Advice for a Military CD

[Tiffany35]

I have dressed on and off since i was 12 and am now 36 and currently on active duty in the military and have served about 10 years and my goal is retirement I am out to my wife but thats about it we are going to try to go to a tri-ess meeting together and she is encoraging and suportive of my desires her chalenge is that she is tring to find a way to enjoy my dressing but I also have a three year old son and I don't want to infuence his development I just want him to be whatever person he chooses to be.
i welcome any constructive advice or ideas
:idontknow:

[ChelseaErtel]

Wow. You deserve to be serving in the military and defending the US's interests, you are brave. You are very lucky your wife is so supportive. It sounds like you are doing the correct thing with regard to your child.

Keep doing things she enjoys. I would think that you to could share the feminine world such as going shopping for clothes, shoes, jewelry etc, - hey, it's for her or mom or mom-in-law. No reason you can't take your son (dressed as a man), just a day out to him.

And boy, makeup is another big thing you can share. My wife does not know and mostly likely won't if I can help it - she'd not approve. But I wish I could do all the things you to can enjoy for the rest of your lives.

Just keep it in the family. Even today I don't think the military would approve. Most if my family is Military - all branches - and I can't think of any of the men who would approve and few of the women. Please be careful and I see you didn't post any photos - good. Play it safe if you want to make to retirement.

I salute you for serving, thank you:

Chelsea

[Kelley]

Thanks for your service. You could get a babysitter every now and then, get a motel room and have a ladies night out. My wife and I just did this We don't have a young child we did it to get out of our social area to have fun without being outed by friends.

[NicoleKent]

Even though the military has progressed a lot, even since I joined 5 years ago, I don't think it's quite ready for us to be out yet. But don't worry, you're not alone Tiffany, it seems like ever other thread on this forum has someone mentioning they are or were serving.

And plus, how many other jobs do you get to wear the exact same clothes as your female coworkers :D

[Krististeph]

i would not come out in the military. They still have problems not raping women, much less accepting gays. CDs? forget it. I was Artillery 30 years ago. I had not done much real dressing, and did even less until i got out.

it's no different that flak- keep low- out of sight, use camouflage and misdirection to keep the subject hidden if necessary.

While this little video does not actually help, it makes me giggle.

BTW- i was seriously ruthless int he wargames- i would just imagine the other side taking over and making some kind of stupid anti-cd law... got my blood boiling- even though i was totally male dressed- i'd play head games and imagine i was CD'd while doign a 1/4 mile low crawl in a roadside ditch to sneak up on a sentry.

Google a short sci-fi story called "Soft like a woman" the hero- Quiti (i think) was a true kick ass soldier.

How not to be seen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifmRgQX82O4

[heatherdress]

Hi Tiffany - Thanks for your service to our country. There are many recent threads addressing CDing in the military. You will find very good legal and practical recommendations and experiences in them. If you want to successfully complete 10 more years of military serice for retirement, you need to be discrete. Also, there are likewise many threads about children with great discussions. Good idea about attending TRI-ESS meeting to see if you would enjoy. Good luck.

[Mollyanne]

As a vet myself (Vietnam 1964-1965) I WOULD NOT, I'll say it again; I WOULD NOT come out!!!!! You know how cruel the "service" can be. Keep it secretive until you retire and above all else BE CAREFUL AS TO WHO YOU SEE AND WHO SEES YOU!!!!!!!

Molly

[robyn1114]

Hello Tiffany,

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for your service. I retired last month after completing 20+ years in the Air Force.

I consider myself transsexual more than a crossdresser, but either way the key is discretion. It's possible to complete 20 yrs without incident, for me a low profile and avoid any close relationships with my coworkers helped.

[Beverley Sims]

Mostly peacetime military, 5 days a week.
The weekend, get away from the unit and lead a civilian life.
Sunday night back to the military.
My stash was stored off base.

[Jan Michell Collins]

Thank you for your service

[susiegrl19]

Hi Tiffany, Thanks for your service to our country. I started at 13, but joined the Army at 17 and had to stop for many years. ( Vietnam 65-70 ) Stay private until you retire. The military can be very cruel at times.

[Bree Wagner]

Tiffany,

There are probably quite a few of us in similar situations. Kids + Military = lots of challenge. However, it can certainly be sucessfully handled. After ten years I'm sure you know what you need to do to make it another ten. I've got 10 years in, two young kids, and a fairly supportive (now) wife so I totally understand your concerns. Is there something specific you need advice or ideas about? I'm sure we'd be glad to help and advise!

All the best,
Bree

[Cheryl T]

Personally I don't think that your dressing will "encourage" your son to dress.
No one in my life (family or friends) were crossdressers and yet here I am. I firmly believe it is based in our genes and your son will be who is meant to be regardless of your proclivities.

[Stephanie47]

Welcome Tiffany. I read your comments of childhood trauma concerning cross dressing. No child should have to endure a beating like that. I can understand your reluctance to coming out of the closet. Fortunately, your wife is accepting.

There have been posts in the past concerning cross dressing and the USMJ. Since you are career military your paramount responsibility should be to secure your pension and retirement benefits. There are members here who are active duty military and maybe in the reserves. Cross dressing does not come under the current acceptance of gays and lesbians in the military. A superior could become aware of your cross dressing and make an issue of it. From your experience with your parent, you know there are people who are intolerant. You may never know who it is until it is too late. If I were in your boots I would be totally discreet. And, I'm sure your wife knows she has economic self interest in achieving full retirement benefits.

There are many activities you and your wife can share. Of course at home you can be en femme. I don't believe being en femme around your son would affect him. However, there is the element of privacy. How do you stop him from blurting out at day care or school that daddy wears dresses? I would find a baby sitter and spend quality time with your wife at home or away for an overnight outing. Of course, you and her can easily go shopping together for clothing and makeup.

If you do twenty or thirty, and, even if you're in the civilian employment market, there is always the element of social disapproval. Discretion over valor!

[Tiffany35]

Thanks to evreyone for your reply's and encouragement I will most definatley not be comming out of the closet fully until i have my retirement papers in hand at this time i really don't have a desire to be full time anyway there are ocasions when i wish i could just do as i please, like wearing a nice comfy pink cami and some shaply jeans to the store for no other reason than i felt like it. but the reality is we do not live in a utopian socity where there ane no consequences I embrace the role I am in as a father,husband,provider,protector and would never do anything to jepordize my ability to take care of my family. i normaly sleep in a nightgown or cami and panties and it just feels right i sleep better than i ever did in boxers and t-shirts and i go to sleep with a smile on my face. i will keep evreyone posted on how the introductions with my dressed self and my wife go

[Jeannie]

Hi Tiffany, I am a recent retiree from the Army and I think the advice about coming out is correct. If the local Tri-Ess chapter is located in the same town that you are stationed then I highly recommend you give it some more serious thought before you attend. Military towns tend to be very smallish and rumors spread very quickly. There may be other people there that you may know and know you also but that does not mean that they are discreet. I have heard said many times, even on this forum, that in this situation it is somewhat safer because if someone outs you then you can out them (paraphrasing here). Although that may work in some things there is still a huge chance that it won't. What it boils down to is, it's you word against theirs and whomever has the most credibility wins. In my case it was never me. I spent my entire career on active duty with the National Guard and the Army Reserve but I would never risk the chance of outing myself. But that did not mean I didn't dress when I wanted to because my wife knew and I would always do it in the safety of my home or my hotel room when I went TDY and I drove there by myself in my own vehicle, which was most of the time. You still have a while until retirement and I recommend that you take the old Murphy's Law approach. What can go wrong will go wrong. I have never regretted erring on the side of caution because now I don't have to work and I can do whatever pleases me and I don't have to answer to anyone, except my wife of course and she out ranks everybody, including the Prez. Hooah!!

[JamieQ]

USAF veteran...I would say do not come out now! Hang in there 10 more, retire then "come out". Find some way to CD to tide you over. The military retirement is so important, just do not mess that up! Amanda

[Tiffany35]

Again i thank evreyone for the input it was never (at this point) my intention to try and come out while serving i also do not wish to live full time. i will bide my time and remain safe and employed until i retire. then i will dress whenever and however i want, that sounds like a word i'm trying to remember.... oh yeah FREEDOM! its a sad world where the defenders of freedom are not free themselves

[Teri Ray]

Thanks for your service. I know the sacrifices you have to make. Do your job the best you can. Find a way to make time for work, family and your dressing passion in a balanced manner as best you can. I found that family country and friends came first and my passion to dress was reserved to only special occasions but oh golly did I make the best of the times when I could.

Best wishes
Teri

[Tina B.]

As a reservist, I just put it all away for two years, as far as I've heard, it's still a DADT world in the service for CD's in all branches of the service.
Tina B.

[Dana3]

Retired United States Marine Gunnery Sergeant. The advice you've recevied here is dead on. There's the old joke in the Marines that "No Marine is married when ordered more than fifty-miles from his permanently assigne duty station. I would suggest that outside the safety of your home, that the same applies to your CD'ing. Even then relative to lving in base housing that can be "iffy" As a friend once told me? "I've not got any problems in life? My wife tends to my money, and my neighbors tends to to my business."

Anyone who's ever lived in military base housing knows what a small world it can be and how drama filled it can be. With that said there's always the "Catch All" phrase of the UCMJ ~ Aticle 134 which says:

ART. 134. GENERAL ARTICLE
Though not specifically mentioned in this chapter, all disorders and neglects to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces, all conduct of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces, and crimes and offenses not capital, of which persons subject to this chapter may be guilty, shall be taken cognizance of by a general, special or summary court-martial, according to the nature and degree of the offense, and shall be punished at the discretion of that court.


Which if they can't hang anything else on you? They can hang this on you for cross dressing. Back before I retired from the Corps, they used it on a Navy Corpsman that lived in base housing at Camp Lejeune. A neighborhood kid spied him and went running home to Mommy, the MP's got called because she was appalled, CID (Crminal Investigative Service) and NIS (Naval Investigative Service) got involved. An investigation was held, he was court martialed, drumed out of the Navy, written up in "Navy Times and Marine Times" newspaper.

Any and all other beneifits aside (Health, dental, MWR, PX, commissary priviledges, and assuming your enlisted active duty? Your military retirement in money alone over the course of your lifetime is roughly worth somewhere between a half to three quarters of a million dollars. For that kind of money I would restrict my dressing to home alone, invest in some mini-blinds, curtains and drapes and shutters. I wouldn't live on base if I could help it.

Then there's the wife factor. She may be cool with your dressing for now? But should things ever go South? Your cross dressing could and would be a Ace in the Hold in any divorce settlement. Given that military spouses are "entitled" to half of your military retirement IF they've been married to you for more than TEN YEARS whle on active duty, I wouldn't be making any photographs nor videos. For that matter I would put it on "ice" until well after I had retired from the military. Even if she is currently "cool" with it? That can change like the weather ~ you never know for sure and certain from one day to the next. Its been my experience with women that they can and will "play" you all the while planning and plotting for years and years.

I wouldn't be attending any meetings with Tri-Ess nor anyone else either.

What you fail to yet comprehend is that out here in civilian la~la land its all about more of who you know than what you know. Nepocracy (Hiring firends and family first) is first and foremost. While you're in the military for twenty years, transfering from one duty station to the next every three to five years, those that you knew in high school and college are out there making friends and connections ~ building a network is how and what gets you a job. You'll go blind sending out blind resumes'. Seventy to eighty per cent of any and all jobs are acquired through WHO you know.

"We hire Veterans" and Veterans preference" and "We support our troops!" is just a bunch of lip service. Its not just completing your mlitry service and retiring ~ you've got to be thinking ten to thirity years ahead of the current game. Technically you can live off your military retirement? You just can't live very well off of it? If you don't mind driving a 74' Ford Maverick held together with bailing wire, duck tape, and a whole lot of prayer, living in a twenty year old single wide trailer, shopping at Freds or the Dollar General for clothes, ~ maybe WalMart if your good with your money? Yea! You can live off your miltary retirement.

I wouldn't put a "lot of stock" into the DW (Dear Wife) being as accepting and supportive as you may think she is with your Cross Dressing. Most women at best in my personal experience are only "tolerant" at best! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/

A pound of prevention is worth a pound of cure!