If you get down about our CDing

[ChelseaErtel]

. .

[Kate Simmons]

Dressing in itself doesn't do that much for me Chelsea as does the seemingly magic feminine energy that comes over me even when I'm being Rich. It's an unexplainable power that only those of us who have attained it can feel and is hard to describe in words to others as it's more about the feeling of who we are and the feelings of what happens to us in that state. It really is an individual experience. The best way to describe it perhaps is that it is a feed back/feed forward process that is positive.This is one reason I started using the expression "girl power" over my avatar, because put quite simply, that is what it is. Enjoy the feelings my friend.:battingeyelashes::)

[Marissa V]

I used to, in the past. Ex wife didnt like it, ex gf's neither, so when i dressed up then i did get a sense of guilt about it. Once dressed that feeling was gone. Now that i have a supportive gf its way different, there is no need to feel guilty anymore, she accepts me as i am. Made a world of difference. And she has her days when she wants the male me around, wich doesnt bother me. As they say here : one service is worth another. If she accepts me as i am, im happy enough to give her the male me if she wants him. No more reason to feel guilt or feel down about it.

[ChelseaErtel]

. .

[Layla Michelle]

Ive been dressing for less than a month and used Halloween as my reason for trying on and acquiring things. I DID NOT tell my wife what my "Costume" plans were. Through some evidence that I overlooked during cleanup she became suspicious and began looking through the entire house, but NEVER said anything to me up to and including storming out of the house saying she couldn't be in the same room with me. This was last Friday. She stayed in a hotel overnight with our youngest, called our oldest son to come from college, had me meet her with our pastor on Saturday and said the words I never wanted to hear, "I'm done, I want a Divorce!" Now my world is ending as I know it. Best wishes and God be with you. I'll be glad to chat if you wish. Layla

[xdressed]

I often feel more confident and optimistic when I'm dressed, which I believe is a similar feeling

[kimdl93]

I have been traveling recently for a combination of business and family reasons. During part of that time I got pretty down hearted (for reasons unrelated to CDing) and circumstances prevented me from dressing. At one point, I though "maybe I should finally grow up and put aside this transgender/cross dressing nonsense and just be a male. When I finally got home, and started to emerge from the sadness, I though seriously about the alternatives of quitting or continuing to explore my TG nature. I opted for the latter, partly because from experience I knew that this is really a part of me, not just a hobby, and largely because I have at long last grown to like who I am, and truly enjoy living much of my life as a woman. It makes life a bit more complicated, but who says life has to be simple and easy.

[docrobbysherry]

I rarely find seeing in my mirror "relaxing", Chelsea. Usually it's more like exciting!

I DO find that I'm much less preoccupied as Sherry!

[DebbieL]

I need to find a way to tell my wife. I know she will eventually want to talk about our relationship, I think she's waiting for when our daughter is older.

You do need to tell your wife. She may already know, she may suspect, or she may incorrectly suspect things far worse, including that you might be having an affair, that you might be gay, that you are having an affair with a man as a woman, or that you are already planning your transition. Hopefully, she has had a pretty good idea for a while and was just afraid to confront you on it because she was afraid it would threaten your masculinity. I know in my life, many people knew or suspected that I was at least a cross-dresser, but they were afraid that if they broached the subject, they would lose me as a friend. I actually had an episode like that last week. I had gone to a meeting as Debbie, and then came back a week later as Rex. They were very curious and weren't even sure that we were the same person. When I finally shared, as Rex, that I was transgender and transsexual, there were about a dozen people who were so happy that I had told them. They shared their assumptions. A couple of people thought Debbie and Rex were brother and sister. Another thought Rex was Debbie in Drag. A few welcomed me to a group of women and asked if they could call me Debbie even when I was there as Rex. I have had several times in my life when I have shared with a group of women - and they accepted me into their group as a woman. These were some of the happiest times in my life. It's so wonderful when I don't have to lie and pretend. When I'm trying to pass as a man, I feel like a spy in hostile territory. At any point I could be discovered and something horrible would soon follow. When I share my secret, there are some that pull away, that keep their distance, which is fine. But I am so happy when other become closer.


In the mean time, I'm going to see a psychologist who specialized in gender issues and see where it will lead. Perhaps the psychologist will be the conduit to telling my wife.

I think that might be a very good idea. From some of your posts, it sounds like you might be transsexual. A therapist will help you sort out your true feelings, and help you to make some very difficult choices, and to act on those choices effectively. You may decide you want to transition, which may have an impact on your family. On the other hand, you might find that your family is far more accepting and will only want to exclude Chelsea from certain activities, like family reunions or church services.


I'd be happy with anything my wife did up to divorce - support, don't ask don't tell and all in between.

Actually, DADT is probably the worst thing you can do. It means that you both have to continue to lie to each other, and she gets no chance to find out whether she likes Chelsea - even as a friend. If Chelsea is a real and important part of who you are, a friendship between your wife and Chelsea could be the greatest expression of friendship, love, and trust that the two of you could share and bring you closer together. If your wife rejects Chelsea, it's almost as if she had told you she rejected YOU! She knows you as what you have allowed her to know. She may have noticed the traces of nail polish, the trimmed eyebrows, or the lack of hair on your legs. She my have noticed that you shaved your face unusually close and smooth. She may even notice the hints of pigment that remained because you didn't completely remove your make-up. She may have even noticed that your make love more gently, that you take more time, that you enjoy romances and romantic comedies, and she may know that inside there is a girl she loves very much. She may want to get to know Chelsea as much as you want Chelsea to get to know her. Her fear is that she will lose her husband and her daughter's father if she brings it up and threatens your masculinity. Many non-trans men would consider a woman being attracted to his feminine traits to be tantimount to castration. They have worked very hard to prove their masculinity to other men, to protect that masculine image, and to present that masculine image to friends, acquaintances, even wife and children. She knows that if she's wrong and she brings it up, she could drive you away.

The real question is; "How does Chelsea express herself when dressed as a male?". If Chelsea loves to cook, watch romances and chick-flicks, and go shopping with the girls, then she will very likely be welcome in either outfit. On the other hand, if Cheslea is completely repressed, you only want to watch porn and war movies, you'll talk sports and politics, but roll your eyes and disappear when people start talking about feelings, about relationships, about make-up, about shoe-shopping, then Chelsea may come as a complete shock, and your wife might see Chelsea as not only a stranger, but also as a threat to the marriage, and as an insult to her femininity.


I think its the secrecy and keeping my feelings hidden that is the hard part.
When my daughter and wife talk about clothes, makeup, etc.,
I don't feel comfortable giving my opinion but I'd love to.

When they talk about clothes, make-up, diets, and so on, do you listen with interest? Do you ask them questions? Do you smile when they giggle? Do you allow yourself to experience their excitement and joy in being women? The interesting thing is that once you come out, you may find that they are more than happy to give YOU some advice and support on how to look, dress, and act appropriately, as well as getting your input.

When I told my sister, she pretty much said "I always thought of you as the older sister I never had" - because I loved to brush her hair, helped her do he make-up, even taught her exercises to help her figure. I loved to go shopping with my mom and my sister and actively took part in helping them find things in their sizes, helping them find styles they liked, and even suggesting styles that were initially outside their comfort zones, but got them lots of compliments. I also loved to cook, and frequently volunteered to wash, dry, and fold the laundry, and even ironed pleated skirts and dress shirts and blouses.

My mother knew about my dressing, and when we wore the same size, even let me pick out things she couldn't wear and even got a wig. At the same time, when my dad made comments that I'd make someone a wonderful wife, it was a put-down so I would get defensive. Dad wanted me to go into engineering, mom saw that I had a talent for performing arts. Eventually I put both together in IT Consulting.

The one I thought most interesting was the last time I saw my grandmother. She was blind, almost deaf, and over 100 years old. When I said hello, and told her who it was, she asked if I was a boy or a girl? When I told her I was still a boy, she was almost disappointed, saying "I guess that's all right, if that's what you really want". She knew beyond a doubt.

[Beverley Sims]

Just one of those mood swings we girls have from time to time.

[Cheryl T]

I used to feel like that except for the continuation of your theme....feel down, dress, feel up, undress, feel down again. It wasn't because OF the dressing it was because I couldn't dress when I wanted to...for FEAR. We know that fear, someone finding out, your spouse discovering you, worrying you forgot to put something away or left a trace of makeup on your face.
Then I decided NO MORE!!! I just told my wife and we discussed it and she became understanding, accepting and oh so supportive. Now there are no DOWN moments as I can dress whenever I wish, and there are no more ups and downs and ups and downs that used to make me crazy.

[ChelseaErtel]

. .

[LelaK]

Layla said: This was last Friday. She stayed in a hotel overnight with our youngest, called our oldest son to come from college, had me meet her with our pastor on Saturday and said the words I never wanted to hear, "I'm done, I want a Divorce!" Now my world is ending as I know it. Best wishes and God be with you.

Layla, have you accepted that you both are incompatible? If so, do you know why you're incompatible? If you're not sure why, I think it would be important at least to find out why. Has your wife made up her mind? If there's a chance that she might be willing to think it over for a while before making a final decision, would you want to take that chance? Or is it a religious matter? Do she and the pastor think you're gay? Or do they think dressing in women's clothes is a major sin? If so, does your wife never wear slacks? I'd think it might be worth pointing out such hypocrisy. I'd also point out that Jesus admonished his followers to be at peace and unity with one another, so Christians should always be willing to at least try hard to work out differences for Heaven's sake.

If you're experiencing grief, I'm very sorry for your loss and wish you well.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Chelsea

I suggest you read the link in my signature on "how to tell your partner" as it has lots of good information.

It was written by a GG member of this forum

Good Luck when you do decide to tell her.