Do you think they know?

[crazybiker]

I been living with my gf's mom and her bro who just turned 19 last month. I been living here with her for the last year and a half I think.
I post this here cause maybe it'll get into the minds of some slightly older members perspective.
I have flats that generally just kinda hang around in the bedroom on the floor not really hidden. My gf is a size 7-9 depending on the shoe type, but a 9 in women's flats from Aldo. I'm a size 11 from Payless... So now are they (her brother and her mom) really that not noticing, or have they just brushed it off?
I've worn my flats around her bro some times and he never said anything and I've briskly walked out the front door wearing my flats... But never noticed. So I the roles were reversed, would you say something to your daughters bf or if from bro's POV, would you just kinda keep hush to avoid the kinda akward "uh, aren't those girls shoes?" Talk.

[suzy1]

If your bra and panties were hanging on the door I think you might have a problem. But flats!:eek:

Tell me, are you a born worrier?

[crazybiker]

Ha! I'm not worrying if they know or not, but currious as to if they suspect or are oblivious.

[suzy1]

If your flats are pink with little pretty fluffy bits on them then they know.:heehee:

You could always ask them?:)

Have fun girl,

SUZY

[Stephenie S]

Yeah. I'm kinda with Suzy on this one. There are SO many things to worry about, but flats? Relax already.

S

[BLUE ORCHID]

Are you trying to out yourself or what.

[sonna]

dont worry about it people see what they want to see..

[Karren H]

to know for sure I'd dress up and pop out of your room..... if they act surprised... they didn't know!

[Tina B.]

I'm with Karren on this one, but I doubt they will be surprised. I only have one pair of shoes that comes even close to passing, most of the other flats I have wouldn't fool a two year old.
Tina B.

[DebbieL]

I been living with my gf's mom and her bro who just turned 19 last month. I been living here with her for the last year and a half I think.
I post this here cause maybe it'll get into the minds of some slightly older members perspective.
I have flats that generally just kinda hang around in the bedroom on the floor not really hidden. My gf is a size 7-9 depending on the shoe type, but a 9 in women's flats from Aldo. I'm a size 11 from Payless... So now are they (her brother and her mom) really that not noticing, or have they just brushed it off?

They are probably aware, but are reluctant to bring it up. If they joke or hint that you are feminine in any way, are you defensive or do you thank them for the compliment? When I was younger, especially in my teens and early twenties, many people had figured out that I was feminine. My mother knew. The fact that I loved to cook, vacuum, do laundry, even wash the dishes, and that I could knit, sew, crochet, embroidery, and that I tailored my shirts with a sewing machine were probably clues. At the same time, I had been violently attacked so many times growing up that I instinctively tried to repress anyone who even hinted that I was a "Sissy", "Fairy", or "Nelly". Even in high school, many of my friends were gay, but couldn't separate being transgendered with being gay. They assumed that I was just still "hiding in the closet". I would deny being gay (I was a lesbian), but they didn't ask if I was a crossdresser or transgendered. Of course, back in those days, there was almost no public information available, there were female impersonators, drag queens, and Christine Jorgensen, but not many knew about her. Corporal Klinger on MASH was a guy in a dress, but only as a draft dodger.

I had even tried to talk to my parents, doctors, therapists, and social workers, all of whom just shut that conversation down immediately. My grandfather was a fundamentalist Christian - ultra-conservative - and they didn't want him finding out. They also didn't want me to get beat up by the boys anymore. There were times when I would try to get "caught", wearing nighties and even pantiehose to bed, and deliberately leave parts of my body uncovered, so that my parents would have to notice, and was even faking being asleep to be sure that I knew that they had seen - and yet they wouldn't even bring it up.


I've worn my flats around her bro some times and he never said anything and I've briskly walked out the front door wearing my flats... But never noticed. So I the roles were reversed, would you say something to your daughters bf or if from bro's POV, would you just kinda keep hush to avoid the kinda akward "uh, aren't those girls shoes?" Talk.

At this point, there is just a fundamental awkwardness with the "Elephant in the Room". You haven't brought it up to anyone, including your GF, or her Bro, or her mom. They might be very accepting, and might even wonder whether you are transsexual or not. The biggest problem is that they are probably assuming the worst, and are afraid to even start the subject. Obviously they like you, and they like you enough to let you live in the same house with your GF, but they can't quite figure out - are you JUST into shoes? Are you dressing up? Or do you want to be a girl?

You may need to get some of those issues sorted out for yourself as well? I would strongly suggest that you just start the conversation, you can even let them know, yes they are girl's shoes, and yes there are things that girls do that you enjoy doing as well. You might even want to help with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and dishes. Don't be a "Diva" and start wearing the flats around the house then refuse to do any "women's work". In all likelihood, they would love to have your help. If they start hinting that they like that you are helping out, it won't be long before they might be wanting to feminize you themselves. Give them a little positive feedback, let them know that you LIKE these suggestions, and you could find yourself quite happily supported by women, and her bro, who could be very supportive. In fact, they might even make sure that the bro treats you more nicely, BECAUSE your are comfortable with being more feminine.

For all you know, your GF actually picked you out of all the boys because she liked that you are more effeminate, and she can't wait to get you into a skirt and heels. They only way to know for sure is to start letting them know that you aren't going to freak if your masculinity is "threatened" because they notice that you are a bit more feminine.

If you are transgendered, it probably influences other areas of your life. You don't fight much, you don't anger easily, you are more tender. You respect women more. You let women ask you to do things, or even tell you what to do. In bed you take your time, you spend more time in foreplay, and let your GF take the lead, be in control, and be on top. You may even notice that when she touches you, she likes to caress your arms and neck more often, touch you very gently, and just keep letting you know that she likes your tender side.

The thing she, and her mom, are afraid of is that if they point out these feminine traits, that you will freak out, and either start trying to prove your manhood, or that you would end the relationship.

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe you will have to broach the subject, but if your flats are plain and a darker color that is no reason to come out.

[bridget thronton]

By the time I let my daughter's SO move in to my house and share her room - I would be pretty trusting that he'll or she meant no harm to any of us so clothing and shoes would not be a concern to me

[DebbieL]

There is a river in Egypt, the river of Denial runs deep! I just went to a doctor's appointment. I was wearing women's shoes, women's watch, leggings with lacy trim at the cuffs, a pink sweater with 3/4 length sleeves, a wedding band, engagement ring, and pink nail polish. I had hung up my "purse with sleeves" - a jacket with pockets filled with electronics, wallet, and other things most women carry in their purse, on the door. After doing the exam, taking my blood pressure, and listening to my heart, he starts reviewing my medications, and asks "So why are you taking progesterone and phyto-estrogen? I paused a second and said "I'm transgendered", he looks up at me, and SUDDENLY realizes that - oh, now I see. The nurse who examined me complemented me on the sweater, and when I said "I like it to, it's a really pretty color", we ended up talking like two girls. I complimented her on her earrings and she showed me her nail polish - different colors on each finger, which I complemented. But she never asked "Are you a poof?" or anything of that sort. The doctor didn't ask either.

Do they know, almost certainly. But until you let them know that you want them to know, they will pretend that nothing is unusual. Let them know that you are wearing something because you think it's pretty. When they compliment you, let them know that you are glad they like it, you thought it was really pretty, beautiful, or lovely - use feminine adjectives rather than masculine ones. "That's a lovely outfit, you look quite elegant", rather than "purdy dress, looks gud". There's an elephant in the room, and they are dying to know whats really going on with you. More importantly, they might want to see if you know what's going on with yourself.

[Lorileah]

If it ain't broke, don't worry about it. If they have noticed they don't care. If they have not noticed they are just respecting your privacy

[Megan_Renee]

IMHO most people are so consumed with their own day-to-day lives that they often do not notice even stronger statements of femininity. Just getting by to get by, you know?

[STACY B]

Some folks are more observant than they put on ,,, We as wanna beez always look for the obvious ,,Looks ,, Words ,, Exspresions,, Comments ,, An so on ,,Some people just don't or Won't comment or let you know to avoid confrontation ,, Or just don't care ,, Or just live an let live ,, They know an just let it be . Don't kick the Ant Bed unless your ready to Run or Shake um off !!

[Mandyrcd]

some will know and dont care I suppose, but it makes me alittle fearful on what thier thinking

[Jorja]

You mean you had shoes on?

[~Joanne~]

to know for sure I'd dress up and pop out of your room..... if they act surprised... they didn't know!

lmao I think you should try this crazybiker and be sure to tell us how it worked out lmao

seriously though, if they saw your flats laying in your GF's room I am almost positive they think they are hers. I am sure none of them picked one up and said "hey wait a freakin minute, these are a size 11!!!" lol of coarse, wearing them around, there's no way they don't know.

[Stephanie47]

You could go to Payless with your girlfriend and buy matching pairs of four inch heels. She can wear her's around the house to get everyone accustom to the visual. Then you may be able to leave your shoes around in plain sight. Seriously, I don't think someone is so unconscious to not notice the flats you're wearing are women's shoes.

[crazybiker]

I guess I could have added in that my gf knows and it's not a big deal to her, she has fun. We go and see who can walk the longest along the pier in our heels to see how many times we can not let the heel go between the boards.
I'll reply to the above more once I get home from work, but thanks for those that did reply so far.

[Tracii G]

99% of my shoes are womens shoes and my friends don't say a thing.
One of my friend's wife always compliments my shoes (if its a pair she hasn't seen before). She says that when her husband isn't around lol I think she knows.

[STACY B]

I'm with the rest ,,Those 9s an 11s are so dam close it would be hard to tell unless you picked them up ? An most people I know don't touch other people shoes . So never know ,,Her brother is wearing them when your not home anyway i'll bet ,,,Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[crazybiker]

to know for sure I'd dress up and pop out of your room..... if they act surprised... they didn't know!
Ha, yeah so not going to happen...


They are probably aware, but are reluctant to bring it up. ...
yeah I get all that. i guess you are right on some level. Although my transition from looser clothing to more fitted has been very subtle, and sometimes me and my gf are both wearing the same brand of pants which are generally a female brand, but have a small male side of it as well. The flats are a plain black, and thats basicly it to them, rounded toe... no special prints or anything. My last years flats for a while use to sit at the front door in a closet type thing with all the other unworn shoes that didn't get much use, but could have appeared moved since her mom is the only one to organise that once it gets messy looking.

[Joanne f]

:) Well it is nice to know that us oldies come in useful sometimes :heehee:.
I would say that mothers notice most things especially in what their daughters are wearing so she will know they are not hers, therefore will have guested or noticed that they are yours and the same would go for her brother as although we can think of our shoes being tucked away somehow when we have them on but they do stand out quite a lot especially when you sit down then it is quite difficult to not notice what shoes someone is wearing , so yes they know but they are either polite enough not to say anything or just do not care that much to be concerned about it as some people just take difference in their stride and fined it not necessary to comment on it apart from the mother daughter thing where the mother will say " I see you have some new shoes " ( well i know my wife will spot our daughters new shoes in an instant :heehee:) so this could have happened without you knowing it :D , so yes they know .

[Vickie_CDTV]

Are you living in a hostile environment? If you are, I wouldn't risk it. If not, I wouldn't worry about it.

[JamieQ]

I say more than likely they know, not sure what do do or do not want to do...then there is the possibility of just being too busy to notice. Shoes are very hard to tell size by a quick glance though...Relax!

[mywifesdaisy]

when i was young my mom caught me having panties and hose in my room she wondered and asked if i was gay lol i lied of course i was 16 told her they were for more personal uses and she bought it now days i always wear women flat slippers around my house and anyone that comes over sees them but never says anything and if they were to say something id just look them in the eyes and tell them the truth they are very comfortable you should try lol would shut em up i would imagine they eventually would