intruder

[Inna]

As I am discovering more and more of normalcy in living day to day life, and growing experience of years of discovery and transition familiarity I can't shake the feeling of being an intruder when I go and want to answer most of crossdressing questions.

As I feel that my experience could help, I also find most of the potential answers too direct and potentially disheartening to the CD crowd. As in the "Do I Pass" threads I write my opinion and then I simply erase what I wrote, realizing that perhaps stark realities of a transsexuals life are not necessarily realities which are necessary for a CDer.

And so I feel that audience of the past is shrinking and what I can share becomes more of my own experience applicable to very few if not any at all.

Bitter sweet realization of growing up beyond the walls of home, a sweet home, yet ready to step into the vast reality of normalcy at hand.

[LelaK]

Care to elaborate? You're too vague for me.

[STACY B]

Me too ,,Sometimes I just don't think it's fair to say anything ,,For the simple fact most CDers are trying not to be found out . An we as TS don't care as much . Aleast I don't ,,I mean what the hell ,,,Ya gotts bite it an just get ot over ,,Like pulling off the Bandage ,,Just pull the dam thing off ,, The chix that are in the closet or the other that go outta town are in a different stage than us . An hell I ain't hating on anyone ,,Do what cha want hell makes no difference to me ,,Hell like I said 1000's times if you live around me or you come to town an want to get something or need someone to go in an buy something for you or whatever just ask ,,I will be happy to help . Cuz this ol fat girl is way past caring what folks think about me ,,, I just wish that everyone would get to where YOU want to be ,,Not where I want you ,,Cuz we all have different pathes in Life an maybe what I do is not the same thing you want ,,, So yes I do feel funny answering some things too !

[Inna]

Care to elaborate? You're too vague for me.
lol, I think you just have proven my point!

[Ressie]

I see where you're coming from Inna. How did I stumble upon the TS forum? We CDs tend to have a progression rather than a transition.

[STACY B]

Long past that point ,,, You have bigger fish to fry ,,, Your exsperiances are running off the rails an you can't put it away ,,, You gotta choke it down 24/7 Lady . No taking your ball an going home in this game Baby Girl ,,,I say lets Finish the Game ,,,LOL,,,,

[Inna]

I see where you're coming from Inna. How did I stumble upon the TS forum? We CDs tend to have a progression rather than a transition.

hmmmmmm, I hear you, however for 42 years of my life, less 6 of early childhood, I wasn't quite sure of who I entirely was, but rather who I wasn't. Clarity came at 7, then full on denial, and resurface of the notion that in fact I am a woman in its full entirety came to fruition only after I have abolished ever so vast denial of entire feminine self.
In fact I was a CDer for entire of time between denial and eureka moment of clarity at 43. So I am not so sure transition isn't just final step of Progression? :)

[LelaK]

So, by "Intruder" you meant you felt like an intruder in the CD section? I'm afraid of being an intruder wherever I post, because I'm too unique.

[Ressie]

hmmmmmm, I hear you, however for 42 years of my life, less 6 of early childhood, I wasn't quite sure of who I entirely was, but rather who I wasn't. Clarity came at 7, then full on denial, and resurface of the notion that in fact I am a woman in its full entirety came to fruition only after I have abolished ever so vast denial of entire feminine self.
In fact I was a CDer for entire of time between denial and eureka moment of clarity at 43. So I am not so sure transition isn't just final step of Progression? :)

Well in your case that's the way it happened hun. As you probably know, some transexuals get reassignment surgery by the time they're 18. But I think many go thru the same steps as you and... now it seems I'm intruding!

[Inna]

Well, at lest if we all intrude at the same time, it wouldn't be so bad....kind of more like a transGangstas!

[Debb]

Inna, I hope you will post when there's stuff you've got to share, CD forum or not. I feel that our livess can only be enriched by a wider range of life experiences, and you have one of those!

[STACY B]

Yea you Be a O-G -TRANNY ,,,Dats what I'm Talkin Bout ,,,, That's meens you beez Special ,,, Not many round here !!! LOL,,,,

[Ressie]

You can tell me why I don't pass, but I pretty much know why already.

[Laurie Ann]

I know I am dense but I still do not get this.

[melissaK]

There was a time the CD forum (or some other CD forum de jure) was as deep a water as I dared let myself swim in. If I go to the CD threads now I project way too much of my own Trans journey and I too end up deleting the post as not likely helpful to the OP. Sure some on the CD boards are just like me 10 years ago, others aren't. I realize how the ones who were like me probably are in denial and my post isn't going to get them out of it. If they're ready to swim deeper waters they'll find their way here in due course. And I still have so many transition issues ahead of me it's better I not act like I know everything anyway.

[Chickhe]

I too as a CDer do that...its a great catharsis to write your feelings, but its not required to actually post them all the time. You might be outgrowing many things but its still nice to hear what life if like on the other side... also, a great lesson in diplomacy, I once was more direct but now I'm happy not bursting bubbles too. As a parent, I understand encourageemnt, people grow at their own pace.

[KellyJameson]

I agree with Janice Josephine that being transsexual is a spiritual experience

It is like being a piece of metal that the Blacksmith heats than beats on and than heats again turning you into an instrument that is unlike any other.

To be this unique among humanity creates an unasked for destiny that requires an expansive answer.

The forum is another form of surgery but eventually all the wounds are healed and life beckons.

I feel this drifting away as well.

I have been changed by changing into more of what I already was and I'm left with the feeling "Now What?"

[morgan51]

Giving myself permission to just live my life and be happy took many years and much angst its truly a journey not a destination. I had to start somewhere and for me that was crossdressing that morphed into permission to transition which is morphing into permission to just live my life and be happy. In the end I'm the only one that really cares. Thats been proven time and time again.

[kimdl93]

I understand. At some point it seems that as someone who once identified as CD, realized she was TS and completed a full transition, the is certainly an experiential gap between where you are and most CDs are. Still, your candid and honest opinions, drawn from great experience, are valuable to us, wherever we may be on the transgender spectrum.

[Saffron]

I read in this forum that the difference between a CD and a TS are two years :) so I don't think you're an intruder. But the same thought crossed my mind when I realized I was TS. I still post when I think I can help.

[josee]

Inna, I don't know if you understand the vast expanse of influence you have on this forum.
To me you are like an Obi-Wan. As I am just beginning my journey down the TS pathway, I read your post and those of others who are further along than myself like it is scripture and value your input more than you know.
My journey is different from yours, but you always make me think. I may not always respond but you can be sure that your thoughts are always appreciated.

[Inna]

Inna, I don't know if you understand the vast expanse of influence you have on this forum.
To me you are like an Obi-Wan. As I am just beginning my journey down the TS pathway, I read your post and those of others who are further along than myself like it is scripture and value your input more than you know.
My journey is different from yours, but you always make me think. I may not always respond but you can be sure that your thoughts are always appreciated.

Awwwwwww, you almost made me cry........wait, you did make me cry, just sometimes I my self am not sure of direction and resolve eludes, it is a journey which I often speak of as wondrous and amazing which it is, but filled with sorrowful truth and stabbing reality that to convey such in utmost detail, sometimes is impossible without stubbing someone else in their comfort zone. But because of you and others who appreciate my not always easy and not always comfortable rhetoric, I shall keep on poking at the truth despite how brutal and uneasy it gets :)

Thanks for your love!!!!!

[josee]

No thanks required:-)
Sometimes our comfort zones need disturbing.
Someone said " reality bites". And lately it has been biting pretty damn hard. My but is a little sore right now.

Ours is a most difficult path to travel but it does seem easier when we can look to others who have gone before or a few miles further down the path.
Thank YOU!

[Amanda22]

And so I feel that audience of the past is shrinking and what I can share becomes more of my own experience applicable to very few if not any at all.

Bitter sweet realization of growing up beyond the walls of home, a sweet home, yet ready to step into the vast reality of normalcy at hand.

I feel this way, too. My rate of posting and even reading the forum has dwindled significantly. With growth, I think we forge our own somewhat unique path in the new world, making it unlikely that our feedback will apply to many others. Early on, our questions and experiences are so similar. After a few years, much less so, especially for those of us who continue in our feminine development.