Waiting to Transition. Is that Bad??

[~Serena~]

Hi everyone!
I consider myself a m2f transgender. I have an appointment with a therapist in 2 weeks but can't seem to wait that long to ask this question. I know I want to transition and I know the earlier you start the better but due to the enormous time commitment to studying for pod school which takes 4 years (not including the 3 yr residency), I want to wait until the time between graduating school and starting residency to begin.
I figure that this way I can start fresh in a place where no one knows me or who I was except for the few people who saw me during my externship at the site (but most likely many won't remember me because there's more pressing matters to attend to at hospitals than remembering someone who did an externship there for a few months) as well as the director of the program who chooses the residents. Right now I am in my first semester of pod school and many people already know me and it would be too awkward for me to start now when I'll be stuck with the same people for 4 more years.
Is the difference between starting HRT at 23 much different than starting at 27? I will certainly talk to the therapist about this but before i do, I want to get some insight from the many girls who are planning to start, are in the middle of or have completed transitioning. Thank you!

[Jorja]

In my opinion, a person transitions when they are ready to transition. If you believe you can hold off that long then there is nothing wrong with that. Do understand though that the earlier you start HRT the better it will work for you. However, at 27 you should still get good results.

Do the things that you need to do along the way to make this happen. Start hair removal, yesterday. Money, money, money, honey. Save as much money as you can during this time. Your going to need it.

[~Seana~]

A huge difference? no. will waiting make a difference? Not physically by great leaps, but it will take its toll psychologically. Some wait for decades. I think if you know now, you are far better off letting it take its course than artificially stretching it out.

If you are questioning timing though the therapist might see it as not being committed to it, and they'd be right and would probably have you dig deeper into your reasons for transitioning.School is actually one of the BEST times in my opinion to transition because you arent faced with the opinion of an employer or coworker and losing your living because of being transgender.

On the physical side, the longer your body is exposed to testosterone the more you are going to have to do to undo what testosterone has done to your body. Those who do transition young tend to have an easier time with things like beard removal, the changes between early and late twenties can be fairly pronounced. Many men may have baby faced at 22 and anything but by 28.

It sounds to me like you arent committed to it yet, and may not be ready for the reality of presenting full time. The therapist should be able to help with that.This is a GOOD reason to wait but your brain wont let you wait forever if it is the path you are destined for.

So yes it will make a difference. Not a huge one but a difference nonetheless.
Seana

[Badtranny]

I don't think I understand the question. I am on record here as being a proponent for the carefully managed transition but I don't understand the concept of waiting to be free. I began taking steps towards freedom as soon as I realized it could be had. Imagine being stuck on an island with everything you need for subsistence but otherwise alone and bored. Off in the distance you can see the lights and activity on another island but you have no idea how to get there and they apparently don't see your smoke signals. One day you see a small boat pass by and it was too far away to see you but for the first time you realize there's a way to cross the water to where life is. You look around your island and it looks like there's plenty of raw material to build a boat. So now that you know how to change your life what do you do? Do you wait? Or do you start building a boat?

[Saffron]

Hormones aren't magic, so you can start HRT and still do your life as male.

It's a lot better to start at 23 than 27. In my opinion, if you are sure about it, don't let anything postpone your transition.

[josee]

You sure have a way with words Melissa. Very elegantly put.
Personally I was on that island for a very long time with no signs of life and think it did a lot of damage that could have been avoided. Much pain to myself and those around me, that could have been prevented but was not due to my not knowing how to get off the island or even that it was possible.


I don't think I understand the question. I am on record here as being a proponent for the carefully managed transition but I don't understand the concept of waiting to be free. I began taking steps towards freedom as soon as I realized it could be had. Imagine being stuck on an island with everything you need for subsistence but otherwise alone and bored. Off in the distance you can see the lights and activity on another island but you have no idea how to get there and they apparently don't see your smoke signals. One day you see a small boat pass by and it was too far away to see you but for the first time you realize there's a way to cross the water to where life is. You look around your island and it looks like there's plenty of raw material to build a boat. So now that you know how to change your life what do you do? Do you wait? Or do you start building a boat?

[Raquel June]

Waiting isn't that bad. But when you wait, you sort of build up expectations and fears and might kinda drive yourself crazy obsessing about it.

In the end, when you do transition, you'll be like, "Wow. Should've done that sooner." Because dealing with the past relationships (or running away from them to transition) is the hard part. The transition is nothing.

Well, it is a big deal as far as the relationships you form with people, and being able to be the person you want to be in those relationships. So it's a great thing to really start getting on with your life. And it's a horrible and complicated thing if you're putting off transition and end up in a relationship with someone who -- no matter how supportive they may be -- simply doesn't know what it will be like to be in a post-transition relationship with a trans woman.

And, well, nobody's biology is really nailed down to specific dates. For you, the difference between starting HRT at 23 and 27 might be a huge one. But probably not. If you're already developed enough that you have a full-on man beard, then a couple years probably isn't a big deal.


I have friends who became doctors, and I was with my ex while she got her LPN and RN, and I've never heard of Pod School...

[~Serena~]

Thank you everyone! I definitely need to do more research on the effects of the hormones. I was under the impression that the hormones decrease testosterone levels which I thought decreases facial and body hair and with an increase in estrogen I would get more fat in certain regions and together these effects would alter my appearance. But if they only constitute internal changes then I will start asap with a small dose and gradually increase the amount until I was ready to transition externally. I don't want the therapist to think I'm not fully committed to the idea of transitioning simply because I want to wait but I guess the therapist would be able to figure out if I was truly transgendered or if I was making a mistake.
I do plan on having my facial hair removed permanently somehow by the end of this school year. Is laser hair removal a good option for that and if so does it get rid of the 5 o'clock shadow? As for money I am living on student loans and will be in about 150k or more debt afterwards so unfortunately I can't save any money although I could cut back on expenses to reduce the loan amount.
I do want to leave this island and reach the inhabited one. So I guess its time to build my boat.


Waiting isn't that bad. But when you wait, you sort of build up expectations and fears and might kinda drive yourself crazy obsessing about it.

In the end, when you do transition, you'll be like, "Wow. Should've done that sooner." Because dealing with the past relationships (or running away from them to transition) is the hard part. The transition is nothing.

Well, it is a big deal as far as the relationships you form with people, and being able to be the person you want to be in those relationships. So it's a great thing to really start getting on with your life. And it's a horrible and complicated thing if you're putting off transition and end up in a relationship with someone who -- no matter how supportive they may be -- simply doesn't know what it will be like to be in a post-transition relationship with a trans woman.

And, well, nobody's biology is really nailed down to specific dates. For you, the difference between starting HRT at 23 and 27 might be a huge one. But probably not. If you're already developed enough that you have a full-on man beard, then a couple years probably isn't a big deal.


I have friends who became doctors, and I was with my ex while she got her LPN and RN, and I've never heard of Pod School...

Raquel, you are right. I am obsessing over it so much now that its already taking away time that I should be putting towards studying and I don't want it to affect my career negatively just because I can't concentrate. My facial hair grows pretty slowly so I guess thats a plus and I have what people call "man-boobs" despite being relatively skinny which I hope is a good thing when hormone induced breast growth occurs. Oh by pod school I mean podiatry school to become foot doctors (which sadly is looked down upon by some docs yet on the bright side is respected by some docs for our skills and knowledge). I guess I am probably fully developed after all. Have been stuck at 5'4 for a couple of years now and I don't think I am going to grow anymore.

[KellyJameson]

Here is a link Serena that you may find useful. Try to be as methodical in your planning as your emotions will allow

http://sherrylanina.tripod.com/sjc.htm

[melissaK]

Hmmm. Well sweetie your bright enough to study up and figure out the hormones. Male pattern baldness is a big risk from waiting - no hair is one of the hardest things to fix. So if there's any tendency in you toward that get on T blockers at a minimum.

You'll have a lot on your plate with med school, but you'll probably cope better with a gender program going at same time as untreated gender issues are caustic to mental health and happiness. I made my JD in part by refocusing gender anxiety into studies. But I paid a huge price years later. We're all different, but among us late transitions there's a lot more regrets than not, a lot of if I knew then what I know now. But don't let us live our wishes and laments through you. You gotta make your own call.

I recommend you google up Ann Vitale a gender therapit and WPATH board member and read ALL her essays on her site. The fact you are here on this board and impatiently asking advice probably means you have a lot of gender anxiety. It's something you'll probably find harder to ignore than you think. There's a few MDs on this board, maybe some PMs would help too.

What an adventure you have ahead sweetie!!

[STACY B]

I don't think I understand the question. I am on record here as being a proponent for the carefully managed transition but I don't understand the concept of waiting to be free. I began taking steps towards freedom as soon as I realized it could be had. Imagine being stuck on an island with everything you need for subsistence but otherwise alone and bored. Off in the distance you can see the lights and activity on another island but you have no idea how to get there and they apparently don't see your smoke signals. One day you see a small boat pass by and it was too far away to see you but for the first time you realize there's a way to cross the water to where life is. You look around your island and it looks like there's plenty of raw material to build a boat. So now that you know how to change your life what do you do? Do you wait? Or do you start building a boat?



Boat Building ? Where's the Hammer an Nails ,,, Screw that I think I'll just swim ,,,Can't be that far ?? LOL,,,,, Or maybe just float on a Log ??

[Stephenie S]

Is it bad to wait? Of course not, silly.

But I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty:

If you are really transgender and if you really do transition, you will always wish you had started sooner. No transwoman ever anywhere will tell you she wishes she had waited longer to transition.

This is one instance where the outcome is always easier and better the sooner you start.

My advice? Start NOW. College is without a doubt the easiest time and place to transition. You will NEVER be in such a safe, protected, and supportive environment. Almost every school now has GLBT support groups and clinics. And every school has vigorous anti-discrimination rules in effect.

Stephie

[josee]

Boat Building ? Where's the Hammer an Nails ,,, Screw that I think I'll just swim ,,,Can't be that far ?? LOL,,,,, Or maybe just float on a Log ??

Another problem I had on that island besides a lack of such materials was the only life I saw were the SHARKS swimming just off the beach.
I still have sharks but now have more resources for building a shark resistant boat.

[Jorja]

Another problem I had on that island besides a lack of such materials was the only life I saw were the SHARKS swimming just off the beach.
I still have sharks but now have more resources for building a shark resistant boat.

There is a simple solution. Feed the sharks before you enter the waters.

[STACY B]

Another problem I had on that island besides a lack of such materials was the only life I saw were the SHARKS swimming just off the beach.
I still have sharks but now have more resources for building a shark resistant boat.


That's another Problem we have is the Sharks ,,LOL,,,, Well sometimes ya gotta revert back to Man mode real fast an Pull some teeth ,,,LOL,,,,, It will always be there just Buried right under the skin ,,, Like the Girl right now ,,,, :D

[josee]

There is a simple solution. Feed the sharks before you enter the waters.
I got bit trying to feed them. That was my problem.


That's another Problem we have is the Sharks ,,LOL,,,, Well sometimes ya gotta revert back to Man mode real fast an Pull some teeth ,,,LOL,,,,, It will always be there just Buried right under the skin ,,, Like the Girl right now ,,,, :D
I refuse to revert back now.
I almost cried when I took off my nail polish last night in preparation for going back to work this morning (not out at work yet). Then they closed my office because of this stupid hurricane.

[kellycan27]

Maybe this will help... If your decision to wait is financial.. do you have an alternative? If your waiting because you don't want to subject yourself to the rigors of transitioning "in place" ... unless you have the ability to pull it off to a very very high degree.. people ( in the new setting) are going to know. Transition in not magic... go in a man and automatically pop out the other side appearing to all that you are a woman. Pay now or pay later, but either way you are going to pay. Transitioning is a huge leap of faith and sooner or later if you are serious you are just going to have to decide to bite the bullet, come what may. If this is the case..perhaps waiting until after transition before starting anew might serve you better. Take the brunt of the BS now and get it over with. ( for the most part)

[kellycan27]

Besides a boat one needs navigational skills.. This ocean is treacherous, and full of peril. It's not hard to get blown off course, or sink mid voyage :heehee:

[~Serena~]

Thank you all for the advice. I don't actually want to wait to transition, I was just worried about how awkward it would be but now I see, as many have pointed out, that its better to get the awkward part over with now and I don't want to add not starting transitioning sooner to my list of regrets. I feel a little less stressed about it now aftyer this discussion and I can't wait to talk to the therapist and attend the local support group.
P.S. I love the side discussion about the island and sharks :)

[Bree-asaurus]

Do what you gotta do to survive. If you can manage to hold off on transitioning to get yourself into a better position, go for it. Just make sure you're holding off for the right reasons... and only you can figure that out. :)

[Kristy_K]

Maybe this will help... If your decision to wait is financial.. do you have an alternative? If your waiting because you don't want to subject yourself to the rigors of transitioning "in place" ... unless you have the ability to pull it off to a very very high degree.. people ( in the new setting) are going to know. Transition in not magic... go in a man and automatically pop out the other side appearing to all that you are a woman. Pay now or pay later, but either way you are going to pay. Transitioning is a huge leap of faith and sooner or later if you are serious you are just going to have to decide to bite the bullet, come what may. If this is the case..perhaps waiting until after transition before starting anew might serve you better. Take the brunt of the BS now and get it over with. ( for the most part)

I would agree with Kelly...

I have also seen that most people don't transition because they want to.
They transition because they have to....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

By far your most important takeaway is this...

IT IS NOT BAD to wait... being transsexual creates really difficult issues for all of us...and our life circumstances are all different.. you do what you think will give you the best quality of life...think things through for yourself and you'll get the best outcome