How Do I Convince My Girlfriend that Crossdressing is Harmless?

[Dorothy159]

I will have been dating my wonderful girlfriend for two years on November 5th. I love her very much, and we both feel that we have a future together. That being said, she and I are 18 and 19 respectively. I started college this year, she's a sophomore. we go to different schools however, about forty minutes away. We have a mutual agreement to not get married, or make any decisions about it until both of us finish college. We are a Christian couple, and if it's not too awkward to say, we both aren't going to have sex until marriage. We have an all around happy relationship, and love each other very much.

I really like wearing dresses and skirts. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. However, my girlfriend does not approve of this. She has misconceptions about crossdressing, and doesn't really take it seriously.

Today, for the very first time, I wore a dress openly at my college, and just spent my day in it. Nobody cared. It was great. They were all super supportive. In fact, I got my hair dyed blonde yesterday for my Halloween costume (I'm being Finn from Adventure Time) and more people commented on my hair than on the fact that I was wearing a dress. I got hardly any awkward looks, and my friends treated me like normal. As a side note, I wasn't in full drag, as that's not really my thing. I just wore the clothes, no wig, no makeup, no breast or butt forms or anything. I looked damn cute, too.

I felt so unbelievably happy today that I was able to do this. I felt alive, I felt free. I felt like I was able to be myself. I would love to just dress like this most of the time, it would be a dream come true. I truly feel like I'm in a new day and age of acceptance.

However, my girlfriend doesn't think it's okay. I really just wish I could snap my fingers and change her mind. I love her so much, and she loves me, but I feel like if I told her the way I truly feel about crossdressing she'll up and leave me. Which I know is ridiculous, but I really feel like I need her approval. How can I convince her that crossdressing is really nothing more than wanting more clothing options? I just want to feel pretty. Today I did. I want to chase that feeling.

[Kathi Lake]

How do you convince her? You don't. Would you prefer that she convinced you of the 'wrongness' of crossdressing instead? Didn't think so.

You say she has misconceptions. What are they? How do you know they are misconceptions? Are they really misconceptions or are they her opinions. If they are truly misconceptions, then talk with her with the goal of addressing these misconceptions. If they are her opinions, then value and validate them as you value your own.

Talk, talk, and talk some more. Let her know that you are still the same man she thought you were - she just didn't know all there was to know yet.

Kathi

[Jenniferathome]

You don't convince her, you try to educate her and know that it is a really hard concept to get her head around. Take your time and let her take her time

[Nocturnal Kaylee]

Its not what you want to hear BUT, you won't convince her. Of that's how she feels then there's little you can do about it. You're both very young still and in all honesty provably will not be together forever. You're both going to do a ton of growing in college.

[Jess Marie]

Olivia hit it on the head! There is no changing a womans mind once she has made an opinion on something. I remember when my SO found out, we argued for weeks before she told me whatever as long as she isn't involved and it doesn't change my sexual interests. So, I dress without her knowing (which is what she wants) and I am happy as can be.

It will be rough but you are not going to change her mind. The only thing you can do is reassure her that it doesn't change who you are and that you are still in love with her and that you still want to be with her. Just tell her that it is something you cannot change because you like the clothes and the feel and you are jealous that they get to wear such beautiful clothes when men are supposed to just wear ugly and plain clothes. Tell her the truth, that is the main thing. You don't want to lie because you will get caught up in them over time. It's going to come down between the dressing and your relationship I am afraid, if you do not come up with a solution that satisfies both parties involved.

Best of luck,
Jess

[Barbara Ella]

I have to agree, you will not likely change her mind through words. This is a long term situation that will depend on her openness and love for you. Education, however gradual is a key, and your actions will speak louder than any words spoken or written. Continue to be the best person you can be. Be attentive to her. Keep your college work up to a high level. You might have to not push your feelings too much right now in order not to push her too far away too quickly. If you cannot put a containment on developing your feminine desires, even for a little while, she might not have enough time to adjust.

I wish you luck

Barbara

[heatherdress]

Ditto following previous remarks - you don't convince her and can't convince her if she as already made up her mind. You do, however, need to be honest with her if you are as serious as you have stated. You will have to figure out how important she is to you and how important wearing dresses and skirts are to you. All the previous comments are on target. Also, good for you wearing a dress openly on campus. Glad you felt so good about it. Good luck.

[Ann Thomas]

I was very much like you at your age. In looking back now, if I was to tell me at that age anything, it would be, "Don't sell out part of yourself for acceptance!" Like you, part of myself was crossdressing. I didn't realize that it would diminish during my 20's due to two reasons - increasing testosterone reducing the drive to be more female, and secondly, fear of being found out and being rejected because of it. Then, the drive and need to crossdress would come back with a vengeance during my 30's and 40's and continue to increase.

I have found that I function best in society when dressed female, even though, like you said you just did, I'm not passable. If I don't dress and be as pretty as I have time to be at the moment, I become obsessed with it, and thereby reduce my ability to function, to be productive and to do things that are *not* related to crossdressing. I don't know if that's what the future holds for you.

I agree also with previous posts that if a girl makes up her mind something is wrong, she will stick to it. She, like you, might stifle or bury those opinions just to be chased, accepted and loved by you. For her, if that were to happen, it's just not healthy in the long run.

What happened to me is that trying to deny, hide or compromise, hurt me deeply later on when it finally surfaced. Also, you are far too young to be making any major decisions in life about marriage. You can clearly see you have something raising it's head in your life that you have no idea how it will turn out. You will be far happier in the long run if you wait and see what happens. My feeling is that in spite of attempting to teach her about crossdressing, you may find it to be impossible. Remember, you can't take care of someone else until you take care of yourself first - that's why on airplane safety talks they give before each flight, they always say to get your oxygen mask on first before helping someone else. Crossdressing could - and probably will - become like that for you, where it's needed for your good mental health.

Your generation has far more accepting women in it than mine does. Honestly, I can pretty much trust most people under 25 not to mistreat me or threaten me pretty much everywhere I have gone. It's the older ones I watch carefully. I envy you growing up in this more accepting era. Take advantage of your opportunities.

Hugs,
Ann

(Almost full time crossdresser, son of a crossdresser, and father of a 23 year old crossdressing son.)

[ReineD]

However, my girlfriend doesn't think it's okay. I really just wish I could snap my fingers and change her mind. I love her so much, and she loves me, but I feel like if I told her the way I truly feel about crossdressing she'll up and leave me. Which I know is ridiculous, but I really feel like I need her approval. How can I convince her that crossdressing is really nothing more than wanting more clothing options? I just want to feel pretty. Today I did. I want to chase that feeling.

Above all else, you need to be honest with her, and also find as many resources as you can to help her learn what this is about ... and then let the chips fall where they may. You are both young and if it doesn't work out it is best to find out now than in 10, 20, or 30 years from now. Or, she could surprise you and your relationship might be strengthened. But, you can't live a life of repression, nor can you "make" her accept anything that she believes is fundamentally wrong.

Most colleges have LBGT groups and I'm sure they'll have excellent resources.

Another thing to consider: there is immense freedom in the college environment. You can go to class in a skirt and pretty top, and as you say, most people will think it's OK. But, this is not the case in the working world, where a bulk of the people are a great deal older than you. Not only do most employers not take kindly to the CDing, they don't even like to know that their employees are CDers ... unless you're headed towards a creative and liberal line of work in a geographic area that is equally liberal.

So in your conversations with your girlfriend, I'd take this into account. You might want to discuss who you both know that she might feel comfortable telling, for example her family, your family, the members of your religious community, her childhood friends and yours, and anyone else in your lives. In other words, discuss the degree of "outedness". It's one thing to find acceptance from people at college who are there for a short time just like you are and who will move on, and another matter with people who are closer to you both than arm's length and also prospective employers.

I wish you all the best with all of this and I'm not saying the CDing will not work out in your life, or that your girlfriend will not be OK with it. But, you do need to consider more aspects than just wearing the clothes to class. :)

[rhonda]

Dorthy from the previus comments you got sound advise good luck to you we're all pulling for you

[noeleena]

Hi,

Id like to say , though not in all case's a woman can change , can change her mind , as a woman iv had too, & Jos has allso, the difference is in we have age expreance & have grown in a way most people dont,

sometimes its not in the talking because talking does not show all of a person, it has to come from liveing a life & i dont mean as in banded about a lifestyle, i mean a real life of who the person is , showing the happyness that is seen from the whole person, how you do things how you see things, & how you love some one , & that changed for me, it changed for Jos as well.

When your young youll both change your minds so many times you may not see those changes yet they will happen ,

When a detail like youv said comes along the other person needs lots of time. most of the concepts are of cause taught so are accepted most of the time with out ?, so becomes harder to explain.

not haveing talked with you both its very hard to know the underlieing details of the whys & wherefors,

All i would say is go slowly a little at a time.

I know what iv said many times is write down your thoughts how this effects you, what it means & how it helps you be a better person as i said more giveing more loveing & make allowances for her to see all of you, or who the real you is .

Trust me its a very big issue to have to take on board for your S O.

...noeleena...

[Allsteamedup]

I am puzzled as to why you think cross-dressing is 'more clothing options'-your words. If it was as simple as that very few women would have a problem with it. Factor in breastforms, a wig, makeup and shoes and you have- the possibilities for an awful lot of misunderstandings.....so you need to straighten this out in your own mind.

[Erica2Sweet]

...How can I convince her that crossdressing is really nothing more than wanting more clothing options?...

Because that's not true. There's much more to it than that. The clothes are merely tangibles. There's ALWAYS much more going on internally regarding the topic of non-birth gender expression. If denial is preventing you from seeing that, then by all means begin by dealing with the denial. To be happy and live a fulfilled life, you will need to begin to acquire a reasonably accurate picture of why you need to express yourself this way.

The truth is that it's not harmless. Peruse these boards and see what happens when men mishandle their crossdressing and put it higher on their list of priorities than the position their loved ones occupy. In these types of instances the desire for crossdressing is nothing short of a relationship killer.

You will eventually need to have an honest, open discussion with your girlfriend where you place before her all the feelings you feel regarding your gender exploration. You will also need to listen to her when she expresses how she feels about having an SO that engages in this. When its all been said and heard, you both will be faced with the task of deciding whether or not you're actually compatible in life as partners. I mention this because I'm of the opinion that, if she's not fully accepting of your gender flux, then you two simply are not compatible as life partners, and essentially would just be forcing a square peg in to a round hole...

[NicoleScott]

I agree with Erica, that it may not be harmless. Have you told her WHY you dress? Is it really just another clothing option? Are you content with occasional dressing in private, or will it become more public and more often? Do you have an internal feminine identity that hasn't surfaced completely yet, or are you solidly a guy who just likes to dress up? Is she afraid you're not the man she thought you were? And CAN you be her man, who just likes to dress up harmlessly?

[eluuzion]

Hiya D,

Well, addressing your exact question at face value...

If you view a relationship as a “game”…(Not recommended)

Here is how you “could” do it:

-go to the Political Science Dept at your college.
-take course on propaganda/persuasion.
-learn how to present subjective (biased/opinions)…i.e. “harmless” definitions in the form of objective (factually supported/unbiased) statements.
-use the technique to ”convince” your girlfriend (crossdressing = “harmless”).

OR

You “could” consider this (my) "alternative" perception of the relationship process::)

Relationships are based upon a committed mutual goal of understanding and supporting your prospective/existing partner’s perceptions and beliefs. It is not a competition revolving around partners trying to “convince” each other about who (or “what”) is right or wrong in life.

Life is subjective and all about perceptions. Sometimes a relationship “works”. Sometimes it does not. *(so far in my case it has "not"...:daydreaming:):heehee:


Hey, the only way that I have found happiness is to be myself and respect others right to do the same...:hugs:

Everything here is of course...just my opinion and options...stable or unstable, lol...

Good Luck,:hugs:

HaveFun/BeHappy

:love:

[kimdl93]

You're both young and the ideas you grew up with aren't necessarily fixed in stone. As others have already said, you can't change someones mind on the subject to CDing. You can talk openly and honestly about how you view CDing and you can suggest reading material that may broaden her perspective.

[Kerstin]

The number of women who are happy to remain in a relationship with a crossdresser or MTF transsexual who wants to "feel pretty" is rather small, so it's unlikely you're going to get the OK to continue.

If you are on the transgender spectrum you are on it for life. This thing is not going to go away. You need to think about that before you start discussing marriage with your current partner.

[Ressie]

Not completely harmless, but a crossdressing partner should be preferable to issues many men have. Are you verbally or physically abusive? Do you cheat? Do you spend your weekends out with the boys? Gambling, drinking, drugs etc.? I have a couple of exes that looking back must think that crossdressing wasn't as bad as they thought it was. Kudos for letting her know the truth now in any event.

[Beverley Sims]

Not completely harmless, but a crossdressing partner should be preferable to issues many men have. Are you verbally or physically abusive? Do you cheat? Do you spend your weekends out with the boys? Gambling, drinking, drugs etc.? I have a couple of exes that looking back must think that crossdressing wasn't as bad as they thought it was. Kudos for letting her know the truth now in any event.

Explain the advantages as against drink, drugs, and violence types.
Dressing at college? You can almost wear anything and as you did not dress convincingly others would have accepted you were just making a statement.
Dress convincingly next time and see the reaction then.

[StephanieJ]

You can't live a life of repression, nor can you "make" her accept anything that she believes is fundamentally wrong.

ReineD is exactly right. Abraham Lincoln once said, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." It's not your job to convince her of anything, only to be patient, loving and honest while she finds her path. I pray for a good outcome, but whatever happens you can be sure that it's the right thing. Remember Isiah 55:8.

[sherri]

Because that's not true. There's much more to it than that. The clothes are merely tangibles. There's ALWAYS much more going on internally regarding the topic of non-birth gender expression. If denial is preventing you from seeing that, then by all means begin by dealing with the denial. To be happy and live a fulfilled life, you will need to begin to acquire a reasonably accurate picture of why you need to express yourself this way.

The truth is that it's not harmless. Peruse these boards and see what happens when men mishandle their crossdressing and put it higher on their list of priorities than the position their loved ones occupy. In these types of instances the desire for crossdressing is nothing short of a relationship killer.

You will eventually need to have an honest, open discussion with your girlfriend where you place before her all the feelings you feel regarding your gender exploration. You will also need to listen to her when she expresses how she feels about having an SO that engages in this. When its all been said and heard, you both will be faced with the task of deciding whether or not you're actually compatible in life as partners. I mention this because I'm of the opinion that, if she's not fully accepting of your gender flux, then you two simply are not compatible as life partners, and essentially would just be forcing a square peg in to a round hole...
This is what I was gonna say, but Erica saved me the effort.

[ReineD]

The number of women who are happy to remain in a relationship with a crossdresser or MTF transsexual who wants to "feel pretty" is rather small, so it's unlikely you're going to get the OK to continue.

Just want to say, although both CDers & TSs would rather be pretty than not, there is a huge difference between the two. CDers (or TGs) do not wish to eradicate their biological male selves. TSs do.

And so hetero women in general are more open to CDers. It takes a very special hetero woman to become willing to live as a lesbian, though.


Are you verbally or physically abusive? Do you cheat? Do you spend your weekends out with the boys? Gambling, drinking, drugs etc.?

You make it sound as if being a CDer makes someone immune to this, and if a woman is not in a relationship with a CDer, she will be abused. You need to consider that there are CDers who are abusive, who cheat, and who are compulsive gamblers, shoppers, drinkers, or druggers. Just as there are non-CDers who are not.

[Stephanie Miller]

Say Dorothy, I have an idea.. you work on that "I really just wish I could snap my fingers and change her mind." thing. When you get it to work, drop me a line. I think I can help us BOTH make a lot of money with it. ;)

Until then, it might not be a bad idea to have her enrole in a human sexuality type class to hear it from someone in the science community for an unbiased perspective. (as well as get school credit) Not that either you or the christian community are biased in thoughts - as differing as they are.. but outside information might be a good thing.

Oh, one other thing.... think of your walk en femm in the school yard as the one side of the spectrum. The far side is a Harley Davidson convention :devil:. Give yurself some time and experience in "real" situations before making any judgments on your
"I truly feel like I'm in a new day and age of acceptance."
I'm older than dirt, and yes in my day I've seen some progress.. but we've only just begun.

P.S. Keep me posted on that finger snappin' :heehee:

[Chickhe]

I don't want to be a killjoy, but...4 or 5 years is a long time and you are at an age where you are rapidly learning and growing. You probably will not be together at the end.... but you never know...the chance is very small though. The main problem, she is not near and you can't show her how harmless it is. What I would do is focus your engergy on making many new friends who respect your choice. Friendships you make at school may last a lifetime and help with your career and stuff. And if the girl doesn't work out, you may have someone else to get to know better. What you say is very encouraging about not being harrassed, its a nice trend to see from when I went to school. If I could have been open about CDing when I was young, I know I would have led a much happier life.

[Ressie]

You make it sound as if being a CDer makes someone immune to this, and if a woman is not in a relationship with a CDer, she will be abused. You need to consider that there are CDers who are abusive, who cheat, and who are compulsive gamblers, shoppers, drinkers, or druggers. Just as there are non-CDers who are not.

Thanks for putting words in my mouth. True, anyone can develop any of these behavioral problems and addictions. Seeing that Dorothy the OP is a Christian, I'm thinking that being an abusive alcoholic gambler isn't part of the equation at the present time. Let me be just as absurd by asking if you're saying that Dorothy is on drugs? I absolutely agree with the shopping vice!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'll be the voice of dissent here, at least to a limited degree. It is great that you are not intimate with each other, in that the absolute worst thing to happen would be for you two to have an unwanted child together. There is another thread with a similar theme where they did have a child together and are now bound together in some fashion until the child is grown, and it is good that situation is something you can avoid going through. If your relationship can't be saved, you can just go your separate ways with no ties (and no collateral damage to others either.)

However, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss your relationship, at least yet. Give her some good, factual information about heterosexual TVism. Give her some time to think things over, you are not going to be married or bound by a child together, so you have plenty of time to talk and think things through. Love is a wonderful thing, and a rare thing, and your relationship could be worth saving. One thing I agree with everyone on is that your TVism will probably not go away. You are very out about your dressing (and you have incredible courage to do so!), but I'd be careful; one thing that may bother her is that she may be embarrassed by it being so out there, it doesn't bother you but it might be hard for her to take the guilt-by-association, so to speak. You also don't want the "crossdresser" label to follow you are everywhere, especially at a workplace (if it can be used against you, it probably will, as my former girlfriend used to say), so please be careful. (I don't know what your field of study is, but if you can work with trans people, as I do, it may make it easier.)

Remember, you did the right thing and told her, and you are allowing her to make up her mind. It was the right thing to do, even though it may be very painful in the present to lose her. You can read all about the disastrous consequences of not telling before marriage and/or children all over this board. You did the right thing, and you certainly deserve credit for that.

[Foxglove]

It's not necessarily a question of "educating" her or giving her time to come to accept you. There are lots and lots of women who want to marry a manly man, pure and simple. If she's that type of woman, she's not "wrong". She has her feelings, she has her preferences, and she's not any more wrong in wanting a non-trans husband than she is in wanting a man rather than a woman. She's made the way she's made.

If you want to marry, you need to find a woman who's OK with a husband who's trans. You're in a position to avoid making a mistake that a lot of us of my generation made, including me. Don't get into a marriage unless you and you're fiancée are in agreement as to how things are going to work for you. Perhaps this woman will eventually decide that she can accept you as you are. If she has religious reasons, or something like that, then you might possibly be able to overcome her religious objections. But if she's opposed to CDing because of her feelings about what she wants in a guy, that's something different.

[ReineD]

There are lots and lots of women who want to marry a manly man, pure and simple.

It's not that simple. If I were to close my eyes and think of the various attributes that have attracted me to the men in my life, I would not be able to say it was because they were manly, or for that matter, feminine. Most people who have not been exposed to this community don't immediately think of "gender" when they fall in love, unless they are specifically into people who blatantly cross the gender lines. They just take it for granted (if they are hetero), that the person they fall in love with is the opposite gender.

When I think of all the men that I know, I couldn't tell you which are more manly than others, because to me they all look like men who have different styles, and they certainly are more manly than me. lol Besides, everyone has a different laundry list of the things that attract them and a lot of it has nothing to do with a particularly stereotypical "manly" look, but has everything to do with intellect, his personality, a certain smile, a certain look in his eyes, his sense of humor, the body language he uses with me ... things that are difficult to define.

And most men I encounter on the street do not fit into the "manly-man", stereotypical look. Almost all men under a certain age are in pretty good shape physically, and almost all men past a certain age are not as in shape as when they were younger. Not all men have huge biceps, are over 6' tall, sport the "not shaved in three days" look, etc. :p

So, I challenge anyone to define a "manly-man", while staying away from the stereotypes: the Marlboro man, the famous sports jocks, GQ models, the "macho" actors, etc. Most men aren't like that, just like most women are not like models or actresses.

Sorry Annabelle, but I read the notion that most women are attracted to "manly" men in this forum a lot, and I just want to say this is yet another fallacy. Most (hetero) women are attracted to men, period. They can be quite ordinary men, they don't have to be particularly "manly". If this makes sense.

[kittypw GG]

l. How can I convince her that crossdressing is really nothing more than wanting more clothing options? I just want to feel pretty. Today I did. I want to chase that feeling.

You can't because it's not really about more clothing option and you know it deep down inside. Be honest and let the chips fall where they may. If you love her you owe her that.

[Ressie]

Manly man: I think what is meant generally on this forum is men that don't wear women's clothing and aren't gay. I remember Chuck Norris saying that his definition of being a man is hugging your child. I met a TS last week that hunts, works construction and loves to watch football, and is also a good father.

[mikiSJ]

After a disastrous first marriage that really went over the cliff when I first disclosed my CD'ing (after 5 years) I made it a point to be very upfront with any woman I thought I might want to spend a lot of time with. I told my wife, friend, lover (going strong after 37 years) that I crossdressed.

At the time, she was seeing a counselor for issues she had in a first marriage and discussed my CD'ing (he was supportive) and I gave her a book (forget its name) about what CD'ing is and how it can effect marriages.

Since you are both in University, there will be library sections full of books on sexuality and I am guessing there are psychology departments that will provide counseling services for either of you. I would suggest to you that you ask your girlfriend to investigate what she would be getting into. She may come around to accepting, and possibly more. Or, see may never accept your CD'ing and since you are early in your relationship, you can make a decision that will be a lot less impactful upon both of you possibly ending up in a divorce.

[Foxglove]

There are lots and lots of women who want to marry a manly man, pure and simple.


It's not that simple. If I were to close my eyes and think of the various attributes that have attracted me to the men in my life, I would not be able to say it was because they were manly, or for that matter, feminine. Most people who have not been exposed to this community don't immediately think of "gender" when they fall in love, unless they are specifically into people who blatantly cross the gender lines. They just take it for granted (if they are hetero), that the person they fall in love with is the opposite gender.

When I think of all the men that I know, I couldn't tell you which are more manly than others, because to me they all look like men who have different styles, and they certainly are more manly than me. lol Besides, everyone has a different laundry list of the things that attract them and a lot of it has nothing to do with a particularly stereotypical "manly" look, but has everything to do with intellect, his personality, a certain smile, a certain look in his eyes, his sense of humor, the body language he uses with me ... things that are difficult to define.

And most men I encounter on the street do not fit into the "manly-man", stereotypical look. Almost all men under a certain age are in pretty good shape physically, and almost all men past a certain age are not as in shape as when they were younger. Not all men have huge biceps, are over 6' tall, sport the "not shaved in three days" look, etc. :p

So, I challenge anyone to define a "manly-man", while staying away from the stereotypes: the Marlboro man, the famous sports jocks, GQ models, the "macho" actors, etc. Most men aren't like that, just like most women are not like models or actresses.

Sorry Annabelle, but I read the notion that most women are attracted to "manly" men in this forum a lot, and I just want to say this is yet another fallacy. Most (hetero) women are attracted to men, period. They can be quite ordinary men, they don't have to be particularly "manly". If this makes sense.

Reine, I think we're talking at cross purposes here. I don't really disagree with anything you're saying. Except that when you start talking about the Marlboro man, etc., that certainly wouldn't be my definition of "manly". You'd be getting into my definition of "macho". "Macho" I'm not into. "Manly" I have no problem with. And yeah, we could all write long essays about what we mean by the two terms. They're hard to define.


Manly man: I think what is meant generally on this forum is men that don't wear women's clothing and aren't gay.

Yeah, Dee's got it right here. In the context of my post, that's what I meant: heterosexual, cisgender men. Now I can agree that probably when people get married they're not thinking of some kind of formal definition of "masculine" or "feminine". They're just assuming that they're getting more or less what they want.

But the fact is that when a lot of women discover they're married to a CDer, they're not happy. Whatever their particular definition of "manly" is, "it ain't that kind of man." And if they'd known in advance who they were marrying, no doubt lots of them wouldn't have married them.

This isn't a fallacy. We just need to be clear about what we're talking about here.

Annabelle

[Vickie_CDTV]

Whenever I have seen the term "manly man", I have always read it to indicate a non-crossdressing male as well, not necessarily a real macho kind of guy. Just a guy who does not dress, and perhaps does not deviate radically from society's current accepted gender role, but mostly a man who does not dress.

And sadly that is true, most women who are attracted to men want a "manly man", that is, not one who dresses and is not to way, way out there when it comes to the average male gender role. :sad:

[Foxglove]

Whenever I have seen the term "manly man", I have always read it to indicate a non-crossdressing male as well, not necessarily a real macho kind of guy. Just a guy who does not dress, and perhaps does not deviate radically from society's current accepted gender role, but mostly a man who does not dress.



I'd go along with this, Vickie. "Manly" is a guy who fits into the generally accepted notion of what a guy's supposed to be. It's a vague term in a way, because it leaves lots of room for variation. And for me, a lot of times it's a neutral term: not negative (like "macho") and not necessarily positive, either. Just a regular sort of guy. But sometimes it can have positive connotations: a guy who is what a guy should be--that is kind, courteous, intelligent, courageous, generous, etc., all of this done in a masculine way, in contrast to women who will display the same traits in a feminine way.

At any rate, as I said earlier, in the context of this thread, all I meant by the term was "heterosexual, cisgender".

Annabelle

[kittypw GG]

.

Sorry Annabelle, but I read the notion that most women are attracted to "manly" men in this forum a lot, and I just want to say this is yet another fallacy. Most (hetero) women are attracted to men, period. They can be quite ordinary men, they don't have to be particularly "manly". If this makes sense.

I disagree Reine. Most women are attracted to men who are not feminine. It is that simple. Women are attracted to all of thoses things you mentioned in a man who is a man not one who acts feminine or dresses up like a girl. If what you say is so true then why do these relationships most often fail??? And don't blame it on society either. I think it is pure attraction. The more feminine my husband got the less I was attracted to him because I'm not attracted to females.

[Sheila]

We have a GG only section on the forum where your gf could come and talk to other GG's who have all been where she is & yes some are religious .... she will need to be a member here in here own right do an introductory post int the intro section and have 10 meaningful posts before applying to join the FAB section of the forum .... we don't persuade but we between us have lots of experience and can perhaps give her a different perspective to view things from :)

[Matia]

The number of women who are happy to remain in a relationship with a crossdresser or MTF transsexual who wants to "feel pretty" is rather small, so it's unlikely you're going to get the OK to continue.

If you are on the transgender spectrum you are on it for life. This thing is not going to go away. You need to think about that before you start discussing marriage with your current partner.

I dont think that number is so small, imo its all about personality

[lostlove]

I agree with Sheila, if you can get her to join the forum. It might help her to get some answers to her questions and understand why men CD.

[Angela Campbell]

I had a live in girlfriend once who was very accepting. I think she was accepting because she was attracted to me before she knew and then as we learned more about each other she admitted to some rather kinky desires she had, like being spanked and tied up etc...I think she figured since she had some kinks that my kinks were kind of cool too. We learned a lot from each other. There are all types out there. Some women will never understand and never accept it and some will. The women I have been married to would never have accepted it and were disgusted by crossdressing and anything in the tg world. A bi girl or a somewhat kinky girl who is in to experimentation is a better candidate for acceptance it seems to me. A very conservative and straight laced woman will probably not be interested at all.

[Sarahcd_legs]

When I told my girlfriend about my dressing, she wanted to know why, I just told her to google why men dress, There is alot of good information why we do. She did what I said and she even commented on some pictures that she found. She thought it was amazing how some guys can look so fem when done up. I told her it was something I enjoye from time to time.

[NicoleScott]

When I told my girlfriend about my dressing, she wanted to know why, I just told her to google why men dress, There is alot of good information why we do.

I think there's a danger with this approach. Some men dress because it excites them sexually. Some dress because they have a strong feminine identity and want to express it by dressing (among other ways). Some believe they are woman with a mismatched body and feel that is just natural to dress as a woman. I would think that your GF wants to why YOU dress rather than why others dress. "Here are lots of reasons. Pick one."
A SO might accept that her man dresses for sexual excitement, and might even use that fact to enhance bedroom activities, as long as he is still her man. She may be totally unaccepting of her crossdressing partner publicly expressing a feminine identity, wanting to increase en femme time, wanting to feminize face and body, and wanting to be her girlfriend. And, of course, the opposite reaction may happen. Why not answer the question directly?