Hard time finding a girlfriend because of cd'ing

[Julia Roze]

I feel like when I crossdress, I feel sexually satisfied/guilty and so I am less likely to be aggressive and to take on initiative when a chance to ask a girl out comes up.

I havent dressed for maybe 5 months because I started dating this one girl and I just never felt any urges/desires to dress.

We broke up and now I'm starting to have urges of dressing again but i'd really like to get into a relationship again.

[Karren H]

Can't say that I'm shocked or surprised..... the chances of finding the right woman and have her accept your crossdressing is so so small...... but the choices are keep trying..... stop looking or switch teams and go find a boyfriend....

[Joanne f]

I don't like to disagree with Karren as under that joking exterior she is very intelligent but I think that you have a very good chance of finding the right woman for you " IF" you are willing to put that woman first before the CDing but ( always that but):D "IF" you put the CDing first then Karren may very well be right .

[Julia Roze]

It is hard to find people who are accepting... But I am more concerned about how my sexual urges are diminished because of cd'ing and so I am less likely to ask a girl out. I will just spit it out.. I masturbate too much to cd/transexual stuff and I'd like to change that but it's hard.

[Shdow_dragoness]

If you are very vocal, intelligent, and confident in your posture as well as very articulate, you maybe surprised to find the right woman for you. I have a fiance and she finds my conversations intriguing because I just ramble on. Of coarse, since going back to school, I have 2 women sit next to me and find me more fascinating because I seem to ramble on about certain subjects that pop up in discussions; and I kid you not this Asian girl is somehow kicking up the flirtations. Trust me on this, women are more interested in your pursuits and/or established power as well as not coming off as an unintelligent, ignorant, and arrogant buffoon. Your CD-ing will come off as just an added bonus. If she becomes your wife, then she may be willing to go out with you as your alter ego and maybe some surprises coming when you get back home. Now as far as the return to dressing after the break-up, you could be recreating your ideal future GF as far as looks, personality, interests and the like. That is deep. I did that and I actually found my fiance doing that without my realizing it till now. WOW. I just had an epiphany. Take my advise and read Cosmopolitan too. I don't know but that helped somehow.

[Joanne f]

If you have been doing this for the thirty years that you say you have been CDing then i would say that you are in a self inflicted rut and unless you make the effort to get out of it you will stay in it .

[Jenniferathome]

the chances of finding the right woman and have her accept your crossdressing is so so small......

I can't disagree more. While this is the experience some have, there are many who have come out to their SO to acceptance. If crossdressing is your life, then you will have trouble. If crossdressing is just a part of your life, then you have a chance.

[girlyboy13]

I feel like when I crossdress, I feel sexually satisfied/guilty and so I am less likely to be aggressive and to take on initiative when a chance to ask a girl out comes up.

I havent dressed for maybe 5 months because I started dating this one girl and I just never felt any urges/desires to dress.

We broke up and now I'm starting to have urges of dressing again but i'd really like to get into a relationship again.

I hope all goes well

[ReineD]

It is hard to find people who are accepting... But I am more concerned about how my sexual urges are diminished because of cd'ing and so I am less likely to ask a girl out. I will just spit it out.. I masturbate too much to cd/transexual stuff and I'd like to change that but it's hard.

It doesn't matter whether you crossdress or not, unless the CDing for you is pure fetish. Masturbating to porn or having fetishes and the resulting difficulties with real partners is a huge problem in the internet age, no matter what flavor the porn/fetish.

Here's an excellent article that explains this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201107/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction-is-growing-problem?

You might also want to do some research about how to help with porn/fetish addiction (there are tons of online articles about this), or see a professional.

You can still express who you are (if you do need to express a feminine identity), and be sexual with a loving partner if this is your goal. One does not need to preclude the other.

[Karren H]

I don't like to disagree with Karren as under that joking exterior she is very intelligent but I think that you have a very good chance of finding the right woman for you " IF" you are willing to put that woman first before the CDing but ( always that but):D "IF" you put the CDing first then Karren may very well be right .

If you are creative maybe you increase the odds..... I know of one crossdressers who put an ad in Craig list looking for a local female to help him shop for womens clothing.... the girl that answered the add and he are now engaged... both facebook friends of mine.... so if you keep trying the same things and it doesn't work.... (like rebooting and hoping the computer will start working)... try something out of the box and different...

[Brianna612]

It is hard to find people who are accepting... But I am more concerned about how my sexual urges are diminished because of cd'ing and so I am less likely to ask a girl out. I will just spit it out.. I masturbate too much to cd/transexual stuff and I'd like to change that but it's hard.

It sounds like you are CDing when not in a relationship and not CDing when in a relationship. This is what I would suggest:

Relationship, Sex, CDing, masturbation in that order
There are plenty of women out there that are accepting of CDing. The hard part of finding a partner is finding one that gets along with you and that you can get along with. This is true with any relationship. Stay positive and find the the one that suits you. I know you can.

[bobbimo]

Thats the way it happens.
We sometimes fall in love with the girl in the mirror, but we can never have her.
When someone else comes into our lives she wins, and the girl in the mirror becomes a memory.
Then if your real lucky the two girls can meet and share your life.
Bobbi

[Desiree2bababe]

Been there, done that. I always fell back to Desiree after broken relationships.

[Ressie]

This sounds like my whole life Julia and I'll be 60 next year. I've been single for 7 years now and don't even date anymore, but I can dress at home anytime I want. If I ever have another relationship, crossdressing will not be put on a shelf, but will be welcome to my partner.

[Tina B.]

When ever I stared a new relationship, my desire to Cross dress would subside, but in time, GF or not, the desire came back. what your doing helps get through the lean times, but you have to park it and get out there and meet people if you want to have a relationship, and if you are out there looking, your not home, seeking self satisfaction and your libido will rise. You look young, what your doing is not so unusual, crossdressing, or playboy, every young man has a release of some kind.
Tina B.

[Stephanie47]

Reverting to the original question, will you be able to find a woman who will accept cross dressing? You're twenty-one. Although, there may be a young woman out there who is compatible with you as a cross dresser, the chances are slim to none. If the woman is in your age group +/- a few years I do not think she would have significant experience is relationships to have given up the quest for the right man. Again, the question of societal norms arises.

[Lorileah]

I don't like to disagree with Karren as under that joking exterior she is very intelligent but I think that you have a very good chance of finding the right woman for you " IF" you are willing to put that woman first before the CDing but ( always that but):D "IF" you put the CDing first then Karren may very well be right .

:yt: While I have found out that some women just cannot get passed the "sex" part which is often not even the major part of dressing for most of us, others find it interesting and see you as a person. That has been my experience but hen I am at the age where sex is not as important to a relationship as just being with each other. Often if you can show the woman that you are still the same person inside, they will like both parts of you.

[Beverley Sims]

Dress on the odd numbered days and look for girls on even numbered days.
Well I have no other advice. Dressing is something you do when there are no other activities.
Keep yourself active and look for girls, plenty of time for CDing later in life.

[Badtranny]

We broke up and now I'm starting to have urges of dressing again but i'd really like to get into a relationship again.

You're very young so do yourself a favor and learn to accept yourself or you will spend your life bouncing from one closet to another. You cross dress, accept it, embrace it, and move on. There are women who don't give a damn if you cross dress and there are others who would actively participate. You need to find the chocolate to your peanut butter and that ain't gonna happen from the glow of one handed typing.

Find some friends you can be yourself with. Surround yourself with your own little community of freaks or CD's or queers or whatever and enjoy your life for F's sake. I will admit that I was a closet queen at your age, but I didn't sit around complaining that nobody liked me. I was way too busy with my own denial projects, so don't be like all of the grizzled hags on this forum (including me) don't let the idea that you can't be a fabulous man who loves to kick up his heels take root. Go out and be fabulous already!

[Erica2Sweet]

It is hard to find people who are accepting... But I am more concerned about how my sexual urges are diminished because of cd'ing and so I am less likely to ask a girl out. I will just spit it out.. I masturbate too much to cd/transexual stuff and I'd like to change that but it's hard.

As Bob Newhart would say, "STOP IT". Crossdressing along with chronic masturbation can cause sexual dysfunction if you keep it up. If you want to continue to be able to perform with a woman without the need to wear girly things in the process, you are going to want to heed this warning... Google "Transvestic Fetishism"...

[Erica2Sweet]

You're very young so do yourself a favor and learn to accept yourself or you will spend your life bouncing from one closet to another. You cross dress, accept it, embrace it, and move on. There are women who don't give a damn if you cross dress and there are others who would actively participate. You need to find the chocolate to your peanut butter and that ain't gonna happen from the glow of one handed typing.

Find some friends you can be yourself with. Surround yourself with your own little community of freaks or CD's or queers or whatever and enjoy your life for F's sake. I will admit that I was a closet queen at your age, but I didn't sit around complaining that nobody liked me. I was way too busy with my own denial projects, so don't be like all of the grizzled hags on this forum (including me) don't let the idea that you can't be a fabulous man who loves to kick up his heels take root. Go out and be fabulous already!

Every once in a while I feel like I want to claw your eyes out, but you are really smart. :)

Yours is a really good post with really good advice...

[KellyJameson]

If it is natural to your own person to hold both the extreme expressions of masculinity and femininity in one body you may find it possible to keep the crossdressing and be in a relationship.

In intimate relationships with many possibly most women the crossdressing throws the relationship out of balance because the two people have the same energy where sex is about two opposite energies coming together experienced as attractive, positive conflict instead of negative, repelling conflict. Sexually "opposites attract" but in all other ways in relationships the similarities are what build relationships putting men in the position of needing to be like women but also being their opposite which is paradoxical.

Do some random searches on the net about the term beta male and alpha male to see the dynamics expressed by heterosexual men in relationships with women.

It requires the active development of the side of you that has not yet been fully developed but it is very important to not change in ways that are not natural to who you are. You do not stop being who you are but develop those qualities and aspects of yourself that have not been completely discovered but are still there.

This only applies to men who clearly identify as being born male and are sexually attracted to women, particularly if you are attracted to only women as a man so know yourself to be purely and completely heterosexual without any doubts.

[Lynn Marie]

I feel like when I crossdress, I feel sexually satisfied/guilty and so I am less likely to be aggressive and to take on initiative when a chance to ask a girl out comes up.

I havent dressed for maybe 5 months because I started dating this one girl and I just never felt any urges/desires to dress.

We broke up and now I'm starting to have urges of dressing again but i'd really like to get into a relationship again.

Don't expect too much. If you show confidence and fearlessness, you will be able to attract a few girls, but so far they all seem to carrying way too much baggage for this poor girl to handle. Whether you're dressed or not, confidence is the necessary ingredient to getting a girl's interest. Then you have to try to explain this silly hobby you're obsessed with. Good luck.

[JeanneF]

You're very young so do yourself a favor and learn to accept yourself or you will spend your life bouncing from one closet to another. You cross dress, accept it, embrace it, and move on. There are women who don't give a damn if you cross dress and there are others who would actively participate. You need to find the chocolate to your peanut butter and that ain't gonna happen from the glow of one handed typing.

Find some friends you can be yourself with. Surround yourself with your own little community of freaks or CD's or queers or whatever and enjoy your life for F's sake. I will admit that I was a closet queen at your age, but I didn't sit around complaining that nobody liked me. I was way too busy with my own denial projects, so don't be like all of the grizzled hags on this forum (including me) don't let the idea that you can't be a fabulous man who loves to kick up his heels take root. Go out and be fabulous already!

This is the best advice ever.

Once you accept yourself for who you are, you will find someone (female, male, genderqueer, whatever) who fits you. A girl who's life dream is to be a suburban soccer mom may have issues with a gender-variant SO, but maybe that girl working on her PhD in Communications at the local college is really into having a boyfriend who wears skirts.

I came to terms with who I was when I was about 23-24. I wish I would have been out in college as well...lots of missed opportunities.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Julia, if you are into trans porn, I assume you find TV/TS attractive? If so, you might want to try finding a trans partner instead of a GG, it will be a lot easier to find someone (you still may have issues like in any relationship of course.) There are plenty of lonely trans out there in a similar situation.

Take it from someone who was your age, don't let anyone tell you that because you are young you should not worry about finding a partner and you will just find someone eventually as you get older (this is true of everything in life really.) It doesn't just happen because get older, nothing does (in fact, it only gets harder with age, for men in general meeting eligible GGs in your 30s is harder than in your early 20s, and even harder when you are 50+) Don't waste decade(s) of your life waiting around for things to happen (whatever it might be) like I did, work on whatever you need to work on now, including finding a partner. The odds of finding a fully supportive and participative GG are still quite low, but they will improve some if you work on it now.

[miss robyn]

I know how you feel, I purged last year after I met someone, then we stopped talking then met another girl, dated her for 4months, I was ready to tell her about this side of me, but then we broke up, and now a year later I'm back to wanting to dress again...Worse part is the purging I think.

[Badtranny]

Every once in a while I feel like I want to claw your eyes out, but you are really smart..

Apparently I'm an acquired taste. ;-)

[Kate Simmons]

I think you need to decide which is more important to you. The dressing or a relationship.:)

[kristinacd55]

It is hard to find people who are accepting... But I am more concerned about how my sexual urges are diminished because of cd'ing and so I am less likely to ask a girl out. I will just spit it out.. I masturbate too much to cd/transexual stuff and I'd like to change that but it's hard.

Hey Julia...first let me be the last to welcome you and that's quite an observation and you nail that fact with the sexual satisfaction and cding. There are women out there who are accepting (take a look at this forum!) and they are hard to find, but if it's going to happen you just have to let it happen. My thinking is that when you find someone who you connect with, after a few dates is when you tell her about the crossdressing. If she's not somewhat accepting, then head for the hills!

[WifeofWrenchette]

If you are creative maybe you increase the odds..... I know of one crossdressers who put an ad in Craig list looking for a local female to help him shop for womens clothing.... the girl that answered the add and he are now engaged... both facebook friends of mine.... so if you keep trying the same things and it doesn't work.... (like rebooting and hoping the computer will start working)... try something out of the box and different...I met my husband off Craigslist too and we've been together for 7 years now.

that is a really good suggestion though to have the ad state the person is looking for someone to help shop with instead of just a run of the mill personal ad. That way they know the woman is accepting of it right off the bat.

[JamieQ]

Julia, if you are into trans porn, I assume you find TV/TS attractive? If so, you might want to try finding a trans partner instead of a GG, it will be a lot easier to find someone (you still may have issues like in any relationship of course.) There are plenty of lonely trans out there in a similar situation.

Take it from someone who was your age, don't let anyone tell you that because you are young you should not worry about finding a partner and you will just find someone eventually as you get older (this is true of everything in life really.) It doesn't just happen because get older, nothing does (in fact, it only gets harder with age, for men in general meeting eligible GGs in your 30s is harder than in your early 20s, and even harder when you are 50+) Don't waste decade(s) of your life waiting around for things to happen (whatever it might be) like I did, work on whatever you need to work on now, including finding a partner. The odds of finding a fully supportive and participative GG are still quite low, but they will improve some if you work on it now.

A trans partner may be the way to go. Its something that may really work out or not. Either way then you will know for sure and you could move on.

[Jill Devine]

I can't disagree more. While this is the experience some have, there are many who have come out to their SO to acceptance. If crossdressing is your life, then you will have trouble. If crossdressing is just a part of your life, then you have a chance.
+1 on this.
Acceptance is out there as often as rejection. If you are looking but expect rejection then that's what you will find. Sadly there are many here already married to a spouse who doesn't support but that's another discussion.

If you are single, there is hope in finding miss right - especially if CD is a parttime thing and you are not transitioning.

[Maria 60]

My wife and I were out at a birthday party a few weeks ago, we were sitting on our own and two women sat a few seats away from us. One asked the other what happened to her and her boyfriend and she said he started getting freaky that he wanted to wear her panties during sex and under his jeans. The other girl said that sounds kind of fun. The other girl replied I meet them all, that's the problem if it's not one thing it's another I just have bad luck with men. I think she had the problem ,she looked like she was very picky. I turned to my wife and said If something happens between us there is a chance that it would be hard to find a women who will except Maria. My wife said for example the two women at the party one came off some bad relationships so she would not go for it, but the other one looks like she is OK with something different so you have a 50/50 chance with those two girls, the problem is you have to make the right chose. Your going to be OK it sounds like your looking to hard, when you least expect it the right one will come along, you just have to make the right chose.

[Julia Roze]

As Bob Newhart would say, "STOP IT". Crossdressing along with chronic masturbation can cause sexual dysfunction if you keep it up. If you want to continue to be able to perform with a woman without the need to wear girly things in the process, you are going to want to heed this warning... Google "Transvestic Fetishism"...


Thank you to everyone who replied, I appreciate and value your input.

I looked into http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism and I feel like I have this.