What would you do if your SO did this?

[Lady Catherine]

Apparrently my fiance has been going around all week telling everyone (including my 25 year old son) that I lost a bet and had to dress like a girl for Halloween. I made no such bet and had nothing to do with this. I think she thinks she is helping me. I obviously don't mind dressing like a girl, but the whole just telling everyone thing and saying I HAVE to go out in public is another thing all together.

Am I just over reacting to this. That is what I really want to know.

[Stephanie47]

Heck, I wish I could lose a bet like that! In fact, I'd make your fiance take you to a lot of stores and make her choose your outfit; bra, panty, hosiery, slip (got to have a nice slip), pretty dress (no pants, no pants, no jeans), heels, wig, and a trip to a makeup counter. Make her do your face, paint your nails. Oh, be sure to stop at the negligee department for some proper attire for when she jumps your bones! Just saying. Have fun!

[Shelly Preston]

I would suggest all you can do now is go along with it and enjoy yourself

Besides you can always say you enjoyed it even more later if the question comes up

[Kate Simmons]

I lost the "bet" a long time ago Hon. Anyone telling anyone else at this point is just after the fact.:battingeyelashes::)

[Barbara Ella]

Great situation. It all hinges on the feelings your wife has toward your crossdressing. If she is supportive, I suspect she feels you lack confidence to go out and is helping. If she disapproves, but knows you dress, I suspect she is showing some support for you for this one situation. You do need to find out exactly why she would do this. I suspect she is just trying to help out and there is nothing sinister, and no reaction necessary, just trips to the store, as Stephanie pointed out.

Enjoy

Barbara

[jackielou]

you are a lucky man take advantage of this and enjoy what you wife is doing for you it may make life a lot easier down the road

[kimdl93]

You are definitely over reacting. Maybe she's gone a bit overboard, but frankly, I think it's sweet of her to attempt to give you cover. Now, just make sure you present as convincingly as possible...and give her the credit for making it happen ;)

[Joanna41]

Sounds to me like an opportunity to go shopping for all those girl things you will need!

Joanna

[Lady Catherine]

She is definately VERY supportive. I was just trying to figure out why she would do this without asking my opinion first. Looks like a fun time over the next week.

Thanks, Ladies. I appreciate your wisdom.

[tara t]

the option is there now so its up to you to choose what to do . it was nice of her to do it but maybe she should have asked . it does sound like her heart was in the right place.

[Karren H]

I'd definitely thank her.... and start betting more! lol

[RADER]

Look at it this way; She just opened a door for you, and when people see you dressed to the 9's
well it will just be seeing someone losing a bet. No other explanations needed.
And I would sure use this to the advantage of getting her to take you shopping, Get all the mileage
you can get. Have fun.
Rader

[stephNE]

....and keep making more bets (that you know you will lose)!

[Wildaboutheels]

When OPPORTUNITY knocks...some people answer and some don't.

Which kind will YOU be?

[KellyJameson]

This protects her from social embarrassment because you are violating defined gender boundaries if you go out.

This could provide you with an opportunity to expand your own world without being a threat to how others want "reality" to be by pushing through any fears you have of being seen in public.

She has laid the ground work to protect both of you so now it is up to you to decide whether or not to take advantage of it.

Halloween is a wonderful opportunity for self expression until you reach that point where halloween can be any day of the year which I think of as being an individual
in this grand experiment called life.

[squiffle2002]

As you say she is supportive I am sure she is doing ti with the best of motives.

I personally would grab the opportunity - I've used the lost a bet tale to wander round asda at 2am wearing a maids outfit - I hadn't of course (though my SO knows) but the story gave me some confidence.

If you turn this opportunity down your fiancee may well not feel she wants to make the effort to go out on a limb for you again. Maybe ask her if she is sure she want to be out with you in public dressed and as long as she seems confortable too - get out there!

[kimdl93]

....and keep making more bets (that you know you will lose)!

Great idea!!! we dont even have to specify what the be was...it might have been my wife bet i would like to dress like a woman all the time. Darn, she won....now i Must dress every day for a year! Maybe we can bet on it again next year!

[Rogina B]

Just go with it! Have fun,and tell us all about it!!lol

[docrobbysherry]

I think u 2 have communication issues, Cath!

She came up with this story without consulting u, and you're asking us WHY?

Better get them straightened out before they get WORSE! Or, I see problems ahead for u!

[Kerstin]

To me it sounds like something someone would do if they were embarrassed about it and were going for damage control. It's like she's saying to them "Oh he's not really a crossdresser, he just lost a bet". Dunno... if it were me in your position I'd be wondering just how supportive she really is. That's how it seems to me anyway.

[Frédérique]

What would you do if your SO did this? Apparently my fiancée has been going around all week telling everyone (including my 25 year old son) that I lost a bet and had to dress like a girl for Halloween. I made no such bet and had nothing to do with this. I think she thinks she is helping me. I obviously don't mind dressing like a girl, but the whole just telling everyone thing and saying I HAVE to go out in public is another thing all together.

I would immediately whip out the dictionary, re-evaluate the words “significant” and “other,” and tell the offending party that I don’t like being FORCED to crossdress, or do anything, against my will. Perhaps she’s hoping to humiliate you in some way, and, in a roundabout manner, either bring you to your knees or your senses. I smell a “control freak,” and I’m a long ways away…

She wants everybody to laugh at you, which is what they’ll do, mark my words. Personally, I would stay home, NOT dress, and feel empowered doing so. This is why it’s not a good idea to disclose the fact that you crossdress, although it can be a kind of “litmus” test, used to see who you’re dealing with, or what the REAL nature of the person may be. Maybe it’ll work out, or maybe it won’t, but there are better, and easier, ways to crossdress and maintain your precious equilibrium…
:straightface:

Of course, I COULD be wrong - it's happened before...:doh:

[linda allen]

I am still hoping my wife will go out with me (dressed as a normal female) on Halloween this year. If it has to be losing a bet, that's fine, I'll still do it.

In reality, most of us will probably do a good enough job of presenting female that we will be read. I don't care though, I'll be away from people I know.

As to why she did this without asking you, you'll have to ask her. Or not, as the situation presents itself.

[Tracii G]

I would let her know it was a wrong thing to do and I would wonder just what her motives were.
To out you and make your life hell?
I would stipulate that she is to dress in clothes 3 sizes too small and tease her hair a mile high and over do the make up.
Then see what her reaction is.
I smell a rat sorry.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think THE most important thing to keep in mind here, is... regardless of WHO your fiance told or WHY she told them is irrelevant. You don't HAVE to do anything. It IS your choice.

Oh, and one more thing. It is "just" Haloween, the purpose of which is to simply have some fun the last time I checked.

[NicoleScott]

Yes, you're overreacting, but it will pass in about a week.

[Meghan]

Apparrently my fiance has been going around all week telling everyone (including my 25 year old son) that I lost a bet and had to dress like a girl for Halloween. I made no such bet and had nothing to do with this. I think she thinks she is helping me. I obviously don't mind dressing like a girl, but the whole just telling everyone thing and saying I HAVE to go out in public is another thing all together.

Am I just over reacting to this. That is what I really want to know.

Sounds like you won the bet, sweetie! Go for it.

I would talk to her about communication, though. My wife does things like that all the time, but she has my permission and we have discussed that beforehand.

Talk to her, find out what she said and why...and go from there. Then talk about what is and isn't OK to say on behalf of each other.

Maybe she didn't say anything at all and your friends are trying to out you!

Meghan

[ReineD]

She may be engaging in damage control, not for you but for herself. She may not want others to know you are a CDer, and so she's making up this elaborate story about you losing a bet? Maybe she just assumes that since you enjoy CDing, you will want to dress publicly at Halloween?

[charlytuna]

I went to a holloween party this past sat. and I made a beatuiful looking NUN [no pic yet]. Was dress full bra make-up and all, except a wig, had a blast. One other time my wife dress me as maid of honor and she was the groom and a friend [a gg] was the bride [won $25] best part I was hit on then this time I was ask to dance by a guy and he knew me as a male too. No one made any remarks or anything like that and I go to that club all the time in drab. So stop cryuing and get dress up for you woman and have a hell of good time

[Sharon B.]

Go for it and enjoy it while you can, as some others have said sounds like a shopping trip. Get a complete make over if possible and enjoy the time you have.

[Melissa_59]

Well, the cat's out of the bag so to speak, about you "having to", but I would have preferred it myself if my SO hadn't gone off and shouted it from the top of every mountain. That way if you happened to run into someone you knew (who wasn't on to you anyway), you could just explain it then. There's an old Shakespeare line about "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" that comes to mind, it makes people suspicious - and if you didn't want your friends suspicious, well...

Not much you can do about it now but go along, but while I wouldn't have been fuming mad, I wouldn't have been happy about it either.

[Babeba]

I don't think crystal would like that much if I did that to her... It's taking away the choice you have as a person, and lets everyone think about you in a dress, which if no one thinks anything like that right now may make them think about it more than they would. I don't know how closeted you are, but I can see some of that being uncomfortable.

On the other hand, there isn't much you can do about it but make the best of it and discuss ways you and your fiancé can respect each other's boundaries.

[Lady Catherine]

So. I have spoken to her and apparrently i haven't lost the bet...yet. She was laying out the ground work if I wanted to dress and is leaving it up to ME if I lose or not. This definately makes me feel better about the whole thing and actually has me looking forward to this adventure.

I would like to thank you all for some really good advise.

[patti1569]

Two ways of reacting to this. One - tell her you are upset and refuse. tell everyone else you made no such bet. OOOOORRRRRR Two- take this one opportunity to live a dream that many here never will. You have a one night pass. I say go for it. Im sure she is just trying to be the best SO ever.

[Beverley Sims]

I can see your unhappiness with this situation but look on the positive side and just go with the joke.
It will break new ground for you as everyone will want to see what you look like.
You may even lose the bet again and those that did not see you the first time may want you to dress again.
Now how sad is that... :)

[Meghan]

So. I have spoken to her and apparrently i haven't lost the bet...yet. She was laying out the ground work if I wanted to dress and is leaving it up to ME if I lose or not. This definately makes me feel better about the whole thing and actually has me looking forward to this adventure.

I would like to thank you all for some really good advise.

I am glad you worked that out with each other. It's like my dad always said "when in doubt, talk it out".

That's true except my dad never said that, just sounded like a fun thing to attribute to someone...

Seriously, she may not have thought of it as a big thing and may have fully intended to help you. Either way, it's good that you talked. I am still amazed at how easily I can misinterpret something and spin it into something way different than it actually is. Talking can help equalize and reset things :)

Meghan

[krissy]

OH!!YEAH!!! I would love to loose that kind of bet.it would be hard for me to dress.LOL yeah right im going to have to see if i can do it too

[~Joanne~]

I think you are over reacting. She is paving the way for you to have a night out as you sound to have wanted so why not go with the flow. worst comes to worst, it's halloween and can be written off amongst friends and such.

[Angela Campbell]

No I do not think you are over reacting at all. This is a serious breech of confidence and I would have a serious discussion about it. She broke your trust by telling anyone anything personal about you without your consent. What else is she talking about that you don't know?

[bridget thronton]

It is good you talked to each other - if she is being supportive in other ways be grateful

[Sonia_cd]

You get to dress right? So the problem is...? Or maybe this is just my way of seeing things

[Foxglove]

If she's in effect leaving it up to you, that's good. Whenever you get out, I think it should be a situation that you're comfortable with. So if you're OK doing this, say you lost the bet and dress. If you don't really like the situation, then say you won the bet. Go with what you're comfortable doing.

[Lorileah]

This is something you and your SO need to discuss between you. If you say anything to anyone else it will make you look petty and make her look silly.

Wear the clothes (if you want) and go with it. Are you afraid someone will think you are ....a bad gambler?

[Jane P]

If you end up deciding to win this bet instead of "having to " dress on Halloween , perhaps you could go double or nothing where you would "have to" dress as a girl every weekend for the following year.
Your wife is offering you an incredible gift , I'm glad you are starting to see that.

[aliciatv1]

I would be extremely upset with my wife if she ever did anything like this. It's great that you have spoken about it since, but I would feel like my privacy and my right to make my own choices was violated by any actions even remotely like this. If you two had planned it together, then great, but acting unilaterally is a whole different scenario. It sounds like it all will work out in the end, but I would have a serious talk with my SO if anything like that ever happened.

[Lady Catherine]

You ladies are all awesome. Some really good advice here. We have spoken at penthouse about this and she sees my point of view and feels really bad about not asking first. She was trying to help and be supportive so I have an oppertunity to ho out and have fun. I told her to forget it but to talk to me first next time.

I'm honestly looking forward to it at this point. It should be fun.

[Sallee]

I would take advantage of it and have fun with it
enjoy

[Stephenie S]

Apparrently my fiance has been going around all week telling everyone (including my 25 year old son) that I lost a bet and had to dress like a girl for Halloween. I made no such bet and had nothing to do with this. I think she thinks she is helping me. I obviously don't mind dressing like a girl, but the whole just telling everyone thing and saying I HAVE to go out in public is another thing all together.

Am I just over reacting to this. That is what I really want to know.

Yes, you are over-reacting. PLUS, and this is a big plus, you are terrified and searching for another excuse not to do this. Listen, your wife has given you the go ahead, paved the way with friends and family, and YOU are complaining that she didn't "check with you first"? Are you insane?

No, probably not insane. But you are still scared and you are still searching for a reason not to do this. Relax. Enjoy the fact that you have a loving and caring spouse.

S

[JessicaMay]

You ladies are all awesome. Some really good advice here. We have spoken at penthouse about this and she sees my point of view and feels really bad about not asking first. She was trying to help and be supportive so I have an oppertunity to ho out and have fun. I told her to forget it but to talk to me first next time.

I'm honestly looking forward to it at this point. It should be fun.

It's awesome you've managed to work it through. I can understand where you are coming from though. I'd be rather upset if my wife had done this to me. While I understand that it's certainly awesome to have such support, I think I'd be using our stop word pretty quickly and asking for a nice long talk. It's not so much about the action, but I'd feel burdened or pressured to present personal information to people I'm currently not willing to share it with, even under the guise of a lost bet. I'd be pretty uncomfortable.

However all that being said, once we talked things through (likely coming to the same conclusion you two did) and that while it's outside my comfort zone, next time she'd ask first. Then I'd go shopping ;)

Have a good time, tell us all about it when it's done.

[Jane P]

Just wondering what happened with the bet and Halloweeeeen night ?

[Jana]

I don't know you guys or the circumstances, so it's a bit hard to say. However, I'll say this: unless you gave her consent to talk to other people about your dressing, she has no business in doing so, even if the intentions are good. The excuse of Halloween is good, but still. I believe it would have been nicer of her to have consulted with you first.

[Chickhe]

I wouldn't like it...but then again, it may actually be a good thing. People will not really care, most will think you are a fun person and if they ever speak to you again they won't be surprised if you ever do get caught... only thing is, its mostly your attitude and how you react that does you in...just laugh with them and you'll be fine. Oh, and to help your SO understand privacy....maybe share one of her secrets and see how she reacts...then you both agree what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

[Lady Catherine]

Thanks again for all the advice, It's good to know I have some place to get an honest opinion if I need one.

She truly is sorry she went about it the way she did and agreed to never do anything like that again without talking it over first.

And for those of you who asked, I did go out to a bar with her on Halloween. We went to where my son is a bartender and sat with him (He and my SO are the only ones I've told{besides all of you, of course}) I wore a nice casual blue dress with pantyhose and black heels. Did my nails and wore pearl earrings and necklace. Didn't wear wig or make-up as it was Halloween and Ididn't want to look to good.

It was a nice pleasant evening.

[HannahF6]

Just go with the flow, it sounds great to me.

Hannah

[AmyGaleRT]

If it worked for you, Catherine, that's all that matters. Glad you had a good time. :)

- Amy