Your one tip for a newbie

[Paula_56]

Many of us have years of experience and have made a lot of mistakes but have learned much in the process. What would be you one piece of advice to an emerging cross dresser. Try be unique from the others if you can.

Mine would be makeup, Go to MAC ask for help, buy good cosmetics and practice practice practice being a girl takes work!

[KerryLynn]

Try not to feel guilty about dressing up.
Kerry

[Amanda_P]

I dont know if expensive makeup is the way to start. Start with cheap stuff until you get the look you like. Plus thrift store has great clothes for a reduced price.

[Kate Simmons]

Regardless if your appearance, always, always just be yourself.:)

[katie73]

the quicker you accept that this is just the way you are and youre not going to change it, the quicker you can relax, enjoy being yourself and start to have fun

[emma1985]

I love these tips!!! Especially about accepting yourself! It's something i struggle with a lot but accepting myself would do me the world of good!!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula, Never ever purge it's a big waste of money.

[CorsetAngel]

Wear Sexy Feminine Lingerie. (If You Want to, that is.)

Wearing sexy lingerie is a way real GG's find confidence in themselves. The same holds true with CD's. It makes you feel more like a Real Lady.

[May(be)]

What you want today may not be what you want 5 years or even 10 years from now.

That was some sage advice that I got one night.

[STACY B]

Don't look around while shopping you look like your shop lifting instead of shopping an always Try things on,, It saves money an it takes alot longer to return than it does to buy ! An the Mac comment is GREAT to ,,Saves time an $$$$$$$. An the acceptance thing is a MUST !

[Megan Briana]

Online shopping is ok, but going shopping is so much more fun! Everywhere, everytime. never pass by a sales rack

[May(be)]

Don't look around while shopping you look like your shop lifting instead of shopping an always Try things on,, It saves money an it takes alot longer to return than it does to buy ! An the Mac comment is GREAT to ,,Saves time an $$$$$$$. An the acceptance thing is a MUST !

How's this for advice?- Look out for Stacy B! Just playing lady-pal!

[Angela Campbell]

look at what real girls wear and try not to overdo it. Sometimes less is more.

[Pexetta]

In a relationship already? Tell her NOW, it'll only get worse if you don't.

[STACY B]

How's this for advice?- Look out for Stacy B! Just playing lady-pal!



You just remember one thing this ol fat girl will scratch ya eyes out for the last pair of 12w's LOL Meowwwwwwwww

[katie73]

In a relationship already? Tell her NOW, it'll only get worse if you don't.


definitely. going more on experience of others than myself, one of the things thats apparant is one of the biggest problems a wife/girlfriend has when they find out is the thought of the deceit. theres no guarantee they'll be ok about the crossdressing but even if they are they are likely to still feel betrayed and angry if youve taken years to tell them.

[Alberta_Pat]

My one piece of sage advice would be to find a friend or mentor. Kindred spirits always do better than one all alone.

[Julie Denier]

Don't let being tall and wide discourage you -- plus sizes abound! ;)

[AnitaH]

The clothes you like the most may not be the ones that look the best on you. Dress, take pictures study them to see how you look. If anyone else knows about this side of you ask them about what looks best on your body type. There are some web sites where they discuss what type of clothing looks proper on certain woman's body types. Perhaps they can help you find a look for yourself.

AnitaH

[Krista1985]

Great thread!

I'm not an experienced CD per-se, but I do have one thing to add...

There is plenty of things in this world to fear. But don't waste time and energy being afraid of yourself and your desires.

[NathalieX66]

My number one advice is "meet and know, and make friends with a transgender person, whether crossdresser or transsexual". Hear their stories, and compare notes.

[STACY B]

My one piece of sage advice would be to find a friend or mentor. Kindred spirits always do better than one all alone.



Don't get Pissed ,,I didn't know if I were gonna use your post or Nathaliex66's Post ,,,But I will use yours ,,Yea Find a Big Mouth Dummy Like me to throw to the Wolves so you can make your Fast getta way ,,, LOL,,,,, THANX A LOT !!

[MsMegan]

My advice: Invest in a QUALITY wig if you're not going to grow your hair out. Having a 15$ wig from party city works for halloween, but after that its a dead give away. Plus having a nice one makes you feel so much prettier. I LOVE mine!!! The lady at the wig shop helped me try on several so I could find the style that fit me best. I was dressed as a man, and she didn't even act like anything was strange, it was a very positive experiance.

[Eryn]

Shoes that hurt your feet in the store won't get better later on!

[becky77]

Beware the Pink Fog! It messes with your normal decision making.

[Diane Maple]

Darn... mine was taken... i.e. visit a MAC store and ask to try things. I love MAC makeup and the staff is great. It can cost a bit, but, the look is much better than what I had purchased at the drug store. At least with my skin tone.


Beware the Pink Fog! It messes with your normal decision making.

Sorry, I think I'm too new.. ??? Pink Fog ???

[CorsetAngel]

Beware the Pink Fog! It messes with your normal decision making.

Okay, I've gotta ask. What is "The Pink Fog"? I've seen it mentioned a few times already, but have no idea what it is.
Sorry for this being such a Newbie Question.

[Cynthia Anne]

Be yourself and don't worry about what others think! In otherwords be happy and love who you are!

[Wildaboutheels]

"Society doesn't accept us" or something to that effect is a pretty FLIMSY excuse for people who WANT OUT of the closet. Anyone who spends even a half hour READING here, will see that is simply not the case.

The longer you put off "getting out there" because of "society" the more foolish you are going to feel IF and WHEN you finally slip out of the closet.

And IF someone out in the RW does actually say something? You know - WORDS. They're just words. Just because someone asks you a question does not mean they disaprove.

[Jorja]

Don't spend all your money in one place. Don't count the chicks before the eggs hatch. Use low beams in the fog. And last but not least, always wear clean panties when you go out. You never know who might see them.

[Babeba]

Okay, I've gotta ask. What is "The Pink Fog"? I've seen it mentioned a few times already, but have no idea what it is.
Sorry for this being such a Newbie Question.

We were all new once! Welcome to the forum (both to you and Diane!)

Pink fog is a rosy haze which seems to cloud the judgement of some cross dressers when they get into a state of extended girliness... It is almost like behaving 'under the influence' of girliness, or having tunnel vision on nothing but what YOU want to do/look like/buy. It seems to often happen when a cross dresser decides to go out the first time, or when they come out to friends or family, or has some new freedom to dress. Do you know how some GGs have large mood swings when they are in their monthly cycle, and it is like their brains are just so awash with changes in hormones they react differently? Pink fog can be kind of like that, a little bit.

My newbie tip is, if you are close enough to someone to have sex with them, you are close enough that you should probably tell them about dressing. If you can't trust someone with who you truly are, can you really trust them enough to be that close? And how can someone love you if you refuse to let them get to know you?

Other than that, keep your stick on the ice!

[Diane Maple]

Don't spend all your money in one place. Don't count the chicks before the eggs hatch. Use low beams in the fog. And last but not least, always wear clean panties when you go out. You never know who might see them.


So, I'm guessing.. "Pink Fog" is to day don't get stuck in what you think a woman is and trying to be that? Be yourself and in the case of cross dressing just be yourself and look how you want to as a woman and don't worry about the details of other women?

Hmm, okay I think i understand.
So, tell my wfie... done, just over a month ago.
Go a little crazy after that... done, I replaced all of my makeup and some of my wife's. I never used hers but, it was way too old.
Hmm, so, would planning on getting my ears pierced in a few weeks at a good piercing shop fall into this category? I so want to be able to wear pretty ear rings and back in college I used to dress a little goth / grunge. I'm currently planning on just picking up and updating the style for my everyday look / mask I wear. Some black stud ear rings, docs, etc. I'm thinking I can get away with this, have some fun and even get to play with some black eye shadow from time to time.

What do you think? Too much in the fog?

Oh, and I am still trying to get my user name changed to diane_maple instead of dianediane... I couldn't think of a last name when I signed up. The what is your name section and a few other posts help me realize what my last name should be. :-)

[PretzelGirl]

Learn skin care early. Moisturize!

[Babeba]

Pink fog gets people all caught up in the moment and swept away... Before you know it, you may have spent hundreds of dollars on 'must have' girly things you didn't actually want in the first place, painted your barhroom walls a pale mauve, tattooed on makeup... And then you realize the clothes are wrong for your age, your mother in law is going to raise her eyebrows at the paint job and everyone at work really has noticed the permanent eyeliner.

I would definitely hold off for a bit on the piercings, because it can be a bit of a permanent feeling step for your wife who just found out. It also is something coworkers and such will probably notice, and while piercings can heal over, you can't make people unsee that. Please make sure you are not in the fog when you get piercings!

In the meantime, look for magnetic studs: they use teeny tiny rare earth magnets to hold a stud in place. I find them a lot more comfy than clip-ons, and if you're looking for a goth effect you could put one in the very middle of your ear cartilege. In the past I have bought them at Claire's.

[Diane Maple]

Pink fog gets people all caught up in the moment and swept away... Before you know it, you may have spent hundreds of dollars on 'must have' girly things you didn't actually want in the first place, painted your barhroom walls a pale mauve, tattooed on makeup... And then you realize the clothes are wrong for your age, your mother in law is going to raise her eyebrows at the paint job and everyone at work really has noticed the permanent eyeliner.

I would definitely hold off for a bit on the piercings, because it can be a bit of a permanent feeling step for your wife who just found out. It also is something coworkers and such will probably notice, and while piercings can heal over, you can't make people unsee that. Please make sure you are not in the fog when you get piercings!

In the meantime, look for magnetic studs: they use teeny tiny rare earth magnets to hold a stud in place. I find them a lot more comfy than clip-ons, and if you're looking for a goth effect you could put one in the very middle of your ear cartilege. In the past I have bought them at Claire's.


Yea, purchasing what I liked at Claire's / Icing is and not finding much else I like is what has me thinking about getting the ear piercings. That and my wife commented that it could be simpler... when I showed her some of the ear rings I purchased. ... Yea, what other people see / think is sort of an issue... I may be changing jobs. If I do, I would like to have my ears pierced before I start the new job so it is less of an issue. Hmm, yea, I'll think on this one...

Thank you :-)

[Joanne.England]

I'm quite new so no advice from me but I think the pink fog advice is the most important.

[monicagurl23]

My tip, though I'm still very much a newbie.... visit this website often!

[flic]

Don't ever let anyone make you feel crappy for being who you are,,,,and that includes yourself.

x Flic x

[Celeste]

Mine would be ,try not to cast judgement on others who cannot understand but try to show empathy and realize that it may be something new and unexplored to them.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Practice on makeup a top priority ... as you can dress well but if face is not passable then you may encounter issues .... ...xxxxx

[sonna]

if you have nothing holding you back then get out of the CD closet.
after you get through that big first step life just seems funner.
so go for it

[Jenn A116]

In a relationship already? Tell her NOW, it'll only get worse if you don't.

Absolutely. Establish a level of trust and communication with your SO. Hiding things is not a good foundation for a relationship.
Yes, I know its not easy. I told my wife about Jennifer when it got really serious between us. I was so afraid it would come between us, but it turns out that it did just the opposite. She was willing to accept all of me. Just amazing.

[Paula_56]

Sorry, I think I'm too new.. ??? Pink Fog ???


After a day enfemme or so type of wonderful cross dressing experience, you are so euphoric that you are lost in the fog, the pink fog, "everyhting is wonderful I am a woman, let's disregard everything else"

[Tina B.]

Remember, not everyone you know will understand, accept it move on and find those that will. To thine own self be true!
Tina B.

[sherri]

Keep it in perspective. Gender expression is not and never will be the only important thing in life.

[becky77]

Okay, I've gotta ask. What is "The Pink Fog"? I've seen it mentioned a few times already, but have no idea what it is.
Sorry for this being such a Newbie Question.

Sorry went to bed and didn't explain myself for those not knowing.

We were all new once! Welcome to the forum (both to you and Diane!)

Pink fog is a rosy haze which seems to cloud the judgement of some cross dressers when they get into a state of extended girliness... It is almost like behaving 'under the influence' of girliness, or having tunnel vision on nothing but what YOU want to do/look like/buy. It seems to often happen when a cross dresser decides to go out the first time, or when they come out to friends or family, or has some new freedom to dress. Do you know how some GGs have large mood swings when they are in their monthly cycle, and it is like their brains are just so awash with changes in hormones they react differently? Pink fog can be kind of like that, a little bit.
Pink fog gets people all caught up in the moment and swept away... Before you know it, you may have spent hundreds of dollars on 'must have' girly things you didn't actually want in the first place, painted your barhroom walls a pale mauve, tattooed on makeup... And then you realize the clothes are wrong for your age, your mother in law is going to raise her eyebrows at the paint job and everyone at work really has noticed the permanent eyeliner.

I would definitely hold off for a bit on the piercings, because it can be a bit of a permanent feeling step for your wife who just found out. It also is something coworkers and such will probably notice, and while piercings can heal over, you can't make people unsee that. Please make sure you are not in the fog when you get piercings!



I couldn't have explained it better, thanks Babeba.

[kendra_gurl]

Don't ever forget one of the fist rules of a successful relationship...TINY STEPS. A lot like the pink fog, go slow with gaining your partners acceptance and approval. Trying to go too far too fast can overwhelm a loving partner to to point of breaking

[Beverley Sims]

Dress age appropriately, don't over do makeup, obtain video footage of yourself walking and talking.
Go out and about and gain confidence in your mannerisms, voice and learn to smile at all the women you make eye contact with.
Do this even in drab and you should get a pleasant acknowledgement.
One piece of advice only?
Dress to blend in by dressing age appropriately.
Look bright and not dowdy.

[NicoleScott]

Take pictures - lots of them - from all angles. With a tripod, shutter timer, and good (make that great) lighting. With a digital camera, more photos don't cost more than a few. In your photos you will see yourself differently than what you see in the mirror.

[Dana921]

Said a little differently but,


SMILE!!!!

You are expressing yourself, maybe, for the first time ever, but you are getting to be you. Why would you not smile?

Dana

[Jenniferpl]

Crossdressing is more enjoyable with a supportive spouse.

Always purchase good bras. Back aches are a pain.

[Kerstin]

Dress age appropriately. This does not mean that you can't dress sexy or wear younger fashions. It just means that if you're gonna do it, do with style and class.

[Diana L]

Keep a good sense of humor.

Diana L

[Sallee]

Don't fret to much and Have fun!
We all worry about being read, being humiliated and or embarrassed, be recognized and a host of others. But the truth is no really cares I have been out to lots of different venues and seldom have had a problem. If there is a problem just leave.

[Sallee]

I like this one but it is hard to do but you're right. friends are important and they help make you feel more comfortable.

[Lorileah]

look both ways before crossing the street. Get plenty of rest. Don't eat things you don't where they have been.

Live for today, tomorrow may never come. Be yourself. Enjoy life there are no re-rides. Above all do no harm.

[Tracii G]

All of the above!!!!

[Marsha Marsh]

This is all such great advice. I just wish I could have heard all of this 30 years ago.

[Cheryl T]

While we may all love the way Victoria's Secret or runway models look in their clothes always remember to be yourself.
Dress according to how you feel, not by the images presented in magazines and television. It will make everything more natural for you and make you more confident being who you are.

[Megan_Renee]

look both ways before crossing the street. Get plenty of rest. Don't eat things you don't where they have been.

Live for today, tomorrow may never come. Be yourself. Enjoy life there are no re-rides. Above all do no harm.

Have to disagree here -- get out and try new things! This may include eating bugs from street vendors in Beijing... Goodness only knows where that thing came from! :-) (Ok, so I only had one real goal being in China...)

But seriously, if you're out en femme, make sure you're eating safe. There is nothing so unlady-like as ralphing in a gutter on a back alley. Watch Kitchen Nightmares if you believe restaurants are safe.

[Chardonnay Merlot]

See be the girl. Feel the girl. Be the girl.

1. See her. -- Visualize the look and attitude you want, make it fit who you are as opposed to trying to fit yourself to a mold that isn't you.

2. Feel her -- Allow yourself those emotions. Let yourself be feminine if that is how you feel. Don't run from it or be ashamed of it. If it's who you are, its who you are. Enjoy it.

3. Be her -- When you accomplish #1 and #2...you are locked it...Don't repress it...even behind closed doors...Let yourself be....You'll find the confidence you need to step forward.

[Mandyrcd]

There is good advise here , I love it.

[Paulette]

Get yourself an air brush make up kit, they have concealers that go on very shear and will cover your beard.

[Foxglove]

My advice to newbies: don't do things the way I did.

[Stephanie47]

Always wear a slip under an unlined dress or skirt. Don't wear pants! :)

[JaytoJillian]

Nice thread. My advice is simple--less is definitely more.

[ColleenA]

Don't ever forget one of the first rules of a successful relationship...TINY STEPS. A lot like the pink fog, go slow with gaining your partners acceptance and approval. Trying to go too far too fast can overwhelm a loving partner to to point of breaking

I totally agree.

Think - it took you how long to arrive at this point you've finally reached? Years maybe? You cannot then expect a spouse/SO, or anyone close to you, to get to the same point overnight! You have to give them time, a lot of information and probably space to process what you're telling them.

[Sally24]

Take care of your skin, all of it, not just on your face. Sunscreen is cheap, repairing damaged skin is not!

[Tara D. Rose]

My advice would be to wear your purse over the shoulder with the straps. If it's a small purse, hold it to your side just under your lower rib. Definatley don't hold long handle pocketbooks by the straps where it 's barely off the ground

[Alliecat]

Get that walk down in heels. So sad to see other dressers walking on the balls of their feet like its their first time in ladies shoes..

[Meg East]

All of the above and remember to take care of your SO.

[Megan Briana]

Get that walk down in heels. So sad to see other dressers walking on the balls of their feet like its their first time in ladies shoes..

Love my heels! It came easy for me. I started with 3 inch, but I am hoping to steal my bff's 4 inch boots. Practice, practice, practice.


Beware the Pink Fog! It messes with your normal decision making.

Guilty as charged. But I have no one to answer to in my life at the moment, so I am taking advantage for now.

[RenneB]

Okay, I think I might have one or two to add....

If you buy something that is waterproof make sure that you have the 'thing' that takes it off.

Nail polish - nail polish remover.
Glue on nails - glue on nail remover.
Waterproof masquare - waterproof remover...
Stick on forms - goobegone... works great...

Oh, and always clean up the bathroom...

Renne.....

[Lainie]

Never, ever buy anything without trying it on first. (except underwear)
Your shape is different, and the size numbers don't tell the whole story anyway.
Major benefits:
1) You won't have to throw it out because it doesn't fit.
2) It's fun to try on clothes!
3) It's fun to ask the salesladies for opinions & assistance!

[Sophistic8d_grl]

Smile when you pose for a photo!!!

[I Am Paula]

Remember that alot of fear is just in your head. The real world in general doesn't care what you do. Use common sense,and a modicum of caution, and enjoy the journey. If someone spots you at the MAC counter they will NOT freak out and start screaming 'that's a man looking at make up!'. Celeste

[Cari]

I have two pieces of advice, both kinda hard to do.

When you buy your first pieces work on building a wardrobe. You can build allot of outfits around a simple black or denim skirt or good pair of black pumps.

The second piece of advice is to try to see what got better each time you dress. Its easy to get caught up up with the final result and only see the flaws and miss the improvements. Its really rare that you get dressed and dont improve on some part of the process but it can be hard to see.

[Angela Campbell]

Get yourself an air brush make up kit, they have concealers that go on very shear and will cover your beard.

Now this looks pretty cool!!

[Rachel Morley]

Don't cut corners when buying a wig. A bad wig will get you read real fast! .. buy the best one you can afford and always go to a wig store for a professional fitting, and always try on lots and lots of wigs. I buy my replacements cheaper online, but I never do this when choosing a style for the first time.

[Krististeph]

do not buy cheap.

invest- you are past the point of experimentation- take this seriously.

oh yeah- and take five very slow, very deep breaths before making any major decision. you will always make a better decision this way.

love-
Kristin

[Foxglove]

If someone spots you at the MAC counter they will NOT freak out and start screaming 'that's a man looking at make up!'. Celeste

So true. The last time I was looking for an eyebrow pencil and having a hard time finding one, the SA went a long way out of her way to help me find it. I think she was having as much fun as I was.

Annabelle

[Danielle Gee]

Try to avoid the "typical" middle aged spread. I didn't and its caused me untold difficulties in my CD'ing later in life.

Danielle

[JamieQ]

Do not dare try to put it away and then years later regret it! Times are a bit better now than even 10-20 years ago (acceptance/support). There are so many of us that if we could do it over...but now we can go on at our age, but what a shame we did not when we were younger. Of course many times this stuff takes years to figure out... Amanda

[steftoday]

A black pencil skirt is a wonderful piece around which you can build a wardrobe.
Use a makeup primer. You'll be amazed at how smoothly the rest of your makeup goes on when you do.
If you use breast form adhesives, be careful removing the forms. Lift gently at the edge, and remove slowly, unless you're into pain and scar tissue.

[jamie-upstate]

Dress age appropriate, when going out.

[Elle1946]

Just be yourself and enjoy it!!!

[JamieQ]

On a different train of thought than previous post... Try the clothes on before you buy! In this economy they really do not care, they just want to sell! :)Amanda

[flatlander_48]

So...



Leave the hooker-look at home unless you know exactly where you are going and how you are going to get there. Surprises are not good.
Don't be concerned with some stylized notion of beauty. Remember, all real women do not look like Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Cote de Pablo or Salma Hayak.
If you have a partner who tolerates/allows/respects/encourages your CDing, treat them like the gems that they are because gems are very rare. Do everything you can to support their dreams and desires.
People key off of our own insecurities. Don't give them an excuse to dismiss or disrespect you.
Continue to hold good expectations for all around you. Remember, people tend to live up (or down!) to our expectations.
Powerful Words from Audre Lorde:

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."
"The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference."

[mywifesdaisy]

great tips lol i cant afford to have pink fog syndrome

[MsRenee]

You get what you put into your dressing dont skimp on anything it may costs you a few more but will last you alot longer. Be truth full and honest with your s/o. as she can be your bestest friend in life above everything else.
Renee

[atlgurl]

This is all such good advice girls. I've learned so much reading through here.

[Eryn]

Stick on forms - goobegone... works great...

Be very careful!

Goo Gone is good, gentle adhesive remover: http://googone.com/

Another product, "Goof Off," is bad news for forms and skin. It's a graffiti remover that dissolves just about everything: http://www.goofoffstainremover.com/

Unfortunately, they often sit near each other on the store shelves.

[Cari]

I forgot a few areas not to scrimp on

Make up books - Making faces by Kevin Aucoin is a very good one. Saves allot of time.

Tools - Brushes a good mirror ect will last for years and make things allot easier. Its worth spending a bit extra to get good ones. A brush that sheds really does a bad job.

[Helen_Highwater]

I don't think anyone has said this as yet but my tip would be.......observe. Become a GG people watcher. How they walk, manerisms, carry a handbag, stand, sit, get in and out of a car, how they eat and drink when in public. I'll leave you to finish the list.

[ME2.0]

Don't worry yourself too much about "Do I pass or not?" Instead of making it a stressful thing, relax! Take the time to do a little mirror gazing, turn around a few times, feel how good a nice form fitting skirt feels. Feel how nice freshly shaved legs feel under cool bedsheets. Everyone worries so much about passing, that they forget to have fun in the moment.

Even if you don't pass, it doesn't mean that your not a beautiful person.

Staci

[Helen_Highwater]

Learn from stick person
http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html

[Sheren Kelly]

Know who you are and how you wish to present yourself, then find the resources to help you.
I found a lot of good advise in women's style books ("Looking Terrific" by Emily Cho was my first guide, ther are others that are more up-to-date) or on TV makeover shows. You have to be honest about your assets and liabilities when presenting femme.

It is better to learn from others than to make every mistake yourself.

[NathalieX66]

Meet others like yourself.
At some point in your life, go to a TG conference like Be All in Chicago, Empire Conference in Albany, NY, Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, Pa., Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm a vet of Keystone Conference and Southern Comfort Conference, and I learned so much about myself, as well as made a ton of friends.

[justicia]

this was great :) i plan on showing this to my cd. its a lesson good to know...i think.... who knows....im just a GG . lol