RLE theory questions

[Alicew]

Ok i know its early days still waiting to see a therapist but im the type of girl who needs all the information first so bear with me please.

Right so im pretty sure i know what i am,but im so mixed up i need the therapists help to determine if i am TG or just plain nuts,but after reading up on the proccess' im concerned with the RLE and HRT practises especially in the UK,from what i can make out if i start down the road before any thing else after diagnosis of GD they have a upto 2 year of RLE (real life experience) before you can even start HRT or even be assigned for SRS,so my worry is that if im living now in what seems like a dead end missery of not being a fully functioning male how am i then supposed to suddenly be living 100% full time as a women when i still look exactly the same as i do now but have to deal with "fun" of being read every where for being the bloke in a dress.
Im already anxious as it is but if im gatekeepered out by this humiliation i dont think i can live like that or the way its been, its bad enough being stuck in a hairy mans body but being stuck in a hairy mans body whilst transitioning just seems intentionally cruel to me.

I realise that others have faster experiences but al li can go on is track record and wales NHS doesnt seem upto much and i cant go private no money and no savings been out of work 8 years through athritis.

See im under no illusions that HRT or anything is going to magically make me a women but i thought the process would be more akin to therapist >diagnosis>HRT and what ever to get the bosy more in line with the mind then RLE>SRS if wanted/needed but all it sounds like is gate keeping to keep every one out who doesnt present as female to start with.

You see ive never been out fully dressed no one has ever seen or heard of me dressing upto the last few weeks and i know for certain my dressing skills and makeup skills are amateur at best so in my mind im 100% unpassable at the moment i really look manly gaunt face 5 oclock shadow minutes after shaving and so on 6'2" 13 stone10 with a barrel chest and tiny waist with no bum the defination of a male and yet its totally wrong in my mind and i hate it and i hate me.


Sorry have to rant cant tell anyone this my mum already thinks im nuts,is this normal for the transition or have i just read the bad experiences,does the initial therapist help through self asteem issues and acceptance with what i am, does this build up the confidence to follow through with your feelings and take the ridicule and problems transition creates on the chin so to speak.

[Frances]

I went through a similar strict gate-keeping process in Canada. It was very hard to get hormones as well. There are ways around this. Not every doctor is inside the public system, and some are not as strict. As for hair and appearance, hormones have little to do with it. I started hair removals two years before HRT, grew my hair and learned all about make-up without hormones. I eventually passed just fine. HRT made it even better, but most of the work can be done without.

[Nigella]

Unfortunately as you are looking for "treatment" within the NHS, then it is either their way or the highway, so to speak. There is NO way to circumvent RLE if you wish to transition, especially via the NHS.

RLE is just that, changing how you live. It can be one step at a time and includes, but is not exclusive to, name change, working as female, either paid or voluntary, having official documents in your female name. Some of this you can do whilst waiting for the NHS to shuffle their feet.

[Inna]

First of, HRT will not make you into visual representation of a natal woman. Length of time HRT will do its magic varies due to genetics and metabolic rate of individual at hand. If over 25 yo. chances are T had made a irreversible impact on skull geometry and FFS will be needed.
Personally RLE is a torture device, invented to put one through the paces of rejection and torment so to see if they can withstand the pain, sounds to me like medieval device!!!!!
But as a good news, many doctors will not obey strict adherence to the TG code, and even code it self doesn't specify RLE to be mandatory, but just suggests its relevance.

Times are changing, and so the treatment methods of TG, however in the more socially centric societies, the news travels slowly and you may be seeing outdated treatment approach.

As to seeing an Endo, and having HRT monitored out side of the governmental grasp, I am not sure of the costs involved, but here in US the cost of therapy is rather minimal. Of course one can spend a fortune on a doctor visit, but that is why there is internet and one must research to get the benefit of lower cost. I spent very little on prescription as I have researched my sources!!!!!

Long story short, the period of transition from bloke to visually attainable passability is torturous, however, discomforts can be lessened by approaching this period with slow assimilation. No dressing in gender specific clothing, no makeup comprised of blues and pinks, lol, just plain, perhaps still quite feminine, yet not screaming "look at me I am a bloke in a dress!"

It is possible and I know one person who had done it, lol
Here is a pic of yours truly, after 6 months of HRT, 2 years of Phyto estrogens, literally steping out side of the door to get into taxi and go to Mexico for her FFS surgery:
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Ysz_beIrGGo/UG7yLCk4O8I/AAAAAAAAJiw/szWXr_2QEOI/s400/2011-11-16%252011.58.29.jpg

[Stephenie S]

I think you may have an unrealistic view of hormone therapy. There is no pill, magic or otherwise, that will turn you into a woman. You are either a woman or you are not.

Hairy? YOU have to deal with that just exactly how every female on the planet does. Shave it off, tweeze it off, electrolize it off, wax it off, laser it off, or leave it alone and deal with it

Body shape? Sorry, you are pretty much stuck with that also just as every female on the planet is. Diet, exercise and dressing to disguise figure flaws is about it. Deal with it, hon.

Makeup skills and dressing? Hair styling? What? Do you think women are born with this knowledge? No, we have to learn it. And you will too if you want to be able to do it.

Perhaps you should deal with your inability to earn a living first. There is no free lunch in this world, even in the UK. Transition takes money and lots of it. I have a close friend who ended up bankrupt due to the cost of transition. But she did transition, and is doing a good job of living the life she always knew she should.

Good luck, dear. But MOST of this you will have to do yourself. No one will hand you a transition gratis. It takes time and money. But thankfully it can be accomplished in many small steps. Start.

Stephie

[Alicew]

oh i realise HRT isnt a miracle worker but i think it could have a good effect on me,im not silly enough to realise i wont look like a real women but if i could jut pass it would be bareable.
Many tell me i look just like my little sister only a foot taller, thinner and definatley fuzzier so the image is there atleast workable problem is im 36 and yes the dreaded T really has done a number on me heavy brow large jawline wide chin , but ive also got large blue eyes and real long eyelashes atleast for a man told i have nice eyes , so even tho to others they think im ok looking to average looking i supose iI in my mind atleast can stand looking at myself to see it.

Im already changing my bodies look with dieting but it can only go so far without help ive slimmed down from 21 stone to under 14 by calorie control ive lost a whole lot of muscle mass that i look ill im told but to me it feels feminine problem arrives with this is thats any excercise i do the muscle mass comes straight back on leaving me in tears of frustration, i had lovely thin legs now i got bloody big tree trunks again from walking the dog worst off all tho is with the weight loss goes the curves went from 48-40-44 to a now slim 40-33-39 but my bust and bum have dissapeared.

We naturally carry more weight in my family and its gotto the point im jealous of even my brother who has man boobs because i lost my one happy part off my body to slimming to look more feminine.

I think i just need to get my head around it start therapy and work out exactly what i can and cant do and work out a grand plan off what i can do for myself, scared to do anything at the moment incase it all falls through i dont think im strong enough to face this ,i put it off every time i get close to asking for help this is first time ive actually told another living soul my problems.

[Badtranny]

I'm not a proponent of "instant" RLE.

I believe you should prepare yourself as much as possible before going full-time. Set some goals and start the grind. The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan right? So grab your pencil and make a plan but don't be shy with the eraser because your plans WILL change to adapt to how your transition is going. Your goal shouldn't change but your plans sure will because you will be ready for some things sooner and NOT ready for some things when you thought you might be. My original goal was to be done with electrolysis before I went full-time. It didn't work out that way. It's almost done, but not quite. I also didn't get the name changed until AFTER I was already full-time and that certainly wasn't the plan, but not everything falls into place all at once and you just gotta roll with it. In the beginning there is a LOT you can do without a doctor's note. Hair removal is a biggie and you need to get real serious about that. You can also start growing out your hair, you can start losing weight, you can start taking care of your skin, etc etc.

The say that luck favors the prepared, ...and so does transition.

I just read your post about your diet, so good for you. Then I read the part about not being strong enough and that's your biggest problem. Transition means total commitment and a complete disregard of fear.

[Alicew]

Bah forum ate my post naughty forum.

Ive always had long hair long as i can remember i just prefer it that way had to cut it short for family wedding broke my heart to see it on the floor,whats worse is that my hair lines slowly shrinking back reminding me that times running out to even have that.

Yes the fear ,ive lived with fear my whole life incase anyone finds out about me ,about what i do,what i am its become second nature to just hide avery thing including ME from everyone and its hard to break out of it.

Im mostly scared of exactly what ill become to be honest, i know i cant carry on as this me but to create an new me scares me to death incase i get it wrong ,if that makes sense,im usually the type that gathers all the info and then makes a choice but i cant in this situation ,the answers art inside me and i cant get them out .

Feels like im standing on a cliff foot on each side and the cliffs crumbling and i have to chose which way to jump and usually i just jump and deal with it but its totally outside my comfort zone letting people in to see me.

This is why i ask and vent here to slowly make sense off the things in my head to match them up to other people dealing with similiar things to atleast appear normal even if its just our small slice of normal.

[Kathryn Martin]

I am with Misty on this one. Preparing for the moment is very important. It took me nine month of preparation, including weight loss, counseling, hair removal, having my hair stylist cut my hair in ever increasing feminine style, eventually hormones (I am in Canada) then a further 6 months before throwing away all of my male clothes and going full time. The road map was completely laid out before I took the first step and was adapted as I went along. Name change immediately after beginning RLE.

I would say weight loss and hair removal are the biggest issues. I am still in hair removal and I am still struggling with weight although that is more something all women face as Stephenie says.

Another important thing is learning how to shop for yourself. Stop the grab and run shopping style. Take your little heart in your hand and go try things on, not one but 15 different ones, so you learn what works for you. Scour the internet to find out how to dress broad shoulders so they become diminshed, how to conceal a manly midriff, how to enhance your bust (before you have lost weight). One of the worst mistakes I have seen among women who have a transsexual history is going androgynous, wearing simply pants and t shirts (as in all the time) because they are fearful of making mistakes. Do you know what you want to look like? And don't tell me like "whatever" celebrity. How do you envision you would look if testosterone never played a part in your life. Think of women in your circle of life and how they dress, observe them, observe, observe. Then learning to style your hair, using make up. Learn how to make your shoulders straight and back and to hold your head high.

Becoming proficient and natural around these things will take time and before you know it you will have completed the two years. Hormones help, but really just help. They are not the source of being a woman. Ask yourself if you are a woman or if you are confused about your gender.


Feels like im standing on a cliff foot on each side and the cliffs crumbling and i have to chose which way to jump and usually i just jump and deal with it but its totally outside my comfort zone letting people in to see me.

This was a very intense experience for me and I believe for everyone that transitioned. But true to who I am as a person I jumped when everyone except my spouse and one friend told me I would ruin my life and turned away until they realized that foretold ruin did not materialize.

[Alicew]

Thats one of my fears am i right am i a women, is what i feel wrong i just dont know for sure i know as part of this im unsure of my gender the same as im unsure of my sexuality.
I like women im preety sure of that fact but im not attracted enough to develop a relation ship with one theres no deep down need to want to,im sure im not sexualy attracted to me in any shape straight or gay,but i feel myself drawn to wards our corner of the market i like really preety feminine TGs but stll no deep down need to do anything about it either whych to me doesnt seem to be exactly normal, ive always put it down to me liking women but wanting to be the women instead as part of what makes me me but the idea off being a lesbian stuck in a mans body weirded me out that it was a stupid idea .

[Megan Thomas]

I agree with every comment here saying HRT isn't a magical fix-it for RLE. I have my own issues which could make me a far less than ideal candidate for MtF transition but they aren't stopping me doing it. In some ways I would liken my own challenges to those you face too. As already said, get started on the things you need to address that HRT won't do much if anything about.

One thing that did cross my mind was your mention of receding hairlines. It might be worthwhile talking to your GP about obtaining Finasteride. It will probably help stem the hairline shrinkage AND (depending on dose) act as a testosterone blocker. It's not HRT in the true sense but might be an avenue to explore until such time as the NHS Pathway kicks in with HRT for you.

[Saffron]

ive always put it down to me liking women but wanting to be the women instead as part of what makes me me but the idea off being a lesbian stuck in a mans body weirded me out that it was a stupid idea .

I had the same problem all this years. I didn't know that gender identity and sexual orientation are two different matters.


Here the RLE is also mandatory, I can understand why they want to force us to do it. The sooner you start your transition the better. But there's a lot of variables in each case. For example I don't want to risk my job, are they going to pay me the rent and treatment if I get fired or the situation at work gets so uncomfortable that I have to quit? I don't think so...

[kellycan27]

My RLE was pretty much self imposed more by circumstance than by design. ( working, going to school and saving money). I started mine at 20 and didn't start hrt or get my B?A til I was 24. It worked out well for me as everything was in place when I started to physically transition.. I was out, I had a good job, a place to live and school was behind me.

[sandra-leigh]

I am in the same country as Frances, but a different province. I did not encounter much gatekeeping to starting hormones. That is partly because I had already been going to gender therapy for some time, and partly because I was already living publicly somewhat transgender. Mainly, however, it was because my area had started a clinic that follows a harm-reduction model: yes, ask some questions to be confident that the person knows what they are getting into, but then give them an opportunity to do HRT while being well monitored instead of pushing people to over-the-internet self-medication.

"passable" means different things to different people.

For example, I have had my makeup done professionally, put on nice clothes complete with forms, and gone out... and been called Sir. The last time I was Sir'd while I was wearing obvious female clothes was the last time I went out wearing obvious female clothes (2 days ago.) People who have never ever seen me in female clothes before recognize me from a distance, in bad light, and come over to say hello. No matter how I am dressed or made up, no matter what wig I am wearing, I am only perhaps 2% "passable" in the sense of people considering me to be female. Captain Hook would have an easier time wearing a disguise than I do.

On the other hand, even though people Sir me and recognize me within 3 seconds, people treat me well, and very few people hassle me at all, and most people don't pay any attention at all. The effect is very much as if people fairly immediately consider what I do to be right for me. If "passable" is defined in terms of public acceptance, I am doing pretty well. People do notice calm and self-acceptance and smiles.

If your goal is to look female, then you may have difficulty. If your goal is to live as you must, then you will probably have an easier time than you expect.

[Bree-asaurus]

Thats one of my fears am i right am i a women, is what i feel wrong i just dont know for sure i know as part of this im unsure of my gender the same as im unsure of my sexuality.
I like women im preety sure of that fact but im not attracted enough to develop a relation ship with one theres no deep down need to want to,im sure im not sexualy attracted to me in any shape straight or gay,but i feel myself drawn to wards our corner of the market i like really preety feminine TGs but stll no deep down need to do anything about it either whych to me doesnt seem to be exactly normal, ive always put it down to me liking women but wanting to be the women instead as part of what makes me me but the idea off being a lesbian stuck in a mans body weirded me out that it was a stupid idea .

I'm with Melissa and Kathryn that preparing for RLE is a good thing. If you know you are going to transition, it's a good idea to get some things started first, like HRT, facial hair removal, growing out hair, etc. Even if you're not sure if you will transition, many of the things you can do to prepare yourself for RLE aren't really that big of a deal if you decide not to. HRT, to a point, is reversible... but if you are on HRT for more than a few months, you may start getting some changes that won't go away if you stop.

It's all about what you're willing to risk. Just be sure you are thinking clearly and are aware of the risks.

As far as your sexuality, that's not a big deal. You'll figure that out in time and it shouldn't be a factor in transitioning or RLE.'

One kind of pseudo RLE that you really should do, as it will help you figure out what feels right, is finding a local transsexual group, or find some other transsexuals you can hang out with. Start being yourself (assuming that's a woman) in safe areas with people who are supportive. Being able to express yourself outside of the house is very important.

I started transitioning two years ago. Prior to that, I was already hanging out with other transsexuals and being myself on occasion. I started HRT and laser/electrolysis at the same time. I didn't go full-time until about six months ago, but from before starting my transition up until I went full-time, I was gradually being myself more and more. I went full-time the week before my orchiectomy.

Transition is a long process and there are many steps along the way. I waited to go full-time because I wasn't ready. I was afraid... but afraid of what I knew what was inevitable. Going back was never an option. Sometimes I was too afraid and thought I might go back, but then I remembered that if I did, I'd be dead within weeks.

If you're unsure if you need to transition, then don't. But start exploring who you are more. Start pushing your boundaries. When you know you need to transition, you can start taking the steps you need to take, in the order you need to take them.

Of course, that may change depending on the requirements of your therapists and doctors, as stated in previous posts.

[Saffron]

Think on being "passable" or stealth not as an end, but as mean. What we really want is just to live in peace.

[Alicew]

Thanks for the advice girls, half my problems seem to come fro mmy childhood growing up ive never been the a typical boy and ive been bullied,name called and even shunned most of my child and adult life so the thought os having to face all that again terrifies me, but and its a big BUT i survived it once i can do it again i supose.

Me asking about the HRT thing mainly is down to me aging finally its probably the amount of stres i been going through dealign with starting the ball rolling on this and my age ,ive always had a baby face even now i dont look 36 probably about 26 most likely but its finally setting in, my lovely hairs going my eyebrows seem to be growing upwards to make up for it ,just me being petty really but the thought keeps going around that its getting to late , yes i realise alot older girls go through this too , id just of liked to if not stop then lessen the damage T is doing to me while i transition when i do not wait till i do the RLE then get it hell just the piece of mind that its not getting worse would help ,


Roll on wednesday i return to tmy GP to find out where to start ill try asking about that finestride stuff see if thatll help in the mean time,i know it sounds petty but my hair was my only girly thing i always had to fall back on and the thought of losing it reinforces my own male negativity.

[Kathryn Martin]

I am going to say something that may raise a firestorm. You cannot be a lesbian in a man's body, it is simply not possible. The consummation of your attraction to a woman cannot be done with a male body. When you say it is a stupid idea I would absolutely agree with you and go further by saying it is a bizarre concept.

Being unsure of your gender is something that many people experience. The question in this regard though is what the source of the uncertainty is. For many transsexuals the insecurity stems from the fact that their bodies lie about their gender. Society conditions us to equate gender and sex and so if you experience yourself as a girl or a woman we think there is something the matter with our head and the thoughts and feelings we have. This gender confusion is simply imposed from the outside. However, that does not change what we experience. Very often we fight ourselves including internalized transphobia and self hate because we are born disabled and feel helpless in that face of this disability.

Many people however experience that their gender experience is not male or female but rather somewhere in between or tilted to one side or the other. They don't care so much about their reproductive configuration but rather how they can express what they feel and experience about themselves in a way that bring them acceptance in the world they live in. The nature of the confusion is internal, it comes from the inner experience. Very often the distress is associated with the world not being accepting of the individual expression that person needs to feel comfortable and well. This can be androgyny or cross gender identification.

All transsexuals transition and in the end will seek to align their reproductive configuration to how they experience themselves that is have sex reassignment surgery. Some of those who feel their gender experience brings them confusion and distress will also transition but never seek surgery. Their goal is to be socially aligned in a way that they can find acceptance as a woman but they remain biologically men.

Sexual orientation is an entirely different matter that gender dysphoria or transsexualsim.


Thats one of my fears am i right am i a women, is what i feel wrong i just dont know for sure i know as part of this im unsure of my gender the same as im unsure of my sexuality.
I like women im preety sure of that fact but im not attracted enough to develop a relation ship with one theres no deep down need to want to,im sure im not sexualy attracted to me in any shape straight or gay,but i feel myself drawn to wards our corner of the market i like really preety feminine TGs but stll no deep down need to do anything about it either whych to me doesnt seem to be exactly normal, ive always put it down to me liking women but wanting to be the women instead as part of what makes me me but the idea off being a lesbian stuck in a mans body weirded me out that it was a stupid idea .

Spiro and Finesteride are used for prostate health issues. They could both be prescribed.

[sandra-leigh]

half my problems seem to come fro mmy childhood growing up ive never been the a typical boy and ive been bullied,name called and even shunned most of my child and adult life so the thought os having to face all that again terrifies me,

The bullying, name calling, and shunning that I went through right until my 40's, left me with the opposite attitude from yours. I had gone through so much already, and there was no end in sight, so I figured I might as well do what I liked since people were going to treat me poorly anyhow. The people prone to ignorant judgements were already judging me and putting me down, so what did it matter if they had one more reason.

Well, it turned out, much to my surprise, that people started treating me better! They hadn't seen me happy before.

[Stephenie S]

Kathryn wrote:

I am going to say something that may raise a firestorm. You cannot be a lesbian in a man's body, it is simply not possible. The consummation of your attraction to a woman cannot be done with a male body. When you say it is a stupid idea I would absolutely agree with you and go further by saying it is a bizarre concept.

This doesn't raise any firestorms from me, dear. You are completely correct. Lesbians are attracted to women and sexually attracted women's bodies. That's the simple truth. You can hang with lesbians. You can be "accepted" by lesbians. But you cannot BE a lesbian with a male body.

Stephie

[Rianna Humble]

im pretty sure i know what i am,but im so mixed up i need the therapists help to determine if i am TG or just plain nuts,but after reading up on the proccess' im concerned with the RLE and HRT practises especially in the UK,from what i can make out if i start down the road before any thing else after diagnosis of GD they have a upto 2 year of RLE (real life experience) before you can even start HRT or even be assigned for SRS,so my worry is that if im living now in what seems like a dead end missery of not being a fully functioning male how am i then supposed to suddenly be living 100% full time as a women when i still look exactly the same as i do now but have to deal with "fun" of being read every where for being the bloke in a dress.

It seems that no-one has addressed one of the fundamental misunderstandings you have raised in your original post. There is absolutely no truth in the suggestion that the NHS requires you to undergo 2 years RLE before commencing Hormone Therapy.

After diagnosis, you will be required to undergo a Real Life Experience before you can be considered for Gender Confirmation Surgery on the NHS and yes, they typically work to a 2 year minimum, but you definitely seem to me to be putting the cart before the horse.

You state that you are not sure whether you are TG or just plain nuts yet you want hormones and surgery straight away :eek:

Talk to your doctor, get some counselling, if after that you become sure that transition is for you, get yourself a referral to a Gender Identity Clinic and discuss it with the doctors there.

Having read all of this thread so far, it seems fairly clear to me that you have questions, probably some degree of Gender Dysphoria, but what I am not seeing is that desperate need to transition whatever the cost. If I am right, then you should feel happy that the NHS doesn't allow you to skip to the end before you get to the beginning.

There is no magic silver bullet that will change you from looking like a man to looking like a woman overnight. The Real Life Experience is there so that you can experience functioning as a woman full-time in real life.


im under no illusions that HRT or anything is going to magically make me a women but i thought the process would be more akin to therapist >diagnosis>HRT and what ever to get the body more in line with the mind then RLE>SRS if wanted/needed but all it sounds like is gate keeping to keep every one out who doesnt present as female to start with.

I don't know what you have been reading to come to this conclusion but it certainly wasn't anything that describes NHS support for transsexuals.

It is interesting that the majority of people I see moaning about "gatekeepers" are the ones who are not willing to undergo an RLE. I recommend that you find out how it really works on the NHS before dissing them here.

[Alicew]

@ RHIANNA i never exactly demanded hrt and surgery from the get go hell im still trying to work out what to do about it ,my problem is the total mind numbing fear of the uncertainty of transition ive de;t with ost things in my life by trying to understand them but ive been trying for 20 years to understand me and im nowhere near the answers on my own so i finally plucked up the courage to ask myself and so im starting to seek help about it, i dont know about others but for me it totally denied any sort of femininity well mostly i kept my hair all way through from my day to day life for 20 years and all ive got for it is a solitary life thats making me unhappier and unhappier.

The only light in my life sofar out of all this is im sleeping slightly better now than i have in years from just sharing some stuff,but as ive already stated im scared ,scared of me scared of the future scared of people judging me ,scared of my family dissowning me hell im even scared off doing nothing about it im just plain terrified off the unknown, the reason i moaned about the 2 year odd RLE is only because i didnt think about it to much i have since and realise that if i go as far as that transition i wont most likely be the me thats now worrying about it in the first place i will be a stronger person to have chosen to do it, i just aint there yet.

As to the need for transition i havent really worked it out what i want to do yet to be honest i have a need to change and a need to find myself ,as for a need to chop off any appendages im ambivelent at best about it at best its there i think it shouldnt be but it doesnt get me down or anyhting at the moment im still stuck at seeing myself as a mans body with issues and my self asteem plummets because of it.

As to my thoughts on what i thought RLE would be like i just assumed that would be the process it made sense to me obviously i over simplified it ive got alot on my mind lately and i vent on here to let off steam i dont mean anything by it or mean to cheapen the process this is all new to me.

Im just worried confused and scared of what im doing even if it is making me happy just to be doing something its life altering stuff and if you hadnt noticed i dont handle fear to well, i run off screaming.

[Frances]

AliceW,

From your posts in this thread, the feeling I get is that you should not be concerned with the acronyms RLE, HRT and SRS. There is still a lot of ambivalence and unresolved issues in your discourse. Start therapy and do not lie to yourself about anything. Put it all on the table with a humble heart. The acronyms will sort themselves out.

[Beth-Lock]

Wasn't the RLE time reduced from 2 years to one, in the last revision of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care? I think it was.

Of course, nothing will stop you from practicing dressing, making up, and passing as a woman in public, long before RLE. You can get help, constructive criticism and assistance in being at ease in public with a co-operative female or a trans friend met at a support group. After enough of this part-time practice, you will be able to get it right to the point that passing will be easier and easier, especially if you do not look too different from a woman to start.

And as Frances says, you don't need to be in a rush, (partly, because you will face big challenges and issues whether you take the quick route or the slower route. No pain, no gain is the unfortunate reality of gender transition.)

Oh dear, Steph.


Kathryn wrote:
I am going to say something that may raise a firestorm. You cannot be a lesbian in a man's body, it is simply not possible. The consummation of your attraction to a woman cannot be done with a male body. When you say it is a stupid idea I would absolutely agree with you and go further by saying it is a bizarre concept.

.... Lesbians are attracted to women and sexually attracted women's bodies. That's the simple truth. You can hang with lesbians. You can be "accepted" by lesbians. But you cannot BE a lesbian with a male body.

Stephie

I guess I wasted my money buying that T-shirt, "I am a lesbian in a man's body." I should have suspected something was wrong when it was being sold in a joke shop, LOL.

Serious, someone who should know told me that if one is trans, one needs to find a woman who is not just lesbian, but bi. I keep going to the ""women's dances" and have seen a few other MtF trans there too, but the experience seems limited to enjoying the music and dancing a storm, rather than hooking up. But maybe that is just me. The good news, is that these days even obvious MtF trans are not being refused admission, as they might have been once. .

[Rianna Humble]

As to the need for transition i haven't really worked it out what i want to do yet to be honest i have a need to change and a need to find myself ,as for a need to chop off any appendages i'm ambivalent at best about it at best its there i think it shouldn't be but it doesn't get me down or anything at the moment i'm still stuck at seeing myself as a man's body with issues and my self esteem plummets because of it.

I think that this is the nub of the matter - you need to find yourself.

As I suggested before, go to see your doctor, get some counselling they will help you determine who you are and where you want to go with your life. They can also help you deal with your self-esteem problems.

I suggest that you don't even think about considering hormones and transition until you have answered some of those questions.

Talking about chopping off appendages when you don't even know whether transition is going to be the right path for you and you are too afraid to face the difficulties that it will surely bring is only going to add to your confusion.

You may well write me off as a "gatekeeper", but I will give you the oft-repeated advice from those of use who are going/have gone through transition:

Don't transition unless you absolutely need to, but if you do need to then don't let anything hold you back.

[Alicew]

I think that this is the nub of the matter - you need to find yourself.

As I suggested before, go to see your doctor, get some counselling they will help you determine who you are and where you want to go with your life. They can also help you deal with your self-esteem problems.

I suggest that you don't even think about considering hormones and transition until you have answered some of those questions.

Talking about chopping off appendages when you don't even know whether transition is going to be the right path for you and you are too afraid to face the difficulties that it will surely bring is only going to add to your confusion.

You may well write me off as a "gatekeeper", but I will give you the oft-repeated advice from those of use who are going/have gone through transition:

Don't transition unless you absolutely need to, but if you do need to then don't let anything hold you back.

As i posted in the topic name its all just theory at the moment nothing is set in stone or decided yet all i was concerned about and i think i tried to post it once was in my current frame of mind i couldnt see my self doing transition atall of course im thinking about it its a possible outcome to what im finding out about myself,a very slow process on my own.

Yesterday was one of my many dark days where nothing goes right nothing seems to be right and as i posted all sorts of ideas thoughts and feelings slipped through the cracks into my posts, i dont know how it is to others but to me its like one big jumbled up cluster of thoughts that dont seem to come out one at a time but 20 to the dozen.

I know ive posted it a few times that im unsure of myself and thats entirely true on a basic level but at the same time im scared for both reasons that ,A i may well be transgendered ,and B that when i had my accident all those years ago i really did do alot more damage to my brain than they said and i really am just broke inside.Im not just waving the "nuts" card here i do worry about it i know for a fact from family im not the same person i was pre accident ,this the entire reason my childhood is just gone completely nothing atall pre accident and many years after it all just gone completely,even now my long term memory has issues remembering stuff it tends to fade after a while.

Sorry if i caused offence with anything ive posted its just verbal diahorea brought on by thick pink fog some times forget to take baby steps the entire post started on me just asking if the RLE was the way it was laid out then me replying to others comments untill suddenly im getting attacked for demanding hormones and fast surgeries to believing im a lesbian i never even said i wanted them or i believe it i just popped a thought i had over it and i said myself its a stupid idea.

I realise its a long process and im only just working out and piecing together what i am and need the whole thing was just a thought from my current frame of mind that transition at my point would be extremely hard to impossible to do and seemed unesseserily cruel, untill i actually or even if i get onto the process perhaps that point of view will change.

I realise from posting that i have alot of issues to deal with and alot of introspection to do before i decide what to do the entire process is going to take me forever to sort out,it just seems so damned if you do damned if you dont kinda.

[Rianna Humble]

Please don't let me put you off from posting. From everything that you have written you do need support and anyway you are just as entitled to post here as any other member.

The memory loss must be difficult to deal with and I hope your doctor can arrange the appropriate level of medical support for you.

If you can get through those other issues, you will be able to see more clearly where you want/need to go next.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I realise from posting that i have alot of issues to deal with and alot of introspection to do before i decide what to do the entire process is going to take me forever to sort out,it just seems so damned if you do damned if you dont kinda.

You are not nuts...this statement proves it... if you are transsexual, there is a damned if you do or dont part....
the entire process is very long and patience will benefit you greatly...realizing you need alot of introspection is a really good place to be and now you have a chance to do it...

so whether you realize it or not, you already "get it"...

i think what some of us are telling you is to simply step back for a moment and focus on the short term.. i have dealt with the same issue as you, and so have many of us...ts and not ts alike... self discovery usually hurts

the long term issues are things you get info on, you get the facts and details, but its the short term stuff that hits your life.... if you don't impassionately get the long term facts straight you run the risk of mistakes that could hurt your self discovery..

this is the right place for verbal diarrea (yuch!)...we don't bite... its safe here... you can just log off, and nobody is the wiser... so if people respond with critiques or corrections...they don't come from a hurtful place..they are intended to help you navigate your own self discovery and help you avoid common mistakes many of us make... focusing on our sexuality is a very very common mistake we make...it CLOUDS your judgement when you are trying to determine if you are transsexual and what to do about it..and more than most, we are faced with a really really hard life changing decision....you want every single advantage.

so pls look at posts like this and rianna's as positive and helpful, even if they are challenging for you...you are going to need to defeat many challenges and this is a good place to practice

[Saffron]

Alicew, my :2c:

Focus on exploring your inner self, to find yourself is the question. Transition, HRT, RLE, etc, are only tools to get you to the point you want to be.

Don't rush things, take your time.

[Badtranny]

Yesterday was one of my many dark days where nothing goes right nothing seems to be right and as i posted all sorts of ideas thoughts and feelings slipped through the cracks into my posts, i dont know how it is to others but to me its like one big jumbled up cluster of thoughts that dont seem to come out one at a time but 20 to the dozen.

Here's an analogy for you: Imagine being dropped into a dark forest. The trees are thick and it's very difficult to know which direction to go. You have no idea how long it will take to get out but you obviously need to get out.

First relax, gather your wits, use everything available to try and determine which direction you should go. The sky, moss on the trees, wind direction, smells, etc. Make a decision and start walking. You can't stay where you are and not knowing where to go is not an excuse for doing nothing. Take a step.

You may find yourself needing to change direction once you find some new information but NEVER go back to where you were. Keep moving forward until you know where you are. It may take years, or weeks but you MUST keep moving.

Make a commitment. Take a step.

[STACY B]

Here's an analogy for you: Imagine being dropped into a dark forest. The trees are thick and it's very difficult to know which direction to go. You have no idea how long it will take to get out but you obviously need to get out.

First relax, gather your wits, use everything available to try and determine which direction you should go. The sky, moss on the trees, wind direction, smells, etc. Make a decision and start walking. You can't stay where you are and not knowing where to go is not an excuse for doing nothing. Take a step.

You may find yourself needing to change direction once you find some new information but NEVER go back to where you were. Keep moving forward until you know where you are. It may take years, or weeks but you MUST keep moving.

Make a commitment. Take a step.




Very Very Smart ,,, An you left out no one can tell you where or when to walk it's all on you . Even if they are right there ,,Cuz they might have gone in the wrong direction for YOU . We all have a different path to travel ,,, We all want to get to a different place ,, Right for us ,,Not for all ,, That's where I am ,,I think I smell the ocean ? Or hear the Traffic on the Hwy ?? So I am ready to start running in that direction . Don't forget to Pray for meeeeeeeee