Long session of dress, and photos, last night, but hell today with Nazi brother.

[Alice Torn]

I had a long dressing session and phoo and video session last night, and some this morning, then went to a 12 step group, and then went to my father's place, and had dinner with him , my sister who cant talk, and one of the older twin brothers who recently got out of prison. He still takes his marching orders from his twin, still in prison. The kitchen and dinner table have always been battle grounds in this sick family, and today, there were almost blows physically. My older brothers never accepted me, ever, and beat me up , and bullied me growing up. They ridiculed everything i have ever, ever done. They do not know about cding, i hope! Today, was no different. The family from hell, and the hate brothers always deliver. I wrote to my brothers many times in the 1980's and 90's, that if they kept loudly professing their racial hate, and hate against gays, they would either end up in prison, or in a shoot out. I reminded him of that today, and he fired all kinds of shaming remarks about me, and at me. I fired back. And we both were shouting, about to get up and fight. When my older brothers were arrested in 2009, I had compassion on them, and wrote to them at prison many times, and prayed for them. I thought they were done with Nazism, and admitted they were wrong. I gave up my business and life out in the Seattle area, to come back and help my parents. When he got out of prison, he was disrespectful, and insulting, and bringing up what a loser i have been all my life, unable to find a woman, , and other things which hurt. As of today, unless it is the hell of dealing with my fathers eventual passing, I will have nothing to do with my evil, cruel, hypocrite Nazi brothers. I refuse to go see my dad, if the brothers are there. They SOUL MURDERED me since i was born, and have no respect for me, only disdain and deep hate. I supported tem whil they were locked up, and gave them the benefit of the doubt, and it was not respected. I am tempted t turn him in, if i find he is up to illegal activity again. I have been near suiide many times because of their emotional torture. I f they ever found out about Alice, it would be bad. I should have followed my gut feelings, and cut off all ties from them decades ago, but, i always looked for the good, in these monsters, setting myself up for more shaming. They soul murdered me, countless times, and they think they have God on their side! Cruelty, as a million times worse than crossdressing, in my book. I am sorry i am ranting so long. This has gone on for 58 1/2 years, and i am stopping it at last, no matter how much my dad, sister or brother shoot guilt trips at me. I Know, that the crap ahead, after my dad dies will be extreme;y torturous, but after that, I will never communicate with these cruel tyrants again. My life is permanantly damaged emotionally, and mentally, spiritually, and if it kills me, i am changing things now. Thanks for letting me vent my soul's deep sorrow.

[Aloha Jayne]

I thought my life was in termoil Alice. It's a shame that the people closest to us are the ones that hurt us the most. Cutting all ties with these monsters is the right thing to do.

[Esteafanie]

Keep you head up, sounds like you are happy and better off on your own. just hold on until your father passes, then move on. Kudos for looking after you family!!!

[kimdl93]

Seriously, Alice, why wait. I think this demented bunch has fully justified a decision to cut them permanently out of your life. You've endured far too much already. Get out and regain your life.

[Joanne.England]

I think you should get out now as well. Think about your sisyer does she need your support / do you need her support.

[whowhatwhen]

I think you've done enough, now it's time to put yourself first and sever all contact for the good of your health.

[flatlander_48]

Yes, time to bail. You need to be somewhere else...

[TxKimberly]

May I point out the obvious my friend? Someone that just got out of prison called YOU a looser. Somehow I don't think I'd break much of a sweat over their opinion of you.

[Tracii G]

My first wife's brothers were always in and out of prison and They were pretty much like your brothers.
I sort of know where you are coming from.
Get far away from them first chance you get.If they are with your Dad I would bail and make them take care of him from here on out.

[Barbara Ella]

Sweet Alice, it really has reached the point where you do not need to feel any regrets about taking the higher ground and refuse to associate with people who obviously have no decency about them. take care of your father, but refuse the rest of the family, you owe them nothing. They did not father or mother you, and did not raise you. Fortunately, they certainly did not pass along any of their values to you. Persevere and keep smiling.

Hugs, Barbara

[Leah Lynn]

One of the most important aspects to good health is to take care of yourself first! Hanging around will cause you to suffer, then your health will decline. Go to a place where YOU are happy and forget the real losers!

[Noel Chimes]

Alice, pack your things and get to stepping. It may seem hard to turn your back on family but from what I just read they mean you no good.

[dallasmann]

Cruelty, as a million times worse than crossdressing, in my book.

There's nothing at all wrong with your choice to dress in feminine attire.

Time to go enjoy your freedom.

[linda allen]

hell today with Nazi brother

Alice, please do not use that term unless you are talking about Germany in World War Two. It is offensive and unecessary.

[Violetgray]

Alice, please do not use that term unless you are talking about Germany in World War Two. It is offensive and unecessary.

Sounds to me like they would be the kind of people who embrace the term themselves. Don't forget, there are people who still identify with those principles.

Alice, I'm sorry you had to go through this for 58 years, and I do think that it takes strength to cut your losses and move on with your life.

That having been said, my first thought when I saw the post was "Ahhh! paragraphs! Paragraphs!"

[drag n fly]

Alice, I don't know which 12-step program you attend, I've been in A.A. for 18 years now, but I do know that the health of the individual comes first...Yours is in jeopardy, both mentally and physically and spiritually..Get the hell out of there..Fifty eight years...Geezuz...It's time Alice had some fun..a real life...Perhaps some good counseling , also..
A kind, caring person such as yourself doesn't deserve this...Take care of yourself...they won't...smooches, be well Jackie

[Cynthia Anne]

Fiftyeight years is a long time to put up with such abuse! By now you should know they are not going to change! Just like crossdressing; you will always have that with you! Becaure that is who you are and always will be! By now you should know that! So why should you exspect them to change? Some things will always be! You should get out of that mess while you still can! Hopeing the best for you! Hugs!

[kimdl93]

Looking back over these responses, there is clear concensus. Alice, you've endured enough, you've give enough support and you've sacrificed more than your share. Your family has taken advantage of you for too long. You can wait for your father to pass or some other event in the future and endure this even longer or you can take control of your life today. Of course, the choice is yours and no one will blame you if remained bound by your family ties and feelings of obligation to them. But do consider leaving this abusive and destructive environment.

[Debra Russell]

Alice -- best to you, keep your head up

[Michaela51]

Germany never had a monopoly on fascism, stand against it wherever you find it. Find your own way, Alice. Good luck.

[CD_blue]

I think it is safe to say you need to cut these people out of your life. They are going to bring nothing but negativity and sadness to you which they already have. I think there would also be the matter of your personal safety if you should be found out. I live very close to the biggest white power compound in America. These people are serious business and should be avoided at all cost. If your brothers nazi friends found out they had a cross dressing brother it may effect your brothers reputation within their klan (pun intended) you got to ask yourself how that would effect you.

Gotta think of your personal safety here. Nothing good will come out of relationship with them.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

Alice - there is lots of good advice here. I'll throw in my 2 cents.

I had a brother similar to yours. All my life it was nothing but insults, ridicule, name calling, beatings etc, while my parents just watched and did nothing. After putting up with the family loyalty thing for 50 years, one day I got totally fed up, had a big yard sale, packed up the car and started to drive. I never looked back and never regretted it. Life has had a whole new meaning without him.

I looked at it this way. If he were a neighbor and not a relative, would I associate with him in any way? The answer was an emphatic NO. I would avoid him like the plague! Try judging your relatives as people - their honesty, character, personality etc. You're old enough to take your life into your own hands and make it rewarding and fulfilling, without a bunch of people dominating over you and using you. Life can be so much better than that, and all you have to do is make it happen. You are too good natured to let these people use you.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks to everyone who replied! I should say my brothers are white separatists, and have no problems with black, hispanic or other type of separatists. Nazi maybe a little too strong a word. Hitler rose to power mainly because the germans took it in the shorts, after the Versialles Treaty, and people had to take carloads of their money, to buy a few loaves of bread. Dictators like Hitler take advantage of terrible crises, and get power, then, actually put people back to work, and build roads, factories, etc. If Hitler had not gone crazy about eradicating people he didn't like, and start a hellish war, he may have been a fairly good leader. I know that disenfranchised white loner men, who feel victimised, tend to fall into hate groups, much as inner city fatherless young men join gangs, to be part of a family, or group, a sense of belonging, excitement. My brothers were just such types. I have been a bitter loner too, and felt anger about not having a girlfriend, , good family, etc. I have had to soulsearch, and humble my proud self, and re adjust my sick thinking constantly. I am the only one in my sick family, that ever got help, and they all think they are fine! I have not been to my dad's for three days. I know he feels i am abandoning him, and he is upset. But, I am deciding not to be over there very often, until November 4th, when my brother taked two months off helping my dad, and goes away, top visit friends in another state. I will then have to help my dad some. My dad is NOT near as difficult, as my brothers are, though he is negative, self pitying and difficult. My sister is retiring Jan 1st, and should be able to help more, then. Ia m just glad i found this little apartment a while back!

[STACY B]

Dammit lady ,,,You should have RAN years ago ,,,, Maybe I am just selfish ? But I know I would have ,,,, BAM ,,,,

[Brenda79135]

You can choose your friends but not your relatives. The situation that your in is in part your fault. I have been told many times that you can love your family but you don't have to like them. If you don't like the situation, get away from it. Your dad will pass away with or without you. That is the way life is. If he thinks your brothers are the cats meow, let him have them. Show up for the funeral and then leave again. Most hate is passed down from generation to generation and it takes a brave soul to break the chain. You have to be brave again and just leave. Your father is reaping what he has sowed. If he is happy with the hate flowing around him, then that is what he should have. Compassion is not something he fostered in his kids, so he should not expect any in return. It does look like he instilled loyalty, otherwise you would be gone. But being loyal and conpassionate are not the same. Loyalty can be broken by disillusionment and mistreatment. You are at the tipping point and it will only take a little push for you to break and run. Don't wait for the push, walk away now before you are pushed off the cliff and crash at the bottom. The crash could be very painful and dangerous to you.

Best of luck and wishes for you.

[Abby74]

I'm very sorry to read that. Charlotte North Carolina does have a very large gay and lesbian crowd. I can't relate other than what new people to my city are saying. I'm born in Charlotte.

But bail now!

Sorry

[LeannL]

Alice,
I think you know what you need to do. Get out as soon as you can. Hopefully your sister can take over. If it helps, tell your father that you are moving to another city since you cannot live near your hateful brothers. I would also strongly suggest that you seek help with the abuse you have suffered. It is important for you to get past that and put your life into a context that will allow you to be yourself and enjoy life after 59 years of terror.

Love to you,

Leann

[Ceri Anne]

Thats a sad story Alice, my prayers for you. You have done what you can to keep family ties open. My minister once told me, the only side of a relationship I have control over is my side, what I do, and you have done well. I would cut ties with your brothers and not worry or deal with them again unless they make an effort. The belittle you and consider you a failure, yet they are the ones who went to prison, and are members of hate groups. You held a good job, helped your parents, you can be proud. Life is too short to even be concerned about those who treat you poorly. Live you life as you are comfortable and feel natural, with no feelings of guilt or shame, you have done well for yourself.

Best wishes for you.

[Sharon B.]

You do have a woman in your life as for your family if they were mine I would have cut the ties a long time ago. Lets see you have been successful and the twin brothers have been in prison might be a bit of jealous on their part and the rest of the family that you could move away from them.
Just my two cents worth.