Coming out to girlfriend

[karusiskaru]

Hi all
I have been dating a girl for couple of months and I feel desperately to tell her about my CDing...
I was thinking of doing it on the eve of halloween by dressing in drag..

Is this a good idea??

[Jenniferathome]

No. It is a very bad idea. The only way to tell your GF about your cross dressing is face to face, male to female, in a private setting. You are asking a lot of her to accept this part of you. Cross dressing is not a costume, is it? Take it seriously because she will.

[natalie_cheryl]

if anything maybe dress in drag for halloween to gauge how she feels about it but don't do i tand then tell her that it's not just a halloween prank for you

[Megan Briana]

I agree with Jennifer. If you are hoping to build a strong relationship with this GF, then she deserves the truth. I understand how you may want to tell her.This should be done face to face if you are going to tell her (many do keep it a secret). For this reason alone, I have not attempted to even look for a relationship at this time.

My cd-ing is still new to me, and I am enjoying the freedom of not having an SO at this time. But, I do someday want to meet someone to have in my life. And if at that point, I still wish to dress, then I will disclose before it has the chance to hamper the relationship. I feel that right now, if I were to be in a relationship, there is the possibility of having to choose one over the other. And I honestly don't know which of the two I would pick.

Megan Briana

[May(be)]

If you'd like to dress on Halloween, it might be smart to start this conversation before Halloween and then- if she is receptive- to dress for the first time on Halloween. That way there is a safe mental barrier for her at first. You can discuss it before the 31st and, if she is receptive, talk about what kind of costume you'd like to wear and maybe she will help you pick one! However, if it is a big part of your life, you need to be honest with her about that. If it is major, you shouldn't set up the expectation that dressing will only occur one day out of the year. Then again, that may be all you need. I don't know your level of commitment to this whole "dressing" thing.

[karusiskaru]

Well I am pretty serious about crossdressing..I feel uncontrollably feminine at times... I was planning to suggest we go drag for halloween and involve her very elaboratly and see if she enjoys the process.. then maybe try to suggest what I feel.

[May(be)]

Well I am pretty serious about crossdressing..I feel uncontrollably feminine at times... I was planning to suggest we go drag for halloween and involve her very elaboratly and see if she enjoys the process.. then maybe try to suggest what I feel.

Honesty is the best policy. Be up front first before you don an outfit. She may feel betrayed or taken advantage of otherwise.

[karusiskaru]

Yeah my main problem is that If she is completely against it I should get a sense early because the later this confrontation happens the more it will hurt right?

[Jenniferathome]

... involve her very elaboratly and see if she enjoys the process..

You can't trick her into participating in your real life of cross dressing. She may think that dressing for halloween is a hoot and still hate cross dressing. they are not related. Conversation is the only solution. If she is accepting of your cross dressing, you will likely be able to dress for Halloween. Every real woman here has cited the "lie" of not being told as the most serious offense in cross dressing.

[May(be)]

You can't trick her into participating in your real life of cross dressing. She may think that dressing for halloween is a hoot and still hate cross dressing. they are not related. Conversation is the only solution. If she is accepting of your cross dressing, you will likely be able to dress for Halloween. Every real woman here has cited the "lie" of not being told as the most serious offense in cross dressing.

This is the best advice I can think to give also. Good job, Jenniferathome!

[karusiskaru]

Thanks for the advice..coming clean is the right thing to do.. I just need to (wo)man up and tell her! Pray for me girls!

[Vickie_CDTV]

You would not be the first person to do this, and in general it does not go well. You could use the opportunity to gauge her feelings about dressing, but don't use that as a time to tell her.

I don't know if you just like to dress occasionally or it will become a full time lifestyle and you will go the TS route etc. If you think you might be TS remember to be honest about it all, and remember she has a need and a right to know before forming a long-term commitment. The good news is that you are telling her and doing the right thing, and hopefully she will consider that as well.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

You could use the opportunity to gauge her feelings about dressing, but don't use that as a time to tell her.

This was my thought process on Halloween 4 years ago - didn't really get a good read either way (she wasn't horrified, but wasn't all "oh honey, you look great, you should dress like that all the time!"). And honestly, what can you expect? If your goal is to just tell her that you actually enjoy this and it's part of who you are - just do that.

Says the chicken, hypocrite that's still trying to find the courage herself!:D

[Rachel Morley]

She may think that dressing for halloween is a hoot and still hate cross dressing. they are not related. Conversation is the only solution. Sound advice ... my advice is to read THIS POST (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner), that was written by a GG, and then be honest and tell her. How do you tell her exactly? and what do you say? It's all in the post I linked to.

[Tracii G]

Have a talk with her first and explain the other side of you.
It may end the relationship so be ready for that plus what she tells other people.

[Beverley Sims]

Dress up for Halloween by all means.
A very feminine one is a princess in a long frock, nice boobs and all.
If you can carry that off you are part way there.
You can test the reaction by planning and discussing a costume beforehand.
If you want to come out do that at a later stage if you get a favorable reaction at Halloween.

[~Joanne~]

Every relationship is different, every GG's reaction will also be different. I, myself, would test the waters with the dressing on halloween but this certainly won't gauge any real response. Matter of fact, the first response she will have is too laugh because she is use to seeing you in drab and will see the dressing as a joke or halloween costume. Then again this may not be the case depending on your GF.

Do what you want for halloween but when you are ready, and serious, and absolutely sure you want to out yourself to this girl, then do it the way the other girls have said. male to female, a serious uninterrupted conversation. I would also suggest that it not be the day after halloween if you do dress.

[Diversity]

I do not believe this is the appropriate time to bring out something of such a serious nature. It would be best to pick a time when your girlfriend is in a proper frame of mind and when there is no potential for outside interruptions so that you both may discuss this matter openly and honestly. Good luck.
Di

[Alice B]

Jennifer is 100% correct. I suggest you have "the talk" and discuss dressing for Halloween to give her a chance to pre-digest the subject and see you dressed.

[karusiskaru]

Ok so here's the update. I meant to tell her the truth but chickened out :( I did however talk about halloween and suggested we use couples costumes for say playboy or ocktoberfest, but in reverse (so that I will be the girl).. she liked it a lot (although i suspect its just because it makes us unique among the crowd). So ive decided to just enjoy halloween and wait some time before confiding in her.. what do you girls think about this?

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes, it would be a bad idea at that time. For if she thought it was a lot of fun for halloween, she may always just relate it to halloween. It would be best to tell her at some other point. But remember, it can go either way, she may accept you, or she may reject you. But it would be best to tell her anyway ASAP. You don't want to live a lie with her. But be prepared, she may leave you for it, but that would be better than keeping something like this a secret no longer than you have to. So I say yes, but not for halloween.

[ReineD]

So ive decided to just enjoy halloween and wait some time before confiding in her.. what do you girls think about this?

There's a risk that she might feel as if she's been played, when you tell her later and she puts two and two together. But, there's a risk that if you tell her now, she won't be OK with you dressing up in public at Halloween. It's odd but true: if she thinks you're doing this on a lark and it's just a costume, she'll have no issue with you dressed. But once she knows, she'll join the ranks of the people who fear that others will find out.

So you need to weigh what is more important: dressing up for Halloween or telling your girlfriend.

[luscious]

this guy I know who models as a CD/TG has never told his wife and if she did find out he already knows her feelings.

he does not look like his self when dressed so he can get away with modeling.

I know of a few people who if there wife found out it would be a costly and devastating divorce........ and ........then .....some.......

[Tina B.]

If you dress for Halloween, and then tell her, she may feel as if you played her, and even if she can accept the dressing, she may not accept being played.
If you've only been together for just a couple of months, if it bothers her to much, she will be gone. If your going to come out, be honest about it, it's enough to accept without adding deception to it.
Tina B.

ReineD is a pretty smart lady, it pays to listen to her!

[Amy Milnet]

I told my girlfriend of 3 year and it cost me a women I loved! I try hinting around for ever and she seemed to be ok but one nite we where in bed and she said that I was not interested in sex, I said lets spice it up? She did not want to dressup so I told her I would. She help me and we had the best sex ever!! The next day was quite and three days late she told me she did not want to see me any more. It broke my heart! Be very careful!!

[Debglam]

I agree with the comments that if your intent is to tell your GF, you need to tell her. There is a lot of great information on this forum about how to do that.

You would be surprised at what is obvious to you isn't obvious at all to your SO. I did the Halloween in drag thing (just to do it and not as a way let her know) and when I did tell my SO she had no idea that my dressing on Halloween was anything but a lark!

Good luck,
Debby

[WillowWriter]

When I told my girlfriend about my dressing, I told he first a story about me dressing up for halloween and for a showing for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, then went from there. She listened and asked a few questions. Later that night I sent her a photo to her email after she asked to see me dressed up, Hell, I was nervous, but the next morning when i texted her good morning, she said: "Good morning you extremely cute girl ;)" and from there things moved forward. We've been dating 7 months, shes seen me all dressed up in person and has fun with it, shes even a member of this forum. Point of the story: Be open and honest and things work out better. :)

[MissyDuskGG]

When I told my girlfriend about my dressing, I told he first a story about me dressing up for halloween and for a showing for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, then went from there. She listened and asked a few questions. Later that night I sent her a photo to her email after she asked to see me dressed up, Hell, I was nervous, but the next morning when i texted her good morning, she said: "Good morning you extremely cute girl ;)" and from there things moved forward. We've been dating 7 months, shes seen me all dressed up in person and has fun with it, shes even a member of this forum. Point of the story: Be open and honest and things work out better. :)

I couldn't have said it better myself.
If you want to come out to you GF, make sure there is nothing that can distract you or her. Go for broke. Tell her everything. Answer any of her questions the best way you can. Just make sure you do that before Halloween. I hope everything goes well for you.

Good Luck,
Missy

[chloe.t]

I finally got up the courage to tell my friend of three years about my cross-dressing while out one night.

We were out having a bite to eat and a few drinks when I decided it was time to come out, if our relationship was to move forward she had to know.

Her reply was somewhat of a surprise, when she said “I did not know what you were holding back from me but you have not surprised me with this as you knowledge, when we have been shopping about female clothing and fashion and your willingness to discus clothing as we shop was a bit of a surprise, so now it all fits together.”

Yet within a week our relationship seemed strained, we no longer talk at all now.