When you got a girlfriend/boyfriend did it reduce your desire to be a girl?

[Andrea J]

(If you want to be a girl of course!) Now I have heard a number of TS's say that it didn't really help but it seems that a lot of non-TS people on this forum want to be a girl. And for these people I was wondering, did getting a partner make you feel more complete and therefore reduce the feeling of wanting to be a girl?

[kimdl93]

I would like to clarify. The desire to "be a girl" or the "sincere belief that you are a girl" are differnt things so lets just clear that up. So lets rephase your question to reac: "does haing a significant other (male or female) reduce your desire to cross dress?

For me, once upon a time when I first met my first wife, yes, having a girlfriend became the focus of all my thoughts for a time. After we got married, and that initial romantic euphoria started to mellow out, then the desire to dress regained some traction. It was aided by the fact that my first wife encouraged some CD bedroom play, and it soon became evident and accepted that I was a cross dresser.

[STACY B]

No,,, As a matter of fact made it worse ,,,Easy access to clothes that I had no access to before ,,,Get a new girl freind get a new wardrobe ,,LOL,,, The only thing that made me not dress is working to much an DRINKING TOO MUCH ,,,

[RADER]

I guess for me it is the feeling and looking like a girl. Not the becoming a girl.
Rader

[Kate Simmons]

Not necessarily Hon but for myself, after accepting and integrating all of my feelings, CDing has become more of an art form for me than anything else.:battingeyelashes::)

[docrobbysherry]

Yes. My dressing de-railed until my last meeting with a woman I thot I was interested in. I decided I wasn't. Came out of the closet here 5 years ago and haven't found another female since that can compete with Sherry!

Altho, I'm still looking! Sherry's a crappy conversationalist!

[SashaJade]

It increased my desire and my wardrobe. Dressing alone didnt do much for me but with her it is a whole different world.

[LelaK]

I only had a long-distance fiancee once, so maybe that doesn't count. I read that men who have mostly or only daughters tend to act more feminine, while those who have mostly or only sons act more masculine. On the other hand women who have mostly sons tend to act more feminine, I think.

My preference would be being a lesbian, if it were cheap and convenient enough to transition. Anyway, I think I'd still want to dress femininely, if I had a girlfriend again.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

No,,, As a matter of fact made it worse ,,,Easy access to clothes that I had no access to before ,,,Get a new girl freind get a new wardrobe ,,LOL,,,,,,

Same here, now I had someone to show me how to properly wear make up, share clothing and make up, go shopping with etc. Sort of the final nail in the coffin for any final resistance.

[CD_blue]

I don't want to actually be a girl. I am just a cross dresser. I actually didn't start cross dressing until I got with my fiance. I have been married before, and had few previous relationships. I tried to ignore cross dressing and I suppose I did a pretty good job of it. I just had mind set of "Well this can't be I'll just be alienated" which was something I had already felt my entire life for various reasons. Didn't need cross dressing on top of everything else. During these relationships the urge to cross dress never went away though. They remained with me even though I tried to suppress it.

Once I got with my fiance and I ended up telling her. One thing lead to another and she embraces it as much as I do. This has actually lead to MORE cross dressing on my part. Like I said I am happy being a male in a skirt. During previous relationships I kept it to myself. No, being with some one didn't help it was still with me. Then in my relationship where it was accepted it became a bigger deal.

[Sheren Kelly]

For me, being in a relationship makes my gender dysphoria even worse. Though she knows of my femme side, she doesn't understand and prefers the DADT approach. It seems the more I try to be the guy she wants me to be, the more uncomfortable I become and I have to find my own space away from her to be femme.

[NicoleScott]

Yes, many of us fell victim to Mother Nature's Big Prank: tricking us into thinking our desires to crossdress would go away when we met "the one", and a while after marriage having those desires come back. I fell for it.

[Tracii G]

I do have a GF right now but has it changed how I feel? Nope.

[sandra-leigh]

There's a bra sitting right here... I could try it on... just to see what it feels like... just to see what women have to put up with... so I get better ideas on what to buy for her... now how does this other one differ... but don't the straps show a lot on this kind, I better put on a blouse to check so I don't buy the wrong kind for her...

[Ann Thomas]

For me, there has been no change in the continuous increase in the desire to dress female. My theory is that it is something related to hormones (realize there are lots of them in the body, far more more than the few we like to throw the names of around on this website). My urge to dress started before my male hormones kicked in in puberty, diminished during my 20's and increased again as I aged into my 30's and 40's, which is the opposite of what most male hormones do. But, I've no lab results to prove it. It's the same pattern my dad followed (he crossdressed) and appears to be the same for my son (he also crossdresses).

In my opinion, it has nothing to do with a person's needs being met or not through another person. So, nothing can be done about it, really.

The bottom line is acceptance - we all want that, no matter who we are. The problem lies in whether we feel accepted as crossdressers, because some accept it and encourage it (that bring great peace to a crossdresser, among other things). Some tolerate it (that really doesn't help a crossdresser to connect emotionally to 100% of their ability, because they still feel awkward or protective of that part of them). And of course some reject it.

So really, the desire doesn't diminish but is instead validated through a good, completely open and honest relationship, where the crossdresser feels safe, secure, and loved.

When i first started crossdressing, I tried all kinds of things to relieve myself of the desire. But, nothing worked. Instead it became an obsession. The only way I've found to reduce the obsession is to wear female clothes as much as possible, which luckily tends to be 90+% of the time. That helps me be able to function and contribute to society as I should be, in a healthy way. So for me, crossdressing is my healthy normal, in spite of the fact that it is outside of societal norms. That gives strength to go through each day.

Hope that helps a bit.

Hugs,
Ann

[Samantha43]

I guess for me it is the feeling and looking like a girl. Not the becoming a girl.
Rader
:yt:

I told my wife about my little "hobby" before we married. I somehow knew that Sami would never go away. She was okay with it then and has really embraced it over the last 10 years or so. We have been married for 25 years and my desire to dress hasn't really changed.

[Marissa V]

Until now i never had a partner that accepted it. And despite the fact i had to hide it the desire never went away. The opportunities to dress sure did. Had to hide it since i was 12 (dressed before that too though). Tried ignoring the desire but somehow that didnt turn me into a pleasant person. Luckely i found someone that embraces it as i do now.

[patti1569]

No, I always thought/hoped it would. A relationship and dressing are mutually exclusive. One does not satisfy the other, at least not in my case.

[Beverley Sims]

It reduces desire for aa little while as there are other "adventures" to occupy your mind.
That soon wanes and away on the slippery slope again. :)

[UNDERDRESSER]

(If you want to be a girl of course!) Now I have heard a number of TS's say that it didn't really help but it seems that a lot of non-TS people on this forum want to be a girl. And for these people I was wondering, did getting a partner make you feel more complete and therefore reduce the feeling of wanting to be a girl?
Well, I don't want to be a girl. Do I want to look like a girl?? Not sure. Does being with my GF make feel more complete? OH YEAH, BIG TIME. Does that change how I feel about dressing? Yes, but exactly how is difficult to describe. When I'm hanging out at her place, it's often in a skirt, or the yoga pants she gave me. She has given me my first pedicure. I'm exploring in my own mind what crossdressing means to me. I'm planning on getting a hiking kilt, maybe down the road wearing an actual skirt while out. Still as a male you understand. I'm feeling more and more annoyed that the idea of a male wearing a skirt, or anything else that meets the standards of decency, is wrong.

[reb.femme]

No,,, As a matter of fact made it worse ,,,Easy access to clothes that I had no access to before ,,,Get a new girl freind get a new wardrobe ,,LOL

Beat me to it Stacy. I remember those skirts, blouses etc in the cupboard just begging to be worn and in no time at all, they were! As to the underwear....woo hoo!

Therefore, I blame my wife for all this malarky, dating back to the 70s. :devil:

Rebecca

[helena.gcd]

I remembre that when i was a teenager i felt very bad about my need to wear girl clothes. I thought that it was something i needed to do because i didnt had a girlfriend and that the need will disapear when i find one. That day came. I got a girlfriend and for a couple of months the need disapeared, but then it came back. I felt even worse about it. I just couldnt understand it.

Well, that was long time ago, many girlfriends and many tries to quit crossdressing, but thankfuly now I have accepted who I am and Im really enjoying everything minute of it

[Cheryl T]

I'm with Stacy on this one. Being around someone with all those pretty clothes didn't help.

[sometimes_miss]

There have been times in my life where I didn't crossdress for years, and that was always when I was in a stable relationship. I can't be absolutely sure; I believe it was simply because there wasn't any other stressors in my life so I may simply have been able to keep the 'girl' feelings at bay more easily. When other things in my life are in turmoil, the need to crossdress is more difficult to hold back. I do not have a separate female personality, nothing else is different, I simply feel 'normal' when dressed as a girl, and out of place whenever dressed as a guy, all the time, to some degree. Whether or not I'm around someone in an outfit I like or not does not seem to make a difference.

[Karmen]

It didn't help and made it actualy even worse. It become even more complicated, since she didn't know about my passion and there were even less occasions when I could wear female underwear and pantyhose under my male clothes.

[krissy_toronto]

I remembre that when i was a teenager i felt very bad about my need to wear girl clothes. I thought that it was something i needed to do because i didnt had a girlfriend and that the need will disapear when i find one. That day came. I got a girlfriend and for a couple of months the need disapeared, but then it came back. I felt even worse about it. I just couldnt understand it.

Well, that was long time ago, many girlfriends and many tries to quit crossdressing, but thankfuly now I have accepted who I am and Im really enjoying everything minute of it


Babe, I know exactly how you feel. Been dressing since I was 4 yrs old and as I got older I figured it was because I wanted a girlfriend and when I found one it would go away. NOPE!! Even with girlfriends past, I still felt that something or should I say someone was missing. Yup - It was Krissy all along. She was my girlfriend since I was 4 yrs old and I didnt realize how strong she was until I was in my late 20's. She never sabotaged my relationships with women but she was always there to pick me up and help me move on. Weird? No I guess not, I guess it is more to me then crossdressing. Oh wow!!! Maybe I need a doctor or someone to talk too. LOL

[KellyJameson]

If your subconscious identifies as a girl being in a relationship with one could increase not decrease the desire because you will want to become more of what you already are by sharing her body and life through intimacy so live through a woman by proxy.

You than live with the paradoxical experience of relief and frustration from the dysphoria so have a love hate relationship with "intimate relationships" because you are trying to "become" through another.

[ChelseaErtel]

When I got married I was very busy, but it was never far from my mind. I gave it up for a while but she came back. Finally realized she is me, can't throw myself out.

[Angela Campbell]

When I have had a new girlfriend I tend to spend most of my energy and thoughts on her if it is serious. I still want to be a girl, have as long as I remember, but I tend to focus on the task at hand as it were. I usually slow down a bit and may even stop dressing for a while but it always returns. The longer it has been the stronger it returns. I usually do not tell anyone about it unless I get to the point I feel it will be accepted. If I have doubts I keep it to myself.

[Angela Campbell]

I'm with Stacy on this one. Being around someone with all those pretty clothes didn't help.

I wonder if that is why I always wanted to do all the laundry? Or more to the point did they ever wonder?

[Andrea J]

Thanks for your answers everyone!

The verdict seems to be that any reduction in desire to CD is almost always temporary.

The answers were about CD'ing rather than the desire to be a girl, but they were still informative and interesting to read. However there are people that really want to be a girl that don't get the feeling strongly enough to say they are TS's.

[Aylineira]

To the OP:

I might have "forgotten" to crossdress when I was with a woman in the beginning. However, eventually my crossdressing feelings has returned. So the answer is, only temporary, because the pink fog is always there.

[Eryn]

I think that any distraction would reduce the desire to crossdress for a time, but for me being in close proximity to a woman ultimately increased the desire. It's like a chocoholic being married to confectioner!

[hotpink4me]

I always said that once I got a girlfriend I would stop crossdressing. That's not true LOL...I actually do it more now. Not necessarily with her though. I just really enjoy it, and eventually I'll tell her. Maybe she'll accept it, maybe not...but its not going to affect my decision to continue crossdressing.

[luscious]

DEPENDS ON THE GIRL

some women make my CDing dropp to zero (0)

[Annie M]

Having a girl friend is a short distraction but I always return to being me. That's the problem I'm not me in a relationship. So after its over I surge like making up for lost time.

[Jenn A116]

Just to qualify my answer, I don't desire to be a girl, I'm a simple CD'er. When I was young I thought that having a girlfriend might lessen my desire to dress. Turns out it didn't. It was even tougher because I got to see all that nice, feminine stuff up close.

[irene9999]

I'd say so, when I start going out with a girl it always reduces my desire to dress. I guess it's more about letting her be "the girl"and just assuming a traditional role as a male. As time goes on though, I see fashion shows or things like that and the desire to go out and dress comes back.

[MssHyde]

there were times in my life I cried out to be a girl, now to be honest, I don't know if I want to be a girl or just look like one.
the question of which really is pivoting on my wife. I could not be her husband if I was a woman.
(she would not have it that way, if I was not her man)

my wife is the closest friend I have on this earth, I need to protect that. on the other hand, I have a very hard time getting excited anything but being a woman, it consumes my thoughts.

I don't get aroused dressing, I'm just driven to it. maybe I like to be seen, but I want to be seen as a woman. in every way,
looking like a guy in a dress don't do it for me. I wish I had my facial hair removed years ago. (still have it) beard growth is the worst thing I have to deal with.

my wife likes me with a mustache, however currently she likes the kisses better with out it. (I'm glad)

[Angela Campbell]

For me ..no. Once we are to the point where we dress and undress around each other and see her doing intimate things like shaving, makeup and stuff, I am reminded of all the things I want. I do not think a single moment has passed in my life where I didn't wish to be a girl.