Hitting the restart button

[Jess Marie]

A family member of mine whom I was sorta close to but not really had been in a coma for about 6 months, he "woke up" last week and had no memory of roughly 3 years previous to getting in the car accident.

He doesn't know who his daughter is, has no clue who the president is, and is completely blind to the fact that around a year ago he lost his job and they were really struggling. Anyway, I am not on here to get any pity or anything like that. This situation has taught me not to take anything for granted. But, anyway, it did start that thing between my ears.

Most of us, if not all, can trace our first memories of crossdressing, no matter how minor, to our mid childhood (8-13ish). They call this period our developmental years because this time period shapes who we are and who we will become. Now, some of us were pushed to crossdress by a friend or sibling and some of us just wandered into it by ourselves out of curiosity.

If our memory reset to our childhood, say a week before your first experience, yet you are still the same age you are right now reading this. I am 20, so my memory would jump back 12 years and I wouldn't know anything that happened between then and now.

Do you think, without any crossdressing memories, that you would still do it? Would you still be the woman you are today because it is more than memories, it is who you are, or do you think it would be like it never happened and you would find all the clothes in your closet and assume your wife ran off without packing?

I cannot answer this question myself at all. One of my most prized possessions is my feminine side, my inner woman, the center of my core. I rely on the woman within me on a daily basis. But, did I develop Jess over the years into what I needed, or has she always been within me and I have only discovered her? No matter how much soul searching I've done, I still cannot answer this question.

I invite you to search through your inner self and share what you think about yourself. Do you truly believe that without any memory at all of crossdressing or the woman you've developed over the years would still be there if all memories of her was wiped clean? Or do you think that she lives on in your head and not in your soul?

[Annette Todd]

I can understand how the experience of a family member has affected your outlook. However, I don' t really think there is any way to know the answer to what you are asking. Our lives are shaped by our experiences. I can say with all honesty that losing 4/5ths of my life would be a very pleasant experience. Can you imagine the sense of dislocation and anxiety that would rule your life. I am 50 now. To be a 50 year old with the expeience level of a child would severely handicap me.

The loss of the memory of your education, experience and relationships would be a much more profound catyclism than trying to decide what clothes you like to wear.

I'm sorry if I sound crude. I am not trying to deride your introspection or the suffering of your family member. I just can't fathom how one aspect of ones past would take precident over any other.

I suppose that who we were in our remaining memory would be the point from where we would go on. But, the new experiences from that point would then shape or reshape who we would then become.

The tragedy of your loved one is not something I would wish on anyone. (well maybe my ex) :devil:

[giuseppina]

Hello Jess Marie

I am saddened to hear of your family member's accident and resultant head and likely other injuries. This has to be difficult for his wife and daughter, as the father's personality may be affected. Chances are high there will be some conflict among them, as head injuries may make the injured person mentally unstable, possibly being a danger to himself or others. A standard example in introductory university psychology courses is Phineas Gage. Your favourite search engine will turn up some references. A warning to those interested: if you're sensitive to people being hurt, have past or current issues with abuse, or have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress or other diagnoses along the same line, it may be best not to look up Phineas' story.

Maybe I'm speaking heresy, but crossdressing seems unimportant after surviving a near-death experience. If the desire is still around, fine; if not, so be it.

[heatherdress]

I hope your friend continues to recover. Seems like a miracle that he has survived.

I agree with Annette's and Giuseppina's comments.

[Gillian Gigs]

This is the subjest of many Holywood movies. "If I had just hit that home run in that game", it would all be different. Really, would it have different, or would things just have started in a different way? Some might call it the old nature, vs, nurture situation, are we predisposed to something, or what? Since we can not go back into the past, lets live in the present and make the best of what we have and where we are.

[kimdl93]

My earliest recollection of my gender difference dates back very early childhood. I suppose if my entire life were wiped out of memory I would be starting over, but I would probably be compelled to express femininity by the same genetic or developmental factors in utero that lead me here anyway. I'd be staring over as an adult, but with the same initial wiring...barring a stroke or other brain damage.

[Debra Russell]

I think it'show's I am , not what I would remember...........................Debra

[DebbieL]

I'd have a real problem - since my first fond memories of cross-dressing were at 2 years old. Ironically my mom had 2 1/2 years of her memory "erased" using electro-shock therapy. I just recently found out that these techniques were the signature of part of the MK-Ultra project. I wonder if mom knew something they wanted her to forget ... She lost the first 2 1/2 years of my life.

[Cheryl T]

I hope the best for your friend.

For me I'd have to say that it's not in the memories. I didn't first don my mom's panties because I had memories of doing so.
I think if the memories of my dressing were lost that there would be some internal trigger that would lead me down this path again.

I posed the question some time ago...
What if I got Alzheimer's...would I forget this part of me...or the other part????

[Jess Marie]

I was kind of running on a theoretical situation where your own memories were lost. I'm not asking about schooling or anything but crossdressing.

The question was more meant like, had your memory been swiped, do you think you still would or do you think it isn't as deep in your soul than you think it is.

I found my answer and that is a no. I probably wouldn't dress anymore and I would lose Jess. Though she is a part of me, I only developed her. I didn't discover her, she wasn't always there.