Wife loses it.

[Maria 60]

I know I am starting to sound like a broken record but this is what happened. I have not worked a Saturday for the last ten years and for the last ten years one of the kids have been home. We were busy at work and I had to work the past two Saturdays and believe it or not both Saturdays no one was home both days. WOW! What are the chance's of that happening. So last Sunday the kids went out and said they were going to be gone for the day. OMG finally a chance to fully dress, make-up and all. They were both leaving by nine that turned into eleven, but no problem I have all day. I finally fully dressed everything had to be perfect an hour later I was ready. I came out of my room and my wife told me that both neighbors were out to get the camera and she would take some pictures in the yard. I got the camera and I was opening the sliding door when the phone rang. NO NO not the phone, I didn't want to answer it but having older parents you can't help not to answer. It's my mother in law and she tells me that her car wouldn't start and she can't get a hold of her son and if I can help her out. **** **** can you believe this, I tell her I will be there as soon as possible. I lose my cool and start taking things off and throwing them everywhere and just couldn't believe this, all I was saying was, she never go's out what made her go out today. So swearing the hole time undressing and washing the make-up off, all at once my wife loses her cool and tells me that she is on board with all the dressing and all she wants is to see me happy even if it involves me hiding cloths and wearing women cloths but she can't stand when I freak out at a lost opportunity and how I get nerves when I don't get a chance to dress and If she was to lose interest it's just for that and she has no patients for me when I get that way. I stop and look at her and realize that she was right I felt so selfish, it's true all I have to say that I like something and without asking her if she finds it she will buy it, and always telling me not to be scared to ask for something life is once try to live all your fantasies. I gave her a hug told her I was sorry and off I went. Well by the time the tow truck came and I drove my mother in law home and stopped for flowers for my wife I had enough time to put everything away and my son came home. Another lost opportunity but a wake up call to look at the big picture and not be so selfish. Has this ever happened to anybody else when your home everyone is home and when your out the house sits empty or do I just have bad timing.

[Tracii G]

Things happen for a reason sometimes so some good came out of it.
How did your wife like the flowers? We must know!!

[franlee]

That is one of the most revealing and moving threads I have ever read and I know it hits me right between the eyes. You have a marriage much like I do from your decription and even the older parents situation is simular. I want to say thanks for letting me see my own short coming through your experiance. You did the right thing and I for one admire your ability to recognise a problem and make it right. I just hope I will do the same with as much style and caring as you did in simular situations.

Great Job!

[connie23]

Hi,
I too really appreciate your note. I am so impressed by your ability to listen to your wife, apologize, and make changes. We live in a complicated world and being a CD makes it even harder. I know just how frustrating it can be when your time is stolen but ...
Again,thanks, you helped me,
Connie

[Cynthia Anne]

I got to say this! Even though everyone around me knows how I dress I think your wakeup call hits home with me too! It's always rewarding to put others first and ourselves second! Thank you sincerly!

[ReineD]

Ten years, huh? Your kids are getting older now, and they will be doing more things on their own. This is why you've seen an increase in their activities, and likely this will continue to happen. When do they start to drive? :)

And eventually, they'll go off to college?

In the meantime, I sympathize with your plans being thwarted on Sunday. What would your mother i law had done if you were out of town? Still, I commend you for helping out and although I agree with your wife that it is not good to lose it like that, I do understand your frustration.

Do you get a chance to dress at all during the week? How old are your kids?

[Amy A]

Whilst your initial reaction may have been by your own admission selfish, I think that your subsequent actions show how much you care about your wife and consider her feelings. An ability to realise when we are wrong and make amends is a great thing to have. I read so many threads on here where a similar reation from a wife/SO has resulted in complaints of her being unaccepting or unreasonable, and they wind me up a bit, so it's nice to read about someone taking a less self centred view on things, thanks for posting! :)

[Maria 60]

Ten years, huh? Your kids are getting older now, and they will be doing more things on their own. This is why you've seen an increase in their activities, and likely this will continue to happen. When do they start to drive? :)

And eventually, they'll go off to college?



Do you get a chance to dress at all during the week? How old are your kids?

Well to answer your question one is in local college and the other works full time. Don't get me wrong I love my kids kicking around the house. its my timing I can't believe.

[Erica Marie]

Hi Maria. To a point I know how you feel. I am single but have my kids here. So free time is close to zero. But you are very lucky if your wife allows you to dress. Maybe it would be best if you two could sit down and plan a day or even a few hours a week that would be put aside for just you. Where maybe she could take the kids and hit the mall or something. Or maybe an adult weekend away. One day for Maria and the next day to spend doing what the wife enjoys. Win win for both if you. Guess it just takes some preplanning. Good luck.

[Launa]

If mother in law is like "Wilma Flintstone's mother" then I can understand your feelings.
If shes a decent person then your feelings are selfish but you realized it and dealt with it. I know how your feeling about not getting anytime to yourself.

My daughter always hung around us adults when she was in her teen years even though she had friends etc... It really felt like the house was run by a 1950's housewife including question and answer periods when we would go out on a Saturday night.
However I wouldn't wish for the alternative to always having my daughter and her friends around the house.

[kimdl93]

Your wife made a very good point. Keep perspective. Believe me, I know how easy it can be to get off on a tirade over some small thing.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Reality checks.... never really wanted, but needed in life to keep all things in balance.

Look forward to the next chance you have and thank your wife everyday for her support and love.

[MsRenee]

Your wife is very understanding and she knows how much your dressing means to you sounds like. For her to calm you down was great. Sometimes we have to give some of us away in order to get what we want. You will have some time very soon to dress I feel and when you do the both of you will have fun Its nice that she wants to take a few pics of you. My girl does it at times and its sweet of her She knows im not photogenic but gets me to smile alot. Glad nothing was wrong with your mom and glad that you made sure she was safe.
Renee

[Beverley Sims]

I am sorry, I always see the funny side of these situations and when I do get to do what I want the wait feels soooo worthwile. :)

[Amy A]

Yes, WE can become 'VERY unreasonable', & that hurts the one I love-UNINTENTIONALLY.
Men have hormones.....women have hormones.
WHY women's hormone levels can fluctuate every 1/2 hour (statement confirmed by my MD)....is a dilemma that WE hate JUST as much as OUR men do.
I wish i had been born a man....then I could take Viagra & Testosterone gel.
WE women don't have an equivalent to Viagra (because the majority of the Researchers are men).
I am NOT putting down men-----I love men. I am just saying that IF the majority of the 'Researchers' were women WE WOULD HAVE our Viagra!

Sorry... I'll admit you've lost me a bit here! :) I wasn't complaining that women are unreasonable, I was saying that some CDers on this forum complain that their SOs are being unreasonable when they really aren't, and that it annoys me a bit that these CDers sometimes can't see things from the perspective of their SO.

[Momarie]

That is one of the most revealing and moving threads I have ever read and I know it hits me right between the eyes. You have a marriage much like I do from your decription and even the older parents situation is simular. I want to say thanks for letting me see my own short coming through your experiance. You did the right thing and I for one admire your ability to recognise a problem and make it right. I just hope I will do the same with as much style and caring as you did in simular situations.

Great Job!

I agree whole heartedly.
I was moved by your thread too.

[franlee]

Thank you Momarie, contrary to popular belief I do have a soft spot in my heart and Maria helped to cause me to find and revisit it. Anytime someone will open-up and admit/recognize they have more to be thankful for than to feel sorry for theirself about it is a positive and life-changing event. By sharing it Maria may very well have saved other peoples relationships and kept them from doing damage to a somewhat fragile issue for many. Even for those of us with supportive wives or SO's we should always consider that they have taken an extra step to except and support our needs and should be appreaciated for it. There just isn't enough good to say about a wife like that! But with that said, We are human too, and sometimes we react to stuff in a less than admirable way. That doesn't mean we are bad or even disrespectful and selfish, just upset and responding on the spur of the moment with what comes natural to us. So when it does happen and you make it right in a simular way that Maria did it can actually be a means to a better understanding and made into a positive end results. No! I'm not incouraging a rant, just acknowledging "Stuff Happens."

[Babeba]

Maria, thank you for putting a smile on my face, and for having a strong enough marriage that your wife did not refrain from 'rocking the boat' by telling you some plain speech! I'm so glad that the message you have shared here has touched people.

[Amy A]

I am so sorry Rachel80, I DID misread you on that.

No need to apologise, probably my poor phrasing! Just glad I haven't offended you in any way. :) Nicole Kent posted a great thread asking the same question as you have: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?182511-The-other-side-of-the-coin

[Lorileah]

Ok that pot hole is past now. Breathe...

You need to either start making sure that you have time and you can relax or you need to really start thinking about coming out of that closet. The stress is going to do you in. I have been there, I know when plans go awry it is frustrating. I finally learned though that all the temper tantrums in the world wont change anything. truthfully was there some reason your MIL could not have waited 15 more minutes and you could have at least got a few photos? It is nice you are so helpful but there is AAA if it was an emergency (and they would have made it in...and hour).

You learned a lesson. I still get angry but now I try and slow it down. It helps. Besides those rings and watches are not disposable you know :)

[StephanieC]

You have an incredible wife.

[Stephanie47]

If your wife was going to take pictures of you in the backyard, you and your lovely wife are past a DADT marriage. For that you are very fortunate. And, as a bonus you have adult children. You cannot really stopped your kids from going and coming unexpectedly. You cannot stop your parents or in-laws from calling. What you can do is to schedule a weekend away when the opportunity presents itself. Find a nice vacation local or rent a condo for the weekend. Get away to a beach, even if it is off season and blowing like crazy. What wouldn't be nicer than walking on the beaches of western Washington or Oregon with the wind whipping your dress and slip around your legs. Or head to the mountains. Just tell you kids and in-laws you and the wife are taking time away from home. Tell your parents and in-laws to call their grandchildren or the tow truck. This is the plight of the middle generation, whether or not you're a cross dresser or not.

When my kids were young I cherished several hours of hurry up time. I took a 'mental health' day off from work to dress. Now, as a retiree I have a lot of time to be en femme. That has made me realize how frustrated I had been when I was in your situation. Now, if I only had a wife who was on board with me, that would be heavenly.

Maybe, your wife needs time away with you too. Blowing up in the house is not good! Having your dress blow up in the wind is priceless! :)

[StephanieJ]

Well played Maria, well played. I officially nominate you for the best-come-back-of-the-year award. You are a lucky girl and it sounds like you know it.

[Eryn]

I have always wondered if the tables were turned & I HAD another personality that loved to dress, walk, talk, and act just like a man...a 'manly man'?

Would Tara like that?

I can't answer for Tara, but from my perspective I might not "like" it initially, but I would encourage my wife to explore this aspect of herself if she wished to do so. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander! I'd do my best to help her as she has helped me. I'd likely learn to enjoy it because Mimi and I simply enjoy being together!

No cigars or snuff-dipping though. Even my boy side finds those disgusting!

[Dana3]

Thanx, Rachel80. I read all of the posts. They made me feel better about the frustrations I sometimes have with living with a CD.

But, as I've said before, I'd rather live (& love) with a man who is very in touch with his feminine side; is not ashamed of those feelings; & has such a tremendous stress reliever for him to become Tara - THAN to be married to man who thinks it is 'unmanly' to cry; a man who is obsessed with Football/Golf/Nascar/Hunting; chews 'tobaccy'; refuses to dance with his wife; hates shopping;etc.

I love my man and I love 'my woman'

That's all day strong! One man loving one woman~ one woman loving one man! Wiithout hesitation, qualification, judgement, un-conditionally!


I am so sorry Rachel80, I DID misread you on that.
And re: "these CDers sometimes can't see things from the perspective of their SO" - Thank you for saying that.



Would Tara like that?

Forgive me?

In any relationship ~ but especially marriage? Its important to keep the other the single central focus in one's life!