quick question

[kimberly36]

Hey I have a quick question for those with a so or wife who know about your dressing. My girlfriend of a couple months just learned of my dressing and seems perfectly fine with it, says its what makes me who I am and seems more comfertable with me now. To sum it up I always hear take it slow and not give her too much at a time, what does everyone mean? Slowly talk her into letting you wear clothes? Cause I been wearing womens jeans for a year now, don't own male jeans anymore. Currently I'm letting her get used to the idea she likes to ask questions about it and joke around about it once in a while. Also is there any warning signs I should be looking out for that she doesn't like it? Sorry bout the dumb questions I'm in my first relationship that I opened up about dressing and really nervious haha.

[TeriAnn]

I told my wife in 2005 we had been maried 7 years befor I told her. She was stunned b ut I believe she knew something was up. Anyway a few days after I told her she said she was cool with it and the rest is history. Just take it slow and don't try to do more than she is ready for. Sit and talk with her and see how much she is receptive to this new revaltion. Take it slow and easy

[Lainie]

Communication is good, and maybe the best part of being a woman (although the clothes are good, too...)

Talk to her about everything, including what you wear. Ask her opinion. Include her in decisions. In short, treat her like someone you care about!

The "go slow" advice is because a lot of us get very used to CDing in secret over a long time, and then spring the news on the SO when we can't stand the secrecy any more. Then she has a lot of catching up to do, and some of these things take time to get used to. This is not your situation, apparently.

Congratulations on finding a sympathetic friend!

[Cheryl T]

Everyone is different and has to go at their own pace.
If your GF is accepting and open to it then it's between you both to decide how things proceed and at what pace.
Talk to her...answer her questions openly and honestly and things will find their own equilibrium. You will be able to judge by her questions and reactions what she's open to and what might need more conversation.

Communication is the key ...

[MsRenee]

I totaly agree with Cheryl on everyones situation is different all I can say is keep talking and keep it all out in the open.
Renee

[STACY B]

What they mean is ,,, Don't try an wear a Mini Skirt an Heels with Garter Belt Stocking an Hooker Makeup with HER to go grocery shopping when she has on Flip Flops an shorts an Tshirt Just becuz she said you can dress , Just watch her an do as she does ,,Unless other wise told ,, Other people don't want to be Upstaged for any reason ,, Don't try an look better than her ,,It's not a Race it's a Marithon . So that's what the CHIX here are trying to say ,,,Slow an steady wins the contest . Don't pester her about going shopping or dressing 24-7 an Burn her out ,,Show HER that dressing is great an you love it But SHE is the most Important thing in your life not the dressing . Do more talking ,, An open up with your feeling ,, Girl talk is not just about fashion ,,It could be about anything that makes yours an her life better . Life is better with open comunication ,, So in short good life ,,,Good times will come ,,Always do ,,,If Mamma's Happy we all Happy !!

[Tracii G]

Stacy is dead one again thanks big sister you are the greatest!!

[Alice B]

You are off to a good start with your girlfriend. What is very important is to keep the lines of communication open, be totally honest with her at all times and listen to what she has to say. Try to involve her if she is willing and never push it in her face. Good luck.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you are doing quite well. Let her talk you into wearing something adventurous.
If she shows annoyance at something try to please her and then move on carefully.
Do not point out feminine things about yourself, let her say something first and then you can agree with it or just be nice and say thank you when complimented.
I wish you well in your deception.
I say this light heartedly as it is a cat and mouse game we play.

[Gaby2]

Hi Kimberly - everyone's different...
just remember to be yourself!
I think I'm trying to give me some sound advice... :)

I've heard and read the points made above in the answers to yout OP many times... and I can't read nor hear them often enough!
:hugs:Gaby

[JenniferR771]

Does she like to shop? Let her buy something for you. (And something for herself of course). Accept her advice in fashion, grooming, shoes, hair and makeup. Listen to her every word like it is important--to her, it is. Worship the ground she walks on...can't hurt.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kimberly,

I think that the reason that people tell others to "go slow" is because some women might accept our CDing on an intellectual level and are totally ok with the concept, but perhaps not quite so quick to accept things on an emotional, especially when it is in their life. There is a sticky at the top of the Loved Ones section that was written by my wife. It's called "Now I Like It, Now I Don’t: Understanding the Acceptance Pendulum (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t)" and it's aimed at the CDer to try to help them understand what their SO might be going through when she seems ok with it one day but then the next day she seems to not be ok with it. It takes time for some SO's to come to terms with a partner who is a CDer.

It sounds like this might not apply to you (yet?), but if you read the thread (here's a LINK (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t)) at least you will get an idea of why people advise to not "burden" (if I can use that word) our SOs with lots of information and "needs" all at once. It's about trying to limit her "exposure" so that your SO doesn't think this is some kind of "runaway train" that she can't control .. especially when it comes to her feelings.

[kimberly36]

Thank you everyone for the help, I feel better that I am on the right track, I answer all her questions and stuff, she brings it up more then I do. And I always try to compliment her and I let her know she is a great person for accepting me. Thank you rachel I will have to check out that link when I have the time, I'm interested in reading it. She already had requested that she wanted to see what I had and checked all my stuff out haha. She knows I have no intent of trying to pass as a women also

[Beckysmutt]

I envy your situation. I told my wife over ten years ago and at first she was confused at best uncomfortable. That was the last of sex and no more mention of my "perverted" desires. Well back to the closet.

[Stephanie47]

It may sound great right now at age 21 that a girlfriend is supportive. I think the advice concerning taking it slow is valid. I am assuming your girlfriend is approximately your age. You really do not know what she will be thinking after the newness or novelty of dressing wears off. You really do not know her limitations. You really do not know what she will think about cross dressing in a year or sooner. There are external forces in every relationship. Will she be comfortable if you go from girl jeans to dresses, bras, panties, slips, hosiery and heels, as well as, full makeup and long hair? How will she react to bias and feelings of others? Will her circle of friends diminish? Even if you 'gently' persuade her to accept cross dressing in increasing amounts, you will never know if she will to a complete 180 degree turn around.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Sounds like that you're on the right track, tell me, did you tell her of your Cding, or did she stumble on the clothes, or what? If you told her, thats probably one reason she seems more comfortable with you, that you gave her that trust. Not to be underestimated.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kimberly, Just don't overwhelm her with your dressing don't let it take over your relationship.

[kimberly36]

Hi underdresser, I told her myself, just sat her down in the first few weeks of dating and said that I enjoy wearing womens clothing, its something that's part of me and I don't want to have any secrets from her, I have been answering all her questions and she says that its what makes me who I am and that she likes who I am. She sounded very greatful that I told her now instead of later down the road and I am extremely happy that she is being so great about it to me not being judgemental or anything

[Briana90802]

"Go slow" means don't shock the system. If she comes home one day and you're all femmed out, it can be a shock to them, or anyone who doesn't know. Ease her into seeing you wearing girl stuff. I told my then gf at the beginning of our relationship, but it would be another five years before I showed her, and even then it was just a little bit at a time. It takes time to help them adjust from seeing you as just masculine to seeing you as feminine too.

[Desiree2bababe]

My wife knew of my dressing pre-marraige and while not keen on the idea, she accepted it, even participated a time or two. What she didn't know is how far I went with the transformation. Knew nothing of the quantity of clothes I owned, the shoes, the lingerie, the makeup, the jewerly, the toys. In retrospect, I should have "taken it slow" as your girlfriend suggests, after the "I do's" . It surely would have had a better outcome.

[Tina B.]

When I say go slow, what I mean by it, is on somethings it's best to follow, instead of lead. She has questions and wants to talk about it, do it, she looks like she isn't enjoying the conversation, back off. She wants to see you dressed, do it, if she is not ready for that, back off. If she is willing to go out with you dressed, ask what you should wear, women ask each other that all the time. If we are going to a party, my wife will talk to other women to see if they will be wearing skirts, dresses or pants, and follows the lead, again,let her lead, she will know what's right and whats not.
Do not try to out dress her or show up in something that she would be embarrassed about. And remember at all times, let her know when she needs her man, you are ready to be him.
Everyone is different, for some it takes months, even years to get their wife anywhere near where you are already at, for me, after five years of marriage, and being separated at the time, talking about whither we should give it one more try before throwing in the towel, I knew it could never work unless I came clean, so I told her what had been eating at me for so long, and if we where to try again, she had to know, because it was a part of me and it wasn't going away. I figured it was over at that point, but after a few questions, we went and got her suitcase at her moms, stopped at the mall on the way home, she had me wait in the car, while she picked up a few things she needed. after a long wait, I was getting upset just sitting there, when she got back in the car and said lets go home. When we got there, she handed me the bags and said these are for you. I found two dresses, a pair of shoes, a pair of foam breast forms, very sexy underwear, and nylons, not hose, with jewelry to match plus a wig. It took a while to pay off the credit card, but boy was it worth it, that was 36 years ago, and life just got better and better from there on, and I couldn't go slow, she was always pushing, I just had to keep up. I've never loved any other the way I love that women.
Tina B.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hi underdresser, I told her myself, just sat her down in the first few weeks of dating and said that I enjoy wearing womens clothing, its something that's part of me and I don't want to have any secrets from her, I have been answering all her questions and she says that its what makes me who I am and that she likes who I am. She sounded very greatful that I told her now instead of later down the road and I am extremely happy that she is being so great about it to me not being judgemental or anythingAh, good. As I said, the fact that you told her, and at such an early stage, was probably a very strong indication to her that you ARE serious about this relationship, and that you place a lot of trust in her. I told my now GF, actually a few weeks before she decided that she was ready to start a relationship, and that I was a suitable canidate. :) We had been doing things as friends and co-workers for a couple of months, but she knew I wanted more. She had been through some rough times with previous BFs, and was a bit hesitant. I do believe that my honesty in coming out to her had an impact on her decision.

The others have all given you some good advice, apply it in tandem with your understanding of you GF, and her responses. In my case, i have always been as honest as i can, admiting when I can't make sense of my own drives. I am certain that I'm only interested in women ( her specifically ) and i don't want to transition. Other things? Still exploring.....

I feel extremely fortunate in finding this woman, not only becuase of her acceptance, but that, along with her inteligence, and her tendency to be open to different attitudes and ways of looking at the world...Our discussions have made me look deep into myself, it's an interesting time.

I hope things go as well for you.