Femake Name

[linda allen]

I read this in another thread and wondered about it:

"I have never been able to get my head around any reason why a straight CDer like ***** would want to use an en-femme name. The way I see it is that this immediately introduces a third party into the marriage. You should not have to think of your hubby as HER. Simply as HIM in a dress."

Most of us here use female names on the forum. I've been dropping hints to try to get my wife to call me by a female name (not "Linda", but that's another story altogether) when I am dressed as a female. I would love it if she did this. It would be an expression of acceptance. She has mentioned it a couple times, but she is not at the point of saying "Xxxx, come in the kitchen, I need your help."

Understand that I have no feelings of actually being female, transgebder, etc., just a straight crossdresser.

So - Does your wife or SO call you by a female name when you are presenting as a female?

[kimdl93]

i find the notion of using a male name while en femme to be rather incongruous. I'm lucky in that my given name is generally a girls name.

[Sara Jessica]

It might be just me but I find it horrifying to have any expectation that my wife would call me Sara, just as I wouldn't expect her to refer to me as "she" or "her". This is in spite of the fact she knows full well of my being TS. But the difference is that we don't hang out together while I present as a female. Still, I think if we spent a lot of time together while I was presenting as female, I would really have a hard time with such expectations like using another name.

So how does your wife feel about using another name? How does she feel about your ramping up the feminine expression around her? Do the two of you see eye to eye with respect to your respective definitions of acceptance?

[EllenJo]

I don't expect my wife to refer to me with a female name. I have not shared the name EllenJo with her as that is just for me at this time. However since I have been laid off of work and am doing all of the housework and cooking she has started referring to me a Suzy Homemaker. She actually asks me what Suzy is fixing for dinner ect. I told her the other day that Suzy needed a new skirt to wear while working around the house and she told me not to get one too short. Since we have always been in a DADT situation, perhaps it is a sign of her coming around to a little bit of acceptance.

[Desiree2bababe]

My wife calls me alot of names while dressed none of which I could repeat here O:=

[linda allen]

....... She actually asks me what Suzy is fixing for dinner ect. I told her the other day that Suzy needed a new skirt to wear while working around the house and she told me not to get one too short. .....
I would have taken that as an invitation, bought one, and worn it the next day. Just so it wasn't too short. :heehee:

[sonna]

i only chose one for this web site..

[linda allen]

So how does your wife feel about using another name? How does she feel about your ramping up the feminine expression around her? Do the two of you see eye to eye with respect to your respective definitions of acceptance?

So far, she seems OK with it. Not thrilled perhaps, but OK. She has never said anything like "OK, this has gone far enough." or "Take those boobs off and be a man." There is the same love and intimacy, possibly more. Some is probably because of me being more attentive to her. Doing or helping with housework, going shopping with her, taking her to her favorite restaurants, etc. There are advantages to being married to a crossdresser. It's kind of like the story about the woman who goes to a psychiatrist:

Woman: "Doc, you've got to help me, my husband thinks he's a chicken."

Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"

Woman: "A year or so".

Psychiatrist: "Why didn't you come to see me sooner?"

Woman: "I would have but we needed the eggs." :heehee:

----------------------------------

As far as the name, I've commented a couple times about "Xxxx's" closet getting too full and about the pendant we bought together for me that has an initial on it (the name I'm thinking of is a female variation of my real name so the initial is the same). She made a comment that it stands for "Xxxxx".

I'm with Kim on the name matching the presentation, but unlike her, my name is gender specific except in one convoluted variation.

[nikki47]

My wife is so supportive and accepts me,but still struggles to call me Nikki,but when she does it feels so good.I wish she would use it more.

Nikki

[Jenniferathome]

Wen I am out with my wife, she has to call me something if she wants to get my attention or ask a civil question. "Hey you" is not so good. As a result, she will use Jen or Jennifer if needed. At home, she uses my male name. I do prefer a female name when dressed as the male name does not go well with my appearance.

[~Joanne~]

MY GF calls me "Hon" so she may not know my drab name let alone my femme name lol I don't know if I would really want her using my femme name or not Last night was my first night dressed in front of her so I am not pushing things.

[I Am Paula]

My wife calls me my male name, but uses female pronouns when we're in public.

[DonnaT]

No, my wife doesn't like to use my fem name, or pronouns.

[Lady Catherine]

My fiance calls me Honey of Baby or other such things. Always. The only time she calls me by name is when she's talking about me to some one else.

[Beverley Sims]

I get called Bev a lot, a derivative of my name in both roles.

[AndreaCD1963]

My SO interchanges my names as appropriate. If I'm enfemme, I'm Andrea, if I'm drab, I'm my male name. Regardless of how I'm presenting, she will ask me things that are appropriate to who she is talking about - for example "What would Andrea like for Christmas this year" :) When we're out shopping, she often points things out and asks if Andrea would like it.

[suchacutie]

I'm in the category that my gendered selves are very separate. Tina IS the third person in our marriage and that's the way my wife wants it. She doesn't want my male and female selves blended. How it is that the two of us are so compatible in this regard I have no idea, but I'm so happy about it.

So, yes, it is Tina this and Tina that. Tina is a she in all circumstances. It's "gender congruent", if that's even a term (maybe I just made up a new term, and if so you can all yell at me for poluting the "category" issue even more :) ). My wife explains it as two apps working off the same database, but they are definitely two different apps, one essentially masculine and one essentially feminine.

One advantage of this separation is that neither of my gendered selves gets diluted. In masculine mode I'm her husband, with all that goes with it. In feminine mode I'm her girlfriend and that allows Tina to be herself, but it also allows my wife to treat Tina as her girlfriend, not her husband. She can talk to Tina about her husband and it all works just fine! In fact, one of the first agreements we had about Tina was that she was separate and different and would stay that way.

Works for us!

[JessicaMay]

My SO interchanges my names as appropriate. If I'm enfemme, I'm Andrea, if I'm drab, I'm my male name. Regardless of how I'm presenting, she will ask me things that are appropriate to who she is talking about - for example "What would Andrea like for Christmas this year" :) When we're out shopping, she often points things out and asks if Andrea would like it.

This is very much exactly like what my SO does. She will refer to my female side by name she even asks pointed questions in reference to her. During one of our first conversations on the subject she very quickly adapted to asking each of us questions by name, XXXX - question, Jessica - Question. Stuff like that.

She's always seemed very thrilled to see this side of me, and has never once given me reason to doubt her joy in seeing Jessica. Sometimes before she goes to bed she'll ask if Jess can wake her in the morning, or she'll wish Jess a good night sleep. It makes me just want to snuggle up into her when she calls me Jess or Jessica.

[Lorileah]

My wife never called me "Lori" she thought I should be Monique. I really never expected her to call me Lori though. My GF always called me Lori when I was dressed. She called me Honey when I was in male mode. One day we were driving and there was an accident. we called the police and she went with one officer while I was with another and she kept calling "Honey....." over to me. Two weeks later we were at a 7-11 and the same officers were there. One walked over to us and said "Well if it isn't Miss Jones and Honey"

[PretzelGirl]

My wife and my daughters refer to me like they always do when at home no matter how I am dressed. When we go out, they all tend to call me Sue when they don't slip. Then they get apologetic and I just laugh. My wife has referred to me as her husband more than once and my daughter referred to me as her mother at a store. I have probably heard it all at this point. You just can't impose on them. They could call me anything as long as they say it with love.

[NicoleScott]

No, she doesn't call me by my femme name, but when out shopping she may refer to her obliquely "She might like this" or "this would look good on her".
I identify as male, but use a femme name because:
- I don't want to use my real name online.
- I present (via pics) as female - makes sense to me to use a female name.
- it's hard enough to pass in public. Using a male name would make it harder, don't you think?
- I like the name.
-

[krissy]

My first wife used to call me brandy when she wanted to dress me i miss that .my current wife dosent know my name here but she tells me when is the maid lupita coming to clean house i tell her not till she gets her uniform .she cant stand that i dress but she gives me space.but i miss sharing this part of myself with the one i love

[Debra Russell]

Usually its when shopping "this would look good on Debbie" thats about it....................Debra

[Tracii G]

Usually its when shopping "this would look good on Debbie" thats about it....................Debra

My GF does this a lot and I find it cute.

[Tara D. Rose]

My wife calls me Tara when I become Tara. And likewise when out shopping, she will ask would this look good on Tara? and others can hear it too. I have had this name for many many years.
But it does seem appropriate to me to have a female name when we are this other side.

[kimdl93]

... My wife has referred to me as her husband more than once .....They could call me anything as long as they say it with love.

Seems like it works just as well as calling you her wife ;) Glad you wife and daughters are so comfortable with Sue as part of their lives.

[Taylor186]

"So - Does your wife or SO call you by a female name when you are presenting as a female?"

She does now, if we are out, but it took a while for her to adjust.

For a long time I didn't have a female name. It was only when joining the on-line community and a local support group that the need arose.

[reb.femme]

My wife knows my chosen femme names of Rebecca Woods, it's a family name on which she picked up immediately....quite obviously I suppose. :o

She hasn't called me Rebecca yet, but I wouldn't dream to ask her to either. Naturally, she married male me years ago and Rebecca only raised her head this year, so if it happens, it happens. She shows warmth and affection to me when I'm dressed, so I'm happy with our progress; the name can wait,..........should it ever arrive.

Rebecca Lauren Woods

[Being Paige]

My wife does'nt even know my femme name. Never asked and I've never told her.

[Jenn A116]

My wife refers to Jennifer when we are discussing clothes, etc. When we are out shopping for her, she usually asks if Jennifer sees anything she likes.

[aprilgirl]

My wife will reference Kim, when we're shopping and I'm in male mode. While out together and I'm in femme mode it's a 50/50 proposition between Kim and my male name. Usually we are out with friends or having a conversation with someone we just met and the guy name is referenced while discussing us. The first time it happened I was a little surprised, but not offended. Either way, it doesn't bother me. At home, Kim rarely comes up in conversation at all, as I'm always in male mode unless getting dressed to go out.

[GeminaRenee]

I suppose I just picked a femme name way back when I first started sending out feelers online, and it seemed like every other CD had one. It was never terribly important to me, and I went through a few... Shayna, Terra, Carmindy, etc. When I was married, my wife never called me any of them because they weren't me, and they weren't terribly important. We never felt the need to be so covert when shopping, either. She wasn't afraid to tell me that such and such skirt would look hot on me, and I wasn't afraid to scamper off to the dressing room to impress her.

I find the name Kali funny, because my ex would hate it. It was the name of this beautiful young thing that I worked with that my xSO was forever jealous of. After we split up, I picked it as an homage to that beautiful, stylish brunette who, not too much later - stood me up for a date (:

Nonetheless, I still think about the whole female name thing quite a bit. It's just not me! When I introduce myself as Kali, it just doesn't feel right. It functions well as an online proxy, but it really doesn't hold much meaning to me. I can use it to compartmentalize my male and female selves, but... I'm just not sure that I want to do that anymore, or that it's even healthy. After all, it's not Kali who likes painted toenails and yoga pants - it's me! Why pretend otherwise?

[LelaK]

I have no feelings of actually being female, transgebder, etc., just a straight crossdresser.
Linda, do you like your masculine body in feminine clothing? Or would you prefer to have a more feminine male body?

My male name is Lloyd. If I were in drag with people I know, I think I'd ask them to call me Lloy at that time, because it sounds feminine and it would be close to what people are used to calling me. Otherwise, with people who don't know me well as Lloyd, I think I'd tell them my name is Lela Kelly. But I can't guarantee that that's what I'll actually do if and when I come out to people in person or to people who know me well.


Regardless of how I'm presenting, she will ask me things that are appropriate to who she is talking about - for example "What would Andrea like for Christmas this year" When we're out shopping, she often points things out and asks if Andrea would like it.
Andrea, I love that; it's beautiful. - You others too.

[Barbara Ella]

My wife accepts that i crossdress, and have a female presence with a name. She cannot bring herself to use it, and specifically goes out of the way to use my male name, I feel in an effort to reinforce her desired state for me.

Barbara

[Ceri Anne]

My SO interchanges my names as appropriate. If I'm enfemme, I'm Andrea, if I'm drab, I'm my male name. Regardless of how I'm presenting, she will ask me things that are appropriate to who she is talking about - for example "What would Andrea like for Christmas this year" :) When we're out shopping, she often points things out and asks if Andrea would like it.

Does that mean you get to double dip at Christmas, a gift for Andrea and a gift for the guy?

[Ceri Anne]

I don't expect my wife to refer to me with a female name. I have not shared the name EllenJo with her as that is just for me at this time. However since I have been laid off of work and am doing all of the housework and cooking she has started referring to me a Suzy Homemaker. She actually asks me what Suzy is fixing for dinner ect. I told her the other day that Suzy needed a new skirt to wear while working around the house and she told me not to get one too short. Since we have always been in a DADT situation, perhaps it is a sign of her coming around to a little bit of acceptance.

You just need to change your fem name to Suzy and can claim that your SO named you. How could she argue with that?

[Jenn A116]

Does that mean you get to double dip at Christmas, a gift for Andrea and a gift for the guy?

I'm sure it works the other way around too. ;)

[linda allen]

Well, it looks like the responses are all over the place. Me, I would love it if my wife called me by a female name when I'm dressed. It just helps with the image.

[Cheryl T]

My wife calls me by Cheryl when we're out in public. Other than that we don't usually call each other by given names, we generally use hon, babe, and other "pet" names.
It took her a while as she was "pronoun challenged" too. She would refer to me as him, he, etc and I would get a little upset.
After all, I go through so much to dress and present as Cheryl, I don't want to be referred to in a male sense at any time.

[Jorja]

At least I see that no one is called late to the dinner table. ;)