update

[Joan21]

So in the last 5 months I got divorced went to therapy for transgender issues . My ex has told everyone about me an that I'm going to transition etc. My therapist says to try it I have nothing to lose because I'm unhappy as a man most the time. So how does one deal with all this I'm crushed how can the one person do that . My life is turned upside down an I done no what to do.

[Eryn]

You pick it up, one piece at a time. Your ex's behavior shows that she's not the good person you thought she was. She's gone, so don't waste your energy on her. Your therapist seems to want to put you on the right track so I'd suggest paying attention to the therapist's suggestions.

[Meghan]

Hi Joan, do you mean by everyone you mean your close friends and family members?

The decision to move to a new stage in your life is never easy. I have passed through many in the last year, I was laid off from a corporate job so change was forced upon me then. I told my wife and came out, so there is no going back there either, although that was more planned and less forced.

Change is hard, Joan, even positive change. It's my belief that change is painful so we learn from it.

My advice, as little as it may be, is to not worry about things that have already happened. You cannot change them or wish them away. Instead, use the information you have and the things you've learned to move forward in a way that makes you happy and fulfilled. In other words, plan for the future instead of spending your time looking back.

I hope this helps even if it may not be the answer you're hoping for :)

Meghan

[Joan21]

I'm scared to death to try an be a woman its one thing in your home but different in public.

Every one knows an 70% of them Hv no problem w me just my family will disown me they Hv told me so.

[sandra-leigh]

I'm scared to death to try an be a woman its one thing in your home but different in public.

Come and visit us over in Winnipeg Canada, where no-one knows you, and where people don't much care what you wear if it isn't "provocative".

Last night I walked out from home in a dress and no wig and no makeup, rode a city bus for 20-ish minutes, walked a few blocks downtown that way, went to a bar and was there for over 2 hours -- and the most that anyone cared was just a brief look to determine whether there was room to sit beside me on the bus. (Yes there was. And then the poor fellow was so utterly traumatized about sitting next to me that he fell asleep.)

Yes, "getting up the nerve" is hard the first time, but at least in some environments the actual going out is so uneventful that at times you may be tempted to wave your hands up in the air and shout "Look at me! Look at me!" :D

[heatherdress]

Joan - I needed a therapist, friends, work, my gym and time to help me through my divorce. It's normal to be sad and overwhelmed. Trying to also work transgender issues at the same time must be very difficult. Don't be too hard on yourself. These are significant changes and take time. As Eryn suggested, it's "one piece at a time". Do the best you can. Things will get better.

[Eryn]

I'm scared to death to try an be a woman its one thing in your home but different in public.

Sometimes you just have to go out and try it. I'm tall, deep voiced, and hardly graceful. I didn't think that I could do it. Finally, I went out. Nothing bad happened. Nothing bad has happened in the many times I've been out since in many different mainstream situations. I've had a lot of fun and learned a lot about human behavior!

[rhonda]

Hi Joan there's a lot of people out there that's unhappy don't do something somebody told you to do , stop think what you would like to do , their is plenty of love and support on this 4um

[ReineD]

My therapist says to try it I have nothing to lose because I'm unhappy as a man most the time. So how does one deal with all this I'm crushed how can the one person do that . My life is turned upside down an I done no what to do.

I've not heard of a therapist who approached it so casually, by suggesting to just "try it, you have nothing to lose", unless he or she is only referring to going out in public?

But, if your therapist is suggesting you "try" transition with full HRT, androgen blockers, and eventually SRS, this is not a "maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't" decision, and you need to find a different therapist. You've got to know in the deepest part of yourself that you are unhappy because you were born in the wrong body, and not as the result of any depression you might be experiencing from the fallout of the divorce and possibly losing some other important relationships. And you need to be sure that you want to transition. If you're at all confused, it is not wise to start making major changes to your body. And last, with transition you need a plan so you won't lose your job. Your employers need to be on board with this too, or you need to have other means of income.

But, if this is just about dressing out in public then I agree that you need to go out there and experience interacting with others while you're dressed. Take your time and pick some safe places, in the next town over if need be. Notice what the other GGs are wearing in the places you want to go to and dress like them. Learn how to apply makeup well and get a good wig.

I'm sorry about your divorce. :sad:

[Joan21]

She didn't mean ful transition just start dressing an doing what makes me happy . The starting point.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Give your self a breather take time out & just go through things slowly before rushing in to any thing because you can make a lot of i should not have done that , let the dust settle first then pick up what you really need then work on that,

Iv had to do this a number of times, to get through things some were very hard, & you feel like giveing up. trust me its bloody hard,
Dont think oh yes itll be over in a short time it took us years to get through a lot of stuff , ill tell you, i wonted to give up. so i know what its like.

Its like your in the house & its all falling down around you. & you just cant face people, you hide. you dont wont to eat ......

so i went on auto mode. till i could start to think in a resonable maner & i had a friend in the U K i talked with for hours just letting it all out, & that helped because i was not alone, if you can have a close trusted friend you can just vent to..
it just makes it so much better,

Because our issues involved our family as well it took a very long time to work through, in fact for us it was 8 years,

You just take a step at a time, dont even try to do it all at once youll crash ,

Ill tell you what though it wont matter just now, we became stronger for going through what we did,

I feel for you cause i know what it does,

take care of your self & just remember we are here, email pm what ever. okay.....

...noeleena...

[ChelseaErtel]

Joan:

I am truly sorry you ended up divorced and so sad that your wife has told everyone. But, I have to tell you that I believe any woman who divorces their husband because of CDing (even if its the last straw), will tell. They were hurt, kept in the dark, probably felt it has something to do with them, not the man you said you were so on and so forth. Divorce is a very tough and can be hurtful as there are all sorts of emotions on both sides. I've seen it in my parents and siblings.

So, you have an opportunity to be the big person and not hold it against her. Don't be vindictive and hurtful and try to be understanding. As you go out there in whatever mode you finally fits you, be honest and true to those you come across, even your former wife (if you can). She will say whatever she feels, justifiably or not, will make her feel better and justified in divorcing you. So much for better or worse right?

Remember, you both are going through a type of grief where there are lots of transitional stages and feelings. Things will get better, you will find out who you are and life will go on. Move to another town and start over, be the man or be the woman you want to be. I think your therapist is correct in trying it, I believe if you are going to change sexes you have to live as the other sex for a lengthy period of time to make sure that is what you are and need. Don't want to "snip, snip" and find out it was just a phase or fetish. Anyway that's my feeling in the matter - and I am far from an expert.

So, get a makeover, get some clothes and all the accessories that you will need to be a woman. It's a lot of work and if you don't enjoy all those aspects, maybe its not for you but at least give it a go and explore and it maybe the best thing that happened to you and you'll feel freer and more fulfilled and ever before.

I have just live one week as a woman and loved every second of it and I'm not sure what that means for me. I'll be thinking of you (as I may be following in your exact footsteps before too long) and wishing you the best.

[Tracii G]

So sorry you are going thru all of this.
Divorce is never easy and I wish you all the best.

[Beverley Sims]

I would say get on with your life, you are depressed so take a deep breath and look to the future.
It is good that you are seeing a therapist, maybe that will help your depressed state.

"My therapist says to try it I have nothing to lose"

This statement concerns me as if it is the HRT/transition route you don't try it you GET it.
So I would ask about this statement and proceed with caution.
If you wish to go this track, see a gender therapist.

Turn around, smile, take a deep breath and walk through the door to your future. :)

[kimdl93]

Divorce and transition are a lot to tackle at one time. My advice would be to take things at your own pace, be patient with yourself and try to find some things to do that will help you feel like you're regaining control over you life.

[dallasmann]

Divorce is a normal part of life. Having others talk to others about your life is also normal. If you decide to remain in the same area you're living in presently, people will come to know the prospective new you anyway.