Going Public

[Moxie]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

My own H hasn't done this yet but honestly, if he did, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm sure it would be for many women as I know I really, really don't want the neighbors finding out! In fact, I think I'd prefer more personal involvement than having my H walking about town in a dress. Children get bullied for far less.:sad:

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

[Kate Simmons]

I, for one, do not go out in "public" per se as a rule, unless there are special circumstances. I more or less limit myself to going to the local LGBT club to socialize and dance. I love to dance, so rather than being potentially stressed by trying to "pass" in public, I utilize my time at a place where I'm more or less accepted. In any case, I have nothing to "prove" to anyone Hon and the main objective is to have fun.:)

[jennyc4u]

as a closet cd myself I'm intrigued to hear
what people say. I could never go out dressed up unless it was halloween or something. i love to dress up but for a lot of us its a very personal thing i think

[Princess Chantal]

The initial reasons for me to go public were to showcase my looks (okay mostly to show off my legs) and to experience my curiousities of doing stuff/go to places with a feminine look. Now days it's to socialize and have all out fun. If my crossdressing helps to engage the general public to open their eyes and minds about crossdressing (you know like disposing the stereotypes that they may just have) would be a huge bonus.

[NicoleScott]

There are two ways to be out in public. Going out in public en femme, but not revealing your male identity. I do this.
Why? It's fun and exciting. It's feedback, hopefully positive but sometimes negative. Being noticed is being noticed.
And making it known (or not hiding it) that you are a guy who crossdresses. I don't do this.

[linda allen]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

I've been out a few times before but not lately (there's a reason that I won't bother with here).

Why would I want to go out in public dressed as a woman? Why do people climb mountains? Because we can. For me I think it's to get the full (as much as possible) experience of being a woman. To see and feel what it's like.

Obviously, there are things we can never experience, but if we are reasonably passable, we can experience driving, walking down the street, etc. as a female.

Also, after spending an hour or two shaving, putting on makeup, wig, etc., who wants to just sit around the house looking in the mirror?

[debbeelee1]

First of all, my SO is accepting, supportive and encouraging of my crossdressing. My crossdressing activities ALWAYS includes her. While I'm not passable and I do not go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon dressed en femme, we do go to GLBT friendly places together with me dressed. Our favorite is our monthly Girls Night Out, which we have been attending regularly for almost a year.

I do drive there en femme, even in the daylight hours. Since she is the designated driver I have a couple of drinks, she drinks soft drinks and she drives us home. We've met many folks who we've become great friends with. Much of the time I mingle with other crossdressers, while they seem to flock to her since an accepting SO is a rare oddity! Our 4-5 hours there each month seems to zoom by because we always have such a great time!

Since I look like a 5'-14" tall guy in a dress, I'd never want to expose her to problems I might encounter going out mainstream, but we do have a blast doing what we do now!

[bridget thronton]

When my kids were in school i did not dress in public so that would not put them at risk of being a target at school. I told them if dressed when they were in college and living on their own. I dress in public because I wear clothes that feel more comfortable and are more stylish than the boy stuff

[ChelseaErtel]

I've only ventured out when traveling in a unfamilar town where I'm not known. Why, that is a question. For me it's exciting to explore that side of my self. I haven't made it into any stores or resturants, but I'd like to. I'd like to pass as a woman to most and go unnoticed if possible. So, when I have ventured out I try to blend in with appropriate clothes. Perhaps it brings my feminie side closer somehow. I still new at the forum and new at even thinking about venturing out.

I'd like to do the normal things dressed. Kind of makes me feel complete in some sense, not just dressing and looking in the mirror. I need more I guess.

[Meghan]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

My own H hasn't done this yet but honestly, if he did, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm sure it would be for many women as I know I really, really don't want the neighbors finding out! In fact, I think I'd prefer more personal involvement than having my H walking about town in a dress. Children get bullied for far less.:sad:

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

I am not self aware to know that I am not closer to transsexual on the sliding scale than I'd otherwise like to believe I am. That said, for me, and again this is just my specific situation, there has been a progression that will soon include going out. We're within a couple of months of it. Here is the sequence:

1. Started experimenting around 4 or 5 with different girl things and found lots of fun playing with makeup, clothes etc.

2. By age 8 or so figured out that I had to do this in private

3. By age 12 I was playing with dresses and makeup every free moment I had until I got caught

4. Back and forth between 13 and 39 thinking I could "cure" this or forget about the urges or repressing stuff so deeply that I didn't believe any of the first 3 steps ever happened

5. Told my wife one night and luckily, she is not only accepting but genuinely curious and enjoys the transformations we experience. I got really lucky here, so this is probably where my experience changes from the normal timeline (although, honestly, we do far more interesting things that this, so I wasn't too worried she would reject Meghan, but that was always a possibility)

6. I think I am near the end of the teenage girl phase, where the manic fun from staying up late playing with makeup and clothes is fading some.

I think the desire to go out is a manifestation of all of the years when it had to be hidden. As children we weren't allowed to even dress (most of us). Now that we are responsible adults and have established our place in the world, what is the true harm in going out?

At some point, I think we recognize the world in general doesn't care very much about what any of us do. We're not in the 50's any more. Sure, there is still some close-mindedness out there and I am going to run into it sooner or later. But in general, the need to go out and experience the world as a woman (or, as closely as we can approximate it) overrides the possible harm (which is probably overstated anyway).

The desire to be out is a natural extension of the inner need, however misguided, to attract. We can't attract if we are unseen.

Not all of us do have this need. Many can be content to just catch an opportunity every now and then.

Personally, I do not know where I am on the spectrum. That's still an evolving process but as I write this I am writing it from a crossdresser point of view.

Meghan

[darylinb]

I've been going out in public for many years now. I'm not a flashy dresser but more natural conservative, shorts, capris, skirts. Usually I'm wearing sandals or flats. I have dressed very nice and gone out in heals, dress etc but that was in Vegas at a casino. I dress and travel by car all the time, eating in restaurants or checking into hotels. I love going to malls to shop and haven't had any problems. I always have smooth legs and arms and my hair is long enough to blow dry to puff it up. My wife thinks I pass fine although she is always a little nervous when I travel alone dressed. She even made up a story to tell police if I should be stopped for something. I'm traveling dressed as a woman to experience how women are treated when traveling alone. All I would have to do is ask the police to call her to verify the story. Pretty smart I think. I was in a minor car crash while dressed in shorts, little top, makeup etc. No problem other than the officer asking me if I was Susan or XXXXXX today. I just said XXXXX and he said ok. (both names are on the car registration) I called my wife and we both got a big laugh over that. Anyway, I dress in public because it feels natural to dress the way I do in public. I'm much more relaxed and comfortable being in feminine clothing. My avatar picture was in Vegas.

[Leslie Langford]

Speaking for myself, the short answer is that after a lifetime spent in the closet and hiding this important part of myself, I could no longer contain the urge to express my feminine side in a more tangible way. I needed to exercise the same freedom that women have to dress and present themselves publicly as they please, and in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.

A lot also has to do with finally accepting this part of myself, realizing that it will never go away, stop feeling guilty about it, and finally accepting this "gender gift" for what it is. I am over 60 now and have only been going out en femme for about 5 years, but my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

What you may not realize, DoorMat (still hate that name, BTW ;)) is that the world treats you much differently when you are out and about as a woman. As a man, you are virtually invisible. Dressed as a woman, you find that other women smile at you when they make eye contact, they engage in small talk when you browse through the clothing racks alongside of them, compliment you on what you are wearing, ask for your input on items they have just selected to buy, strike up conversations when standing in the checkout line, and share a million and one other niceties that you simply don't get to experience as a man. I also like the fact that when out as "Leslie", people hold doors open for me, they stop to ask if they can help if I appear to be looking for something, and cars stop and wait when I want to cross the street. I just feel so much more engaged and connected when out in the world as a woman...

The fitting room experience is another example of this. Men rarely try on the clothes that they are buying, and their fitting rooms are usually hidden in some out-of-the way spot. Women's fitting rooms, by way of comparison, are generally quite prominent and easily accessible, have far more cubicles, and are often staffed by helpful attendants who greet you, check up on you from time to time, and are more than willing to run and fetch different sizes or styles of the particular items that you are trying on if what you have with you doesn't fit just right. There is also an energy and a buzz in the women's fitting rooms that simply doesn't exist on the men's side, where one is essentially left to one's own devices to muddle through.

DoorMat, you express the same fears that my wife does in terms of me possibly "getting caught", being laughed at, harassed, or somehow ending up in danger when out en femme. She is particularly paranoid in her fear that I might get arrested for doing that I do. Well - News flash! - short of perhaps living in Taliban-controlled areas of the world, there is nothing illegal about crossdressing in public in most of the Western world. H*ll, women do it all the time ;). But the truth is - it just doesn't happen that way.

I am fortunate that because my height and build still fall within the range of most women's even if they are at the upper end, I am able to blend in quite easily and occasionally even "pass". And since I waited so long to finally go out in public en femme, my beard has largely turned gray in the meantime and can easily be covered up with make up following a close shave, and with minimal evidence of a "5 o'clock shadow" afterwards. I also make it a point to dress fashionably and age-appropriately, and often better than the GG's whom I interact with. That leaves little room to make fun of me even if I am "read" as a crossdresser, and when I do get the proverbial "second looks", it is more likely because someone is taken by my sense of style as opposed the fact that there might be a man lurking beneath all those nice clothes. I see this as a "pay it forward' approach", and if I act as a lady, people will automatically and subconsciously treat me as one.

All that said, it takes time and practice to develop this level of self-confidence, and like so many others here who do the same thing, I was terrified the first few times I went out in public en femme for fear that all those terrible things might happen to me as well. And you know what? They NEVER did.

I have not had one single bad experience going out as "Leslie", and have always been treated with dignity and respect - just like any other natal woman. If anything, I have probably gotten better service in stores than most GG's do because SA's tend to be fascinated and intrigued by us when they do clue in and therefore bend over backwards to help us. In fact, on several occasions, I have actually had more than one SA help me simultaneously, and everyone had a blast in the process. I almost feel that they rather enjoy serving crossdressers as we tend to be appreciative of good service and helpful advice - unlike some GG's who have body image issues, can't find anything that they like or feel looks good on them, and then get b*tchy and take their frustrations out on the SA's.

All that aside, DoorMat, I've also found that going out in public en femme and experiencing first-hand what it feels like to be treated like a woman also had its negative aspects, and that knowledge has actually made me a better man. Yes, as males we may have a superficial understanding of this, but until one has actually been leered at for the first time, hit upon, or otherwise been made to feel uncomfortable by some of the pigs that pass for members of our biological sex, one cannot truly appreciate the devastating effect that might have. I now do, and on some level it makes me feel ashamed to be a man and be subject to this type of "guilt by association". It also gives me one more reason to be grateful for my "gender gift" and that I am not as one-dimensional as some of these macho jerks.

You might want to look at your husband from that perspective as well, Doormat, and realize that some of the admirable qualities that made you fall in love with and marry him in the first place are deeply rooted in his feminine side, even if you might not have been aware of it at the time.

[Joanna41]

Why do I go out into public? Well I am not gonna spend all this money on shoes and clothes not to show them off. I don't go out much but when I do it's always with my wife. I have taken my being a cd as a challenge to myself to look and act as womanlike as possible when dressed. The challenge is to be a master at it. To master the art of fashion, make-up, nail care, hair care, and mannerisms. Clothing choices for men are bland and quite boring...while women's clothing choices are endless. Have you ever compared the mens section verse the womens section at a dept store? Women have almost an entire floor for clothes, dresses, accessories, purses, shoes, make-up, and of course intimates. To go out and be seen as a different person is quite the challenge and not to mention a bit scary. We do it because we have managed to gain enough courage to take that step and try it out. It's different...it's fun....and to a cd its pretty normal. We go out into the real world as close to being a women as we can get for many different reasons. Ask your husband what his are. I'm sure he will share his with you.

Joanna

[cyndigurl45]

Although I'm not in the GG category I am a woman so if that's crossdressing simply because my parents made the wrong choice 100 years ago then so be it. ......

[Kathi Lake]

Why do I go out dressed? That's a great question!

On the surface, there are many reasons - because it's fun, because it's a rush, because I've tried it and was accepted, and because I can.

Yes, I know as a woman, you're wondering where the 'fun' comes in - uncomfortable shoes, bras that bind, clothing that is pretty rather than practical. I guess the fun lies in the fact that it's different to us. We never get to experience silky or stretchy fabrics, shoes that don't tie, shirts that aren't a polo or a button-up, colors that are only a portion of the spectrum.

The rush comes in because we are doing something that society tells us that we shouldn't. No, most of us don't have a 'stick it to the man' complex. We do, however, get very tired of society always telling us that we have to act this way, that we cannot feel, that we dare not step outside of the very narrow box that we are relegated to. For some (usually the younger ones) who can actually look like a woman when dressed, the feeling of potentially fooling someone is also a kind of rush - like you're getting away with something. If you only understood the stifling and uncomfortable box that society places men in, you might understand why some choose to break free at times in this manner.

On a more personal level, I like to go out because of validation. I work hard to hone my skills. I have tried and tried to learn to do my makeup right, to dress in a manner that is consistent with women my age and body type, and to blend into the female half of society. Am I doing all this for me? Mostly, but also for others as well. You see, I firmly believe - against the current feelings of society - that what I am doing is not wrong. I am a nice person with a good personality. When I go out dressed and interact with people, I try to leave them changed. I try to let them know that I am not like their preconceived ideas of what we are about. I am not like what the media portrays us to be. As I've said before, if you met me in the street as I am normally dressed, you would meet a nice, normal guy. If you met me in the street dressed as a woman, you would again meet a nice, normal guy. My personality does not change based on what side of the closet I get dressed from. I am me in a jeans and t-shirt as much as I am me in a dress and heels.

So, I'm saying that I dress to change the world? I'm dressing as a service to others? Sounds all nice and altruistic. That can't be all there is to it, right? Of course not. Could I dress in private. Yes, I guess so, but what would be the point, in a way? To me, dressing alone in my basement seems almost a bit fetishistic. I would be dressing for my own pleasure, and to me, that seems a bit odd. Much of the pleasure I get in life I get through interacting with others. I am a people person. Well, why should my interactions be limited to me when I'm dressed in a certain way?

So, to get back to your question, it's not important for people to view me as a woman, because I'm not. What is important to me is that they view me as me - no matter what I'm wearing. Because there's a lot more to me than one small part.

Kathi

[Thera Home]

Hi Mattie

Ive never been out in public en femme but I would love too someday. I think it would be rush to do it. I wouldnt do it for the attention but for the feeling of being totally against the norm. "off the wall" type thing. Its a fantasy for me right now but you never know, I just might have to take on the world,Babe.:D

Thera

[RachelRICD]

I not only go out in public but work as a woman in a public healthcare office and love every minute of it. Most know I am a crossdresser but recently I seem to pass more readily. I spent too many years in the closet and decided to break out several years ago. I am so glad I did because now I can be me. I enjoy being looked at, spending time as one of the girls at work and enjoying the pretty part of me. No, it's not for everyone but for me it's a great part of me.

[Cheryl T]

I do it because my employer requires a uniform....OHHHH ... you mean THAT way...lol.

I do it because it's a natural extension of expressing who I am. After so many, many years in the closet it's just fulfilling to be able to venture out and do everything as a woman. We are not designed to be solo creatures. We crave the interaction of others and that just completes me in ways I just can't express fully.

[Loni]

i go out doing most anything i need to do, dressed as loni, cause it just feels right.
but then i do not have a so that has a sward hanging over me. have you and your h ever been to a gender group? you just might find you like it. some are great party's, some are more like a meeting group. or even just to a club the allows cross dressers. couple drinks some dancing, music, etc. make a weekend in a big city out of it. (mini vacation if you will).
dressing is part of us. just like some live to go fishing. your h is who he is cause of all of him and this is why you fell in love with him.
have the both of you gone shopping (him in drab)?

he could have a far worse "hobby" and this would exclude you from his life. but dressing can include you, both of you will love it if that could happen. both your lives would be enriched by this.

just my take on life.

Loni

.

[audreyinalbany]

I do it because I like it and it's fun. I'm sure there are deep psychological reasons, bad parenting, distant father, admirable mother, whatever. But the long and short is that it's taken me nearly fifty years to just come to the conclusion that it's simply fun. I enjoy it. Why do some people like coconut? Why do some people ride motorcycles? Some get off on roller coasters. Who knows. I've gotten tired of trying to find reasons why I'm a cross dresser. I just am.

[susan54]

Hi. I have been going out in public for 16 years all over the UK but mainly Scotland - shopping, beauty salons, dining out, visiting galleries and museums, and staying in hotels for days on end. In the last hotel I even used the swimming pool (one piece costume). I never imagine I am a woman, I am just acting. When people assume I am a woman I regard this as a form of appreciation of my acting skills. I only wear skirts and dresses, always with heels, but sometimes I wear these as a man, with no bra or make up. I never get negative reactions - never.

Most of the people I interact with are women, and most of them already know I am a man (I go back to the same places a lot). They give me wonderful feedback on my outfits - I dress elegantly and can walk convincingly - if you have good legs and are slim, you can look great in a dress if you walk and stand properly.

For me it is not sexual, but it is compulsive. When I step out of the car for the first time on a day out, there is a definite rush when I sling my handbag over my shoulder, I feel the air on my legs and my skirt on my sheer stockinged legs, and hear the click of my heels on the pavement. Entering a familiar setting like may favourite shops usually gets a reaction to my outfit. Occasionally I will hear "That's just not fair" or get a row for wearing long skirts with the legs I have.

I have met lovely women I would not otherwise have met, and they are always so nice to me. Wearing these clothes is FUN in a way that men's clothes never can be, and being in public in them adds considerably to the fun. I not NOT need to be taken as a woman,just as someone who is good at acting and dressing like one.

The few people I have told have loved it, except one partner who really did not want to know. But I am careful to avoid friends and neighbours realising - easier than you think even in a small community. It would be nice to have a wider social life dressed like this but I draw the line about being out to my wider network of friends. So out with limits and discretion covers it, going out in public a couple of times a month with one holiday a year in Scotland or N England. But I wear these clothes (without make up of wig) at home nearly all the time.

I was going to comment on the name chosen by the OP but really it is none of my business and you possibly have your reasons, but I would be uncomfortable addressing anyone as that.

[Jenniferathome]

Great question! I am sure there will be a thousand reasons provided, but for me it is a validation of sorts. It is like screaming at the top of my lungs, "This is who I am" without saying a word. It's odd, for sure, in that I do not want to be called out or humiliated (and on every occasion out, no one has said a word), but I want the "world" to see that this is part of me.

My wife and I live in a fairly small town and she would never go out with me as we could be recognized and neither of us want that stigma but she has gone out with me when away from home and it was fun (more fun for me for sure). You should make sure to tell him that going out locally is a boundary you can't stomach. But would you care if he was out in some town 100 miles away? 25 miles? Where is the boundary for you? You would be surprised, but when we crossdressers are out, we are read probably 100% of the time, by someone. Mostly, people don't care. If your husband stays where his age group should be, he'll be fine. The better he looks as a woman, the more likely he will be unnoticed.

[Beverley Sims]

Idress more and go out when on holidays.
When I am near home I do not generally venture out much.
There is a certain feeling of freedom in looking at the womens section of a store when dressed.
Also if you want to share company of others with like interests it is more natural to do it dressed.
There is also less likleyhood of being outed in the company of others.

[Barbara Ella]

You have gotten the myriad of answers that cover the spectrum. Almost as many answers as individuals, as would be expected. I have only gone out four times, and i did it because I wanted/needed to do it. I wanted to buy a dress, and I wanted to try it on before. I wanted to walk through a mall and shop in the sores.

If you Husband needs to go out, just set the boundaries as Jenniferathome mentioned. He just does not need to do it in town. If you do not want him driving through your neighborhood, make him get a room to change. This is my situation, and I will have to deal with it, and it makes planning outings more fun, as they get to be a bigger event. Your concerns should be understood.

Barbara

[RylieCD]

I have gone out only a few times but iit when I give up being a prisoner in my own home.

[ReineD]

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

There are basically two different types of CDers: fetish/compulsion-based (sexual or non-sexual) with no internal feminine gender ID component, and CDers who do feel a degree of gender ambiguity, even if they do not identify as TS.

If a CDer does this just for kicks (sexual fetish or non-sexual compulsion) and he otherwise identifies as a solid male then he likely will not feel the need to present publicly as a woman, unless of course he is looking for sex partners, or a part of his fetish/compulsion (and there are many variables to the fetish/compulsion) is to be "seen" by others as a beautiful woman.

My SO falls under the second category and even though most people like him refer to themselves as CDers (as opposed to TS), he identifies as dualgender (or bigender). Others here who are like my SO, in addition to referring themselves still as CDers, may also refer to themselves as "middlepathers", or "Transgenders (TGs)", but they all mean the same thing: a person who does experience a milder form of gender dysphoria than a TS who either must seek sexual reassignment surgery or go insane, as opposed to dressing solely for kicks. I must also add that there are CDs/TGs/dualgenders/bigenders/middlepathers in this category who fear being "found out" so much (thus losing jobs, families, etc), that they satisfy themselves with remaining closeted for many years.

Everyone had different coping mechanisms.

For the benefit of others who may read this, please keep in mind that I'm writing only about the major categories and there are some overlaps. I can't possibly account for every since variance and motive for dressing in one post (which is turning out to be lengthier than I had intended :p).

So, back to DM, if there is a degree of internal alignement with the feminine gender, then it makes sense that the person will eventually seek to move beyond a one-dimensional expression of this gender, which is what happens when the expression is limited to appearance only. It's kinda empty to live your life alone in a room expressing who you are. So there develops a need for social interaction as there does for every other human being unless a person is a hermit ... an emotional desire to be seen, heard, and validated, even if a person is bigender and does not want to transition. They will still benefit from interacting with others as a female on occasion and thus relieve their milder gender dysphoria.

Another way to do this would be to present as a totally feminine male (in guy mode with perhaps long hair, maybe long nails, and maybe a shaved body, wearing the pretty clothing that we in our society attach to femaleness and that CDers find attractive, but without attempting to pass as a woman), which is not something that most people in our society are comfortable with ... hence the need to fly under the radar and attempt to present as a woman occasionally, especially if a hetero CDer does not want to be perceived as being gay (which is yet another societal taboo in many areas).

If we lived in a society that did not put constraints on how men choose to present themselves, if it was allowed for men to be "pretty" without any judgment of any kind, I imagine there would be very few CDers of the second category that I mention above and honestly I wonder just how many fetish/compulsive CDers there would be as well, although there would still be people who are sexual or shopping compulsives no matter how they dress.

And come to think of it, I wonder how many transsexuals there would be too, although there are people who do know when they are quite young (and perhaps not so young) that their genitalia does not match who they feel they are inside, and so these people would still seek sexual reassignment surgery.

If you haven't guessed already, the whole business of gender non-conformity is pretty complex and it spans biological, psychological, emotional, sexual, medical, social, cultural, legal, spiritual, moral, and ethical concerns, all to varying degrees.

[Sarasometimes]

Wow ReineD, you should get paid for that explanation!
Here is mine. I crossdress because of that is what I need to express my gender identity! Along that same continuum there are some who don't have that need and others, like myself who do. I order for me to feel fufilled, gender expression wise, going out in public feels right. If men in dresses with 5 o'clock shadows were acceptable I would do that but since US culture doesn't the best way to get what I need is to dress to blend as a GG so I don't suffer the repercussions of the latter. I use caution to reduce the likelyhood of being recognized while dressed. I travel away from home, at hours when places I go to are least busy and quite frankly hope for the best.

[Inna]

OK I seriously contemplate weather I should speak up or not..................

My insight on this matter of, who is and how much, has its own view not particularly conducive to all, lol.

One thing is certain, call it what you want, putting women's attire on is not an option in regular, bloky male's on screen menu!

Clothes of all kind, undies and outer wardrobe, out of women's department are worn to express femaleness.

Stigma associated with others finding out about the secret keeps some in the closet. It isn't because they love their closet so much, are you really buying that argument!?

Any one given the chance of being out will be out, period!

Crossdressing of all kind is the internal need to express self femaleness through image association, that of internal balances with external.

Fetishists however could very well have their expression totally tight into just articles of underwear or intense sexual objectification, and they will never venture outside of territory of the safe house, and that is where their secret stays secret! Or is it merely expression of angst against inability to express femaleness in its entirety, well.....is it?????

[Courtneigh]

Hi All. Although it could be very personal and private for each in her own way it is still something each of us has to deal with one way or another.I too spent quite a few years trying to regain my sanity and be normal....normal is who I am not what society wants me to be.
My Wife fortunately are very supportive and understanding and things are just great.
Going out in public I have done once and passed with flying colours, speaking is a challenge though. I'd like to do it as much and permanent as possible...I am a girl above all so why not ?
F... the people....we are the people !!!

[Alicew]

Fun ,validation or just plain expression of self take your pick im sure youll find most answer one of the above if not all three at the same time.
Each to there own there too some never do some long to do it and some the thought never crosses their mind to attempt.
Me personally tried it out few times fully dressed up with my own long hair when i was 16ish late at night just wandering around in the area couldnt tell you even now why i did it,havebt done it to that extent since ,more recently ive took to wearing my bra and small forms as often as possible it just feels normal to have it on duno if thatll make sense to you or not,but ot the extent of full blown waltzing down the street broad daylight unless i get some help from my mom on make up that aint gona happen any time soon as i aint told her that side of me yet.

[kendra_gurl]

DoorMat my answer is only about me and from my own experiences. My wife was exatly where you are about 15 years ago. Not only did she not understand why I would want to go out fully dressed but neither did I.

I started out as what ReineD calls a fetish crossdresser as I'm sure most of us here did many many years ago. There is a progression that comes not only with age but also with years of all the different experiences a CD is forced to deal with over time.

Your husband has already mastered the most difficult. Telling you about his crossdressing. As you will read on this site many of the members here still have not mastered that difficult task.

After I matured some and the desire to dress more completely rather than just in lingerie began to develop I bought my first wig and some makeup like so many others do. All those post you read about the fear of anyone thinking my purchases were for me I felt and while it was very scary to do it was still something I was compelled to do if I wanted to look the way I wanted to look. (notice I say look not feel).

I dressed for the mirror, that female staring back at me mimicking all those feminine poses, all the primping and acting seductive was so appealing. It replaced the urgent gratification with a more pleasing and much longer period of Euphoria (Euphoria (semantically opposite of dysphoria) is medically recognized as a mental and emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feelings of well-being, elation, happiness, excitement, and joy.)

I think it's only natural in this progression that I then began to develop a method to refine my appearance to become even more feminine in my reflection so I could not only disguise but then totally hide my normal male self. As any CD can tell you, if you still see your male self looking back at you its not easy to deal with. All the fantasy in the world can't hide that your a guy in a dress untill you reach a point where you no longer recognize your male self in the mirror.

This is where testing the illusion in public starts to take place. For me it was never about trying to look good in drag or going out with other CD's as a group who anyone could tell were a group of CD's. I do however admit that is one of the first and safest methods to be out in public. I just never felt anything in common with other CD's in Gay clubs or with being hit on by men in those enviroments.

With the help of my wife and her acceptance and understanding we started going on weekend trips where she felt safe that no one would know us. The rush and excitement, the fear of someone knowing and the time and expense it took to accomplish these trips made me try even harder to look real. It also over time made her feel much more comfortable and confident being seen with me as just another female friens she was out with.

Now I am out dressed with my wife usually at least once a week and I am very comfortable with the illusion I present.

It VALIDATES that all the time and effort I put into my look and mannerisms is worth it. I am old enough that I don't really get hit but still get noticed by guys that I have no interest in other than to know they are checking out an attractive woman. And like others have said women treat me differently too. That validation brings on the Eurphoria that rushes thru me to the core.

For the past 4 or 5 years now I like you have asked myself why I want to take all the risk I do just to be seen as Kendra in public and I in all honesty can't really answer that question as I have become so accustomed to it the eurphoria I feel is diminnishing just enough that I now have thoughts of when the inevitable wil happen and I am recongized by someone we know and have to explain it all.

I guess my progression is becomming full circle now as I ask myself the same question you are asking

[I Am Paula]

'cause I need to buy food and lumber and panties, and I can't leave the house naked.

[Brianna612]

I am who I am. Why should I hide? There's nothing wrong with me just the others with narrow minds.

My question to you is Why do you find it wrong for men to wear women's clothing but you don't have a problem slipping into one of his shirts?

This is interesting. Today I was watching the Steve Harvey show. He has this lady on that is showing women how to wear their boyfriend's clothes. I bet he wouldn't have a show on how we can wear our girlfriends clothes. I think I'll e-mail him and suggest that.

[Angela Campbell]

I really do not go out much but I do enjoy it when I can. Why?? Well it is very lonely being in the closet. For me I have always wanted to be a girl and it is nice to go out and get a little of that experience. It is very different being in public dressed as a woman. It is a lot of work as well making a masculine body look feminine and I want to enjoy as much of this time as I can. I understand not letting others know ...my family does not, I can go out of town and stay the night and go out with no fear. Well ..... there is always some fear to being transgendered. Just imagine if tomorrow you were told you may not ever again use makeup, wear a skirt, must hide your breasts, wear male attire at all times and wear a beard and short male hairstyles. It would not take long before you were unhappy. I like to make myself look as nice as I can and as a male in male attire I do not think I do.

[Jenniferathome]

My question to you is Why do you find it wrong for men to wear women's clothing but you don't have a problem slipping into one of his shirts?

Come on. How about a lifetime of socialization that says it's wrong? First and foremost, wives and girlfriends do not wear mens clothes to cross dress. They wear them, if ever, to cover themselves because they didn't bring or don't have a change of clothes. Women look terrible in a typically fitted man's clothing. You are not making a fair or relevant reference. Oranges and Apples here.

[Tina B.]

As usual RieneD hit's a home run again. For me, I don't go out, but then I get validation at home, from a loving wife that lets me be me, and treats me as I would love to be treated.
But as to your last question DM, if it where to stress anyone out being seen as a women, they wouldn't be out there would they? Many here go out, as often as they can, because they can't dress at home and be treated like a lady. Others are just out going people that love to have interactions with others.
You've been here long enough to know by now, we are a rather harmless crowd, have no desire to hurt our family's, or embarrass our wives, but why should we give up being able to express who we are, just to please everyone else, what about our needs, desires and dreams, don't we have the right to have them, and try to fulfill them when we can.
I've always done right by my family, paid my bills and seen to it they didn't want for anything if I could help it. What little I've taken over the years in cheap clothes and small amounts of time to express my inter feeling have not deprived any of them, of anything, including me. I've known macho types that spend much more time and money, hunting, golfing, and drinking with the boys, than what I've ever taken. As the saying goes, no harm, no foul!
Tina B.

[Tracii G]

Being dual gendered as Reine's husband is I go out in public dressed as a woman sometimes because its how I feel that day.
Not to deceive anyone or to prove a point its just me expressing my gender identity on that day.It can be confusing to some I know.
I do dress in womens clothes (casual)every day but obviously a man and have for years its just the way I am wired.
I don't care for the standard fare in mens clothes I don't like how it looks and feels on me.
Some guys look great in them I don't.
I have had problems dealing with my gender identity and tried to squash it and fell into having to prove to myself how macho I was but that is just not me inside.
Once I accepted myself its been great.
I know most women can't understand how a guy can even have the urge to swap genders but we aren't hard asses all the time.It doesn't mean we are gay or a pervert or a sexual deviant.
Stereotyping by genders is one thing that drives me crazy Girls can be tough and guys can be soft its all good.

[ArleneRaquel]

I go out as a woman over 90% of the time, at least since 2004. I feel that I express the real me when I'm dressed in female attire.

[Phoebe Reece]

The short answer is: Being all dressed up with no place to go is a drag. (Pun intended)

I have been dressing and going out in public for nearly 40 years. I consider myself an explorer in a very different world - that of the woman. As others have mentioned, one does get treated differently when presenting as a woman. Experiencing this has been fun for me. I have never had what I would consider a bad experience when out, and have had many great and memorable experiences. For a good portion of my career I lived overseas in a place where going out in public crossdressed simply was not possible. During that time I regularly dressed in the privacy of my home and became bored to tears with that situation. Once I left that job and was living in the USA again I started getting out in public a lot more than I ever had in my life. In fact if I get dressed up now - I am out the door. I don't bother with crossdressing at all if I just intend to sit around the house. I have some inner need to do this that simply cannot be fully explained.

[Veronica27]

There have been some great replies to this thread, but I am not sure if they are answering the original question that was asked. As ReineD said, crossdressers can be divided into two basic groups, those who experience a form of gender ambiguity, and those who do not. I prefer the explanation of kendra_gurl who describes it as euphoria versus dysphoria. It is too easy to dismiss the non gender ambiguous group as being fetishists or compulsion based while concentrating on the need to express the inner womanhood of those who experience gender ambiguity in a discussion such as this. However, the original question appeared to be addressed directly to those who suffer no such ambiguity. Why would a man who identifies as a man, want to be seen by strangers as a woman?

This is a difficult question to answer, because of the variety of motivations. For many of these men, dressing has nothing to do with expressing their "inner woman" or being the woman that they feel they are at least in part. Instead, it is often an escape from monotony or a desire to emulate what they admire. As children we used to play games of "let's pretend" where we imagined ourselves in all sorts of roles, non of which we really wanted to be, but which inspired our imagination or seemed momentarily exciting. We still observe this phenonemon in adults who engage in various role playing pursuits such as historical re-enactments, cosplay and the related crossplay, and the various forms of hero worshipping conventions. All of these activities find the participants dressing in costumes that fit the situation they are emulating. For many, crossdressing is simply a form of role playing or let's pretend in the same manner. In some cases, the dressing evolves into an art form, which the participant is constantly trying to improve. Art in most forms equates to self expression. The artist who paints a picture of a beautiful woman is expressing his personal observations about feminine pulchritude, in much the same way as the artist who paints a sunset is expressing his observations of nature's beauty. The crossdresser may simply be an artist who is using his own body as the canvas to express his love and appreciation of female beauty.

Whatever the motivation, it all boils down to expressing something, be it our appreciation of beauty, our admiration of femininity or in the case of the dysphoric, their own inner femininity or womanhood. Dressing in the confines of one's own closet is much like talking to yourself. Expression involves both the one doing the expressing, and those to whom it is being expressed. The artist wants others to see his work, and as an artist, so does the crossdresser. It is only natural that a crossdresser would want to go out in order to add meaning to his activity and feel complete.

Veronica

[Launa]

I have just started to crossdress in public, I do it because I have wanted to go out for a long time and be who I am. I have been ashamed all my life and have stayed in the closet for many years . Crossdressing makes me feel whole. Why should I hide it because society says so?
I do not go Willy Nilly on everything I do. I won't leave the house dressed and let the neighbors see me because my wife doesn't want that and I respect her wish.

Other than that if someone were to hassle me in public then I say lets get it on and let the chips fall. I don't want to look for trouble but why hide anymore?
Are you from the USA?
If so to hide crossdressing for me would feel like to you like you've lived your life without EVER being able to speak up and say, "hey I'm an American" with pride and actually having to hide that part of you like it is dirty and filthy.

What will cause me distress is if I hide my whole life in the closet and don't learn to stand up and be accounted for. I just need to respect my wife's concerns at the same time other wise I wouldn't care 1/2 as much as I have to.

[ReineD]

It is too easy to dismiss the non gender ambiguous group as being fetishists or compulsion based while concentrating on the need to express the inner womanhood of those who experience gender ambiguity in a discussion such as this.

Thanks for the explanation of motives following this quote. I did dismiss the non gender ambiguous folks. :hugs:

... on a fun note, hey people, we have two brand new labels to choose from now! :D

1. Gender ambiguous (GA)
2. Non gender ambiguous (NGA)

[Tracii G]

Darn two more labels to deal with and I still am not sure where I fit in LOL

[sinderella]

Uhm...because I want to...yep...that's it, plain and simple...because I want to.

[MissVictoria]

I have been going out for many years now, and only because I enjoy wearing feminine clothing. I do NOT pass, (only when MU is applied by pros will I come close) but I thoroughly enjoy going against the grain. I generally go out dressed to the nines, with out the hair and makeup. I will be a very finely dressed man who wears womens clothing. I enjoy people commenting on how well I walk in my heels, or how a skirt makes my legs look good or whatnot. I have had many many conversations about my hobby, and almost all positive. In fact, I cannot honestly remember a negative conversation in over 8 years of this! I feel SA's are more helpful, because I'm not hiding who I'm shopping for, fellow shoppers will look strangely upon me, but then comment about how a dress may look good on me. I enjoy standing out from the crowd. I have gone to malls, grocery shopping, dry cleaners, the home depot, etc. IMO, people have far too much other stuff to worry about other than what me, a total stranger in their world, is wearing. If I make someone smile along the way, because they are seeing something they've never seen before, so be it. I enjoy it, and I will continue to do it. I am married, and my wife is supportive. She will select my clothing for me on days I plan to spend en femme, and accessorize me accordingly. She knows I get a kick out of it. I will not let her come with me if I am not "pretty", but if I have my hair and MU done, then we go out together.

[Erica2Sweet]

I posted this several days ago and it answers your question, so I figure why reword it...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?182127-Nix-CDing-for-SO&p=2978307&highlight=#post2978307

With regard to going out: Having someone in my life who cared more about what the neighbors thought than how I feel would be a deal breaker for me. That is completely out of harmony with my core value system.

My wife and I have spent a great deal of time out together on dates and going shopping, and we share particularly fond memories of the hours we spent shopping for our wedding, and the Christmas seasons we have shared together. She's even been present on several occasions when I've been hit on by unsuspecting males. She told me moments ago she enjoys those unusual moments that we would have never had the opportunity to share had my femme side been confined to our home all this time.

I speak from experience when I say you honestly don't know what you're missing.

[Erica2Sweet]

There are basically two different types of CDers: fetish/compulsion-based (sexual or non-sexual) with no internal feminine gender ID component, and CDers who do feel a degree of gender ambiguity, even if they do not identify as TS.

If a CDer does this just for kicks (sexual fetish or non-sexual compulsion) and he otherwise identifies as a solid male then he likely will not feel the need to present publicly as a woman, unless of course he is looking for sex partners, or a part of his fetish/compulsion (and there are many variables to the fetish/compulsion) is to be "seen" by others as a beautiful woman.

My SO falls under the second category and even though most people like him refer to themselves as CDers (as opposed to TS), he identifies as dualgender (or bigender). Others here who are like my SO, in addition to referring themselves still as CDers, may also refer to themselves as "middlepathers", or "Transgenders (TGs)", but they all mean the same thing: a person who does experience a milder form of gender dysphoria than a TS who either must seek sexual reassignment surgery or go insane, as opposed to dressing solely for kicks. I must also add that there are CDs/TGs/dualgenders/bigenders/middlepathers in this category who fear being "found out" so much (thus losing jobs, families, etc), that they satisfy themselves with remaining closeted for many years.

Everyone had different coping mechanisms.

For the benefit of others who may read this, please keep in mind that I'm writing only about the major categories and there are some overlaps. I can't possibly account for every since variance and motive for dressing in one post (which is turning out to be lengthier than I had intended :p).

So, back to DM, if there is a degree of internal alignement with the feminine gender, then it makes sense that the person will eventually seek to move beyond a one-dimensional expression of this gender, which is what happens when the expression is limited to appearance only. It's kinda empty to live your life alone in a room expressing who you are. So there develops a need for social interaction as there does for every other human being unless a person is a hermit ... an emotional desire to be seen, heard, and validated, even if a person is bigender and does not want to transition. They will still benefit from interacting with others as a female on occasion and thus relieve their milder gender dysphoria.

Another way to do this would be to present as a totally feminine male (in guy mode with perhaps long hair, maybe long nails, and maybe a shaved body, wearing the pretty clothing that we in our society attach to femaleness and that CDers find attractive, but without attempting to pass as a woman), which is not something that most people in our society are comfortable with ... hence the need to fly under the radar and attempt to present as a woman occasionally, especially if a hetero CDer does not want to be perceived as being gay (which is yet another societal taboo in many areas).

If we lived in a society that did not put constraints on how men choose to present themselves, if it was allowed for men to be "pretty" without any judgment of any kind, I imagine there would be very few CDers of the second category that I mention above and honestly I wonder just how many fetish/compulsive CDers there would be as well, although there would still be people who are sexual or shopping compulsives no matter how they dress.

And come to think of it, I wonder how many transsexuals there would be too, although there are people who do know when they are quite young (and perhaps not so young) that their genitalia does not match who they feel they are inside, and so these people would still seek sexual reassignment surgery.

If you haven't guessed already, the whole business of gender non-conformity is pretty complex and it spans biological, psychological, emotional, sexual, medical, social, cultural, legal, spiritual, moral, and ethical concerns, all to varying degrees.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NathalieX66]

ReineD wrote
There are basically two different types of CDers: fetish/compulsion-based (sexual or non-sexual) with no internal feminine gender ID component, and CDers who do feel a degree of gender ambiguity, even if they do not identify as TS.

Reine, I fit into both categories, I won't lie.
First, I have a fetish for frilly little girls dresses (...not sissy maid dresses, mind you, just princess girly girl) . This goes back when my dad owned a children's clothing store when I was n my single digit ages. There was something majestic about these poufy dresses, and I caught on to them. OK , that's that.

My female side is just the other side of me, and I do go out as her. There is no sexual component to this side of me whatsoever. This side is my social side, and as much of my personality as my male side. I also happen to enjoy women's fashion, mainly because men's fashion and the male image doesn't define me really.

When I'm in public, I don't want to be seen as a crossdresser. I want to be seen as a woman, even if it's a transgender woman.

I was kind of frustrated this evening because I went shopping after work as a guy looking for a certain type of sweater, and some other basic every day female clothes for the sheer purpose of going shopping en femme, and blending in amongst other women at the shopping mall. Women's clothes, in general, are so confusing that I need to spend a fair amount of time in the women's department, or any store so I can feel relaxed while shopping, and study the clothes. It's not like walking into the Gap, and grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt. Something in me makes me nervous when I get read by other women, because women check other women out, and if something's not right in my presentation, and I got a funny look, then in my eyes, I failed......that's just me. I know that 95% of the obstacle in going out in public is our own fears, not other people. Trust me, I have been in the most public and crowded places many times, and never had a problem. So much of it is in my head. In my mind, I think I can pass pretty well in public, but everything has to be in place, otherwise I freak out. My confidence has increased substantially since I gave up the wig a couple of months ago, and now go out in my own hair, and wear less makeup, and did a year's worth of beard removal by laser and electrolysis. Nowadays' it's all about keeping the eyebrows trimmed. When I was in Macy's today in guy mode, hair in a ponytail, I saw myself in the mirrors around the store, and I got kind of scared because it's become plainly obvious that I look like a crossdresser.....in any gender. ....well, that's that.

[Sheren Kelly]

Everyone has their reasons.
For me it is far more healthier to accept myself and go out in life expressing my femininity than to hide in a closet damning myself for being different.

[PretzelGirl]

It is many things to each of us. And it can also be a difficult thing to explain even though you are seeing many words. Because I like to. Because I am me. These are kind of the top level items and there can be more beneath them. I feel that I go out because I just don't want society to tell me what I can and can't do. I grew up a conformist so I could fly under the radar. Crossdressing was something I barely knew anything about. After 20 years in the Army, it started to come out in small ways and then progressed. Once I got to full on dressing with make-up, my curiosity was peaked and I went out for a day in guy mode with a beautiful and good friend that is here. It was a blast and a real eye opener. Since then I have gone out regularly and for the most part, if I need to do something I just go as I am dressed. The exceptions are guy mode for work and for the family that doesn't know. Overall, I have developed the "I don't care" attitude with people. And that isn't entirely true as we all want to be liked. But if a cashier giggles behind my back, that is her problem and not mine and I am certainly not walking away injured.

Ah, the family. And I think this is the tough part with how you are working through this. My wife and my two daughters know and will go out with me. I have always given them the option of me changing if they will be uncomfortable and they have said no. So I have to say that I live somewhat shielded from issues many deal with daily. But you do have to realize what can make anyone uncomfortable. A wife may be afraid that if her husband gets recognized that it will be embarrassing to her. If she goes with him, then maybe by her presence, she makes him easier to spot. So she may already be nervous about her husband going out already, so participating is definitely a non-starter. So it can be tough to understand. We are all different and view things differently. One persons casual indifference is another person's stress point.

[Tracii G]

Like many here have stated for me it has never been a sexual thing such as hitting on a guy for sexual favors good lord I'm a guy that does not interest me in the least.
I have always had a femme side even in my youth I discovered that early on.
My SO and I go out with me in full on girl mode and we both enjoy it tremendously.She is very accepting and knows its a part of me and always will be.
She gets two friends for the price of one.
One major reason I CD or cross gender lines is its such a relief to leave one part behind and fully enjoy the other.I consider it a blessing to be able to separate different parts of my personality and not deal with one conflicting the other.
As stated by some its when you get to the point after one gets make up on and dressed to totally see a different person in the mirror.
I am lucky that I see a totally different person nothing at all like my male self.
In seeing that other person for me I can let let all the bad images,all the hate and death burned in my male side memory and be completely free.

[Sallee]

what a question been trying to answer it for about 50 yrs. The only answer I can come up with is a vicarious thrill. which is pretty innocent if you think about it. Some times I pass I think other times I know I don't and tend to get back in the car and go home when that happens. BUt when I seem to be passing I have a great time for a day or so and then I get tried of it and it is back to pants and t shirts.
I guess that is not much of an answer but it is all I've got
I do enjoy going to the drag clubs and camping it up High heels tight skirt lots of makeup, but when I am out looking to pass at the mall or wherever it is strickly casual blending style of dress usually jeans, sneakers, minimal make up just another girl wander thru the womens dept or having lunch and a movie.

[Moxie]

Wow, these answers really gave me a lot to ponder. In particular ReineD and Veronica27. I think Veronica really hit home with the artist explanation. I can actually understand how a man with a true love of women and femininity might place some of this on himself as a form of appreciation, emulating his passion. This was an interesting viewpoint for the non gender dressers.

For gender based dressers, I am actually starting to feel sad that society has pigeon holed men into this corner. From my personal GG viewpoint I think the hardest part of this for me is the almost mocking side of cross dressing. It's difficult to explain without sounding offensive, but my gut reaction when I see a man in public dressed as a woman is that he's mocking me, if that makes any sense. It's been hard for me to understand the inner drive to do this (as is the problem in my marriage, obviously) and if I hadn't been reading here and hearing such heartfelt stories I believe I would still feel creeped out and even hurt by cross dressing. Not that I'm embracing my husband's dressing with open arms any time soon. Baby steps here...

But I am slowly realizing that you don't do this to hurt us. You aren't mocking women and, in fact, are very much on our side. And I personally believe men should wear what they want. This double standard is definitely wrong. Maybe I'd be less concerned about my husband's dressing if I had known a world with more feminine men. But I don't live in that world and I didn't ask to be a part of a movement and now I have children, it IS my job to worry what the neighbors think. As a mother it's my job to worry what everyone thinks, especially the everyones who might become a threat to my children. My kids are the most important thing I ever did in my life. I would die for them. So I would hope my husband could at the very least keep his dressing private for them. I don't think that's too much to ask.

But I am learning here every day, and my fear grows less every day, so thank you for your answers and patience. :)

[ReineD]

It's difficult to explain without sounding offensive, but my gut reaction when I see a man in public dressed as a woman is that he's mocking me, if that makes any sense. It's been hard for me to understand the inner drive to do this

Don't feel bad, you're not alone. Lots of GGs feel this way and this is because most CDers are so deeply closeted (plus there aren't many compared to the overall population), that very little is known about it.

It's amazing, the misconceptions there are out there about gender non-conformity, or if you will, ambiguous gender expression.

[MindyJ]

Hello everybody, My name is blah blah blah and I have a crosdressing problem.

[Claire Cook]

But I am slowly realizing that you don't do this to hurt us. You aren't mocking women and, in fact, are very much on our side. And I personally believe men should wear what they want. This double standard is definitely wrong. Maybe I'd be less concerned about my husband's dressing if I had known a world with more feminine men. But I don't live in that world and I didn't ask to be a part of a movement and now I have children, it IS my job to worry what the neighbors think. As a mother it's my job to worry what everyone thinks, especially the everyones who might become a threat to my children. My kids are the most important thing I ever did in my life. I would die for them. So I would hope my husband could at the very least keep his dressing private for them. I don't think that's too much to ask.

But I am learning here every day, and my fear grows less every day, so thank you for your answers and patience. :)

DM, this has been a wonderful series of posts, and we've been touched by your openness and concerns. Yes, you and your husband have to take this one baby step at a time. By all means keep those communication lines open. Your concerns about your children are priority, and you both have to be open about this.

Speaking for myself, I am strongly in Renee's gender ambiguous category, with my wife's support (no, we don't have kids.) One of the major reasons I am Out and About is my interactions with other women (thank you Nathalie -- yes, I want to be treated as a woman, even as a transgendered woman.) The empathy, the smiles, the sometimes shared intimate thoughts .. these are really special to me. My GG friends who know and go out with me tell me that they miss Claire when I am in male made. I'll relate a story that happened yesterday. My dentist is female, and has an all-female office. Claire has been going there for several years, but yesterday I had to work in my office around my cleaning appointment, so was in male garb (but underdressed with femme ear studs.) My hygienist was a bit surprised ("I sort of forgot what you looked like") but around the oral excavations the conversation soon turned to well, I guess girl talk. (There was a comment from another assistant -- "What's all that giggling in there?") The gender ambiguity continued when I went to a bookstore to buy a present for my wife. I soon got into a conversation with an SA about her shell necklace, a present from he son-in-law. "Would you like to see my new grandson?" "Of course .. why he is adorable!" "Yes, he's a real cutie!" "Your first?" "Oh no, my sixth!" "I never would have believed it."

I like to think that I am now embracing my whole self, no matter what I am wearing -- and am a much better person for doing so. But it's taken a LONG time for me (and Sue) to get here. Anyway, that is just how I feel.

And BTW -- I've told most of my neighbors that I CD, and have had few problems.

[Megan Briana]

I cd because it helps me to feel more feminine. For as long as I can remember, my sensibilities have been more in the feminine range. Now, I am simply matching the appearance and behavior to the feeling. I haven't gone out in full girl mode, but there is hardly a day where I am not wearing under clothing of one sort or another. For now, I am content with that, but as other areas of my appearance improve (i.e. fashion sense, hair, makeup) I will be more daring.

By design or by choice, I no longer have a SO in my life. I have not had the issues to deal with. I can not tell if this is more a blessing or a loss to me, but I imagine some day I will find out.

[Sara Jessica]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly? My own H hasn't done this yet but honestly, if he did, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm sure it would be for many women as I know I really, really don't want the neighbors finding out! In fact, I think I'd prefer more personal involvement than having my H walking about town in a dress.

On the first point, why? Because this is all about my gender identity and going out is simply a combination of expression & experiences.

I think your sentiment is very interesting in that it takes a serious leap of faith for any SO out there to get their head around their hubby "walking about town in a dress". My own wife very much has that "what would the neighbors think?" mentality and I cannot blame her in the least bit for feeling that way. I am in a place where I can handle being "outed" but she is not so I TRY to be careful for her sake, and for the kids. In doing so, I have what I call a "circle of comfort" that is a decent radius around that which I hold dear. I tend to do my outings outside of this circle although I have a handful of destinations closer to home that I sometimes frequent...very carefully I might add. Not to mention I have zero qualms about shopping wherever I wish in guy mode, buying whatever I want but again, I tend to be careful in that I really don't need to be confronted in the checkout line by someone I know while I'm holding a bra or something like that!!!

Not saying that your H will inevitably want to go out but if it does happen, establishing some sort of circle of comfort could prove to be very helpful.


For gender based dressers, I am actually starting to feel sad that society has pigeon holed men into this corner....But I am slowly realizing that you don't do this to hurt us. You aren't mocking women and, in fact, are very much on our side. And I personally believe men should wear what they want. This double standard is definitely wrong. Maybe I'd be less concerned about my husband's dressing if I had known a world with more feminine men. But I don't live in that world and I didn't ask to be a part of a movement and now I have children, it IS my job to worry what the neighbors think. As a mother it's my job to worry what everyone thinks, especially the everyones who might become a threat to my children. My kids are the most important thing I ever did in my life. I would die for them. So I would hope my husband could at the very least keep his dressing private for them. I don't think that's too much to ask.

But I am learning here every day, and my fear grows less every day, so thank you for your answers and patience. :)

I am totally of the belief that when we set foot out in this wonderful world of ours, we have a duty to present ourselves and behave with absolute respect for women. I also extend this to respect for the full-time TS women who are out there because when someone who is TG is encountered in a public setting, the Muggles really have no way of knowing what species we are. It's not like we have badges that say "full time TS female here" or "crossdresser here" or anything like that. Personally, I expect to be read as T-something and I always hope that at the end of the day the Muggles will say, "I see her for what she is, and she had done pretty decent at it" and in turn, I hope that their next encounter with a member of our tribe will be that much more routine, having encountered one of us in the past.

[skirtsuit]

For me, and hope this doesn't sound trite, it is a deep love of women's clothes and a unexplainable drive to show off my outfits that gets me out & about.
Women have a lovely world almost entirely to themselves as the vast majority of men are scared/bored by things like makeup counters and shoe shops.
I have a great time participating in that world. Many of the women I encounter react positively when they discover who I am (a guy in a dress).
I see many well-dressed women here in Philadelphia and it is with the deepest respect & gratitude that I attempt to emulate them - so many great looks!!!

Best,
SS

Here's my flikr - pics of all my outings
http://www.flickr.com/photos/40793767@N07/

[Desiree2bababe]

My wife had the same concerns but I did not let that stop me. Being seen as a woman dressed to the nines was important to me from the very beginning. I never once hesitated leaving the safety of home while dressed and yes it did cause me a great deal of humilation when I was first discovered. In later years, I came to love it when real women would smirk or tease me. Far as the why's, I guess it was a thrill, a rise in heartbeat, that and the opportunity to be propostioned by men. After a while of just walking around the house, I suppose that becomes old and adventure is needed. Where else but the real world to find that adventure.

[CarleyR]

For many of these men, dressing has nothing to do with expressing their "inner woman" or being the woman that they feel they are at least in part. Instead, it is often an escape from monotony or a desire to emulate what they admire. **** The artist who paints a picture of a beautiful woman is expressing his personal observations about feminine pulchritude, in much the same way as the artist who paints a sunset is expressing his observations of nature's beauty. The crossdresser may simply be an artist who is using his own body as the canvas to express his love and appreciation of female


I think Veronica has brilliantly explained my reasons, which I frankly had not really known or explicitly recognized until I read her post. It may not be the only reason, and crossdressing may have begun with a kind of fetish component, as ReineD explains, but the desire to emulate, understand, experience, and fit in with a world that I love and admire, but do not belong to, is definitely the major motivation now. And in that regard, some public experience seems important, and it can be done discreetly and away from home.

[Tina B.]

Not to side track DM's question, but as an antidote, yesterday I had to go out and get a sports coat, I live in a small laid back resort town, I went into the department store, and found two different sports coats to pick from, cheap looking black thing, or a slightly better looking suit coat, not a sports coat. I had walked trough the womens section to get there, and saw at lest ten beautiful suits in all kinds of color, textures, and styles. I've always enjoyed dressing up, and find my choices in the mens wear so limiting, and the ladies choices so intriguing. If I had gotten one of those, it would be a shame not to wear it somewhere that someone would say, wow, that's pretty, where did you get it. I don't go out here because like DM, my wife is concerned with what would the neighbors say, and in a small town where you work in the public, everyone is a neighbor. Had I stayed in the city, I most likely would be out by now.
Tina B.

[Jenniferathome]

Wow, these answers really gave me a lot to ponder. In particular ReineD and Veronica27. I think Veronica really hit home with the artist explanation. I can actually understand how a man with a true love of women and femininity might place some of this on himself as a form of appreciation, emulating his passion. This was an interesting viewpoint for the non gender dressers.

I don't buy in to this "artist" thing. Clothes do not the crossdresser make. If it were just clothing, then these artists would never go out. I personally am not gender confused. I am a man. I am amanwhen dressed as a woman. But Ido feel different when dressed. There is a riush at first when going out, then a totally different feeling than when I am just a guy. This is impossible to put into words. For me, it is a public admission that I am a crossdresser. In a way, it says that I am not ashamed of who I am. Funny that I could never admit this to anyone I know.....

[Erica2Sweet]

...and now I have children, it IS my job to worry what the neighbors think. As a mother it's my job to worry what everyone thinks, especially the everyones who might become a threat to my children. My kids are the most important thing I ever did in my life. I would die for them. So I would hope my husband could at the very least keep his dressing private for them. I don't think that's too much to ask...

I definitely understand the need to protect our children from those who would do them harm. My wife and I live with that responsibility as well. But, in all my years, I've never heard a story where when a neighbor found out about someone's crossdressing, and he or she reacted by taking it out on the crossdressing man's children in some way. I get that people can be cruel, but that kind of retaliation seves no purpose for the neighbor at all.

I realize there is a lot about gender expression that you are just now discovering, and much of it does not resonate well with you. That's not uncommon. But here lies an opportunity to expand the world you live in (your words) instead of being a prisoner of it by way of forcing new ideas and concepts to fit into it in awkward and unrealistic ways. By that I mean, there's a square hole that is your world (your words) and you now have round pegs in your life... Time to round out the corners of your world, because squaring up the new pegs probably isn't going to work.

I strongly feel that when a wife invokes "harming the children" in reference to not wanting the neighbors to find out about her H's crossdressing, then they either need to look into moving to a better neighborhood IMMEDIATELY, or she's not being honest about her feelings and motivations. The real reason, I suspect, is to keep up appearances amongst the locals, and that's a pretty normal, human thing. I'm about being honest here, so I invite you to be honest and admit that invoking the kids in this scenario is more or less an excuse that is difficult from a societal standpoint for others to challenge. Unnecessarily invoking the kids allows us to feel somewhat safe in our prejudices. No one wants to be ashamed or embarrassed regarding their SO, and I think that is what this is really about. Acknowledging and dealing with those scary, icky feelings is the proper way to resolve relationship issues.

Ask yourself, as long as your children do not actually see your husband dressed enfemme, what harm could possibly come to them as a result?

[Erica2Sweet]

I don't buy in to this "artist" thing. Clothes do not the crossdresser make. If it were just clothing, then these artists would never go out...

I think you are absolutely correct. The "artist" argument is more or less a cop-out to what's really going on internally. It's a coping mechanism that helps to protect the male ego.

It's not surprising that it comes up as an excuse, because this stuff is pretty challenging to really figure out, especially on your own. It takes a tremendous amount of introspection and eventual understanding of one's self.

[docrobbysherry]

----------------------------------Fetishists however could very well have their expression totally tight into just articles of underwear or intense sexual objectification, and they will never venture outside of territory of the safe house, and that is where their secret stays secret! Or is it merely expression of angst against inability to express femaleness in its entirety, well.....is it?????

YES! U nailed this one, Inna! If I could pass AT ALL, I'd find outside venues for Sherry to visit regularly. Since I can't, what's the point of suffering all the pointing, sneering, and laffing?

And, worst of all!? Having to dress to BLEND! YECH! Where's the fun in THAT?

[Thera Home]

Hello Everybody

I just wanted to add my two bits to the basket.



We dress because we are special and somtimes we need to go out and show the world how special we are:)



Thera

[JamieQ]

YES! U nailed this one, Inna! If I could pass AT ALL, I'd find outside venues for Sherry to visit regularly. Since I can't, what's the point of suffering all the pointing, sneering, and laffing?

And, worst of all!? Having to dress to BLEND! YECH! Where's the fun in THAT?

I thought the same...until I went out and realized I could "blend in" even in a short skirt, but its cold here so I am a bit bundled up in a hoody. As for "passing" I am not sure, but probably can in the future. I have very little makeup skills, I usually just go ou tin sunglasses and a little lipstick.

[UNDERDRESSER]

This started for me as a fetish, I sneaked out wearing some very daring outfits, specifically DID NOT want to be seen. Could have got arrested for one of them! Have worn sporty bikini bottoms to a public pool. Why? The thrill of forbiden fruit? The rush? Basically pure adrenalin.

These days... Have never tried to dress fully. If i had the money to spare, I'd go to a transformation service and see if i could be made to look attractive, becuase...I don't think I want to be a drab woman. I have come to realize that i want to be seen sexually, not sure if being seen sexually as a woman would do it for me, I don't want sexual relations with a man.

These days, finally, I have come to see that i can be an attractive male, so I'm working on my male wardrobe. I also have come to dislike body hair, and would like to permanently remove most of it. My crossdressing has given me an appreciation of womens fabrics and fit, and i wear panties almost exclusively. I bought a skirt and wear it around my GF. I am thinking I would enjoy being able to wear a skirt in public, and may try that soon by walking around my GF's neighborhood in the evenings. ( only with her aproval and company ) I don't know if i have the nerve, but I'd like to able to wear one at work as well. ( I may be allowed to do that if i asked, very liberal attitudes )

Why? Early on , as I said, it was the rush, now.... why the hell can't I wear something that does the job of covering the naughty bits just because it is decided it's reserved for women?

[Kathi Lake]

. . . so I TRY to be careful for her sake, and for the kids.

I am totally of the belief that when we set foot out in this wonderful world of ours, we have a duty to present ourselves and behave with absolute respect for women.Two steps forward . . .


My wife had the same concerns but I did not let that stop me.

. . . and the opportunity to be propostioned by men.And three steps back.

Yes, it does take all kinds, I guess.

Kathi

[susan54]

Returning briefly to this topic ...

Lots of people go on stage as amateur actors. They dress up, out on make up, perhaps a wig, and pretend to be someone they are not. They get a fantastic buzz from it, but do not actually think they are the character they are playing. For many, the buzz is probably compulsive to the extent they could not give it up. Actors generally need to act in public rather than at home with the curtains closed.

So going out in my costume is my acting, playing the part of a woman without actually imagining I am one. The street and the shops are my stage. Feedback on my outfits is my applause.

Obviously this does not apply to everyone here - it is just one more variation on the theme.

[Layla Michelle]

Feeling the same way about body hair. Shaved feet, legs, stomach and chest. Love the feel of women's fabrics, especially panties and hose. But only get to sneak to wear anything. Still don't want to be with men, I just have a hidden fetish for the look of pretending to have my mind in a woman's body.

[Veronica27]

I don't buy in to this "artist" thing. Clothes do not the crossdresser make. If it were just clothing, then these artists would never go out. I personally am not gender confused. I am a man. I am amanwhen dressed as a woman. But Ido feel different when dressed. There is a riush at first when going out, then a totally different feeling than when I am just a guy. This is impossible to put into words. For me, it is a public admission that I am a crossdresser. In a way, it says that I am not ashamed of who I am. Funny that I could never admit this to anyone I know.....

I did not intend to imply that all crossdressers were artists. The following quotes from my post illustrate this:


This is a difficult question to answer, because of the variety of motivations. For many of these men, dressing has nothing to do with expressing their "inner woman" or being the woman that they feel they are at least in part. Instead, it is often an escape from monotony or a desire to emulate what they admire


For many, crossdressing is simply a form of role playing or let's pretend in the same manner. In some cases, the dressing evolves into an art form, which the participant is constantly trying to improve.


The crossdresser may simply be an artist who is using his own body as the canvas to express his love and appreciation of female beauty.


Whatever the motivation, it all boils down to expressing something, be it our appreciation of beauty, our admiration of femininity or in the case of the dysphoric, their own inner femininity or womanhood.

Artists definitely do "go out". The ultimate goal is having their work on display in a gallery. Susan54 has mentioned this quite nicely with her reference to acting, an art form, which is something most crossdressers are doing when they go out, regardless of other motivations.

I agree with you wholeheartely that crossdressing publicly can also be a way of putting our shame to rest. By going out we are admitting to the world that we crossdress and are no longer ashamed of that fact, if indeed we ever were.

The search for reasons for crossdressing, and subsequently reasons for going out, are a search for justification. We do not need to justify many other obscure behaviours in the same way because crossdressing is the only one that carries such a societal stigma. The easier it is to understand any justification, the more likely it is to be used. When I read the posts of all the crossdressers on this forum, both the gender ambiguous and the non gender ambiguous, I often wonder how closely their justifications are to the actual facts. How many of the CD's are reluctant to admit to their fetishes and instead discuss their desire for escape and adventure? How many of the TG's actually experience true dysphoria and have not simply found a "reason" that appears to be gaining acceptance? This is what fuels the endless posts in which we search for reasons and explanations. Are we being totally honest with ourselves. Are the real reasons something we have not as yet discovered.

Veronica

p.s. Something on my keyboard kicked in and changed my question mark to the French accented É. Please excuse the lack of proper punctuation on my last two questions, but I wanted to get this posted before searching for the offending key.

[Lynn Marie]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

I'm with you DM in that I'm not particularly interested in being seen dressed in my own neighborhood. Got way too many years invested here to cause people to start wondering about me any more than they already have! When dressed, I hang out with girls of a similar ilk in the big cities of Everett and Seattle. Both cities are pretty tolerant and great fun to visit. Being out and dressed is definitely an adrenaline high. Now that I'm older and no longer partake in more extreme sports, CDing fits my need for excitement and social interaction without the fear of imminent destruction!

[susangirl]

This is one of the best questions ever ask on this site. I don't think I have really thought about why. I always wanted to muster up the courage to step out the door. First of all I never dress up as Susan in my home town. Non of my friends know about Susan unless I meet them as Susan. I'm able to dress in Atlanta because I spend a few days and night there a month because of work. Atlanta and the surrounding area is great for cross dressing. As far as wanting to dress in public, I enjoy the attention. I guess I make a fairly good woman. It really doesn't matter if someone thinks I might be a man in a dress. Its all good. I love dressing up. It's a true high.

[Moxie]

When I read the posts of all the crossdressers on this forum, both the gender ambiguous and the non gender ambiguous, I often wonder how closely their justifications are to the actual facts. How many of the CD's are reluctant to admit to their fetishes and instead discuss their desire for escape and adventure? How many of the TG's actually experience true dysphoria and have not simply found a "reason" that appears to be gaining acceptance? This is what fuels the endless posts in which we search for reasons and explanations. Are we being totally honest with ourselves. Are the real reasons something we have not as yet discovered.

As a GG who watches the 'high' her husband gets after dressing, these thoughts often cross my mind. Viewing this from the outside, including the public dressing, I am a lot more skeptical of what I read here than most. I find myself swapping the word 'crossdresser' for any number of addictions/compulsions and you would be amazed how well they fit. Maybe crossdressing is nothing more than a habit? A stray childhood moment carried into adulthood like so many others? Or maybe it's hormonal/genetic and everyone here is right: this is gender related?

I have no clue. But I do know one day someone will have a clue, they will know why non-gender ambiguous men feel the compulsion to dress as women, and they may even discover a cure. We humans are rather persistant like that. I guess my next question on this board might be - would any of you take that cure?

On second thought, that question might not go so well here. I can already hear the 'we're not sick!" comments. Forget I even mentioned it! lol

I might ask my husband though. He'd probably say yes to placate me, but part of me knows he'd want to say no as he enjoys his 'high' too much. I don't see much more meaning in what he does than getting his 'fix' though. If he does go public, I won't believe he's expressing a feminine side like so many here wrote. If my husband is gender conflicted then he imagines himself as a prostitute! Going out in public wearing the items he owns (I've crept through his stash before and let's just say it's not something my nother in law would wear!) would probably get him arrested. I'm sure if he was a public dresser that he'd tone down the sexy look as I'm sure he wouldn't want to get arrested! But honestly, if he did that it would be for the public, not for him. This is where my skepticism arises. How many men are only dressing 'normally' because that's what people expect? How many would rather dress like a hooker on a hot day if they could?!

Anyway, the answers here have been very interesting and I'm definitely realizing there are many variations to crossdressing. You are all so different! That makes this journey confusing, but also surprising. I have a lot to learn.

[Jenniferathome]

I guess my next question on this board might be - would any of you take that cure?

I don't mind answering DM. No, I would not take the cure. It sure would be easier to never have been like this, but it is a part of me I enjoy. I do not feel shame or embarrassment any longer. Now that I am out to my wife, I am quite happy this way.

Now, that stated, I'llbet my wife would prefer I take the cure. It would make things easier for her and me.

Learning to deal with crossdressing is like digging to China. It takes time and sometimes there's a cave in.

Hang in there.

[Moxie]

No, I would not take the cure. It sure would be easier to never have been like this, but it is a part of me I enjoy.

Funny, but I do understand this and I bet my H would say the same. I was even going to mention that I doubt he would be able to find a replacement for dressing if there was a cure. He likes many things (sports etc) but dressing seems like his passion. It's just a shame it's something I struggle with so much.



Hang in there.

Thanks. I'm getting there! (but not before unintentionally offending every member on this board. It's like walking a tightrope being a GG on here) :)

[Brianna612]

Come on. How about a lifetime of socialization that says it's wrong? First and foremost, wives and girlfriends do not wear mens clothes to cross dress. They wear them, if ever, to cover themselves because they didn't bring or don't have a change of clothes. Women look terrible in a typically fitted man's clothing. You are not making a fair or relevant reference. Oranges and Apples here.

In my experiences this statement simply is not true. I would say that at least 75% of the women that I have dated have regularly worn my male shirts when lounging around the house. They all had plenty of there own clothes available to them. They just were more comfortable in my male shirts. I also find it to be quite sexy. Maybe it is just an ownership thing but it happens all the time. It doesn't bother me at all it was just another question.

[Lyndaloves]

I feel it comes down to
Those that can do and those that can't wish they could
Lynda

[Launa]

As a GG who watches the 'high' her husband gets after dressing, these thoughts often cross my mind. Viewing this from the outside, including the public dressing, I am a lot more skeptical of what I read here than most. I find myself swapping the word 'crossdresser' for any number of addictions/compulsions and you would be amazed how well they fit. Maybe crossdressing is nothing more than a habit? A stray childhood moment carried into adulthood like so many others? Or maybe it's hormonal/genetic and everyone here is right: this is gender related?

I have no clue. But I do know one day someone will have a clue, they will know why non-gender ambiguous men feel the compulsion to dress as women, and they may even discover a cure. We humans are rather persistant like that. I guess my next question on this board might be - would any of you take that cure?

On second thought, that question might not go so well here. I can already hear the 'we're not sick!" comments. Forget I even mentioned it! lol

I might ask my husband though. He'd probably say yes to placate me, but part of me knows he'd want to say no as he enjoys his 'high' too much. I don't see much more meaning in what he does than getting his 'fix' though. If he does go public, I won't believe he's expressing a feminine side like so many here wrote. If my husband is gender conflicted then he imagines himself as a prostitute! Going out in public wearing the items he owns (I've crept through his stash before and let's just say it's not something my nother in law would wear!) would probably get him arrested. I'm sure if he was a public dresser that he'd tone down the sexy look as I'm sure he wouldn't want to get arrested! But honestly, if he did that it would be for the public, not for him. This is where my skepticism arises. How many men are only dressing 'normally' because that's what people expect? How many would rather dress like a hooker on a hot day if they could?!

Anyway, the answers here have been very interesting and I'm definitely realizing there are many variations to crossdressing. You are all so different! That makes this journey confusing, but also surprising. I have a lot to learn.

I can tell you for me its all gender related. I think gender identity is so important to people like us that it overides many important and dear things in our lives such as our core family values. The high I get from it goes right down to my soul and it just feels right.
If it was something minor like a habit I would have taken a shovel, dug a big hole and buried this thing a long time ago.
I wouldn't have put my wife through the ringer over dressing in public.

If you were to ask me a few years ago to try an experiment to see if there could be a possible cure would I sign up for it? I'm sure the answer would have been yes. Now I'm older and I would not sign up for it. I would not be a lab rat, the government can do their tests on some prisioners before I will give it a try. If it was a gauranteed cure with no pain or medication then I would probably do it.

I used to own a lot of naughty things when I first got into crossdressing and was deep in the closet. Now that I've gone out into the public arena I have learned to dress appropriate and its just as "much fun" as wearing those Gone With The Wind ball gowns I have in my closet stash. "Fun" is not the best word for my feelings I get when I'm dressed I would say a better word would be "feeling complete."
Now a days I dress appropriate for the public eye because it is what people expect!

Lets face it if a real woman dresses like a hooker on a hot day she will get mocked and commented on almost as bad as one of us CD's.
Now if it was a free world and I could wear what I want, well I'm sure there would be days I would wear a wedding dress to go shopping at Costco and other days I wouldn't.

Launa

[Jilmac]

I go out in public simply because I can, the same reason for which I dress. I enjoy the feminine look and feel and don't really care what others might think or say. I am a widower,empty nester, unencumbered from the "rules" of society. I don't break any laws or do anything immoral. I ignore the negative comments (of which there are few) and appreciate all the positive ones. I also have many friends who enjoy my company whether I'm en femme or en drab, so for me going out is a no brainer, I just do it.

[Leah Lynn]

I go out in public simply because I can, the same reason for which I dress. I enjoy the feminine look and feel and don't really care what others might think or say. I am a widower,empty nester, unencumbered from the "rules" of society. I don't break any laws or do anything immoral. I ignore the negative comments (of which there are few) and appreciate all the positive ones. I also have many friends who enjoy my company whether I'm en femme or en drab, so for me going out is a no brainer, I just do it.

My sentiments, exactly (although I've been a widower less than a week). Simply because I can!

[Celeste]

I have to say,the last thing in the world I would want would be for women to think I was mocking them.Going out is about "me" and the way I feel in expressing another part of me.I don't feel the need to appease others or gain their acceptance and I'm not going out for comments or recommendations.

[Debglam]

I go out on a regular basis simply because I am being myself. I call myself "transgender" because I am happy being a man at times and happy being a "woman" (OK, my closest approximation of a woman I am likely to get) at times. I like to go shopping, museums, plays, concerts, etc. I go out by myself sometimes and with girlfriends at other times. I dress conservatively and to blend in. I am happily married and a happy parent. Frankly, for the first time in my life I am truly happy about almost all aspects of my life. I am lucky enough to be married to my soul mate. She may not get this gender stuff, doesn't embrace it, but loves me and knows that it is a core part of me. Not a fetish, not a hobby, but a part of me. My wife has some of your concerns DM about what others may think but I am at point in my life where I don't care. I only care to the extent that SHE has concerns.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi DM, There are as many reasons as there are CDs' that go out.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thanks. I'm getting there! (but not before unintentionally offending every member on this board. It's like walking a tightrope being a GG on here) :)Don't worry about it, I don't remeber any of your posts offending me, and if you did offend someone, I'd bet they'd overlook it because they understand your confusion and adjust their1 response accordingly.

As for me, when I was younger, and confused myself as to why i did it, I might have taken a cure then. These days, no, I wouldn't. Part of the reason I say that, is becuse my GF doesn't see anything wrong with it. I think she'd be happy for me to come out publicly. She has offered to give me a manicure, and have me wear it to work ( we work at the same place ) She is quite strongly feminist, and has no issue with men displaying feminine tendencies. She has no issue with dressing up for me, she would object though, if i told her I expected her to dress for me. I wear a skirt often when i stay at her place, it feels nice and comfy. If not that, then a pair of her yoga pants that are too big for her, again, comfortable. very little, if any, fetish element to it.

[Angela Campbell]

[QUOTE=DoorMat;2986392] I guess my next question on this board might be - would any of you take that cure?

QUOTE]

Good question. When I was younger I did have a lot of trouble with this. I wished I was not this way. Now I think the only "cure" would have to have been born as a female. I can't transition now for personal and family reasons, so it is too late for that cure. Maybe in my next life I will be female. No now I would not take the cure but in my 20's I would have.

[Jenny Doolittle]

First of all, my SO is accepting, supportive and encouraging of my crossdressing. My crossdressing activities ALWAYS includes her. While I'm not passable and I do not go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon dressed en femme, we do go to GLBT friendly places together with me dressed. Our favorite is our monthly Girls Night Out, which we have been attending regularly for almost a year.

I do drive there en femme, even in the daylight hours. Since she is the designated driver I have a couple of drinks, she drinks soft drinks and she drives us home. We've met many folks who we've become great friends with. Much of the time I mingle with other crossdressers, while they seem to flock to her since an accepting SO is a rare oddity! Our 4-5 hours there each month seems to zoom by because we always have such a great time!

Since I look like a 5'-14" tall guy in a dress, I'd never want to expose her to problems I might encounter going out mainstream, but we do have a blast doing what we do now!

Hi Debbie, I was just wondering if the GLBT events you go to were the T-Parties in Columbus at the end of the month. perhaps we have meet and did not even know it?

Jenny