Seeking advice on GP visit in uk

[Alicew]

Ok not even sure this is the right place to ask this but looking for advice guidance on how or even if to get the ball rolling.

I like many others i read think my circumstances are unique but mine really are i dont even remember my child hood earlier than about 14 when i first started crossdressing in my mums stuff mainly stockings suspenders and her skirts didnt really move on to other items for many years something about dressing up made me happy even calm at the time i was the village naughty boy always in trouble acting out and such.
Now for some background info whilst in high school i did the usual big talk lost my virginity slept around and so on the typical macho male that your sort of suposed to be but this wasnt me i was lying the entire time but as you know we get very good at lying being CDs,i dated one girl the preetiest in thevillage and messed around alittle beating back my shyness to pretend to be the boy she heard i was didnt last long tbh she got bored and moved on (looking back in hindsight i wonder if i even tried to date her or just wanted to be near her to be her).
Skip forward a lot of years to when im 21 im still crossdressing moms and sisters stuff now still mainly stockings suspenders but now corsets (goth faze my sisters)
im working full time living at home still and one drunken night i happen to bump into the one girl ive ever met that seemed interested in me so i slept with her just the once it honestly scared the living piss out of me that it did nothing for me.

So after that little refresher course im 36 still living at home the rest flew the coop now i live at home due to medical reasons and deep down cos i just cant cope on my own yet if ever . Been suffering with really early onset athritis for last 8 years finally seem to be getting passed the endless relapses and just left with the joint pain fingers crossed no more flare ups, this left me basicly laid up for 7 years on benefits unable to dress .

Had lots of doctors ask me why im not really depressed over the athritis but cant really tell them that its just more crap on a pile of old issues that already make me sad im the sort of person that just gets on with things and it has been ok so far or so i thought,basicly im looked at as a lone wolf alpha male i present as angry , selfish and wanting things my way or the high way but couldnt be farther from the truth i dont know how to talk to people or interact with them i get embaressed i want to be me around them but i dont know who i am so i parrot others actions on the limited times im forced to socialize by family.

My dads really old fashioned and set in his ways but my mums preety forward thinking i like to think its my influence on her spend alot of time with her,over the last 12 months my symptoms have slowly got less and with the better mobility i lost alot of weight by dieting,with looking better and feeling better my dressing came back with a vengence ,ive made some small life style changes i talked over with my mum i made before doing (she says i can talk to her about anything)i shave my entire body smooth cept head family thinks i do my legs only and rip the piss about that and trim down my eyebrows thin but not curved like a womens.

So what do i do ive tried being the man for 20 years its just not me i realise it now along with my weird lack of a sexuality i dont fancy women i want to be them i dont fancy men atall but admire feminine looking men for getting away with it,that i just am not the usual male i like dressing as a women it used to be the only way i could get excited but its now become something else i dress just to feel normal to myself ,as far as i know no one suspects i dress i keep getting snarky comments from family but they never out right say anything (some times wish they would so i could admit it and get it over with).

Should i just have it out with my mum first test the grounds see how my family would take it ?
Should i visit my doctor and seek therapy?
Or sit in my closet slowly getting old and more miserable and lonely?

Im at my happiest sitting in my room with my underwear and forms in just pottering about, i realise as part of who i am i got really bad perfectionist trait and i cant look like a women to big to bulky and really ugly i hate photos taken and cant stand looking in the mirror cos i see a ugly balding man looking back at me, id like just once for some one to say yes you are this or that and put me in a box with a label on cos i sure dont know what i am or what i should be .


Im so confused i dont understand my gender and i cant even begin to fathom my sexuality it feels like im running out of tim to do anything about it hell i dont even know how to go about it,any advice or guidance please pleae help me.

Sorry for spouting of i have no one i feel comfortable i can talk to about this stuff without judging me.

[Stephenie S]

Doesn't sound unique to me at all. Sounds pretty normal crossdressing development.

But what to do? I dunno. But I can tell you with absolute certainty that as long as you do nothing, nothing will happen. Honest, dear, sit around and moan about it or act. You don't have to do the exact right thing. Heck, you don't even know what the exact right thing is! But do something. If it turns out to be the wrong thing then stop and try something else. But do something.

S

[sandra-leigh]

You don't need approval from anyone to seek therapy. You don't need to explain it to anyone either.

[Alicew]

You don't need approval from anyone to seek therapy. You don't need to explain it to anyone either.
Its not so much the approval i really have no idea how to go about asking for help , i realise at the end of the day i have the final choice but i dont want my family to have to pay for it on my behalf be so much easier if i left home and cut all ties, but i cant yet.

Where i live is back country nowhereville where every one knows each others buisness so id have to travel for help anyway but im an intensely private person took me to tears just telling my mum i wnted to shave my legs told her it was a intense dislike to hairyness partly true but how or even if i could how could i tell her her sons a transexual or even just a CD with issues, hell it keeps me up at night just thinking about all this stuff coming to a head,i dont know if im just lost in the pink fog or ive finally started working out what i am you see i didnt even know what i was untill recently.
I grew up ashamed of myself for what i do and even more ashamed for what i dont do i even now get 100 questions a week from nieces why i havent got a girlfriend why ive never had a real one ,why i like growing my hair out long(short at the moment due to family weding wass forced to cut it).

So anyhoo all i wanted besides the ranting was info on best method of doing it start with mom and work out or GP and start of then let people know whats up?

[Nigella]

Before you decide to tell all to your family, first get the professional help you need. Visit your GP, make a double appointment if you need to. Talk to them, remember it is all confidential. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist to discuss your issues, whether they are gender or not. That is the first step.

[Alicew]

Thanks nigella i will take your advice see where it goes first thanks

[sandra-leigh]

My opinion would be to start with a therapist first. If you need to tell your mother something you can say that you have been feeling very down and wish to talk to a therapist.

Unfortunately I have no idea how therapists are paid for in the UK, what kind of arrangements can be made for low-income people.

[Nigella]

My opinion would be to start with a therapist first. If you need to tell your mother something you can say that you have been feeling very down and wish to talk to a therapist.

Unfortunately I have no idea how therapists are paid for in the UK, what kind of arrangements can be made for low-income people.

We can be referred to therapy, either by a counsellor or physchatrist, depending upon the issues, by our GP (doctor). This is funded by the National Health Service, so is free to us.

We can take the private route, but that is generally used by those who don't want to wait, it can take some time to get a referral/appointment if the NHS route is taken.

[Kerstin]

I would definitely advise refraining from discussing your gender issues with your family until you have spoken to a healthcare professional and become clearer in your own mind as to what is going on. Once you tell your family it's out there and you can't go back.

[Alicew]

Panic stations panic mode on

Ok just in passing mentioned i was going to see the GP to my mum and she gave me the third degree about why ,she thinks i got serious medical problems and wouldnt take no for an answer and so i broke down and tried explaining i need help.
As ive said before my mums pretty easy going and has took it ok so far not told her every thing just im confused about what im suposed to be, her reply shocked me to be honest" well its not the end of the world" but she did remark that she's never noticed any feminine traits in me, obviously she ignores my preference to long hair total body shaving and eye brow shaping and besides that i wear womens clothes and experiment with make up havent the heart to tell her i crossdress yet untill i understand it myself.

Man really dropped myself in it this time, on the plus side it does force the issue i've been dancing around for years.

[Megan Thomas]

Alice, It sounds to me like you need to start with your GP and get a referral for therapy, just general therapy rather than gender specific at this stage. What I'm reading is about someone with self esteem issues in general, never mind the complications being trans brings. Keep in mind you should never have to explain yourself to anyone in respect of your personal choices, least of all your mom or niece. Just because a question is asked doesn't mean it has to be answered. That's not saying you need to be rude in avoiding answering, just bypass the questions. It may also help to really realise it takes 2 (or more) to have an argument. If you walk away to your own space then you effectively end any argument or potential one.

On the trans side of things it sounds to me like you have a potential support in your mom. Parents are not always easy to figure out but they are people and they have faced their own challenges when they were a similar age, and quite probably were the cause of a few to their parents over the years too. Mothers are especially bonded to their children, no matter how old they are.

As for what you see in the mirror... Well it's you. I'm transitioning and you have to trust me when I say I have a face like the back end of a horse. Do I pass? Probably, from the right angle on a good day with a strong low sun causing anyone looking at me to squint. It hasn't stopped me treading my path. I have other medical complications too, as serious as yours and probably more so because they are life threatening without a lot of medication (I rattle when shaken) as well as causing mobility impairment. I constantly question myself as to why I'm bothering to transition and the simple truth of it is I have no choice. I have to do it. And so will you too, if it's meant to be. Time will tell...

One final word of advice. You talk of cutting ties being easier. It's not. You own your problems and they will go wherever you go. All you do is uproot them and stick them down somewhere else, a place where you are literally starting from scratch with NO support. I always find it ironic that to cope with being trans often mean having to grow some balls, at least in the mental sense...

[Alicew]

Ok im new to the forum and posted all over soem of my back ground,after asking some advice ive started the process i spoke to my doctor this morning and hes going to look into what to do next for me have to go back next week, thats all fine paniced abit going in to see him as hes not there saw a locum *spelling?* a lovely young girl put me at easy and listened to me lay it out .

Ok alls fine and good came home saqt down and ive now got this terrible feeling of fear of what happens next ,im confused to cos on some level im so relieved that other people know about it now, my mom sort of knows i may be trans but i cant go the whole hog and tell her every thing about me so shes only got a biased view point deep down i think shed be ok with it but im terrified she wont look at me the same way again ,even just talking partialy with her she kept saying im just like my other brothers and calling me son.

Sitting here in tears at the moment thinking on one hand i should of just shut up and put up like ive done for 20+ years and on the other happy i can possibly finally be the real me the question is whats the real me, i feel like me i dress like a man as a mask and a women in private.
Im so conflicted, im me but why do i want to be a woman or even dress like one i cant act like a women , i cry at sad movies , i long to be hugged and find companionship but dont like to be touched by anyone not even family.

Absolutely terrified that at the end of all this i wont be me anymore even though i dont really like the me that goes through life in a daze day to day.
All this fear and all ive done is tell some one the darkest thoughts that have haunted me for aslong as I can remember.

[Kerigirl2009]

Sounds like to me that you want to be who you are but you are afraid of being rejected so you continue to hide who it is you really are. Eventually your mind will be ready to share, but just dont rush in with your eyes wide shut

[STACY B]

To much WORRY ,,Hell you have started it now just finish it ,,, Ya got to tear it all down so you can build it back they way it was supposed to be . Ya wanna be right don't ya,,, Rebuild her ,,Don't just slap a coat of paint on her ! You still young ,,Don't waste it ,,,You got a good start . I am rooting for ya ,,So that's one for sure !!

[Jorja]

Take a few deep breaths. Everything is going to be alright. To move forward one way or another you have to explore all the possibilities. Maybe you will get to a point where you find that it is not necessary to do anything and remain as you are. Maybe you will find that yes, you need to change. You will never know if you do nothing because you are afraid to do anything. One step at a time.

[Stephenie S]

Heck, yes. Nothing you do will be writ in stone. Don't worry so much. You may discover that none of this is for you. Or you may decide to continue. Either way you will never know until you DO something.

S

[STACY B]

Take a few deep breaths. Everything is going to be alright. To move forward one way or another you have to explore all the possibilities. Maybe you will get to a point where you find that it is not necessary to do anything and remain as you are. Maybe you will find that yes, you need to change. You will never know if you do nothing because you are afraid to do anything. One step at a time.



Yep that's right ,,If ya don't do anything yull never do anything Right or WRONG ?

[Alicew]

Thanks girls feeling better now had long warm bubble bath soaked away the stress so to speak,spruced up the old pins and making the most of an empty house ,makes me sure im heading in the right direction atleast.