Assumptions...

[flatlander_48]

The heterosexual crossdressers here have often complained about the assumption in the general population that they are actually gay. To their minds, why else would a so-called straight person want to wear women's clothes? They don't believe that wearing women's clothes may not be coupled with a desire for same-sex intimate relationships.

I can definitely relate to the thought process. Being a bisexual can often attract similar biased thinking. As I touched on in another thread, often within The Community we're thought of as not gay enough and disparaged for the possibility of retreating to the appearance of heterosexuality for protection. It is also thought that we are "...just passing through a phase...". Granted, SOME of these things are true for SOME people, but you can't base a sweeping generalization on that. Unfortunately, that's what folks do.

So, how do we (heterosexual crossdressers and bisexuals) combat this warped thinking? The only way to combat bad information or misinformation is by replacing it with true information. My thought is that every time we come out to someone, we must explain the whole story. I'm not suggesting details of our activities. What I am suggesting is what our thought process is.

See, it's very easy to hold incorrect notions about gays, bisexuals, crossdressers, etc. if you don't know any or have never been presented with one. But, when you think of Tim Cook at Apple, Mae Jemison, Sally Ride, Anderson Cooper, John Amaechi or Dave Pallone, it begins to put a face on who we are. That's what we need to do.

Thoughts and Comments?

[Sara Jessica]

Why care what anyone else thinks in the first place? Chances are the people who come to such conclusions are total strangers because those who know you are likely to know whether gay or straight is part of the equation.

[kimdl93]

If people make erroneous assumptions about me, I will give them the correct information. Whether it changes their beliefs is beyond my control.

[Lorileah]

If it matters to you then correct them. If it doesn't matter ignore them. let them think what they will. I had a similar instance last night where a guy kept sighing "you only like women...I wish you liked guys" and I didn't correct him in any manner because it was easy to let him believe what he wanted and I didn't really feel like fending off his advances

[flatlander_48]

I wasn't advocating just telling anyone. What I suggested was in terms of coming out to someone. Usually we come out to people with whom we have some sort of relationship; not total strangers. So, presumably it is someone that you care about. The idea is to try to prevent people from layering their assumptions on what you're telling them.

[Kate Simmons]

This is the very reason that I think of others in terms of who they are as people and not "this, that or the other thing". People base their observations on the things we do and how we act as people.:)

[Karren H]

Let them think I'm gay or what ever..... it really doesn't mater to me .... not like being gay is a bad thing?

[Miriam-J]

When I see discussions on this topic, a couple thoughts occur to me. First is that one's sexual tendencies are really no one else's business - except those with whom you're directly engaged. Second is a scene from the movie Kinsey, on the development of the Kinsey Reports long ago, where two of the lead characters discuss their finding that nearly everyone falls somewhere on the scale of purely heterosexual to purely homosexual with most falling somewhere between, though they may be loath to admit it even to themselves.

Though I haven't engaged in bisexual behaviors, I speculate that I, like most, am bisexual to some extent. It's just a matter of allowing myself to accept, and finding the opportunities to engage safely and with my wife's acceptance.

Another point along this line. We all know enough people that, statistically, it's likely we know people with nearly every variation, including bisexuality and homosexuality (and CDing). The beautiful thing is that in most cases we don't know which people they are - they just fit in.

Miriam

[Shelly Preston]

If you point out that most diversity policies keep Gender & Sexuallity separate it might help

It is that way for the good reason, because they are not connected

[Tracii G]

If I tell someone I'm straight they don't believe me anyway.Some people do think if you dress you must be gay but I always try to educate that person and say that is not always the case.
My close friends know I'm straight so it really is no big deal.

[Beverley Sims]

I sometimes let people believe what they want. No use changing their views.
To do that sometimes you have to engage in conversation with someone you don't care to communicate with. :)

[Dawn cd]

Generally, homosexuals aren't attracted to men in women's clothes. They are attracted to other males—the more macho, the better. So the idea of crossdressing to attract men doesn't make sense. Of course, if you come across as a real knockout you may attract men, but in that case you'll attract straight men, not gay men.

[Tracii G]

Generally, homosexuals aren't attracted to men in women's clothes. They are attracted to other males—the more macho, the better. So the idea of crossdressing to attract men doesn't make sense. Of course, if you come across as a real knockout you may attract men, but in that case you'll attract straight men, not gay men.

Exactly, why people assume the other always made me wonder what are they thinking?

[ArleneRaquel]

People believe what they want to believe,I just ignore ignorant people, or at least try to.

[NathalieX66]

Go to any gay bar or club, and find out how alienated you are.

Sure, there's bi types, you know types that like to dress up as women and be in the company of men, so on and so forth. And there's those TG folks who are exclusively attracted to men and not women. You can hang out with the TG crowd all you want at these places , but the guys, IMO, just seem to be interested in guys. You're a dude with muscles? You'll be popular in a gay club.

I revert to my first sentence above.

[flatlander_48]

If you value someone else enough to come out to them, then I would think that they should know the whole truth. It's hard to predict whether or not someone's mind will change. But, at the very least, they will have an additional data point that didn't come from Aunt Mary, Talk Radio or some Tea Party instant celebrity. You can't control whether or not people will believe what you say, but they certainly can't say that they don't know.

[Eryn]

I'm well-enough known to the few people who know I'm a crossdresser that they know my orientation. To the people that I encounter while dressed I'm a woman. They would not have any reason to question my orientation.

Even if they figured out that I'm a CDer why should I worry about their view of my orientation? I'm not planning to have relations with them!

[Wildaboutheels]

It's NEVER a bad idea to "provide information" to anyone [IMO] IF you think they are receptive to it. Whether they will believe or accept it or not is beyond our control. [although I do think the manner in which you tell them may make a difference]

SOME people are completely closed minded on some matters though and nothing in the world is going to change their minds. Abortion and Religion come to mind for starters...