Telling my wife... Again.

[leliani]

I'll try to make this as short as possible...

About 3-4 years ago now I finally plucked up the courage to tell my wife that I liked to dress. She didn't freak out, but basically didn't want anything to do with it, and also believed that it was a phase I was going through whilst she was away (we were long distance relationship for about 4 years...but that's another story).

So, fast forward to today, and even though I've told my wife, I still feel like I'm sneaking around buying clothes, and so want to tell her again that I still do it. But obviously I'm nervous, especially seeing how as last time, she thought it was a phase.

So last night we were discussing the possibility of having kids next year. We're both very open minded, and we were discussing that if our kids are straight, bi, gay, it's going to be totally fine. We'd want them to be happy all the same.

So then she started saying that even if our son "started wanting to wear sparkly shoes and skirts" she'd be ok, and even said that famous line "girls get to wear boys clothes, why can't boys wear skirts?"

I wanted to say something and ask if she knew I still dressed, but its my birthday this weekend, and didn't particularly want an argument... and also didnt want to trap her into the "it's his birthday so I have to be nice" position.

So, I'm lost, confused, worried, anxious... And all of the above.

Any advice?

[Danielle Gee]

My advice is to not keep secrets from ones Spouse........ Doing so solves the short term problem, but makes it worse in the long run

[bridget thronton]

Talking and honesty is often the best way to go

[Marissa V]

If you tell her she might be dissapointed and wont like it. If you dont tell her and she finds out anyhow in a few years at best, it turns into a trust issue on top of the fact she might not like it. And trust issues are way harder to fix compared to making agreements as to when and how she wouldnt mind it if you dressed. But to make those agreements you need to talk about it all. My advice is to tell her.

[PretzelGirl]

I don't think there should be any doubt that you should talk. You have already told her before, so it isn't like you are bringing anything new up. But if you think that she may be nice because it is your birthday, then just wait a week. There is no issue, at least that you are mentioning, that would cause an immediate discussion, so just wait until next weekend.

[Beverley Sims]

If you have any doubts leave it till after your birthday, but you should broach the subject again.

[~Joanne~]

I certainly would have another talk with her especially since you are talking about your future together. It needs to come back up and I think you missed the perfect setting/time to do so birthday or not. You said your both open minded but I think that's a tad bit past the truth if you can't tell her again without her keep that open mind. I am wondering though, how did the subject of a gay son come up? did she bring it up or did you?

[Rachel05]

Wished I had told mine years ago, she doesn't understand it of course now she knows but it is still easier than the total sneaking around, she is learning to adapt just a tiny bit, but I can't help feeling I wasted many years

[Helen_Highwater]

As someone in the closet and very wary of telling my SO it seems to me you have been presented with an opportunity. You said that when you told her before your wife didn't freak but went more along the don't involve me route. Now she's declared that it's ok for a future son to wear what he likes. I see a conversation starting along the lines of; "you know you said about should a son of ours want to wear skirts it would be ok well do you remember me telling you about my desire to?" "Do you see anything different in the two situations because what you said left me puzzled". If you can start a debate then you may find out far more about her feelings on the subject and be able to allay any misgivings she has and to provide an insight into yours.

[kimdl93]

You've been honest. Tell her that you presume, I think costly, that she has known you were dressing alone. Then say something along the lines of:

I want to always be open and honest,
I cherish our relationship and want,to keep it strong
That part of the strength comes from having her support
That dressing alone has been ok, but that you really want and need to share this part of yourself with her more openly

[outhiking]

I told my wife several years back, but she doesn't want to know any more or have anything to do with my dressing. I keep my stuff put away and I'm careful, though less from "getting caught" and more for respecting her desire not to be aware of it. Maybe you wife is in the same boat as mine? You can broach the topic, but don't push if she seems uninterested (my four cents).

[franlee]

I don't see where you need to retell her, she already knows unless she has a memory problem, trust me women only forget when it's conveniate. Sexist statment, No just a fact. You are likely to share that same triat if you are honest with yourself and that is what this all amounts to. Being true to yourself having the courage to move on with your own needs. That's not selfish as long as you don't let it consume you and bleed over into your husbandly duties. But to you and all the others that struggel with telling their spouse/SO, just remember it's gona come out eventually and I have neverr seen an exception to that rule! The only thing you need to do is reason out when is the best time, and as soon as possible is always best. The longer thatdeception lingers the more trust and credibility you are losing. Cause we all know this is not going away!

[Brianna612]

She gave you a grand opportunity, Take it. Maybe she is ready. Mention this site. Maybe she would be interested in talking to other GG's in her situation. Could open a multitude of doors for you and her. Anyway it feels great to be able to be open in a relationship.

[stephNE]

Lots of good advice here, go for it! You'll have mre fun, feel better about yourself and maybe (I hope) have a better relationship with your wife.

[linda allen]

Since you told your wife about dressing and she didn't explode or leave you, why not do what I did, start small and work up to where you want to be. Just start underdressing in panties every day. Let her see you walking around in panties as if it's something you've been doing all your life. Then add a bra. Nothing fancy or frilly, a sports bra or Ahh Bra. Buy and wear some unisex jewelry. Just take it slowly and at her pace. See how it goes.

Now children plus crossdressing in the same home? - That could put a stop to the dressing so think about it.

[Michelle (Oz)]

My experience perhaps clouds my view on disclosure and it seems that your circumstances may be different but I urge caution. My wife's youngest son is gay and she is relaxed about his lifestyle choice but that was of no help to me. She doesn't live with him, etc.

I am not suggesting you don't talk but prepare also for non-acceptance.

Good luck. Let us know how you go.

[paulaprimo]

i agree with the other girls...that you missed a golden opportunity when she stated "why can't
boys wear a skirt". you say she is open minded and she "kinda" already knows of your desire.
honesty is the best policy, to avoid future problems. i would start by telling her that it isn't a phase...
whatever you decide, i wish you the best :)