How bad is it really, being the wrong gender?

[Stephanie Miller]

For most of us, would we rethink our idea of being female if we weren’t living where we are? I know here in the U.S., for the most part, we are in charge of our own life. Poverty is nothing like some countries. So dressing in nice clothes, eating nice places or safely just going for a walk in the park are ours for the taking.
We have members from all over the world on this site that say they would rather wear the “pretty” or “feminine” clothes of women, do what women do, be treated like a lady etc. etc.
This brings up my question – If we were born in, say, Sierra Leone (This is the worst place to be a woman, according to the Human Development Report. Only 24 percent of women are literate, and one in eight die during pregnancy or childbirth. Life expectancy is 43. Clothes? They are luck for the clothes they happen to be wearing.)
Or how about Afghanistan - (A woman dies during childbirth every half-hour, the highest maternal mortality rate in the world. Domestic violence is endemic; 87 percent of Afghan women have been assaulted by a family member. )

My question is, would the strong desire that we as CD’s/T.S.’s have be suppressed due to the fact that being a woman has lost its fun, it’s flair, make-up, clothes, softness and of course it’s higher level of hygienic abilities . Or would the desire to be a woman still be as strong even though we know our life would be hell? Is our “hell” being the wrong gender in our current time and space worse than our “hell” being there in the desired gender? Should we take some kind of condolence knowing that as bad as it seems…. It could always be worse?
Just a passing thought. Now back to my ½ glass of nightly wine.
(Medicinal purposes only you understand)
:wine:

[Beverley Sims]

That all being said those that feel they are born and in the wrong gender cannot think of anything worse.
I tend to agree with them after having met some. Some do seem psychologically screwed until they take steps to correct it.

[Meghan]

I think it would get lost in the needs priorities. When people are hungry that thought dominates the mind, thirst and sleep are also the same way. Gender might sit in there in the background, but it's after the other needs are fulfilled.

So yeah, we are lucky that we were born into the world where we have computers and air conditioning etc. However, need fulfillment is a part of evolution. We're lucky to be where we are in the spectrum, but it doesn't lessen the instinct to fulfill those needs.

Then again, I am watching Being John Malcovich for the 20th time right now, so there's that.

Meghan

[Cynthia Anne]

I don't think where I was born at would have too much to do with who I am! But I guess I will never know for sure!

[Krista1985]

I think that Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes into play here.

The first order of business is physiological needs. Simply put, these are the needs for biological survival and include the basics... food, water, clothing and shelter. Sometimes in the developing world these things are difficult to come by on a reliable basis. Food security is a luxury we in the developed world enjoy and often take for granted. These needs go unmet or only partially fulfilled in parts of the developing world and failed states.

Safety needs come next and dominate human behavior once the basics have been dependably fulfilled. Personal and family security, financial security and access to medical care which promote health and longevity take precedence. Again fairly easy in a modern civil society, painfully lacking in less fortunate parts of the planet.

Social needs come next. The need for a sense of belonging to a family and community present themselves after the basics and security needs have been met. Adapting our behavior to suit our environment and flourish and all that junk. It's the reason that we can't go out to a bar and club the most attractive partner on the head and drag them back to our cave. That's one example of something that would be socially unacceptable to do in most societies (including my own) and would carry social consequences that would jeopardize ones ability to meet those aforementioned basic needs. We all conform to some degree to basic patterns of acceptable behavior to belong to a society.

Next comes the need for status within ones community. Fame, fortune and/or standing within a social group take on new importance when one is well fed, clothed, housed and generally accepted. The need for status is divided up into a lower and higher category. The lower need for status is the desire to be respected within a community or family. The higher order is the need for self respect and esteem. The need to feel good (or at least satisfied) about ones-self and their position within their community become the focus after the previous sets have been achieved and sustained.

Only after all of these sometimes complex needs are identified and mastered can a person move onto the phase of self actualization, to 'be all that they can be.' Here's where CD'ing comes into play for those that are so inclined, at least in my opinion.

So I feel incredibly blessed and fortunate to live in a society in which meeting the basic and complex tiers of Maslow's described needs is relatively simple. If I need food, I go to the grocery store with my hard earned pay. If I want for security, I install a lock on my dwelling door and call the police if I feel my safety is threatened. For belonging I commune with like-minded individuals, tolerate BS at work, participate in family functions and social activities. Status and standing can be achieved through hard work and education in most of the developed world too. Therefore I have the luxury of looking inward and recognizing that I have an inner female that longs for expression, and work towards bringing her to the surface.

However... and hardly anything a person says before the word 'however' really counts... If my world were to change and my basic needs could no longer be met, I believe that I would adapt accordingly and spend most of my treasured girl time meeting those basic needs. But having lived in an affluent and modern civil society, if I were suddenly thrust into failed state poverty, I would have a hard time letting go of that inner need to feminize altogether. Once you've tasted the forbidden fruit, it's hard to accept any substitute. Transgenderism and CD'ing have been documented in subsistence societies too. So the need for feminine expression would likely still exist on some level, but a rational human being would not allow it to jeopardize their physiological well-being, security (in the general sense, as nobody is truly safe from wing-nut extremists and irrational bigots) or need to belong to a community on which those basics depend.

Sorry, I am prone to tangents, but that's my two cents :)

[docrobbysherry]

I honestly have no idea what it feels like to be woman anywhere, Steph! And, altho I've traveled a lot, I've never been to Sierra Leon.

I think if I was born in another country I'd prefer Oz. And, what the hey! As long as we're speculating, I think I'll be a stunning female fashion model there!

[Nocturnal Kaylee]

I wrote an essay once where I described being transgendered as wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. Sometimes its always mildly uncomfortable and you just can't seem to feel right. Other times it hurts so bad you don't know how you can keep going forward. As for the actual question posed I once saw a post that asked "if you were stuck on a desert island with no clothes, no makeup and no jewelry but there was a 6 months supply of hormones would you take them?" If you're trans the answer would be yes. Its not about the clothes or any of that. Its about feeling "right" about yourself.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Regardless of were i was born , that or surounding what ever is going on, i would not be any different because of being born the way i am, its not about clothes or what many like doing here, for myself its life real life , what i wear does not determine what i am & will not change who i am. that can not be changed,

Concerning surgerys could be a very different issue, & meds, some thing iv looked at before, all that could be very hard, yet even that does not change the core person.

Haveing said that no dought id be killed because of my difference, & as to being intersexed, well any thing would be used against me, & in some countys even had you been born intersex or a female it would be the end with in hours of being born,
& thats to day,.. no life for me then, I was thinking would i be accepted as a male. with my brain i dought it, id have no say any way,

...noeleena...

[DeeInGeorgia]

Consider the Hijra of India.

[JamieQ]

I lived in one of the poorer countries by world standards, the Philippines, and more importantly in some of the least desirable places/neighbourhoods. Some I was told I should not be staying there. It amazed me that so many worked and barely could feed thier families (not true for all though), yet this place produces some of the most beautiful TS's, which the majority I would call Pre-ops because they never seem to make it all the way. I just can never figure out where the money comes from to do the transitions.

I do assume that westernized societies would be a better place for a CD to TG person, although I call the Philippines americanized. Regardless of place, I think a person "being borne" in the wrong body is till goin gto be the person borne in the wrong body...just some places easier to blend in or transition. IMO

[sometimes_miss]

I wrote an essay once where I described being transgendered as wearing your shoes on the wrong feet. Sometimes its always mildly uncomfortable and you just can't seem to feel right. Other times it hurts so bad you don't know how you can keep going forward. As for the actual question posed I once saw a post that asked "if you were stuck on a desert island with no clothes, no makeup and no jewelry but there was a 6 months supply of hormones would you take them?" If you're trans the answer would be yes. Its not about the clothes or any of that. Its about feeling "right" about yourself.
Interesting way of putting it. 'The clothes' however, are part of it; because we have to wear them, they do broadcast not only to others, but also to ourselves who and what we are. Same with our hair. Sure, there are guys with long hair; but the rarely (if ever) style it like women do. And yes: It's about feeling 'right'. My way of putting it was this: Imagine you're at a formal function. But, while everyone else is wearing tuxes and evening gowns, you're wearing a bathing suit. Sure, it may be a 'gender correct' bathing suit, but you're still going to feel somewhat uncomfortable anyway. That's the feeling I have whenever I'm in boy clothes. Sure, I don't notice it when I'm really involved in another chore at hand, but as soon as my attention is withdrawn from whatever it is, the feeling of being in the wrong clothes returns. The only time I feel 'nomal'. or 'right', is when I'm dressed as a girl.
As far as having to live a what is generally perceived as a more difficult life of a woman, well, it's the same. We don't really know what it feels like. To women, it's 'normal'. And that's how we all want to feel.

[LelaK]

Now you're making me wonder what it would be like to grow up in a primitive society that didn't even have knowledge of how to make their own clothes, where clothes didn't even exist. It seems offhand like that would be kind of like hell, but I suppose that's only if you have a sense of what's attractive. I imagine I'd be looking at women's naked bodies and wishing I could make mine like theirs. I'd probably want to take one or more women captive, or I'd want to be their companion or servant and be with her often. If she became unattractive, I'd probably want to go find a better one, unless that primitive society had developed communication and my unattractive GF had a very attractive personality.

In matriarchal societies in ancient times, some men became priests and castrated themselves and cut out their penises in order to try to make themselves women. The bleeding was considered to be their menstruation. I don't think they had a way to enlarge their breasts, but maybe they did. I think I read that in Barbara Walker's (not Walters') book, Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets. By the way, I also read in the Whole Earth Catalog long ago that it's possible for men to breastfeed babies. I think I also saw one or more Youtube videos showing men breastfeeding.

[kimdl93]

I don't think it would change my gender identification had I been borne into deep poverty in a horribly misogynistic society. I believe I am because of genetic or developmental factors before birth. What would have changed is my life prospects...I may have been killed for being deviant. Beyond that, it's hard for us of Western cultures to imagine the deprivation and repression in many parts of the world.

[Alice Torn]

If severe crises ever hit the western world, such as pandemics, famine, , and war, crossdressing will be a non issue for us. Mere survival, need for water, food, any clothing, and shelter, will be on our minds. I can no t fathom what it would be like in some of those countries. Hell every day.