the fast track to transition. Even though it doesn't feel like it I'm sure I'm moving faster than many, as you and Inna have been at it for much longer than me. I don't have a really big problem wearing a hair piece or partial, just don't want to wear a full wig but I will if that's what it takes. I guess you just have to try some things out to convince yourself they won't work sometimes. It is becoming pretty clear that the hair is an issue, not a huge one but enough to get me read. Also I still have swelling from FFS which I'm sure will be around for quite awhile yet.

Actually I've been at this for over a year now. I discovered who I was (finally) in September and started therapy in November. I started weight loss in November and have gone from 209 to 170 lbs since then and started hormones at the end of January so I'm about 9 months in on them, except for the month I had to go off of them for FFS surgery. Been through 2 full facial electrolysis clearings and have more to go so still having to shave. Was wanting to have the clearing done prior to FFS but as with any plan it didn't work out that way.

I came out to my boss and HR in April and to the rest of my coworkers at the end of June. I took off work from Oct 1st thru Nov 12th and had FFS on Oct 2nd. I'm scheduled to return to work as Pam on Nov 13th and started living full time last Sunday so just completed my first week. Next Wednesday is my legal name change hearing which I'm looking forward to so my I.D. and bank cards match my presentation.

I really don't think less of myself, just kind of frustrated I guess. One thing I have learned is that no one thing will make you pass, it's a package deal. FFS, voice, clothes, presentation, etc., it's all part of the big picture and we're all on the short learning curve trying to cram a lifetime of girl learning into a few months or years.

I hope someone finds something useful in my ramblings. I did have a plan when I started transition and so far it has worked out pretty well.

Courage and resolve are just the outward appearance of a person who simply has no choice but to be who they are. I have drawn more strength and knowledge from the members of this forum than you will ever know.

[Pamela Kay]

Sorry if it sounded like I was blowing my own horn in the last post, wasn't my intent. Just trying to share info.

[EnglishRose]

Not at all Pam. Thank you for sharing your journey and you are inspiring others like me, too.

[arbon]

I have drawn more strength and knowledge from the members of this forum than you will ever know.

It is pretty amazing watching you on this journey :) Like has been said you are very inspiring and I'm glad you are sharing it.

[AllisontheGoddess]

You have to PROMISE to take pictures when you're all healed up =D !!!

[Pamela Kay]

I have my name change hearing Wednesday and will get all dressed up for that. I'll post some pictures then if not sooner.

Thanks everyone.

[Saffron]

Pam, it's great to read about successful stories I hope you'll keep posting.

I wish you all the best :)

[Eryn]

As some wise person said, "It ain't braggin' if you've done it!"

I hope things go well at your hearing, don't know if it is a formality or a barrier where you live. Regardless, it's another step forward!

Keep us informed!

Eryn

[Jonianne]

Thank you for sharing, Pam. All the info you can give is useful to me.

[Britney Johnson]

Pam... I have bee reading thru your posts. Congratulations! I am so excited for you. Rose is SOOO right, you are a total inspiration just like many other girls here and out living their dreams like so many of us want to do (and will at some point in our lives hopefully). I wish you all the luck and best wishes during your journey. Hope to hear more. Hugz and Love Sweety

[Pamela Kay]

Well as of today my legal name is Pamela Kay West!

Met with the judge and got my legal name change today. I didn't even have to go in the courtroom, just met with the judge in his chambers and in less than 10 minutes I was taking the documents down to get certified copies from the court clerk. I will go change social security, drivers license, etc. tomorrow. It will be so nice to have my name match on everything and with who I am.

Another step taken in my transition.

Here's the suit I wore today. Still didn't wear the wig but my hair doesn't look as bad in person as it does in these pictures with the florescent light shining off of my head.

[Kirsty_D]

Pam you look fantastic! You can already see big changes from the surgery but there will be a lot more to come over the coming months.

Feel's great to have a new name and leave him behind :)

[Bree-asaurus]

I think your FFS is definately paying off. I also think that as the following months come, the reduced swelling is going to improve things even more.

If you want my honest opinion, continue on... other wise DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST

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I really think the receding hairline is holding your back. I know wigs suck... I've been there. But if you really want to finish things off, you might want to consider a wig, partial wig or hair transplants. I'm just being honest because I would expect the same. We're looking to pass the best we can. I mean no disrespect and am just trying to help. Again, you're FFS was definitely a good choice as your face is anything but masculine.

[pickles]

Yeah Pam I was going to ask if you could post a pic with your wig :D

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Bree, I know my hair is not good and I have an appointment tomorrow to get my brows done and hair looked at by a beautician. I'm checking into extentions but will probably end up with a partial hairpiece I'm guessing. So I'm waiting to see what the proffessional opinion is before I do anything yet. Hair transplants are also an option but I need to finish electrolysis and some other priorities first. As I said it's not as bad as it looks in the pictures since the florescent light really makes it look like I'm bald.

But just so you know I am working on it and I do appreciate the advice. :)

Pickles, I haven't worn the wig since I had surgery. I'm going to see what I they can do with me tomorrow first. I know I would look a lot better with it but it's just not me anymore.

I'll let everyone know what the verdict is when I get back tomorrow. Going to start changing my name on things today. :eg:

[Pamela Kay]

Here's a picture from today. I changed my name at social security, my credit union, and on my birth certificate. Tried to change it on a couple of other things but they required my new drivers license which I can't get until tomorrow when social security has updated their database from today. Will get my license tomorrow and have an appointment with the beautician to get my brows done and see what we can do with my hair. One of these pictures is in a different place than I have been taking them so you can see the difference with the lighting. Still thin on top but not as bad without the bright light on me.

Swelling is still going down and still have a few stitches left in my mouth but they are slowly disolving and disappearing. Pain is next to nothing and my face is looking better every day.

I think anyway.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Excellent, the results are now being unveiled as swelling goes down, this is fantastic Pamela.

[Pamela Kay]

I had an update post all typed out last night and with one keystroke "Poof", so we'll try this again.

I had another first yesterday. Went to a salon and had highlights done, a layered and what she described as an edgy cut, and had my brows waxed. It's not a look I had in mind but I kind of left it up to her since I didn't have a clue. It looked a lot better before I walked out into the 30 mph Oklahoma North wind, should have taken pics in the salon.

The makeup was starting to wear thin by the time I took this too so you can see my still ever present shadow. They say it shouldn't be noticeable after the third full clearing and I've had two so far. I can't have another electrolysis treatment until after the first of the year due to the FFS still healing so I'll just have to deal with it for awhile longer. Plus it will give me a little more time to save money and make it through my first holiday's as Pam.

I did spend 2 1/2 very boring hours at the DMV yesterday, but it was worth it since I now have my new name on my new licensce. Yay!!! Still have a lot of places to update with the name change but the biggest ones are now done.

So things are progressing slowly but surely. :)

[pickles]

Hi Pam you can cover up your shadow with Dermablend in the meantime.

[Pamela Kay]

Here's the latest.

Went out to lunch with some women from my office. I don't go back to work until Nov 13th and they wanted to see me.

My swelling is way down, still have some at the back of my jaws and in front of my ears. Top of my head is still numb as is the area right in front of my ears and partial numbness on my bottom lip. Still smarts if I bend wrong where they did the lipo but doesn't happen very often now.

I haven't been able to do my hair the way the hairdresser did (big suprise) so I've dropped back to the loose blow dried look. I told her I wanted something easy to take care of but apparently our definition of easy was different. Still on the learning curve. I know it's still thin and my makeup needs more work but just got hit with delayed bills from my Mexico trip so will have to get by for another week or two before I can do anything else.

My soon to be ex-wife came by the other evening. She said she didn't see that much difference since the surgery. I told her I didn't either but I'm my own worst critic and it will still be quite some time before everything is settled back to the new normal. I do notice that I don't seem to get read as often or get funny looks as much so I do think things are definitely improved.

This in itself makes it all worth it.

[Eryn]

Pam, you're looking better with every picture! Pay attention to the hairdresser and learn to do the tricks they do. Quite a few GGs have the same issue with their hairline and the reason you seldom see it is because they have learned to style their hair to compensate!

The shadow is also an issue, but you will love what electrolysis does for you. Even though I'm not done yet I don't need any color correction at all!

[Gisellen]

I admire your optimism, but I have to agree with Kelly. Sometimes, it's not all about perception, it's reality. I think a healthy dose of each is good. But don't forget self worth. It's hard to live our lives without high esteem.


Just some advice, passing is 90% attitude I've found out.

Pam, may I ask...have you had laser done on your lips and chin?


Thanks Ladies,

Actually Melissa I have friends who tell me I am on the fast track to transition. Even though it doesn't feel like it I'm sure I'm moving faster than many, as you and Inna have been at it for much longer than me. I don't have a really big problem wearing a hair piece or partial, just don't want to wear a full wig but I will if that's what it takes. I guess you just have to try some things out to convince yourself they won't work sometimes. It is becoming pretty clear that the hair is an issue, not a huge one but enough to get me read. Also I still have swelling from FFS which I'm sure will be around for quite awhile yet.

Actually I've been at this for over a year now. I discovered who I was (finally) in September and started therapy in November. I started weight loss in November and have gone from 209 to 170 lbs since then and started hormones at the end of January so I'm about 9 months in on them, except for the month I had to go off of them for FFS surgery. Been through 2 full facial electrolysis clearings and have more to go so still having to shave. Was wanting to have the clearing done prior to FFS but as with any plan it didn't work out that way.

I came out to my boss and HR in April and to the rest of my coworkers at the end of June. I took off work from Oct 1st thru Nov 12th and had FFS on Oct 2nd. I'm scheduled to return to work as Pam on Nov 13th and started living full time last Sunday so just completed my first week. Next Wednesday is my legal name change hearing which I'm looking forward to so my I.D. and bank cards match my presentation.

I really don't think less of myself, just kind of frustrated I guess. One thing I have learned is that no one thing will make you pass, it's a package deal. FFS, voice, clothes, presentation, etc., it's all part of the big picture and we're all on the short learning curve trying to cram a lifetime of girl learning into a few months or years.

I hope someone finds something useful in my ramblings. I did have a plan when I started transition and so far it has worked out pretty well.

Courage and resolve are just the outward appearance of a person who simply has no choice but to be who they are. I have drawn more strength and knowledge from the members of this forum than you will ever know.

[Michelle.M]

Pam, you're looking fabulous! Getting better every day. Didn't I tell you?


Top of my head is still numb as is the area right in front of my ears and partial numbness on my bottom lip. Still smarts if I bend wrong where they did the lipo but doesn't happen very often now.

And that's normal. Even after 6 months I still have numbness, but it's steadily, albeit slowly, decreasing.


I do notice that I don't seem to get read as often or get funny looks as much so I do think things are definitely improved.

This in itself makes it all worth it.

Yes, it does, and the more time that passes the more that will happen and the more you'll adjust to your new face.


My soon to be ex-wife came by the other evening. She said she didn't see that much difference since the surgery.

Some people will tell you that for different reasons. Sometimes they're still focused on the one or two facial features that didn't get modified as significantly as others, and probably because that's the anchor of familiarity that subconsciously allows them to see you as you. Sometimes they do that to be mean. Sometimes they're frustrated with their own stagnant lives and can only throw stones at those who live a viable and dynamic life. It'll diminish with time.

I also get that "the surgery really didn't do much for you" stuff from some people.

http://michelle-martin.com/extra/before-after-Nov-2012.jpg

[Pamela Kay]

Gisellen,

I have never had laser, just electrolysis. Since laser isn't permanent and I have a lot of grey coming in now due to my age, I decided to go with electrolysis. If the laser didn't get it all I would have had to have electrolysis anyway and didn't see the need to take a chance on paying twice for the same clearing.

I have had two complete clearings on my face and neck but due to the surgery they don't want you to have electrolysis for about 2 months after surgery. I made my next appointment this week for the third clearing but it won't be until January 23rd due to the holiday's.

I had an upper lip lift, fat injections into the lips, and chin and jaw contouring when I had FFS.

Michelle,

Thanks, it's getting there and you and Melissa told me I would see less change than others. I have heard from some that they didn't see much difference and others say they almost didn't recognize me. So like you say, I think a lot of it depends on their perspective on how they want to see you as much as what they see. This is probably why people that don't know me don't read me as easy or notice as much.

You look great by the way! I don't see that anyone could say surgery didn't do much for you!

[pickles]

It's really hard to tell from what I noticed with FFS until everything gets "settled."

Like you said, you still have swelling around the jaws which is going to make you look more more masculine until that goes away.

I congratulate you on just doing what makes you happy and going for your dreams :)

[pickles]

No one else want to see an update?

[Pamela Kay]

Sorry, haven't been here to often lately. Here are some pictures from the day I went to my therapist and endocronologist this week. Still improving and getting ready to go back to work on Tuesday. This is also the outfit I plan to wear on my first day back.

I figure if your going to make a splash, make a big one. :heehee:

[Michelle.M]

WOWWWW! Pam, you look great, and getting prettier all the time! And the outfit is a home run!

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Michelle, I can say the same about you! I met some of the girls from work for lunch yesterday, they have been really great and supportive through my transition and I'd never have made it this far without some of them.

[Nicole Erin]

Looking good :)

Couple things - if the "shadow" is a problem, you can always tweeze facial hair, I assume you have a mix of black ones and gray ones. Hitting the black ones will help, of course don't go nuts if you are having electro, that way they will have something to zap.

With the hair - you can always adopt a femme style that hides the hairline. I know cause I do this - I have receding on the sides but you would never know cause of how I wear my hair. You have enough to work with, it is not like you are Dr Phil.

Just so you see it is possible and not difficult - I tweeze my Amish beard (cannot afford electro) and hide my recedes. Just try to find shadow...

[morgan51]

Pam you are truly improving daily what a difference a week makes! Encouraging for me to say the least I've a lot to do yet, Compare the 2 pictures one is your profile one is you at lunch notice anything? Hugs Sis. Morgan

[Pamela Kay]

Just a little happier Morgan. :D

[Pamela Kay]

Thanks Nicole.

The electrogists don't like for you to pluck hair where they are going to zap them, something about damaging the root or something. I pluck any really big ones but leave the rest. They say that you start to loose the shadow after the third full clearing and that's my next one so I am getting closer.

[Nicole Erin]

That is cool. Any reduction in the beard is progress, not one has to have it completely gone before seeing results. I guess if one is getting electro then tweezing is not a concern.

[Badtranny]

That is cool. Any reduction in the beard is progress, not one has to have it completely gone before seeing results. I guess if one is getting electro then tweezing is not a concern.

But your picture looks great lady, and I applaud you for following your heart one way or another. You may be nuts but you got guts! ;-)

Pam, you are REALLY coming along. How's the voice work so far?

[Pamela Kay]

But your picture looks great lady, and I applaud you for following your heart one way or another. You may be nuts but you got guts! ;-)

Pam, you are REALLY coming along. How's the voice work so far?

Thanks so much Melissa!

The voice still needs a lot of work, more than I have been giving it but it is getting better slowly.

Not sure about the guts but I do have plans to get rid of the nuts sometime in the future. :heehee:

[morgan51]

You called it the smile! You do look much happier. Patience with the beard I'v had my mustache cleared 5 times and its just starting to give up. lol Most of the dark hairs have quit but I still get white all over the place random. M.

[ColleenA]

I have had almost no time to visit this site for the last 3-4 weeks, so I am just now catching up on your posts, Pam. I have to say I really like your photos. Comparing the most recent to those immediately after the surgery, I can see a lot of swelling has gone down and your looks are coming out nicely (I was going to say "settling in" but felt "coming out" was more accurate). But I know from my BFF's FFS and a GG friend's tuck on her neck that it will take a while before you can see the final result.

I also see you have excellent taste in clothes.

Congratulations, too, on all the headway with getting your name changed and updated on all your records.


Regarding your hair - I will give my view, which may not be worth anything:


I am just tired of hiding and not being me. I realized a short time ago that I had been playing the part of a man and was trying to do the same by playing the part of a woman instead of being myself. I realize there are some things that have to be done to pass as a woman.

I can see there is frustration in the feeling that you had to present a particular image - "playing the part" - to satisfy people's expectations. And while a few people pursue an idealized self-image to an unhealthy degree (anorexia, for instance, or multiple body modification surgeries), to a certain extent we all work to display our best features while minimizing or even masking others.

Please don't be hard on yourself or think anyone will accuse you of being fraudulent as a woman in any way if you turn to a hairpiece (full or partial) as a means to present a more cohesive image. (End of rant)


Since it is late on the 12th, I will close this post with my best wishes when you go back to work tomorrow:
Go in there and own it, girl!

Colleen

[TeresaL]

I just have to say that you are improving in every picture you post. It's astonishing just how much is going on in this "settling in." Yer making it into something that I wanna do too!

[Pamela Kay]

My first day back at work went really well and there weren't any major issues. I know it was weird for everyone but they welcomed me back and even bought doughnuts! One of the ladies brought me a rose plant and my new name plate was already on my desk when I got there. All in all a really good day and I thank my coworkers for being so accepting. It was a really good day and hopefully there are many more to come!

[ReineD]

I'm glad it went well for you, Pamela. It's nice to read stories about successful on-the-job transitions. I can't help but feel that you must have a caring nature, for the people in your office to respect your changes and care in return! :)

[Eryn]

Pamela, it's nice to see that you're back to work and the folks there were glad to have you back. I'm sure that their little gestures made you feel great!

[Nicole Erin]

Looking good :)
Now tell us also - isn't the new name, especially the name plate one of the most validating things there is?

I cannot afford surgery of any kind (not sure i would want any, not one to enjoy the doc) but I remember when I got my name change, I was like, "this is who I am now".

I bet it was awesome for - going back to work with a new face, new name, and the proof of the new you.

[Pamela Kay]

Yes people at work have been great so far, still a few that were out this week that will see me for the first time next week. Only had one lady that was really having trouble with it but she came around by the end of the first day after talking to her husband and some of our coworkers. Hasn't been an issue since.

Nicole, it is great to have my name changed, the only thing is it isn't changed on my work ID or my email yet. I work for the federal government and they don't get in a hurry about anything. Sent them my legal name change documents the day after I got them but that also happened to be when Sandy hit the east coast. Sent an email to the HR guy yesterday but he was out on leave which a lot of people will be during the holidays. Hopefully I will get it before long, I hate checking in at the security gate every morning with my old badge that still has my old name and picture on it, same on the email.

It will get changed soon hopefully and things will be even better. :D

[Nicole Erin]

Yes people at work have been great so far, still a few that were out this week that will see me for the first time next week. Only had one lady that was really having trouble with it but she came around by the end of the first day after talking to her husband and some of our coworkers. Hasn't been an issue since.
Oh yeah there will always be at least one who is like that. Every party has a pooper. Since no one was jumping on her hate bandwagon, she gave up quick. Waste no worry on her ;)


Nicole, it is great to have my name changed, the only thing is it isn't changed on my work ID or my email yet. I work for the federal government and they don't get in a hurry about anything. Sent them my legal name change documents the day after I got them but that also happened to be when Sandy hit the east coast. Sent an email to the HR guy yesterday but he was out on leave which a lot of people will be during the holidays. Hopefully I will get it before long, I hate checking in at the security gate every morning with my old badge that still has my old name and picture on it, same on the email. It will get changed soon hopefully and things will be even better. :D

OH YEAH that is another thing that we learn - Nothing else automatically changes when you change your name in court. No, it is up to the person to do ALL the footwork after that. Soc security cards, bank records, DMV records, utilities, creditors, updating old employers in case someone calls to verify employment, the list goes on and on. I would say going to court and having the notorized documents then in hand is the easy part. Put on your comfy walking shoes. NOW the real fun begins :D
But yeah, the GOVT is seldom in a rush for anything so just have to be patient.

But beyond the foot work, still THE most important part is done. You are NOW your chosen identity. Each "legal" step for your new name will be a pleasure. "I had my name changed from John to Jane, and here is my court order..." LOVE IT

Folks sorry I keep rambling about this but I get all excited for my sisters who can get their name changed. I just remember the day I walked out of court with MY new name, it was like, "Wow, this is who I am, this is really who I am". I don't get excited about stuff but I remember walking on the clouds that day.

[Michelle.M]

Nothing else automatically changes when you change your name in court. No, it is up to the person to do ALL the footwork after that . . . But yeah, the GOVT is seldom in a rush for anything so just have to be patient.

Honestly, the one and only thing that took forever was getting my name change on my VA records. Not because of any arcane policies but just because the regional office here has only one guy who does it and he's just not very efficient.

Social Security was immediate when I went into the office here to have it done as was my driver's license, and everything else went quickly as well. I got almost everything done in less than 2 months. I just recently did the last 2 credit cards that I was dragging my feet on, so that only leaves the birth certificate after surgery.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Pamela,

I am really late on this thread but you know where I have been and what I have been doing. Nevertheless, I have read all the posts and all of your responses and followed all your picture changes. You have come a long way and I am so happy for you. Seeing the reception you had waiting for you on your first day back to work was so touching. Congrats! You deserve the acceptance you have been getting. Now, you just need to keep an eye out for those male advances.

[pickles]

Hi Pam, just wanted to say you're looking great (inspite of the florescent lighting lol.) Can't wait to see you after you're all healed up!

[Pamela Kay]

Hi everyone,

I'm 6 weeks into full time as of today and almost 8 weeks out from surgery. So far I haven't had any major issues with my transition at work, still one or two that haven't seen me in person yet but I don't see any problems. I have to teach in a class in a couple weeks so that will be my first time out teaching as Pam. My voice is still not great but improving slowly and hopefully I will be able to make it through an hour and a half of lecture.

I went to my therapist and my endocronolgist week before last. My endo was very impressed by the work Dr. Cardenas had done and said I would have hardly any scarring at all. My therapist is also very impressed and happy with my results and my transition. I told her I am not noticed nearly as much since surgery and that I guess I had been transformed from a guy dressed to a homely woman. She laughed and told me I was not a homely woman. It has been a year this month since I first saw her and she has been with me the whole time and is amazed at the difference in me from our first meetings until now.

I am happy with my FFS results even though I was expecting a more dramatic change. I think I had some unrealistic expectations to look totally different and I do look a lot different but more of a softer feminine version of myself. I am still healing but I have begun to see the new me in the mirror now, not a totally different me as I first thought I wanted but still me. Dr. Cardenas is very concerned with the results of his work looking natural and I believe that is why his approach isn't quite as radical as some of the other FFS surgeons. This is the reason I chose him and I am becoming more happy with the results every day.

Here are a couple pictures I took after work last Friday which is usually casual jeans day.

[Stephanie-L]

Pam, you are looking good, it gives me hope. I think you will find your change to be a bit more dramatic as time goes on, look at photos of Melissa, she is further along than you, and still changing a bit. keep posting, I always love to see how you are doing........Stephanie

[Pamela Kay]

Yesterday was my first day in the classroom as myself. Did a two hour presentation in front of 28 people who had seen me at least two or more times as a guy teaching in the same classroom. There were only two or three that said hello Pam when the class started and I didn't push things, just let it happen when they were comfortable. Talked to one guy yesterday who asked me some questions which I answered and today after my talk I had several questions about my topic and a couple even told me I did a good job.

We'll see what they say on the course evaluation at the end of the week but even with my questionable voice and everyone knowing who I was before I felt pretty good by the end of the day. So there are good times as well as bad but it just seems to be a lot more bad when you begin than good. You have to gain strength from those few good times to see you through the bad until the good outweighs the bad.

Here's the latest pictures I have taken for those who are interested.

[Saffron]

I'm so happy for you Pam, whatever you do in your life, there's gonna be bad moments, what matter most is to be true to yourself and to make the most of the good moments.

[Nicole Erin]

Pam, you look really good. Seems the recovery went well.
I think you have pretty much "made it" at this point. Pretty femme face, femme hairstyle, slender build, what else is there?
Oh wait -
There is but one last thing you will have to work on but luckily it costs $50 or less - buy a pair of comfy jeans and take full advantage of "casual jeans day". Though she identifies as CD, go ask Karren Hutton about the importance of a comfy pair of jeans. (Oh gyod she would kill me for saying that :D )

[Pamela Kay]

Already got a couple pair of Levi's Nicole. Bought them on sale so that makes them even better.
Love my skirts but sometimes you just need to wear jeans, like tomorrow. It's jeans day!

Sorry Karren. lol

[Tammy V]

You look great Pam, like nicole Erin said you have "made it". You also look very relaxed and happy and have the appearance of a good teacher as well. :) Enjoy jeans day!

[arbon]

You are a real inspiration Pam and I appreciate your sharing the journey :)

[StephanieC]

Hi Pam,

It's good to hear you are progressing. It must be really hard to transition in-place, especially when you are in the face of so many people so often. One step at a time I guess.

-stephani

[Pamela Kay]

Finished the course yesterday and the evaluations are in. I had decent reviews and even a good comment from a couple of students!

No (pardon me Melissa) Bad Tranny comments.

[morgan51]

I'm so happy for you Pam! You really are looking great. :)