Do You Regret Crossdressing?

[KateSpade83]

I regret ever starting crossdressing; first premonitions that it was bad happened when I shopped for my first skirt [HS], skirt suit [Jr year college], and during my college years. It caused my Project partners to try to blackmail me and result in a C in Sr Design Class, - I fear this affect my Mech Eng career.

And it hurt me in many jobs. I lost many jobs, job interviews, and didn't go temp to perm because of it. So life sucks. I feel I would have had a stellar career with hardly any gay discrimination if I was never a crossdresser. I think I could have been rich if I wasn't a crossdresser, and that I could get more jobs through networking, connections, or just people being favorable to you.

And then the social life hurts too. I don't hang around or have any gay friends, and straight people don't want to associate with you if they know you're a crossdresser. I notice I get shunned by the in crowd and connection because they know about me. They wipe their hands across their chest as a signal / insult that I crossdress.

They just can't seem to accept that some people just want to enjoy wearing the other sex's clothes. They then associate you with being gay.

So the only reward I get from crossdressing is the feel of wearing the clothes, the fetish, and going out and passing as a woman.

Do you regret crossdressing? How has it hurt your life?

[Taylor186]

I'm sure I would have regretted or at least questioned the impact of crossdressing on my career and social life if I were as open about it as you seem to be. I'm not and thus have no concerns about crossdressing affecting my career and friends.

[Danni Renee]

I cannot say at this point in my life that I regret crossdressing at all but I too am not very open yet. I am not sure you can second guess how your life would have been if you had done something versus doing something else, whether it is crossdressing or drinking alcohol. What I am finding as important to me is how I feel inside: am I happy with myself. When I refused to admit how I felt and who I was, I was never happy. Now that I have admitted who I am I feel better.

I spent a lot of time second guessing myself and wondering how my life would be if I had been more open about who I am earlier in life but I cannot change it, I can only work to be happy now. I hope you can work through your regrets and find a place where you can be happy.

Danni

[Jess Marie]

I refer you to one of my favorite quotes, "I'd rather live a life of 'oh wells' than a life of 'what ifs'"

[Jenniferathome]

First, no I do not regret it at all. It is part of me. Second, has it occurred to you that maybe there are numerous other possibilities besides crossdressing that are cause for you not reaching your expected goals? Introspection with objectivity will be your salvation.

[Kathi Lake]

Kate, just as I do when people say, "She left me because of crossdressing. It was the only problem in our marriage" i have to say baloney. Kate, the problems in your life are not in one single area. Unless you told each and every person at school and each place you worked, the problem wasn't that you were a crossdresser. The problem is how you view yourself.

I think it's time to find either another hobby, or something - anything - that can bring you happiness and some self-esteem.

Kathi

[sissystephanie]

I will have to agree with Kathi on this thread. I have been a crossdresser for close to 70 years, and have been crossdressed out in public for almost 60 of those years. I have never had any of the experiences that you had, Kate! My late wife accepted me as a crossdresser, and I accepted myself!! As a rule, I don't hang out with CD's or gays, but I know some of each and do spend some time with them. A lot of my friends know I crossdress and don't care! They have seen me dressed enfemme and in drab!! Some of them actually prefer me to be enfemme!!

As Kathi said, your problem is how you view yourself!!

[Jamie001]

Kate,

How did crossdressing affect your career? Did you openly crossdress at work?

[Jamie001]

I will have to agree with Kathi on this thread. I have been a crossdresser for close to 70 years, and have been crossdressed out in public for almost 60 of those years. I have never had any of the experiences that you had, Kate! My late wife accepted me as a crossdresser, and I accepted myself!! As a rule, I don't hang out with CD's or gays, but I know some of each and do spend some time with them. A lot of my friends know I crossdress and don't care! They have seen me dressed enfemme and in drab!! Some of them actually prefer me to be enfemme!!

As Kathi said, your problem is how you view yourself!!


Sissy Stephanis is correct and and lives in a redneck area of the USA where you would think crossdressing would be more difficult. It is all about attitude and how to project/present yourself. If you act guilty or like a scared rabbit, folks will know that something is up and will treat you accordingly. On the other hand, if you present a very positive and confident self-image people will treat you will respect. There is a lot of truth to the old saying "you reap what you sew".

[Jamie001]

For some folks like myself, crossdressing is necessary to ensure my mental health. If I were to give-up my feminine personality, I would be so badly depressed that it would not be controllable with anti-depressant medication. Crossdressing harms no-one and is alot better than being constantly depressed.

[heatherdress]

Kate - too bad your crossdressing caused: blackmail; C grade; loss of mech engineering career; job loses; job interview loses; perm jobs; gay discrimination; inability for a rich life; lack of a stellar career; networking problems; favorable people impressions; bad social life; lack of gay friends; lack of straight friends; shunning by in crowd; bad hand signals accross the chest; and insults. And you are even thought to be gay! You must really like to crossdress, even if a few things haven't gone right for you. At least you pass.

I am not rich either and I do not regret that I crossdress.

[Leann68]

I would have to say I do not regret cross dressing. It is something I enjoy, the feeling I get when I am out presenting as a female is a real pleasure that I have not found a equal to.
I do have compassion for any one who cross dressing has caused hurt in their life. For my self I am very comfortable with where I am at in life, and have made life a positive experience.

[Eryn]

Moderator Hat On:

Folks, I had to delete several posts that were abusive toward a forum member. Let's talk about the ideas, not each other.

Moderator Hat Off.

[toriwilliams]

No regrets. No one at my work knows about my dressing. And none co-workers who suspect or know and don't approve of my dressing, well that is not my problem.

[Nataliebabe]

The only thing that I regret about crossdressing is not EMABRACING it sooner.

[Cynthia Anne]

Plain and simple I regret that I have to crossdress to be who I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tracii G]

No regrets here its something that helps me.
Having a male and female side is a blessing IMO.
To make a long story short I'm a much nicer person now because I finally accepted myself.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I dont have to be a dresser, to have issues & problems that mard my life from birth, yes im different , & it was more than just clothes that effected myself,

Being different caused a lot of issues, i wont detail them enough to make you go insane, yet through it all i got to where i am now age 65. so who could i blame do i look at others & wish i were like them you know the bees knees, can i blame school work those i tryed to get along with,

or just look at myself as a social outcast, a loner & prefered being by myself because of lack of self assurance self esteem self worth. hated how i looked, not a good prospect,

I had to accept the way i was & learn to love myself as a person. as i grow & find myself, i was able to see i did have something worth more than money & i could live as myself getting there took a while yet all my hardships were to forge in myself what i needed to have, to equpe myself to get to be the person im ment to be,

Pointing the finger is just a lack of takeing ownership of ones self, & it takes you down,

When the time was right i got off my backside & went out found friends many id known for years others are new, & allowed them into my life & told them what i was & was doing.

Maybe my friends are real people & who can accept us as being different yet they have stayed with me & yes i call them real friends ,

I could blame my dyslixa, okay ill look it up. Dyslexia learning disablitys, not understanding things abused at school no social skills could not write or read, till age 12, & lack of memory till age 6 = 7 . & work its a wonder i was still working hated being around men. & i mean really hated ....

I will not pass the blame , this was my training ground & a good one though very hard at the time, so think what would it be like for a female in all this yet could not say so,
Well i am & i got through it all. & i have more now than i could before, & i worked hard to be where i am now as well.

...noeleena...

[Jenniferpl]

Regret crossdressing? No.

It has been an amazing journey of self discovery. Learning to live with it has been a challenge. One of my mottos is never say "would've, should've, could've". On the other hand all crossdressing seems to have done is complicate my life.

[Cheryl T]

I don't regret it...I regret not accepting myself sooner and allowing myself to be free of the guilt and self-loathing that was the baggage I carried.

I'm curious though...how did all these people and employers know about you? Did you advertise the fact or were you outed all through your life. Only those that I have told are aware and that's always been the case with me. I've encountered none of the discrimination you speak of and none of the loss of opportunity.

Yes, as Jenniferpl said, this has complicated my life...but it's the life I've lived and been productive and successful at.

[Noel Chimes]

Hi Kate. To answer your question, no I do not regret being a cross dresser. It has been the one place i have found peace in an all too crazy world. The problems, resentment, and personal setbacks you have suffered are unfortunate. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. You can still have a wonderful life. The blows you have taken for the sake of who you are have not killed you so let them make you stronger. Don't give up on making a career in your chosen field. Just leave personal feelings out of the workplace. Let your love of dressing be your sanctuary from the insanity of the world. And as for people who are adversely opposed to dressing aren't the people you would want as friends anyway. "Be who you is, not who you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot".

[TeriAnn]

The only thing I regret about being a crossdresser is the fact that I didn't have the SRS surgery when I was 19 or 20. It has not affected my work life in any way people know about me and do not shunn me at all. I love being a cder and don't care if folks think I am gay or bi. I know who I am and what I am about. There are many things and jobs that life has to offer. If one thing doesn't work out move on to something else. Life is to short to worry about if people like you are not. If they feel that way about you maybe they weren't friends at all. Of course this is my thoughts only.

[Kate Simmons]

Not one iota Kate. I'm who I am today partly due to CDing.:battingeyelashes::)

[ThiHi]

I understand the pain, I understand the shame. I felt it for years, a piece of me is still there, but since I've accepted who I am (ok,mostly) I'm SO much happier. So I wear my Mary Janes, my open shirts with my Camisoles showing, my rings, whatever I feel like, well, mostly. I do get, very occasionally, comments such as "Are those women's shoes?" I reply, "They're my shoes, I love 'em!"

So no, no regrets. Yes, I do wish I had embraced this MUCH earlier in my life, but what's past is past. Today is a good day.

[rachael.davis]

Why, man, he stands on top of the narrow world
Like the Colossus of Rhodes, and we little men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves disgraceful graves.
Sometimes, men are masters of their fates.
The mistake, dear Brutus, isn’t in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

You build your own life

[Inna]

Do you regret crossdressing? How has it hurt your life?


It literally killed him!

on the hind side that which was killed wasn't real, from the ashes of death, the spark of truth started to spring forth, she arose out of darkness, a rebirth and resurrection of true and whole.

after all, death isn't so bad, especially when you get to live the dream!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Not at all, believe when I say it not only changed my life for the better, but saved my life, male side included.

[Meghan]

This is a tough one, Kate.

I have felt that way before. When my first marriage never got off the ground, I thought romantic love couldn't ever exist for me and that it was my fault because I was holding this secret in. Like you, I had some pretty bad experiences with my parents when I was inevitably caught when I was younger. I wanted like hell to blame someone else for how I was but I couldn't every logically prove it out enough.

The facts are starting to emerge from a scientific perspective and the truth is, there is really no one to blame. Transgender behaviors just happen. Like tornadoes, earthquakes, babies born without the ability to hear, car accidents, street crime, poverty, you name it. It just happens. It's nobody's fault.

It is our responsibility, as transgender beings, to figure out how to play the hand we're dealt and adapt. Adaptability is how the world works. Creatures and beings that learn to adapt to changes in the environment are the ones that survive and evolve.

You cannot change anything that has already happened. All you can do is adapt and use the information you have to change how you deal with the world and make the best out of your situation and self-understanding.

The good news is you're working to figure this all out. Most people don't ever stop to think about these things, but not only are you thinking about it, you're reaching out to a vast community of people who are similarly affected and getting guidance. That's a huge step.

Keep working the problem, Kate. You're on the right track.

Meghan

[Beverley Sims]

I never let my private life cross over into my business life.
I only wish I could have done what I have sooner and lasted longer.
The trouble change is dynamic and friends and situations change so the opportunities to live the dream slowly evaporated.

[Tracii G]

Kate you are intelligent and have a purpose in life and trying to work in your field of education I applaud that. Maybe you share too much of your personal life with people you work with.Keep work separate from your personal life.
You don't have to tell everything is what I'm saying,oh sure you may want to but if it causes problems its best not to.
I have a friend that I dearly love but he always feels like he gets the poo end of the stick.
A lot of what happens to him he brings on himself and he can't see it.He has a victim mentality its always somebody doing something to him.

[Gillian Gigs]

Life is full of regrets, and if you let them bring you down, it can destroy you. I had a chance to buy in on a stock back in 96, when it was selling for just under $10.00 a share. Within the next two years Chrysler/Daimler bought out the company, the stock was just over $100.00 a share at that time. The company was doing reasearch on fuel-cell technology. BooHoo, this Princess had to suck this one up. Life is about making choices, and we all make our share of bad choices, the real issue is how are we going to handle it. Blaming everything on Cding is not how you move on with your life. I am not saying that you have to make the best of being a CDer, just accept it, cope with it, and move on. I have never seen a cat, or a dog feeling sorry for itself. They live in the present, because living in the past, or trying to change the past doesn't work. I have been there too, I still remember the "panty punishment" and the taunts of "sissy" from my two older sisters. I have choosen to move on, accept, and in my case embrace who I am regardless of my past which I can not change. Am I a better person for CDing, or a better person because I accepted and over came my past? You decide........

[kimdl93]

I wouldn't change a thing. I can't attribute any of the failures or disappointments in my life to my CDing. It's an easy scapegoat.

[xdressed]

I hated it for a long time and was very depressed about it. The moment I realized there was no need to feel guilty my life got a whole lot better very quickly (although my bank account may have suffered a bit lol)

[~Joanne~]

No, I can't regret something that I had no choice about in the first place. We see the 'why do you" all the time around here and no one has ever come up with the answer. Not us, not the therapists, not the doctors, no one. So to regret something that no one can explain how or why seems like a waste of time.

I regret that I haven't fully come to terms with this yet nut in time I know that will change too as i am making strides in this department. I also am not out there screaming I am a CD when I am a closet dresser.

[cyndigurl45]

Sweetie I'm so sorry you feel that way about your career and life, I'm not sure if were in the same boat, I don't crossdress, I am transgendered, in fact I wish I would have transitioned sooner.

[DebbieL]

I have many regrets around cross-dressing, but today most of the regrets are related to being so dishonest with myself or others.

Even though I knew I was a "girl trapped in a boy's body" as young as 5, and I knew I wanted to be a girl, I was terrified at the consequences of letting others know how I felt. Prior to 5 or 6 years old, I was just a boy who played with girls most of the time. It was a very intentional choice. When I played with boys, violence usually broke out, and I usually ended up bleeding, crying, and wishing I had never tried to play with the boys. I didn't find out until I was 10 years old that most boys had balls, and I didn't. My father had to explain that mine were still up inside like a woman's overaries, and would drop down eventually. He also explained that if they didn't drop down, I would have to have surgery. I actually hoped that they wouldn't drop down, and that they would find out that I really WAS a girl.

My mom caught be dressing up in the bathroom when I was about 6 1/2. She understood how I felt, but tried to explain that it was impossible for me to be a girl. I told her I had been praying to God every day for him to make me into a girl, and that I had been really good so he would do it. She tried to explain "God doesn't work that way". I won't get into this further because this is not a religious thread.

I tried to get caught several more times, especially after I had heard about Christine Jorgensen and Myra Breckenridge. I would wear nighties or teddies to bed and make sure that the covers didn't cover them up when I fell asleep. Several times I even played possum, pretending to be asleep as my father covered my spaghetti straps with the sheet and the blanket. But they refused to even discuss what was going on.

I did get caught when I was climbing a tree and one of the boys following me up saw the chiffon teddy under my T-shirt. He told his friends and I got tagged as a queer, fairy, queen... But I had been a "Sissy" for most of elementary school, so I was used to the associated beatings.

My mother must of suspected I wanted to be a girl, and she was more than happy to teach me to be the housewife. I learned to cook when I was 6, do laundry when I was 7, and by 10 I did most of the housework, and it was obvious that I loved doing it. I even volunteered to do it on a regular basis. My mom would reward my by tying knots in any pantyhose that had runs. When we were the same size, she even took my shopping and let me help her pick out some outfits - including some boots she couldn't possibly wear, and even bought a wig. At the same time, she refused to actually have a discussion with me about it, perhaps afraid that I would stop doing the housework if she made me or let me wear women's clothes.

In high school, I had a bunch of friends who were gay or gay friendly. They didn't even understand the concept of transgender. Several assumed that I was femme because I was gay and just needed some encouragement in coming out of the closet. I regret not being able to tell them how much I really wanted to be a girl. In the 6 years from 7th grade to 12th grade, I had tried to kill myself at least 30 times, hoping that I'd die and come back as a girl. Even my mom figured it out, but when I tried to talk about wanting to be a girl with professional therapists, I was told "We can't talk about that, it's not appropriate", which often triggered another suicide attempt.

When I got to college, it was a college with 900 women and 25 men. I was in the theater program and music program. If there was ever a place where I could have truly been "One of the Girls", that was the place, yet even when approached about it, I couldn't discuss it honestly and openly. My sophomore year, I did have a girl-friend who figured out that I was a "Lesbian Lover", but when I reacted badly to her invitation to dress up like a girl at Halloween, she dropped it. Perhaps if I had been honest with her earlier, we could have made it work better, or I might not have been a virgin for another 2 years. There were several other women in college who flirted and hinted that they would like to dress me up, but I always feared that if I gave in, the bully boys would beat me up again. Worse, I was afraid I'd get thrown out of school.

When I finally lost my virginity at 21, it STILL wasn't easy. I couldn't orgasm with her. Eventually, she tied me to the bed and took complete control, and I was able to climax, but I was still terrified to tell her what I really wanted, even when she asked me what I really wanted. I regret not being able to tell the truth even then.

When I graduated college, I lived in a commune. The owner was a therapist, and when I told her I'd seen Rocky Horror, she asked if I went dressed, I was terrified that she would throw me out of the commune if I told the truth. Even when it was obvious that I had a stash of women's clothing in my cell/room (it was previously a convent), it was something I couldn't talk about, even to other gay residents.

When I moved in with the girl who was my first wife, I told her about dressing 3 weeks after we moved in. Had I been really honest, I would have told her I wanted to be a girl, but I couldn't do it. I was afraid she would leave me, which she did - 8 years later. 12 years later, she told me she never could accept my dressing, let alone being transsexual.

After giving up a job, wife, children, home, and most of my possessions to transition, after getting some support and getting therapy and starting the transition, my ex-wife threatened to have my visitation revoked if I didn't stop immediately. I stopped the hormones. Later, I moved to NYC area, and started transition again, but then I was told that if I wanted a role as a public leader, I would have to stop dressing. This was the one I regretted the most. I put my clothes in storage for 6 months, and by the end of the 6 months I'd gained over 60 lbs, and couldn't fit into any of them. My health got worse, I ended up in therapy again, and eventually went back to dressing, and I thrived.

Because I had gained so much weight, I didn't want to go out in public as much, and ended up gaining even more weight. Eventually I had gone from 150 lbs to 325 lbs on 9/11/2001. I got so big I couldn't fasten the seat belt in the airplane. I started dressing which motivated me to diet, lost 65 lbs on Atkins, and started dressing more. Eventually, I put my profile, including pictures of both Debbie and Rex on my profile, and met a woman who seemed to be interesting. She was very much into Debbie, who was an incredible lover, and even found that while Rex was funny and smart, he was also a bit too much of an egg-head and a bit absent minded. Another thing she liked about Debbie is that Debbie still liked to do housework, and when Debbie spent the day, the house was usually clean by the end of the day.

When my father was about to die, he told me "If I never gave you anything else, I let you be yourself". He was trying to tell me that although he had fought my dressing and transgender nature most of my life, he had seen my facebook postings, my writings, and realized how important Debbie was to me. He even encouraged me to dress femme if I wanted. By the time he died, he knew how much I loved him, and I knew how much he loved me. It was very hard for me, but I realized that I STILL couldn't be myself - I couldn't be Debbie.

When I began to consider transition again, I grew my hair out, had my nails done, and started hair removal procedures again. Unfortunately, I was balding so that was a problem. I'd lost another 85 lbs (from 320 back down to 235), and I'd started going out in public again. When my wife told me that she was NOT OK with transition, my world collapsed again. Part of me regretted the marriage, part of me regretted that she had talked me out of not just letting go after my stroke. Part of me wanted it over with.

Do I regret the cross-dressing, no. For me, wearing boy's clothes is "Drag". I wear Men's clothes because I have to, not because I want to. At the end of the day, I can't wait to get out of my dress shirt, baggy pants, and flat back-breaker clown shoes, and get into a pair of nice tights and a skirt with heels, or a pair of short shorts with ping aerobic shoes, or even just a pair of leggings and boots. I wish I didn't have to wear a wig, but I don't have enough hair left anymore to go without. I like wearing a bra, especially when I can fill it. I just wish I could fill a B or C cup naturally, without forms or "help".

Today, I look back on my life and I regret all the lies, the deceptions, and the denial of my most intense and real feelings. I regret not being able to giggle with the other girls, not being able to cry, not being able to wear the prom dress, not being able to wear skirts when I had legs that would make most women jealous. I regret not telling my classmates in college how much I LOVED that they accepted me as transsexual. I regret that I pushed them away and withdrew into myself instead. I regret having two children I paid for, but never got to see. I regret the marriage based on her deception, and the second one based on my own self-deception.

I regret getting a vasectomy rather than an orchiectomy.

If I won a million dollars today, I'd be making the arrangements for a sex change within an hour.

The only thing I regret about cross-dressing is that I have to take the dress off and put on the baggy pants and the clown shoes.

[Stephanie47]

Kate, like most of the postings I have read in response to your question, I have never been impacted in a negative manner in employment. I made it through my entire career(s) without divulging my interest in dressing as a woman. I never felt it was necessary to display my sexuality to others. Even when I was in the military, when others asked me about or bragged about their sexual exploits and alleged conquests, I never felt it necessary to participate. I guess I am a very private person. I can understand the turmoil in life for a person transitioning from male to female. However, I could never understand why a male cross dresser would feel it necessary to display his sexuality in a forum that would solicit adverse consequences.

What I have learned over the six decades plus of my mortal existence is the fact people will say one thing and then act in another way.

As to myself, yes, life would have been a lot less stressful if I was not a cross dresser. Like most, early on there was turmoil in my inner self. There was a feeling of sexual identity. There was fear I was a gay man, which back in the 1960's was thought of differently than now. Or at least now as a gay man I would have more outlets socially. There was self loathing. There was misunderstanding. I know I would have never had the friendships I now have, if I were a gay man or exhibited my cross dressing. Many decades ago I came to peace with myself. However, I never felt it was necessary to publically display my cross dressing.

I am sure you have incurred more negative behavior, socially and in the business community, because you are in the engineering professions. Over the years I've known many in the engineering professions. They tend to be overly conservative. The only advice I can ever give to a man or woman who is a sexual minority is to move on to a more tolerant environment. Some would advise a sexual minority to become a crusader for the cause. Unfortunately, a lone crusader is usually on a suicide mission.

[BillieJoEllen]

I was in my earlier years consumed by crossdressing. I failed college a few times and didn't rise to the level I thought I would. The thoughts of my TSism and CDing just outright overwhelmed me and I didn't seem to be able to focus on anything else.

[Babeba]

Kate, I feel like you are open about your CDing but not embracing it. It's the worst of both worlds. You dot get the protection of the closet and you don't get the inner peace of self acceptance. That must really suck.

I too feel like Kathi does that perhaps you are oversimplifying things? With that class you got a 'c' in - his is it your classmates knew? And how could they use it to blackmail you? Cross dressing isn't illegal and you won't get kicked out for it. In fact you might say that it's a tradition in many colleges. My parents met when their university departments played an annual field hockey game where all the guys wore field hockey skirts.

[suchacutie]

I can't imagine regretting finding out about my self, and how much it's helped in a long list of ways. Tina is here to stay!!!

[ChelseaErtel]

Hmmmmm????? Good question. Right now, in this older phase of my life I have to say no. I just got a couple of new outfits today and tried them on and couldn't have felt better. No Regrets. Now I do regret suppressing my CDing. Now that I look back if I would have worked them out I would not surprised to find that I was a woman screaming to get out. Hard to tell, because I do seem comfortable being a man, but I'm just so much happier in my female persona.

To answer your question, no I don't regret my female side, or CDing. I do regret her suppression and not finding out really who I am earlier. If I was in my 20's now, perhaps I'd pursue changing my sex, but it's too late for me now. On the upside I have two wonderful children that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

One more regret is not telling my wife, but in my own defense when we married I had stopped CDing and thought it was just a phase or fetish.

I feel just like Tracii G - well said Tracii.

Thank you for asking, it made me think.

[Kelli Ca]

I don't regret cd ing I regrett not having the courage to do it more

[Angela Campbell]

To regret it means you had a choice in it. I do not feel like I had much of a choice. I should have been born a girl but was not.

I do have a question to the one who originally posted.

Do you regret the fact you like to wear womens clothes ...or the fact you allowed so many people to know about it and thus let it adversly effect your life? My life has had no bad effects from crossdressing because I used caution on who knew about it. Regrets about the fact you wear womens clothes is a much different thing than regrets on how you handled the knowlege of this act.

[Alice B]

Never. never, nerver and then again. Never.

[Lucy Lou]

I so agree with you. i wish i could do it so much more. I am trying to get the courage to go out dressed. I will do it but can't regret it because I have to keep doing it. Lucy

[Maria 60]

Now let me think, my never ending fear of my kids finding out, waking up every morning and thinking when I can get an hour to myself that sometimes doesn't happen for weeks. Growing up with no confidence and shame thinking something was wrong with me, and most of all there is no way that I could ever pass as a women. There's much more but let's leave it at that. If I had to start life over again, I wouldn't change a single thing.

[JamieQ]

I agree, if you regret it you had a choice in it. I feel I have no choice, it is just me. My only regret is trying to do the "right" things (military, marraige, children, etc.)and put this off only to find out that I was really a girl all along. For me the dressing is only a part of it. Im just trying to figure out how to deal with all of this and then do what I know I need to do.

[famousunknown]

Haven't we heard this story here before?


I regret ever starting crossdressing;...

[kathtx]

From Jackson Browne's beautiful _Fountain of Sorrow_:

"And while the future's there for anyone to change, still you know it seems
It would be easier sometimes to change the past"

We've all got regrets: mistakes we've made, people we hurt, loves we lost. Tempting as it may be to obsess about how the past might have been different, there's nothing to do about the past but to learn from it for the future.

[AnitaH]

My only regret at this point in time is that I didn't accept it decades sooner. I expect it to eventually cost me my job and so much more but still no regrets.

AnitaH

[sometimes_miss]

It's a combination of crossdressing and being sort of transgendered. It's basically ruined my life. Women simply aren't attracted to guys who have feminine traits/behaviors. They want a guy who's 'all man'. I understand that; I don't like it, but I understand it. It destroyed my marriage, and has kept me from becoming too close to pretty much everyone, because I feel that the chances of acceptance is so very, very remote.

[Brittany CD]

I can say I have come to at least become conflicted with it. It was all fun and games when I was a kid, just giggling while looking in a mirror wearing a dress and lipstick. I came to love dressing as a woman until I became an adult and began to wish that I didn't start dressing, most of it because of the social and relationship difficulties that comes with dressing. Crossdressers make me want to crossdress, clothes I like make me want to crossdress, but these days I can't be Carly too long because when I look in the mirror and see the girl, I just want to stop and go back to male mode

[Jamie001]

My only regret at this point in time is that I didn't accept it decades sooner. I expect it to eventually cost me my job and so much more but still no regrets.

AnitaH

How will it cost you your job? Do you cross-dress at work?

[Alice Torn]

There are constant conflicts with the drive to crossdress. My religion condemns it, and to be truthful, it is not natural, and I know God does not approve of unnatural behavior. I can only hope for mercy, and forgiveness. There are times i can not imagine more fun than dressing up as the super tall gorgeous lady, other than actually having such a gg. Having been bullied as a boy, by siblings, and at chool, and some jobs, I am paranoid, of being outed, and harrassed, so i very seldo go out. I do hope to go out a few times, around Halloween, even though i don't celbrate it. Yes, there are times i wish i had never staarted dressing. Life may have been irritatin as a male only, but maybe safer and less guilt.

[Debutante]

It certainly has affected me, all my life, often in a bad way, with internal struggles. Now, having found a loving, supportive wife, I embrace it in all its positive aspects.
I see this as a blessing as I take it to a spiritual level... yes, hard to do, but the best path to take.....!

[Babeba]

Alice, if you feel conflicts about being religious and dressing please do join us and talk to us in the religious section. We always have open ears and many members tread the same paths as you.

The main forums do tend to be pretty free of religion (to keep controversy down) so if you feel the need to talk about it - please post with us in there.

[Eryn]

Haven't we heard this story here before?

Undoubtedly, but there's no rule against repeating oneself. I'm probably guilty of it myself when a newbie asks a question which my experiences might answer. The old hands probably roll their eyes and think "There Eryn goes again..." :)

[Jamie Ann]

I regret ever starting crossdressing;...

...Do you regret crossdressing? How has it hurt your life?

As others have said or implied, you have to use a little common sense regarding how discreet or indiscreet you are about crossdressing (or any other aspect of your life that might lead to bias from others). There are indeed some transphobic people out there, which means that you have to be discreet about your crossdressing in settings where you’re likely to encounter such people. Do you insist on telling everyone you meet about any and all aspects of your personal life?

I’m quite sure that you would be better off if you did not blame crossdressing for your misfortunes. Look for other, more basic causes. If you face discrimination because others think you are gay, then you have some legal recourse in most US states and communities. In fact, in 38 states non-discrimination laws that include transgender persons exist. After all is said and done, the fact remains that most crossdressers and most lesbians and gays are doing just fine. If you’re not doing just fine, then it’s time to examine your situation and find a plan for getting those job interviews, job offers, and co-worker acceptance on the job. What are you doing that’s turning people off? Do you crossdress on the job some days but not others? Do you make loud homophobic comments if some other employee asks if you’re gay?

Regarding your final questions, do I regret crossdressing? No, the desire to crossdress is part of who I am; and I accept myself. How has crossdressing hurt my life? Hum, that’s a loaded question. It is sort of like asking, “Do you still beat your wife?” Hey, wait a minute! I don’t even beat my eggs! :) I can’t tell you the ways crossdressing has hurt my life. The question appears to be presuming something …

Best wishes.

[Lucy Lou]

This is something that I have thought about as lot but it is something that I keep going back to. This site has helped me come to terms with the fact that I love dressing up and always will. Regret is only something that society makes us feel about what we do. I have gone through a big reality check over the last month and I say to anybody who regrets cross dressing, as I have done many times. Don't. We all love what we do so why not just keep doing it. Lucy

[Samantha43]

I have no regrets. I think crossdressing has added to the quality of my life.

I have remained in the closet though, so my situation is different than yours.

[kristinacd55]

I don't regret the crossdressing per say....but actions I've done that have only hurt myself. My big one is that my marriage is going to end, but I believe because of a combination of cding and drinking and more importantly the HIDING of it that hurt me. But, now that's all water under the bridge and I can't change the past so it's time to move on. I now enjoy my tg friends, the folks I've met on here and the fact that I'm starting to date now. So, the future is indeed looking brighter.

[Jamie Ann]

[Religious content removed]
If you have a right to cite religion, then I have an equal right to cite religion...

[Eryn]

If you have a right to cite religion, then I have an equal right to cite religion...

No you don't. Just because another member pushes the limits of the rules does not mean that you have any right to violate them. Babeba already suggested that the religious aspect of this discussion be taken to the religious forum where it belongs. Please continue it there.