How are you treated differently after transition?

[Andrea J]

Obviously you want to be accepted as your desired gender but how do people actually treat you differently after transition? Can you give some examples? Yes you are just treated a man/woman but what is that exactly? The difference must be most obvious to someone that has transitioned. Were there any unexpected changes in the way you were treated? How important is passability? Once you get to know people will they treat you as your desired gender before you have become passable?

(Oh yes, and MTF or FTM would be useful to know in your answer.)

[cyndigurl45]

That's a very good question, most of the people that knew me before started to avoid me during my transistion, I thought I didn't care but I found myself crying alot more then the hormone swings and so I stopped several times, the last go around I was able to reloacte my workplace, being a Federal employee has it's perks, so I did a kinda stealth transistion this time and sofar so good. Everyone just thinks I'm really fit and that I hang out at the gym all the time and I'm just the girl next door. Although I did turn a few heads this summer at the pool in my condo no one has said anything.

[Rianna Humble]

Since I began my MtF transition, there are ways in which I have been treated differently and good things from my past that have been carried across.

Getting on a bus/train, younger women tend to stand aside for me and sometimes men will offer me a seat

At work, I have been befriended by many younger women who wouldn't have given the old me a first glance let alone a second (that was a bit of a surprise)

The vast majority of people react to my presentation and treat me as the woman that I really am - this has nothing to do IMNSHO with so-called passability

In politics, it has been said that "Aside from the obvious differences, talking to Rianna is almost like talking to Robert" and this was said as a compliment. I am still finding people around me look to me for the type of support I gave before.

Professionally, I don't think it has made a difference to how I am treated.

People with whom I got on quite well before seem even more open with me now

[Pexetta]

The vast majority of people react to my presentation and treat me as the woman that I really am - this has nothing to do IMNSHO with so-called passability


I'm hearing this message a lot at the moment, it's as if a proper presentation can be too powerful for people to reject. A bit like they're being offered only one way to interact with you, so they have to go with it?

A bit like how a cross works even on non-Christian vampires, it's the strength with which it's presented that makes it effective.

[Katelyn B]

At work I've noticed the other women have a lot more time to chat with me, whereas prior to transitioning at work we would just exchange pleasantries in the kitchen, now it's a lot more personal, which is really nice.

I have noticed that when in a group of people who aren't all close friends my opinion is certainly given less consideration and weight. Once instance that springs to mind was at a friends house, we were watching a video from one of the comic-cons and everyone was wondering who one of the people was supposed to be. I knew who it was and said several times, yet everyone (men) pretty much ignored my input and continued to ponder the question. Had I been "him", then that wouldn't have happened, it's a little annoying to be honest, but it's just one of those things.

I think the people I work closely with have accepted my new gender, even though I'm not that passable really and they knew me before. I overheard them talking about me (not in a bad way, in a "we can get Katie to look at that" sort of way), and they used female pronouns without knowing I was within ear shot, that was lovely to hear.

[Bree-asaurus]

I get more attention from strangers cuz I'm a sexy ***** (EDIT: I didn't know that was a curse word! It's a valid profession! :P j/k), but aside from that people don't treat me any differently. Guys are usually nicer and open doors or offer to carry things for me, but that's about it.

I've always been treated courteously and with respect and that's probably because that's how I treat other people. I didn't notice people treating me like a man before and as a woman now. I've always been treated as a human being.

[kellycan27]

I went from pretty much "persona non grata" to center of attention. Transition changed my life and how I look upon the world. How important is passabilty? How important is being able to breath? The more passable you are.. the easier time you are going to have. Blending is ok, not being noticed.... well I guess , but passing ........................... priceless!!

[Aprilrain]

I have to agree with Kelly, the best $$,$$$ I ever spent was on my FFS surgery. I went from, "are you a dude?" to all Ma,ams in a few short months

[Inna]

Oh my, where do I start, it is simply amazing to see this world from correct perspective! Even though I have my own perception as to my facial perfection, or say imperfection, I know for the fact that I am in fact seen as a GG in all circumstances. That single fact had pushed the onlooking world into reality I haven't experienced before.

Knowing of your self as a woman is grand and fulfilling, having everyone acknowledge that fact for you ALL THE TIME is mesmerizingly precious.

Observations of this new world, and you knew of my scientific ways of examination of course, is taking me where i would have never suspected before. Man have a very specific chemistry about them, where before I would have connected with man as equal or adversary, I couldn't feel the boundary of EGO Tendency keeping those connections somehow emotionally distant. Now man have this honest smile about their face which tells me, I am not a threat, and I put my defenses down! Only now, from this new perspective do I see how defensive those old male relationships were.

When connecting with girls the communication is very emotionally stimulating even though there is a bit of superficiality every so often, the invites are way more embracing and honest. There is a comfort only experienced with girls of feeling the sense of belonging and girls make sure they tell and show you about it.

Now I am sure it works differently in different age groups but by default I am exposed to 30+ crowd cause I am like 26.........yeah, sure!

To have transitioned and gone on this wild and crazy ride with certain expectations of new life and freedom that comes with the territoty, there are certain perks and discoveries which came as a bonus, a pleasant surprise amongst all other usual mundane stuff...........

[arbon]

Obviously you want to be accepted as your desired gender but how do people actually treat you differently after transition? Can you give some examples?

Every once in a while I get lucky and a guy will hold the door for me :)



How important is passability?

Just about everyday I get angry, sad, frustrated - cry - because people use the wrong pronouns. Passability is very important to me, something I really wish for. Thinking about how much I wish people would look at me and just see a woman :(



Once you get to know people will they treat you as your desired gender before you have become passable?

I have some good friends that accept me as a woman it came easy to them, and i have a lot of other friends who try hard to, but I think mostly people still perceive me as male that dresses as a woman though those people are still friendly to me most of the time and I am accepted in the community just not necessarily as a woman .

[noeleena]

Hi,

Different for myself, not being trans so could not change or tranistion ether way.

Being intersex gives you a different set of issues, though some are similer to trans.

How am i accepted , well i went to those i knew some over 50 years ago, some over the last 15 years, pretty much all accepted me just the same. i know they use noeleena yet to many im just noel. yes they know some of what we , yes Jos & i went through. hey this is not just about myself this includes Jos our family & those who are friends,

Whats different, im seen as being different not your normal male or female yet that has not stoped my friendships infact its created many more in line with some 1000 people, hard to belive not really when you know what iv done over the last few years as a member of women only groups & other groups that alone would be one of the bigest changes for my self over my life,

Acceptance has been fantastic & that does not really tell it as it is, really its been wonderfull .
Had my friends & many others seen through me or sussed me out they would not be as close as they are, we are family & its neat.....

As many as poisible i went to & let them become a greater part of my life i told them of changes that were takeing place & what would happen along the way. so they knew what to expect short term & long term. well the 7 day wonder has long gone , & its life as it should be im just who i am well accepted , of cause as a few would say , oh dear what have we here this is very different that iv not seen before so there was for some a hesitant moment then thy saw me with others & nothing was out of the normal ,

so as they got to know me they relaxed till now its wheres noeleena wheres she hideing so if i m not seen down our streets they are asking, our grapevine is working so most now know im okay just a miner detail they know about,

You see when your part of the community or our communitys you just cant hide for long.

So theres your acceptance, if you are open , invite others in to your life be part of the communitys .if you hold back then your saying you dont wont to be accepted in the way you can be,

...noeleena...

[Andrea J]

I've always been treated courteously and with respect and that's probably because that's how I treat other people. I didn't notice people treating me like a man before and as a woman now. I've always been treated as a human being.

I like this. That whether you are male or female you are treated as the person you are. Though other people have noticed some differences.

(But I'm not denying that it's important to be seen as your desired gender.)