The more different you are, the more nice people are drawn to you.

[Raquel June]

I think growing up an average straight-acting white person warped my social views.

I transitioned in 2010-2011, then went through some real *** and detransitioned, and now I'm in the interesting position of re-transitioning. But it's definitely not a big scary thing that I'm worried about this time.

Yesterday I was out shopping, and just wearing jeans and a tank top and a hoodie, no makeup. And I was in the middle of nowhere between Cincinnati and Dayton, where there's nothing but the outlet mall I was at, some flea markets, and an enormous redneck church with an enormous Jesus statue -- which magnificently got struck by lightning and burned to the ground and was recently rebuilt.

So, I'm out shopping, and I was kinda overcome with anxiety when I got there, you know, just worried about people looking at me. And then I remembered ... Being different is no big deal. Some people give you dirty looks, but the truth is, the more different you are, the more you will also find people drawn to you. And I went around to some different stores, and nobody gave me any funny looks. But when I bought a couple things at the NY&Co outlet, I think it was obvious to the girl ringing me up that I was trans (or gay or who knows what she thought), and she was extra nice and kept talking to me and told me she liked my wallet (I've got a wallet like Samuel L. Jackson's in Pulp Fiction, if you're familiar with that).

And it made me remember how many more nice people I met in my 1.5 years of transition than in the 10 years prior. People are cool. I think of the big guy who played college football who gave me the "I got your back, Quel" vibe all the time. I think of the woman I knew named Raquel who was super nice, which is funny because I actually thought it might offend her that I had the same name. And it made me think of the few people who gave me a hard time who were obviously not the kind of people I would care to make a good impression on regardless. It made me feel being myself made others more likely to be themselves. And I found the extra information useful.

And it makes me think that black people, openly gay people, and people who are clearly different in just about any way really get to know who they're dealing with a lot faster.

But as a straight white dude, I got in some situations coming out to people where it was like, "Wow, all these years I didn't realize you were a bigot who would treat me like I was diseased for being different than you," but then, that's kinda my fault for not showing them who I was.

Anyway, I'm just sort of rambling. My point, though, is that it's really awesome being read by someone who lets you know she's cool. And somehow, one nice smile makes up for several mean looks. But there aren't very many mean looks.

Sure, sometimes people are super-awkward and sort of patronizing, almost like they want to advertise that they're "tolerant" of you being a weirdo. But a lot of people are genuinely accepting.

We miss so much when we're in the closet. Even though some of it's bad, it's good to experience people seeing the real you instead of avoid it.

Like Lana Wachowski said in her HRC acceptance speech last week -- and I'm sure she's the one who added the line to the dialogue in Cloud Atlas -- "To be is to be percieved."

A questionable theory George Berkeley had about the physical universe, but certainly socially meaningful.

[ReneeT]

?....l, and an enormous redneck church with an enormous Jesus statue -- which magnificently got struck by lightning and burned to the ground and was recently rebuilt.?.......

Interesting choice of words. In what way was it "manificent"? I am familiar with the statue and the fire.

[Raquel June]

Interesting choice of words. In what way was it "manificent"? I am familiar with the statue and the fire.

Well, if you know what church it is, then you probably know that the pastor owns a massive ranch across the street with a barn full of thoroughbreds that is possibly larger than the church that he is fleecing. I think he owns most of the real estate for miles. I'll bet he doesn't give many sermons including the "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven" part.

And the statue of Jesus was incredibly ostentatious. He was reaching up from the ground, wearing a massive crown of thorns. They might as well have made the fountain red and had it showering down from his wounds.

And I remember the storm that night. It was huge. And here we've got a 50-foot Jesus burning in the pouring rain. It was very much like God saying, "Hey! Stop it! That's vulgar."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGTBFPte-MY

The new statue they built is much more of a friendly Jesus :)

[STACY B]

Don't know the Area but do know the type of people your talking bout . One things for sure that my past of Red neckness really helps my transition as far as people knowing me ,,Most people see me now Don't directly say much in a mean way to me ,,,They might just ask about my hair or say something funny ,,,Cuz they all know I clown a lot . But for the most part everyone just eather minds there bizz or is nice ,, Havent had to many crazy looks if I did I havent noticed .But I'm like that I have never been one to pay attention to other people if they were not directly talking to me ,,Only if they said some out loud . But I really feel sorry for someone who goes threw this with there feeling on there sleave . Becuse people can be mean an hateful ,, But one good thing we are not running in the same circles as much as before atleast not me ,,I go to the same places sometime but for different reasons an don't stay in other places as long as I did . I have a different agenda now . But once we get closer to the end the better it will get ,,Just stay away from the Family reunions ,,,LOL,,,, They might break out the old picture albums ? An we don't need a walk down memory lane ! We were there we know all about it ,, Some of it anyway ,,Most time I was Drunk ,,LOL,,,

[ReneeT]

And the statue of Jesus was incredibly ostentatious. He was reaching up from the ground, wearing a massive crown of thorns. They might as well have made the fountain red and had it showering down from his wounds.

And I remember the storm that night. It was huge. And here we've got a 50-foot Jesus burning in the pouring rain. It was very much like God saying, "Hey! Stop it! That's vulgar."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGTBFPte-MY

The new statue they built is much more of a friendly Jesus :)

Ostentatious like this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cristo_Redentor_(statue)

I just cringe when someone says a statue of Jesus was "magnificently" struck by lightening. Even if you are not Christian, I cannot think of anything magnificent about it. I have said this before and will say it again: we as transgender people ask/ expect tolerance and acceptance from others but are often not willing to reciprocate.

Believe it or not, there are conservative Republican Evangelical Christians even on this site!

[MsRenee]

People are afraid of change and acceptance. I think thats why most give us funny looks. If they just get to know us a little they will see we are no different then them. Thats my goal to help educate those who dont know us.
Renee

[morgan51]

R/J; I can sympathize with your view of religion I have the same view today I've been contemplating buying my own lions. I just have to remember christains come in all kinds too not all of them are nonaccepting. Some have actually been friendly most however are judgmental and bigoted. I have no power over them I just think thanks, now I know who you are. It is my fault for not comming out earlier but I can't change that either. Its freeing to be myself today and confident in who I am. No shame or guilt I'm just fine today thanks. I too get the" look "often and just remind myself of those that are accepting and loving to me. Hold your head up high and try to be as accepting of others as you want to be treated. When they are nasty just remember you aren't alone in this and we do support you and care. Hugs. Morgan

[Aprilrain]

Believe it or not, there are conservative Republican Evangelical Christians even on this site!

Come back and tell us that AFTER you have actually transitioned. You may find that your world view has changed.

[STACY B]

People are afraid of change and acceptance. I think thats why most give us funny looks. If they just get to know us a little they will see we are no different then them. Thats my goal to help educate those who dont know us.
Renee



You said a mouth full ,,They are afraid of THERE true self being outed ,,, There are way more of us out there than people will EVER admit ,, But the ones who Holler the loudest are the ones you need to give a lie detector test to an we shall see ? It's easy to hide an Judge people ,,, Let's see ya come out an stand up for yourself an Yell this is me like or not ,,,, Then we will see who's got the most Guts ? Somebody dunn made a Mistake on this OL FAT GIRL !! I'm just gonna Right a Wrong that's all !!! An don't care who knows it ,,, I don't go round hating on people that take prescription Depression Meds ? They gotta a problem an so do we .Just cure me an I''ll SHUT UP !!

[ReneeT]

Come back and tell us that AFTER you have actually transitioned. You may find that your world view has changed.

Really? When will i know when that is? When I am 100% full time instead of 90%? After FFS? After GRS? After 3 yrs of hrt instead of 2? When I am divorced and not just separated? When both of my kids have disowned me instead of just one? When all of my family has turned my back on me instead of just most?

Honestly, April,I would have expected this type of comment from a lot of people, but not from you.....

[Badtranny]

Honestly, April,I would have expected this type of comment from a lot of people, but not from you.....

Oh Renee, please cut us some slack on this. I met you, and adore you, and I know you are a person of faith but me and some of the girls cannot begin to understand that concept. I personally am extremely tolerant of every religious stripe but how am I supposed to not chhuckle at a giant Jesus statue? I have more than a passing familiarity with the stories and from what I understand, Jesus himself would have been offended by such a thing. He was not too keen on big showy displays of "faith" and he certainly would have taken issue with the vast amounts of private wealth generated in his name. I mean, his views on the wealthy religious establishment are fairly well documented, and you know this.

Us non believers must be a little rough for believers to take sometimes, but can't you see the irony in a giant "idol" being struck by lightning and burned to the ground?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm a catholic...i do wonder what the "church" as it stands thinks of me......i don't think we're "allowed" to be girls in the church...but i know way to much medival history to NOT know that man's influence on the church is a terrible thing..

++++
A quick story...in my depths of depression, i recall talking to my mom... i was in my bed...crying...whining about why me...and my mom was trying to hug me thruogh the phone...
but I was in bad shape...and even tho i called her, i was mad at the world and she was on the other end of the line listening to all my bs...

and i said something to the effect that i'm an abomination to god, i'm going to hell, the world is against me, etcetc,,,
you know typical ts whining....

and my mom very calmly said...

"No dearheart, Jesus loves you."

...and i'll be darned if a huge wave of relief didn't wash over me because i knew she was right..

to me , that is the heart and soul of christianity and its why even though many people do things and say things that i do not like, i believe in my heart and soul that there is a good thing to be had in my Christian faith..

[ArleneRaquel]

Kaitlyn,
Starting this year I've attended Mass something like 15-20 times, I've had no problems. It's usually, but not always, conservative Chistiansm Catho9lic or not, are the ones who have problems with CD'ing. The rightwing Catholic Answers say that CD'ing is not a sin.

[JohnH]

Ostentatious like this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cristo_Redentor_(statue)

I just cringe when someone says a statue of Jesus was "magnificently" struck by lightening. Even if you are not Christian, I cannot think of anything magnificent about it. I have said this before and will say it again: we as transgender people ask/ expect tolerance and acceptance from others but are often not willing to reciprocate.

Believe it or not, there are conservative Republican Evangelical Christians even on this site!

I am a conservative Republican evangelical Christian who would prefers not to see any statues of Jesus - they appear to violate the Second Commandment of the following:

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."

That is, where the Ten Commandments are enumerated in the way most non-Roman-Catholics do.

John

[melissaK]

I for one LOVE over the top Kitsch, especially religious Kitsch. "Touchdown Jesus" was on my top 5 best list and I was sorry it burned, though the symbolic interpretations of it's lightning strke demise are philosophical Kitsch in their own right. I'm all excited I get to see the replacement "Hug Me Jesus" this weekend as I'm traveling through. :)

So what was this thread about anyway?? Oh yea, meeting nice people because we look different. I'm not so sure it's the looking different people respond to so much as the "courage" it takes to look or be different. I think people respond to that.

Between ages 17-28 I had 2' long hair - and was frequently out of place with it, especially in law school in a conservative western state. It took some courage on my part to wear that much hair 24/7, and I attracted a lot of attention with it, and noticed people listened to me when I spoke more than they ought to have. Post law school I cut my hair (ugly accident couldn't wash it for several months) and I noticed not so many listened to me afterwards, I was relatively ordinary.

[Persephone]

I've been contemplating buying my own lions. I just have to remember christains come in all kinds too not all of them are nonaccepting. Some have actually been friendly most however are judgmental and bigoted.

Sometimes I have trouble understanding the English language, so please clarify for me, your post does not display a dark underbelly of being judgemental and bigoted?

I'm not Christian. As a little girl growing up in the South I was bullwhipped for that. Know what it feels like as the whip cuts through your flesh and you hear your tormentor laughing?

But I hold that against the a**hole who did it, not against whatever group he may have thought he represented. When someone generalizes the actions of an individual or a small group to some larger identity then they are, by the very defitions of the terms, displaying prejudice and bigotry.

Persephone

[ReneeT]

"No dearheart, Jesus loves you."

...and i'll be darned if a huge wave of relief didn't wash over me because i knew she was right..
.

And this is the essence of Christianity. Of course there are going to be bigoted narrow-minded people in all faiths, and those without. As Persephone alluded to, this is an indictment of the individual, not necessarily of the religion. As for me, I am happily ensconced in (and embraced by) a mainstream United Methodist Church.

For those who dismiss Christians out of hand, I suggest reading the teachings of Jesus first-hand, rather than relying on another's interpretation. If nothing else, you might find historical or literary value

[kendra_gurl]

For those who dismiss Christians out of hand, I suggest reading the teachings of Jesus first-hand, rather than relying on another's interpretation. If nothing else, you might find historical or literary value


Christianity is Pure.. Its Christians (Human beings) who at not pure. I too was raised in the United Methodist Church and have a very consertive political view.

As to the OP I certainly agree that its awesome being read by anyone who thinks its cool.

[ReneeT]

Christianity is Pure.. Its Christians (Human beings) who at not pure. I too was raised in the United Methodist Church and have a very consertive political view.

As to the OP I certainly agree that its awesome being read by anyone who thinks its cool.

Ditto on both points.

And Raquel, I apologize for derailing your thread. I just went back and re-read your OP and I totally get what you are saying. In particular, your statement, "And it made me remember how many more nice people I met in my 1.5 years of transition than in the 10 years prior." really resonates with me. Maybe it's because we are more authentic when we are showing who we are, and people appreciate that. I don't know. But it's true for me too

[kellycan27]

I am a Catholic too and I attend mass every single Sunday, as well as organize bake, rummage sales, and solicit donations for our food bank and woman's shelter. My priest knows I am TS, and it's not been an issue.

[kimdl93]

People do surprise me. I've been out a bit more than a year and I've had many positive encounters and virtually no adverse events. I don't read minds, so I base my analysis solely on how people openly respond.

[Nicole Erin]

All this talk about religion and acceptance in the church etc. I have something of importance to say here -
In before teh locked hahha HAHAHA ZOMFG!!!!11!1!oneoneoneone!

[Laurie Ann]

Originally Posted by Raquel June

And the statue of Jesus was incredibly ostentatious. He was reaching up from the ground, wearing a massive crown of thorns. They might as well have made the fountain red and had it showering down from his wounds.

And I remember the storm that night. It was huge. And here we've got a 50-foot Jesus burning in the pouring rain. It was very much like God saying, "Hey! Stop it! That's vulgar."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGTBFPte-MY

The new statue they built is much more of a friendly Jesus
Ostentatious like this? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cristo_Redentor_(statue)

I just cringe when someone says a statue of Jesus was "magnificently" struck by lightening. Even if you are not Christian, I cannot think of anything magnificent about it. I have said this before and will say it again: we as transgender people ask/ expect tolerance and acceptance from others but are often not willing to reciprocate.

Believe it or not, there are conservative Republican Evangelical Christians even on this site!

I am one of those conservative Chritians who is on this site.

[Nigella]

Thread done, religion does not belong on this forum, there is a dedicated forum