What to make of it and where to go with it?

[**Sasha**]

I have been a "closet" CD since well before I met my wife. After getting married, I gradually came out. It started with jokingly wearing her panties, to several years later, I have a drawer full of panties, bralettes, a bathing suit, some teddies and a few tops and skirts hanging in the closet. The climax to me "coming out" was me telling her that I do this because I felt, that as long as I can remember" that I should have been born a girl.

Sometimes I get mixed signals. For example, if she is shopping at Target and sees a pair of panties that I might like, she will buy some for her, and an extra pair for me. If she is shopping on line and sees a bralette that I might like, she will email me a link.

However, I'm always wanting more. I like to go "en femme" when the kids are not at the house. In this case, she never encourages it, but to me, just seems to "tolerate" it. I have asked her how she feels in the past and I get the generic response "whatever makes you happy".

If I want her to put makeup on me, I have to ask and if I get it, it is 50/50. My fantasy, is to come home from work and just get absolutely dominated and turned into a girl by her. I suggested it several times, but it never pans out. If I want to be Sasha, its up to me to make it happen and I always feel like its just "tolerated".

It is a weird position, because I don't really know where I stand. If I reference "sasha", she knows exactly who I am referring too (my feminine alter ego). I will most certainly not be allowed to go "en femme" in public, even if its in a place that nobody knows us (another fantasy of mine).

I don't really have a question, I guess I just feel the need to discuss it.

[Kayla C]

Sasha,

I think you are very fortunate in the degree of acceptance you've achieved without ever confronting her about your TG side directly. Of course, the problem is that the more we have the more we want. But you don't want to push her away by pushing too hard. It seems she has been very accommodating.

Have you actually ever talked to her directly about your need to express your feminine side?

Kayla C

[**Sasha**]

I have brought it up a few times, but I think the fact that I feel guilty about the fact that she married me as a man and she expects me to be a man (I sprung this on her after we were married) he prevented me from really pushing the issue very far.

Also, even though I think about feminine things almost all the time, I only ever act on them when I'm horny, so I assume its just a "fad" or byproduct of sexual excitement. For example, if I see a picture of a woman wearing a sexy dress, I'll think to myself how I wish I looked like her, or how good her dress would feel on me and then I'll move on. But my wife knows, if I'm wearing panties under my clothes, that we are going to have sex. I never associated women clothing as part of everyday life. I tried to introduce that concept to her, but she responded that if I wore panties 24/7, they would no longer be a "treat" to me and lose their appeal.

[RADER]

Sasha;
Welcome to the forum, glad you found us. Some times it is hard to figure where we want to be,
Either Man or Woman. You are lucky to have a wife that understands you, and your confusion
as where you want to be.
My wife is OK with my dressing, but like you, I stay in the closet. I am to old to think about
going full time as a Female, and the fact that I am build more like Paul Bunion than Tinker-bell.
It is nice to dress around the house as I want, and at the same time I would love to escape to the
Wide world just to feel what it would be like.
Rader

[Amy A]

You have to tread carefully and consider her feelings at all times. It may be your fantasy but she didn't sign up for it when she married you. She's been very accepting of your needs thus far and to further push her into participating in an activity that she may get no enjoyment out of is unfair. Its worth reading this thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?181098-This-is-why-I-find-DADT-so-frustrating...%28a-GG-perspective%29

It's a valuable insight into some of the thoughts and feelings a wife or SO might be going through, and Reine's answers (as usual) are worth their weight in gold.

[Lorileah]

I am going to pick this apart but there are somethings here that if I were your wife I would see red flags

The climax to me "coming out" was me telling her that I do this because I felt, that as long as I can remember" that I should have been born a girl.
If I want her to put makeup on me, I have to ask and if I get it, it is 50/50. My fantasy, is to come home from work and just get absolutely dominated and turned into a girl by her.
So are you a transsexual? Is your wife willing to live with a woman if you decide to change? And the second part of that is you seem to be a sexual fetishist. You want to "play" Let's address the first part. If you feel you should have been bone a female and you still believe you should be a woman then you are a TS. There are some woman who will live with that as long as you both are happy. That would be a good thing. But there are many more who don't want to live in a lesbian relationship. If this is how you feel, expect this to come up. As to the second part. Wanting to be "forced" is not usual for a young TS. It takes the responsibility of you become a woman off your shoulders. It makes it her decision and you just float along. It isn't going to happen. You are the one who needs to decide this. So quit asking your wife to be the driver on this bus, pull up your panties and be responsible.

I suggested it several times, but it never pans out. If I want to be Sasha, its up to me to make it happen and I always feel like its just "tolerated". Stop and think here. You are making all sorts of demand that require her to do the work.




I don't really have a question, I guess I just feel the need to discuss it. You many questions. You just don't want to make an decisions. The major question is why is your wife's responsibility to make you up and dress up when you want to play (and yes it is play for you right now. I would hazard a guess you throw it all away 15 minutes later). Now the question. What are you bringing to the table for your wife? Think about it. It sounds like she is doing a lot more than you realize


she never encourages it, but to me, just seems to "tolerate" it. I have asked her how she feels in the past and I get the generic response "whatever makes you happy". That sound like she is doing a lot my friend. She wants you to be happy. What exactly do you want here? The answer is you want someone else to be responsible you can feel better about you. Sort of selfish no?

[**Sasha**]

You raise many interesting and valid points.

Am I TS? I dont know. Its nothing I would feel comfortable talking to my family, friends and co-workers about, so its not something I considered. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt "different" and was always interested in things feminine.

Because I was born male and was raised male and my friends and family only know me as male, sometimes I feel "ashamed" of what dwells deep inside, so the fantasy of my wife forcing me into this or even encouraging this, would hopefully take some of the shame out of it. So like you stated, I guess it is selfish of me.

I guess I need to learn to be happy with where I am. I'm envious of some of the other members here and the fun things they get to do with their SO, but I do need to keep in mind that its not all about me either. Thanks for reminding me.

[Jenniferathome]

I am shocked that you think your wife should want to participate. You are very fortunate to have a wife who tolerates cross dressing. THAT is exceptional. I think you need to reset your expectations. Sasha is for you, not her. You really need to have this discussion with your wife. Find out what she can handle and what she can not.

[docrobbysherry]

I think u and Lori have covered most everything already.
Just one add: As a so called "fetish dresser", I enjoy sex when dressed. Always have, probably always will. However, many, maybe even most dressers, started that way. After dressing becomes an everyday occurrence for them, they found that their dressing led to other feelings. And, so it may be for u, Sasha. That may require that u dress regularly to get to that plateau, tho.

Now, I have a question for u. In my 5 years here, I don't recall hearing of a "bralette". What is that exactly?

[Angie G]

All I can say is take what you have and be happy with it. Some here would kill for that much.. It can' be all about you I think your wife is being pretty goog about it.:hugs:
Angie

[**Sasha**]

Sage advice, thanks to all.

A bralette, is basically a bra without formed cups, very popular with women who have smaller than B cup breasts. I have a large chest and don't wear breast forms. That leaves me with either a 36AA or 38A, very hard to find. A bralette in "large" fits perfect.

Stores are starting to carry more of them. I picked up a sexy "B-Tempted" bralette from Dillards last month and own a few from Aerie.

[Beverley Sims]

Carefully look after what you already have pause at this stage for six months or more and try to push the envelope later.
To make progress does take time. I dressed for twelve months around the house before another suggestion came up.
Remember a marriage can be for life and very happy as well.
Loneliness is not really an option.

[linda allen]

My advice - Take it slow and easy. Take what you get and be happy. Keep pushing for more but very gently and know when to step back for a while. Think about the last lines in Beverly's post. They are very true and very important.

[darylinb]

I've dressed for many years and have only dressed with maybe two ladies, a casual date after a few drinks and my wife who said she suspected something when we were dating. She said she could tell something was different when we talked on the phone (I was dressed) she said she hear something in my voice... Now being married for 20+ years she asks me why I wasn't dressed sometimes if I come to bed in a t-shirt rather than a nightgown. I wear panties all the time, don't own any man undies. I dress in ladies shorts and sometimes tops most of the time (always around the house). Our neighbors may wonder but have never said a word to us or me about how I dress. Legs always smoothly shaved etc.