Transitioning at 40

[Britney Johnson]

Hi all... I have been transitioning slowly for the last 7 months... If that's even possible, but now my head is going all screwy and I keep questioning myself if I have waited to long. I so want to be able to pass as a woman, but am not able to begin for at least another 2 yrs. Many have told me that I need to stop, due to what my job is, but it is more difficult than one could imagine to stop transitioning especially if you have fought with this issue your entire life. All thoughts are welcome... Thank you for reading... Hugz

[Nicki S]

Age is only a number. Sure it may be more challenging with the effects of testosterone having a stronghold, but would say that a positive mental attitude will help tremendously. Im in my mid 40's and transitioning. SRS at 46

[ArleneRaquel]

Best wishes and you be in my thought & prayers.

[Saffron]

I'm not experienced enough to give you a real good advice, but I think it the end what matters most is how you feel. Our dysphoria it's not going to disappear for it's own, so it's always best to be what you are than trying to live a lie.

[ReneeT]

Me: Age 48, very public job, 2 yrs into transition. It ought to be possible to transition at 40. You're not dead yet......

[Inna]

I was born at 42, realized my plight in denying her the light of a day. It had been 4 years ever since. 2 years of slow progress so minute each day that it could not be seen by anyone but my self, however after 2 years I was a changed, a visibly changed person! But I wasn't and could not be visually asserted as a natal woman. After 2 year period I started HRT as suppose to Phytoestrogens I was taking 2 years prior. 6 months later I was occasionally called MAAM, but with this inquisitive look from those observing. Then came FFS, and about 7 months after the surgery I am taken, seen and interacted with as though a natal, genetic girl. It is never too late, however, the strength and resolve to get to the absolute HER must be immense and the need to achieve, seemingly impossible, be greater then life it self.

I lost everything in the process of gaining my self, loved ones, job, societal stance, wealth, became near homeless surviving in the corner of a warehouse, but I am now and here a woman, whole and true!

[Bree-asaurus]

Do what YOU gotta do. Your job may or may not work out. It's up to you to decide if that's worth the risk... not whoever these people are that are telling you what you need to do.

[Gerrijerry]

but am not able to begin for at least another 2 yrs.

That could be a problem only you know how much of a problem it will be. That is a long time from the start of transition many will see how feminine you will become over that period of time. There is a point when you simply can not hide any more. Different for each person. For me it was about one year after I started.


Many have told me that I need to stop, due to what my job is,

They can tell you, suggest, but somethings change once you are on hormones for seven months you may or may not have pasted the no return point already. Talk to your doctor to see what he or she has to say.

but it is more difficult than one could imagine to stop transitioning especially if you have fought with this issue your entire life.

I can only tell you that once I was sure I needed to transition, I knew there would be no turning back. I still had to finish at least another year at work. My counselor told me that I needed to Go full time at least for a year before any SRS etc. So that obviously meant that I had to start going to work as a woman. I can only say it is a very very big step. however I have never looked back and said I am sorry I did it. You have to go thru too much to transition, it is not fun and games it is very serious. You need to talk to your counselor and figure out what you should be doing next.

[Stephanie-L]

I am 52, almost 53, and I am not nearly the oldest transwoman, in the world or even on this forum. I have been transitioning actively for a bit over 1 year, and have about 3 more years to go until everything is done. I will give you two thoughts that are important for you. The first, the only time you are too old to transition is the day after you die. You may not be able to do everything physically that you want to, but transitioning is more mental/emotional than physical anyway. Second, the only thing worse than dieing a lonely old woman is dieing a lonely old man, at least for me. I knew that if I didn't do this, I would not only regret it, I would hate myself forever. If you are to the point that you really need to transition, Love and luck to you.............Stephanie

[sandra-leigh]

I haven't reviewed your earlier posts, so I do not know your background.

The combination you mention, having to wait, and because of your job, hints to me that you are military? If so, is the 2 years that because of retirement age, or are you currently locked into a tour and would not be able to get an honorable discharge before another 2 years are up ?

[Britney Johnson]

You are correct. I officially will reach my 24 year mark and will be fully retired, Oct 2014. I can't wait for this day to arrive, but have started spiro and estriadol. Changes are very subtle at this point, and I do not want to turn back now (I don't want to stop moving forward). Although I may have to stop for a bit. My doctor said she would just start me where i left off since I have had no adverse affects from the current regimen. What causes an issue for me as well is my married life. Although she knows something is up, she is not sure to what degree. This has been a super fight within myself to explain to her on numerous occasions, but she just doesn't want to hear it. Luckily we have no children for obvious reasons. Everyday, the struggle that I endure trying to make it thru because I cannot fully express myself is tearing me up inside. I would never harm myself or anyone else, but the struggle/fight is still there lurking in the shadows.

[Renee_B]

I don't know if it will help but one of my Facebook friends has a long video blog about transitioning late in life (in her case a few years older than you) http://www.youtube.com/user/LoveMyRoxyRose I hope you find it useful!

[Michelle.M]

40 years old!? Crikey, I only WISH I was still 40! I started at 52, and I'm 54 now.

You kids need to get an idea of what old really is. And no, it's not 40, nor is it 54.

[Britney Johnson]

To Michelle... Yes, I am not old in terms of life, this is true, but as far as transitioning. From what I understood, age does have something to do with it. Sorry, was not trying to offend if I did... Thank you all for the coments... It does help. Every little bit... Hugz

[Inna]

I do feel for you, but just the same TRUTH has this innate mechanism of turning on the lights before we can plan an escape. I planed for 2 years until my son was 18 and he would be mature and subconsciously I was so afraid that out of all the people, if he denied me, it would simply mean the end of my existence. 6 months later the world knew about my TRUTH, and my son turned out to be my best and most beautiful supporter at age of 16.

Go with the flow hon, and plan accordingly, but if you find your self in the middle of the dessert with nowhere to go, just remember that the best to have in life is the truth, irregardless of the price it costs.

[Pamela Kay]

I turned 49 two days after my FFS surgery two weeks ago. We all wish we had started earlier but we have to play the hand we've been dealt and make the best of it in the time we have.

However many years I get to be myself is still better than prolonging the previous 49 years of pain.

[melissaK]

Uh oh sweetie. You started HRT. That's a tough horse to pull the reins in on. That fillie wants to run!

I'm all with Bree. You need to do what YOU need to do.

No two of us are alike so take this with an appropriate grain of salt.

I delayed my transition for secondary reasons much like yours (wife, job, fear - if you're bored go read my epic saga past posts for my rationalizations about it). Where I paid an unexpected price was with my mental health.

My consciuos mind held fast and the unfulfilled desire to transition fueling my subconscious about killed me in overcoming that attempt at resistance. For me it led to multiple personality disorder. Others have accounts of massive breakdowns with suicidal ideation as the main feature. (Again my posts from years ago are full of the accounts of putting my mental health back together). Repression of desires to transition is nothing to take lightly.

So I started HRT. Without telling my wife. (Sound familiar? You nor I were first, nor will be the last to do this).

Then I tried to slow pedal HRT. Did small doses, left out the Spiro. Again mental breakdown time. (Slow learner about somethings).

I think I'm more prone to certain mental health issues than most. But do stay in touch with your honest feelings about what YOU want. Don't get drug too far off course, course corrections can be unpleasant.

As for your wife, you're going to have to bring her into your world. No way around it. I'm in the middle of that. Final chapter is not written. About 2/3 of the current forum regular posters are in this boat with me. Welcome aboard.

[Courtneigh]

Hi. I feel it is never to late to be all you can be...want to be...should be...go for it !!!

[Diana L]

I am 64 and just started hrt a month ago. I can't go back and change the past so I will continue down the transition road and see what happens.

Diana L

[noeleena]

Hi,

I dont know what your expections are & as to age 40 try 57 on, & a low dose rate, Of E only. as to spro that was a dead lose.

As to skin Jos said after some time it was softer, breast growth was what i expected up to size B, & i was happy over all .

As to any other body features very little & hair was a mix of meds an epilater & my age, & i have very little hair its allso softer & lighter in colour , internal im a menopusal woman. facial features will allways be male ,

Were my difference comes in is being intersex, so my own hormones did a few changes before i went on out side hormones,

A ? ill put in concerning myself is would i have lived my life as seen as a woman years ago. say age 30 on & haveing done so would have given me more details or changes to my body more so my face , no. & i was not ready to ,

Because i knew a time would come when every thing was right for me plus my body changes that would acure at that time it would not have worked, certinaly not as it has over the last few years,

So timeing had to be right, i know none of this is of much value to you yet some of us have different time lines that work for our bodys . i did not need to think about that i knew it would happen.

I know the earlyer you are age wise will help in many ways as to the body s apperance with meds,

Being intersex has really been my blessing for my life & that helped me so much more in other ways,

...noeleena...

[LisaMallon]

Lucky girl, I've started at 55. Just wish I has started earlier. Good luck.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Be SMART about things...it seems like you head and thought process are both in a good place

If waiting two years is going to create a better quality of life for you for the next 40 years, thats the right thing to do. If you are as strong mentally as your posts indicate, you can do it!

You are well served to think about your life long term right now, and taking a "mental time out" to get you to Oct 2014 can give you the resolve to go forward when the time comes and give you time to talk to your wife about a situation which is going to be traumatic for both of you.

One other thing is that in my opinion, once you have decided to transition (have you?), then you owe it to your wife to tell her immediately. It is her life too. People tend to not deal with this up front and in my experience people focus on the damage that transition causes in your marraige, but ignore the damage caused by keeping such a huge secret. One of the first questions you will get is "how long have you known?"...

IF (big if) you are going to get your wife to support you in any way, she is going to need time to take everything in and may soften over time to the reality of your(and her) situation.. this will only happen if she feels you trusted her enough ...

Don't get me wrong, just based on your OP, its not likely she will support you, but that is not a good reason to keep a secret and drop a bombshell in two years..

another way to say it is that transition is really difficult and destructive, and to say it with no sugar coating, if she is going to leave you , its much better for you as it relates to your transition, and its much better for her so she can get on with her life..

[Marleena]

I am 64 and just started hrt a month ago. I can't go back and change the past so I will continue down the transition road and see what happens.

Diana L

Here I was thinking I might be the oldest one here at 58. The TS bug doesn't have any compassion and hits a lot of people during middle age. This is my second round with GID, I thought I had it beat the first time only for it to bite harder this time, 30 years later.

[Laurie Ann]

I turned 60 last month and am now full time it ended my 37 year marriage but I need to live the remainder of my life as my true self. Their is no such thing as a safe transition you just need to do what is right for your circumstances.

[juno]

I started a year and a half before HRT, by losing 70 pounds in a year. During that year, I gradually thinned by brows, shortened and eventually shaved my body hair (but not so much to start with) and worked on breast enlargement. Losing weight makes it obvious that I am trying to get healthier, and you would be surprised how many other changes just blend into being interpreted as improved health, even with breasts going from flat to approaching a B cup. I work in science, where people don't care so much about conformance to normal appearance, so it might not be quite so easy in the military, especially since you probably stay in good shape already. The point is that you can hide a lot of changes as a new found focus on health.

Of course, I was also a Girl Scout leader for two years while in the US Infantry. so I pretty much never cared about a manly image. Also, many people have transitioned in the military, but it depends where you are whether that would actually work out. I know of one person who was waiting for military retirement and was binding their breasts for 3 years to hide the transition.

Also, transitioning slowly is actually a good, except that most people don't want to wait once they start. Slow transition is easier on your body, and better matches normal puberty progress. Even if you cannot go fully female, you can stop any further testosterone damage.

[Britney Johnson]

Ladies... Thank you so much for all the info and opinions. Each of them bring one closer to not only trying to understand the right path, but help to re-enforce that the feelings one goes thru are so much deeper. This realistically has been a dream of mine since I was 5 and now, I have finally found the opportunity and friends that can help get me thru the tough roads. I have come out to my Mom and brother (who actually has a friend that transitioned...big surprise.. He is not gay), but the wife is totally different. She knows I dress from time to time, but does not know that I have begun my transition. We have talked about it, but since we had the conversation a few years ago, haven't spoken about it again. I should never of let it drop, now I am starting from scratch all over again. She has never seen me dress though, except right before we got married. It is gonna be tough....

[pickles]

Sure why not?

You only get one go around on the roller coaster of Life.

Unless you're Buddhist or Hindu, then you're stuck on it for awhile!