Need some advice

[Danielle19]

Hey! :) I'm a in the closet CD with a girlfriend faced with the challenge of fully dressing in public and then going back to my male self without her (or anyone else) finding out. I would tell her but I'm just not ready yet. So I can't shave armpits or legs so I was thinking a long sleeve top with leggings to cover my legs? Anyways I was hoping someone would be able to help me with how to do all this and still be able to go back to male without a trace of me crossdressing. Does makeup come off easily? I'm always paranoid that it didn't come off and everyone is staring at me.

Thanks
Danielle :)

[kimdl93]

First, get at ease with yourself and sharing this with your GF. Then think about going out.

[AllieSF]

Hi Danielle and welcome to the forum. Many of us here have or are going through your scenario now or in the past. Long sleeve tops are great cover ups and so are multiple layers of nylons or one pair of opaque tights in a variety of colors. Over time you and particularly during the warm summer months, you can use the trim and bleach technique. You trim your arm and leg hair and then bleach it so that it is still there but not so visible when out dressed up.

For makeup, if you do not buy any "long lasting", "extended wear" or waterproof makeup, including lipstick, eyeliner and eyebrow pencil, you should easily be able to get it all off with one makeup remover swipe. They are just like Baby Swipes by Huggies and other baby product suppliers and are a disposable clothe with some type of soap or whatever on them. They work great for me. Good luck.

PS: You are the recipient of my 6,000th post here. Whahooooo!!!!

[simoneisatg]

Please, oh please, don't do what I did. I hid this from my wife for 10 years, and then she found out. She accepts me for who I am now, is not active (by mutual agreement) in my dressing, but every single day I regret having the courage to tell her about my feminine side. I will never forgive myself for not trusting her.

Do that first, the rest becomes easy

[Danielle19]

Thanks for the pointers Allie! And nice! :) as for telling my girlfriend I'm just afraid that things will either get awkward (I'm already an awkward person) or she'll reject the idea and leave. I am getting more confident in telling her but still not there yet :/

[kimdl93]

Dani, telling here is more important than going out. Imagine how awkward it might be if she discovers that you were out without telling her first!

[~Joanne~]

You haven't told us how long you have been with your GF so saying to tell her right away might not be the best idea. Now if this has been a long term relationship then when you are ready, then you should tell her especially if you are going to marry this girl then you most certainly should tell her. I guess it depends on where your currently at and if your at ease enough with yourself, whether you tell her now or you wait a bit. Only you have the answer for this.

As for the makeup, like allie stated (congrats on 6000 allie!) they make make up removal wipes that will clean you up as long as you don't use the brands that are meant to stay on. Even then you could probably get them off but you might have to stop at a restroom some where to do it. Also, if your going to have nails, make sure to have remover if they are your own or use press on's if your using fake ones.

[Barbara Ella]

Danielle, the more comfortable you become with yourself and your dressing the easier you will find it to tell someone. I would concentrate on getting extremely comfortable dressing, applying makeup, and taking it all off while in the closet before going out and worrying whether things will work. Practice makes perfect, or for most of us just a whole lot better. You will get tons of advice here. Read, practice, and enjoy.

Barbara

[Danielle19]

I didn't even think about that Kim, thanks! Also I when I came up with the name Danielle I never thought of being called Dani! I like the sound of it! And thanks Miss Joanne! We've been together for 15 months and I have told her everything but this. I would like to take my relationship as far as possible.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Danielle, The longer you wait the harder it is going to be.

[Megan Briana]

Thanks for the pointers Allie! And nice! :) as for telling my girlfriend I'm just afraid that things will either get awkward (I'm already an awkward person) or she'll reject the idea and leave. I am getting more confident in telling her but still not there yet :/

As I am an awkward person, I understand what you mean by this. I agree with kim, that if this is a serious relationship then telling her IS more important than going out. Im not saying to rush off and tell her, but as a gf and a human she deserves more thought and care than a Saturday night out en femme... Just felt the need to add my 2 cents worth.

Megan Briana

[Danielle19]

I'm going to work on getting that confidence to tell her I just hope it ends well

[~Joanne~]

thanks Miss Joanne! We've been together for 15 months and I have told her everything but this. I would like to take my relationship as far as possible.

Your welcome :) Then by all means you should tell her soon. I am not saying right now or even next week, you have kept it now for 15 months so another week or more won't change much at this point but you should do it sooner than later. Maybe test the waters a bit and with halloween coming up, it may be what the doctor ordered ;)

[giuseppina]

Hello Danielle,

I agree with the last few posters that it is time to disclose after 15 months together. If she heads for the hills, better now than after you're married or caught by an indignant GF. I also agree that informing her is higher priority than an outing en femme. Telling her directly, en drab, is the best way to let her in on your secret, not be caught, discovered, or told by someone other than you. The TaDa method (walking into her presence dressed) is also a no-no.

This long-closed thread contains pointers about how to disclose:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=

There are a few sticky and other threads in the Loved Ones section that gives hints about how your GF might feel after disclosure.

[Beverley Sims]

The makeup comes off ok but you get left with cleaner pores in the skin and still look cleaner than when you started.
Just tell everyone you like a clean face.
Are your lips rosy.? Don't drink so much raspberry cordial.

[Danielle19]

Ok good to know since I'm always paranoid that I never get it all off

[Karren H]

Most girls can tell if you were wearing makeup.... they have this third sense..... even if you scrub most of it off.... up close they will notice.... either they will see some makeup or notice your really really clean from trying to get it off! seriously.... your toast!

[Danielle19]

Yeah I believe that she'll eventually catch on and notice so I'm definitely going to have to tell her soon

[Karren H]

Same thing I thought..... the day before my wife found out..... eventually is way sooner than you think.... or want... lol

[Tracii G]

Dani it is very important you tell her.How you do that is up to you.

[JenniferR771]

Loose sweatpants are your friend. They nicely cover up skirts and dresses. After that it is easy to add heels and a cute sweater.

[windycissy]

Dani, Only you know her as a person, and you're wise not to base a potentially life-altering decision on advice from people here who have never met her, however well-meaning...now, to the point of your question: Allie has given you some great pointers, here's a bit of advice to feminize your hands: you can go with Kiss press-on nails or just wear gloves this time of year, and I love those long sweaters that girls pull down to cover their hands. And here's a neat trick for your legs if you want to see how they look in sheer nylons without shaving: first a pair of white tights, next a pair of flesh-colored tights like Danskins will make your hair disappear, so when you top them off with pantyhose your legs will look amazing. Have fun! Cissy

[Danielle19]

Thanks for the pointers! :) and I've been reading up on how to tell her so if or when I do it I'll be prepared!

[Brianna612]

Don't ever think she won't find out. You can never hide that well. If she finds out before you tell her the trust level will fall dramatically.

My marriage went south fast when my x found out. From then on It was my policy to tell before the heart got involved. Much less painful if let down. Surprising other incompatibilities not CDing broke up all my other relationships. I have now been with My SO for about 13 years now.

Life gets much easier if you don't have to hide.

Look up a local TG group in your area. They have info and sources that will help you understand and build your confidence.

Good Luck.

[Lorileah]

Hey! :) I'm a in the closet CD with a girlfriend faced with the challenge of fully dressing in public and then going back to my male self without her (or anyone else) finding out. I would tell her but I'm just not ready yet. So I can't shave armpits or legs so I was thinking a long sleeve top with leggings to cover my legs? Anyways I was hoping someone would be able to help me with how to do all this and still be able to go back to male without a trace of me crossdressing. Does makeup come off easily? I'm always paranoid that it didn't come off and everyone is staring at me.

Thanks
Danielle :)

Magic might work.

You are imposing your own rules here. If you maintain those rules of what is proper or improper you will not be able to switch easily. Trust me, it does not come off easily

[Danielle19]

Oh ok and thanks Brianna!

[Marissa V]

First of all you need to tell her, trust is everything. And dont tell your gf the way i did...on a drunken night. You will get a 'soo cute you shared all that with me' in the morning and you wont know why haha. I'm one of the persons that had to hide it for years, lost A LOT in the process until just recently. I met a woman who kinda gave me the final push and convinced me i was not a loonie and it makes a world of difference.

[Alice Torn]

D, She may or may not react totally accepting at first. It may take her a few hours or a day or more, to think a lot about it. There is the possibility she will break it off with you for a while, or for good. Know, that rejection is no fun for any of us. At 58, i have been rejected hundreds of times. It takes courage for you to tell her soon, and let the ships fall where they may. maybe it will go well .

[JamieQ]

You need to tell here before you get too involved in case she just isn not going to go for it, then you might want to move on. I think too many of us made that mistake and now we are years invested in a relationship and somewhat stuck...unable to move forward...or any direction may be it. A girls hoody works great for me for disguising the upper body part and tights work really well for hiding the leg hair. You can just walk around with you hands in the front pockets or pull the sleeves over the hands. Winter is coming so I think gloves is the option for hands and calf high boots for the feet (in case you think you may have skinny legs). I find it quite easy to get back physically to guy mode. Its just the emotional part I am having a hard time dealing with. Tell here soon!!!

[Danielle19]

Yeah I have a pair of knock off Ugg boots (that's what girls my age are wearing) and I love them! They're comfy and warm so I'll be trying to get a lot of use out of them this winter! :)

[Danielle19]

I finally told her, about 2-3 weeks ago. It didn't go well but we are still together and we are still a happy couple. I'm not going to give to many details but I can dress just as long as she's not present. She prefers to not know anything about that side of me until she gets more comfortable with the idea. Just the fact that we are still together and things are now almost EXACTLY the same as ther were before I told her.

[Jana]

Transparency is key, good job. Hope it works out for both of you!

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Tell her or don't tell her, that is the question. You have said that you want to take the relationship further so you must tell her everything if that is the truth. I say this because she will most certainly find out at some time and the longer you wait the harder it is on both of you. Imagine telling her now and she is OK with it, you have freedom to be whoever you want to be, that's a great thing. If she is not OK with it you at least have the option to continue or not continue and that depends on what the relationship means to both of you at this stage, either way honesty is the best policy in the long run.

[Danielle19]

I did tell her a couple weeks ago. I am glad I told her though!

[Grace85]

I'm glad you told your GF, and that it went well. A piece of advice on the makeup: the wipes do work to take it off, but, just make sure to pay attention to your whole face. My BF missed spots of foundation near his ears early on, because he'd just look at his face straight on in the mirror, instead of checking the sides too. My best friend (who was my roommate at the time) noticed and mentioned it. She had actually assumed it was because he was cosplaying (dressing up as a character from a video game, anime, or comic book, usually for a convention) because we're both big gamers. I had a good laugh over her assumption that cosplaying was regularly done outside of conventions and that because we were gamers we must cosplay (neither of us do). It ended up being a good thing, because now I can talk to her about it. But he learned his lesson about checking the sides of his face! So my advice: get a hand mirror.

[reb.femme]

Most girls can tell if you were wearing makeup.... they have this third sense..... even if you scrub most of it off.... up close they will notice.... either they will see some makeup or notice your really really clean from trying to get it off! seriously.... your toast!

Ah, the purveyor of doom......unfortunately, she's right :devil:

Rebecca

[Diversity]

Hi Danielle,
I will cast my comments in full agreement with the others. Tell your girlfriend. It's best for you both. She deserves to know and you deserve to get the weight off your shoulders. When you tell her, make sure you do it at a time when you both will have time for a long discussion if it is needed. Be understanding of her feelings and look at things from her side. Good luck!
Di

[Danielle19]

Thanks for the advice everyone! And Grace, I get people thinking I do cosplay since I'm big into video games. I only do FPS though.

[Rebecca_Annette]

Tell your GF she may be more undrestanding than you think, then get the razor out . . .

Good luck whatever you decide

[giuseppina]

Hello Danielle

Good for you in telling your GF. It is always best if you tell her yourself rather than finding ladies' clothes that don't belong to her, finding out from a third party or being caught.

Since she doesn't want to know about it, perhaps it might be a good idea to leave the makeup alone for a while if you use it. As another poster said, the genetic ladies can spot makeup on a male from fifty paces.

If she chooses to investigate crossdressing online, it's a good idea to warn her about the ubiquity of online crossdresser p*rn and intolerance.

I don't think it is a good idea to make any changes to your body while your GF is processing your revelation. It may backfire, and I don't think that is what you want.

If she's open to the idea, I'm sure the genetic ladies would be glad to have her in the GG forum.