Dating...Part 2: websites for dating...

[Gisellen]

Aloha,

Besides TSdating.com, any other good sites that are even geared towards actual dating and not just hooking up? I find that the men generally solicit for just sex on that site. Once in a blue moon you find a decent guy who is serious. But I tend to get exhausted by the frequent posers of relationship lookers.

Cheers!

Giselle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I find all the free dating websites have a high degree of booty call stuff, its just the way it is.

[sandra-leigh]

The Internet barely existed last time I was looking for dates! We used Usenet, and classified ads. Oh yes, and asking out people we knew, but that never worked for me. (Truth to tell, none of those ever worked for me.)

[CharleneT]

You're not going to find a "good site for TS", you might find that OKCupid can work somewhat. It leans a bit in the LGBT/Poly direction. Problem is that it is a small site, unless you are in a major metro, there just aren't a lot of folks on it.

I would consider finding your local LGBT group(s) and see what they have in the way of social events. Best bet there.

C

[Stephenie S]

Booty call? Yup!

I joined an elder dating site a few years ago. The first week I got 52 replies. Want to know how many guys wanted just plain sex or friends with benefits?

You guessed it!! All 52!!!!!

Stephie

[Bree-asaurus]

Booty calls can lead to relationships. Ask Dan Savage :P If you're down for no-strings (SAFE) sex anyway, don't discount the booty call :D

Do you hang out with other transsexuals or go to transsexual groups or social gatherings? That's a good way to hang out in a more accepting crowd and meet people (not just other transsexuals) that are more open to the idea of dating a transsexual.

And you never know who you'll fall for when you're not looking. I never thought I would end up dating an FTM and I slipped and fell in love with one!

[Jorja]

We didn't have things like the internet with dating sites when I was that age. You actually had to go out and meet someone. For a Trans girl it could be quite a devastating ordeal. There was no LGBT anything either. You just went out with your friends to a club to have some fun. If you got lucky enough to meet someone, great.

Now days, I have been a woman so long I just don't think much about it. There are guys everywhere wanting to meet you. I'll meet someone and can usually tell if we are compatible in short order.

And there isn't anything wrong with an occasional "booty call". :)

[KellyJameson]

If the dating sites don't work go where the men are. Take a temp job as a barista in the financial district or seasonal work at Macys or some other facsimile.

The easiest time to find a date is just before the holidays.

An easy and free site to use is POF but I do not think internet dating is the best or safest way to meet people. In my opinion it is better to make them come to you instead of you pursuing them.

The ancient art of flirtation and seduction has largely been lost by most people leaving those who still possess these arts in a very powerful position. You can seduce a man with nothing more than a bare ankle or knee if you know how to use your body but you must slow the dance down to create desire.

Keep it on your terms not theirs.

[sandra-leigh]

Historically, there was the phenomena of friends and mothers trying to "set someone up" ("You won't even go out with the grocer? He might not be a doctor like your father and I hoped, but at your age you can be too choosy!")

Does "setting someone up" still happen, in general? Does it happen for trans people?

[ReineD]

I found this handy-dandy dating website list and comparison:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_online_dating_websites

If you are wanting casual dating pre-SRS, then you might fare better if you indicate you are pre-op since you'd need to get into explanations of your current physical characteristics with men who are contacting you expecting you to not have male genitals.

If you are looking for a long-term relationship, given that you are having SRS soon and you are thinking about being stealth (your other thread), then after your surgery I'd stay away from the trans or gay dating sites (you did begin your thread asking about TSdating.com) and then see how it goes when it comes to telling someone about your past eventually.

You said in another thread that you were in a long-term gay relationship beginning at age 18. I don't know how comfortable you feel in the gay community, or if you wish to leave it now that you know that you are not a gay male, since it is my impression that gay men do not seek relationships with women. ... which is another reason to avoid trans or gay dating sites, unless you want something for just the short term until SRS.

[Gisellen]

Yeah, I have a profile on Okc...they work great. Just wanted to know some alternatives that might be a bit easier.


You're not going to find a "good site for TS", you might find that OKCupid can work somewhat. It leans a bit in the LGBT/Poly direction. Problem is that it is a small site, unless you are in a major metro, there just aren't a lot of folks on it.

I would consider finding your local LGBT group(s) and see what they have in the way of social events. Best bet there.

C

LOL. Kelly, that is a great idea, but I have a career. As much as I'd like to do that, it might not be practical, hehe.

And I must say seduction is a strong suit of mine. I like to do it with my eyes. It works wonders. So much so that I teach my friends how to flick and bat the eyes. Works every time when done right. Oh....and long hair adds to the phenomenon. Hehe.


If the dating sites don't work go where the men are. Take a temp job as a barista in the financial district or seasonal work at Macys or some other facsimile.

The easiest time to find a date is just before the holidays.

An easy and free site to use is POF but I do not think internet dating is the best or safest way to meet people. In my opinion it is better to make them come to you instead of you pursuing them.

The ancient art of flirtation and seduction has largely been lost by most people leaving those who still possess these arts in a very powerful position. You can seduce a man with nothing more than a bare ankle or knee if you know how to use your body but you must slow the dance down to create desire.

Keep it on your terms not theirs.

[vikki2020]

I've met some really nice guys on mainstream sites, one in which I say I'm transgendered, and one in where I leave it a bit ambiguous. Basically straight guys, that are searching for gg's. Once you weed out the curious thrill seekers, there are guys that can be genuinely interested in learning more about girls like us, and can accept us as woman. Usually older guys that may have become somewhat disillusioned with "real" girls.

[kellycan27]

And I must say seduction is a strong suit of mine. I like to do it with my eyes. It works wonders. So much so that I teach my friends how to flick and bat the eyes. Works every time when done right. Oh....and long hair adds to the phenomenon. Hehe.

Just out of curiosity... If seduction is your strong suit why do you need dating sites? Why not just flash your eyes and bring them to their knees?

[DeeDee1974]

I gave up on the dating sites. Most of the guys I met seemed genuine, but I never felt any kind of spark. Just a feeling of too much expectation going into the first date. It wasn't spontaneous enough. I'm just a romantic at heart.

I met my bf on a city bus when he rescued me from some young punk who was harassing me. He got off at my stop with me, asked for my number and we've been together ever since.

To eliminate the booty call issue I suggest dating a man on the other side of 50. Sex isn't constantly on their mind, but companionship and friendship are. There's plenty f intimacy, but it's not the foundation of our relationship.

[Kelly Smith]

Just out of curiosity... If seduction is your strong suit why do you need dating sites? Why not just flash your eyes and bring them to their knees?


Judging from her photos, she could do exactly that. Judging from yours, so could you.

[Gisellen]

Well Kelly, I have a career. And as such, it can be quite difficult to find the time to go out and do the seduction regimen.

As a NYC gal, it's quite difficult to find a guy cuz they're always looking for the next best thing even if they find you attractive. The odds in NYC is 5 girls to 1 guy. I am quoting Patti Sanger. I do think that those odds are true. I am in no shortage of actually attracting a guy. However, I still think its easier when the guy knows exactly what's he's in for when he writes to me in an email on OkCupid. I don't have to waste time and energy trying to hide my past from him. Nor will I experience any illusions that he will be interested if I don't tell him.

It's extremely fast paced in NYC. I've lived here my whole life and it's exhausting. Oftentimes in big cities, it's hard to have a relationship. There's too many things to do. Guys don't stop to smell the perfume.

I don't know about you, but when I go out on a night in the city, I glam up. Glamming up means putting a package together. Which equates to at least 3 hours of time putting together an outfit, shoes to match, accessories, hair, makeup, and personal hygiene. Cuz you never know if you're actually gonna get some that evening...lol.

Maintenance is tough work. Guys like girls who have the soft skin, the touchable long wavy hair, nice teeth and sweet breath, luscious supple lips, banging body, pretty makeup, and a nice libido for that extra something at the end of the night. All this takes time. And time to me is a luxury.

Yes, it takes me 3 hours and that's because I don't walk out that door until I know exactly that everything is in place. It's a NYC thing. We dress to impress. Cuz if you don't impress, you're NOT getting into the club.

A wise person once said to me, "There are no ugly women in this world, just lazy ones." I tend to agree...85% of the time. LOL.

I would love to do all this if I had all the time in the world and go out every night to flaunt my techniques. But the fact is, I have a career and a life. I am happy being alone...and that is most definitely by choice. However, I welcome a man into my life to compliment me...and that is also, by choice.


Just out of curiosity... If seduction is your strong suit why do you need dating sites? Why not just flash your eyes and bring them to their knees?

I am no longer involved with the gay community as I have been before. After the realization of who I am, ironically I've only made straight friends. I hardly attend gay events these days. I do not intend to date a gay man either.


I found this handy-dandy dating website list and comparison:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_online_dating_websites

If you are wanting casual dating pre-SRS, then you might fare better if you indicate you are pre-op since you'd need to get into explanations of your current physical characteristics with men who are contacting you expecting you to not have male genitals.

If you are looking for a long-term relationship, given that you are having SRS soon and you are thinking about being stealth (your other thread), then after your surgery I'd stay away from the trans or gay dating sites (you did begin your thread asking about TSdating.com) and then see how it goes when it comes to telling someone about your past eventually.

You said in another thread that you were in a long-term gay relationship beginning at age 18. I don't know how comfortable you feel in the gay community, or if you wish to leave it now that you know that you are not a gay male, since it is my impression that gay men do not seek relationships with women. ... which is another reason to avoid trans or gay dating sites, unless you want something for just the short term until SRS.

[Nicole Erin]

When people say "I have met a lot of nice people on some dating website" I always think - "A lot? Obviously they are not working out if you have been thru a lot of them". My experience anyways.

I met a couple people on OKCupid. And of course no it didn't work out. One is someone I kind of talked to who is looking for someone to live off of. No thanks. Another was some GG who I guess has a lot of health problems. She flaked out anyways but that is OK, I am not wanting someone I would have to take to the doctor all the time. Couple others just wanted to waste my time with endless texts and emails.

Dating sites pretty much bite. I am guilty of this too but I think a lot of frequenters on them are just looking for a quick easy solution instead of making any effort. I could care less if I am involved so if something happened, great. If not, no big deal.

This video explains why men are not into LTR - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YYvvQWW4Bw
It doesn't take the whole 10 minutes (more like 4) but some really good info. Men are not stupid.
If you read between the lines here, it also reveals why same-sex marriages are not legal in most states (Nothing to do with religion or bigotry either. Can you find the answer?)

[Bree-asaurus]

When people say "I have met a lot of nice people on some dating website" I always think - "A lot? Obviously they are not working out if you have been thru a lot of them". My experience anyways.

Every guy I met in person from OKC (maybe I have a good weeding out process) was a good guy. Just because they are good guys doesn't mean that there is a connection or that the combination of me and him were longterm material or that even if we were longterm material, that we were in the places in our lives to be relationship material at that time.

[ReineD]

I am no longer involved with the gay community as I have been before. After the realization of who I am, ironically I've only made straight friends. I hardly attend gay events these days. I do not intend to date a gay man either.

Then I'd definitely stay away from TSdating.com that you mentioned earlier. You do know that men who look specifically for women at a site that has "TS" in the name, do so for the very reason that differentiates a pre-op TS from a GG? Granted, they don't consider themselves gay since they're attracted to the female form (with benefits), but they're not exactly straight either.

[Nicole Erin]

Also with a lot of dating sites, they are so full of men just wanting free sex and also the prostitutes that there isn't much room for anyone genuine.

Avoid the pay sites also (regardless of one's gender) cause here is how those work -
They let people set up free profiles but for any kind of contact, one must pay. It doesn't get to that part until you have spent an hour filling out a bunch of junk (worse than GOVT assistance forms) Yet your profile will show up in searches. This makes it LOOK like there are a lot of prospects. Just do a search for reviews of any dating site that is "pay" and you will find a pile of bad reports larger than you can even rummage thru in a week.

[Badtranny]

but they're not exactly straight either.

LOL, I have an ad on TSdating and I was getting a LOT of attention, but both guys that I met were looking for um, ...they wanted me to "top" them. After I changed my ad to say that while I was currently pre-op, I had no interest or intention of topping anyone, replies dropped to almost nil.

[Bree-asaurus]

LOL, I have an ad on TSdating and I was getting a LOT of attention, but both guys that I met were looking for um, ...they wanted me to "top" them. After I changed my ad to say that while I was currently pre-op, I had no interest or intention of topping anyone, replies dropped to almost nil.

Yeah... let me add that my experience with meeting guys on OKC was when I was trying to be a gay guy... that's why I got a lot of responses and met a lot of good guys... because I wasn't admitting I was a tranny at the time.

[kellycan27]

Dating for me as a pre-op was what I called TS limbo. Men found me attractive, and I discovered that I could compete with a lot of the GG's. I could compete with getting guys asking me to dance, buying me drinks, sitting and conversing with, being asked out on dates and I could flirt with the best of them. Where I couldn't compete was in the bedroom, or entering into a heterosexual relationship. My choices for sexual partners were bi guys, DL gay guys, or a quick liaison with a straight guy who didn't have a problem with my performing an act on him as long as there was zero touching on his part. As well as I could compete in the other areas... having a penis meant hitting a wall. I had pretty much everything, but that which I desired most.
Admittedly i fell for the hype. The hype that was born of the attention and praise of those who found my exterior attractive, ( including my supportive friends) and the hype that was fueled by my own vanity. I was in denial for a couple of years, and just blew off the guys who rejected me as jerks and or homophobes and for the most part it wasn't them.. it was me. It wasn't necessarily homophobia, but rather sexual preference. Looking back now.. it was a horrible time in my life...so much so that even the thought has made my stomach queasy... right now as we speak I feel like I am going to vomit.

[Stephenie S]

Thank you, Kelly. I think I can relate.

[Gisellen]

Exactly! That's been the case the past 2 years. And I just didn't know what to do. I was extremely frustrated. I know they find me attractive, just the equipment won't work for them. Now that I'm getting SRS, I feel I'm going to be liberated. Although, I have one big issue, do I now categorize myself as a TS still or just a simple GG? I still feel the need to disclose on OkCupid that I'm post op. Is that even necessary? I know I'm passable, just not sure how honest I need to be with them up front.


Dating for me as a pre-op was what I called TS limbo. Men found me attractive, and I discovered that I could compete with a lot of the GG's. I could compete with getting guys asking me to dance, buying me drinks, sitting and conversing with, being asked out on dates and I could flirt with the best of them. Where I couldn't compete was in the bedroom, or entering into a heterosexual relationship. My choices for sexual partners were bi guys, DL gay guys, or a quick liaison with a straight guy who didn't have a problem with my performing an act on him as long as there was zero touching on his part. As well as I could compete in the other areas... having a penis meant hitting a wall. I had pretty much everything, but that which I desired most.
Admittedly i fell for the hype. The hype that was born of the attention and praise of those who found my exterior attractive, ( including my supportive friends) and the hype that was fueled by my own vanity. I was in denial for a couple of years, and just blew off the guys who rejected me as jerks and or homophobes and for the most part it wasn't them.. it was me. It wasn't necessarily homophobia, but rather sexual preference. Looking back now.. it was a horrible time in my life...so much so that even the thought has made my stomach queasy... right now as we speak I feel like I am going to vomit.

[Nicole Erin]

I know I'm passable, just not sure how honest I need to be with them up front.

Men are typically lieing sacks of s*** when talking relationships. Once you are post-op, there is no need to "disclose" anything. Especially cause even the sincerest of men are just looking for a one night stand anyways. They always act like they want something long term but that is not in a man's nature to follow through.

One thing that would probably make a post-op more marketable though is the fact that the men who are with them don't have to worry about her getting pregnant.

The only time you would need to disclose anything is if marriage is looking like a serious possibility. Just keep in mind that to a lot of people, even a passable post-op is just a "man" once the info about being TS gets out. For the pretty ones there is an added danger - men feel really deceived. That usually brings out their hostile side and is how some TS end up dead. For us ugly or non-passable TS we don't have to worry as much cause very seldom has anyone told me, "I never would have known" (except those trying to flatter me)

Point is - what used to be in your jeans is a "need to know" subject and some creep looking for a meaningful overnight relationship doesn't need to know squat.

Look no offense but even though you pass well and can afford surgeries, it sounds like you still have a lot to learn about being TS. Whether one passes well or not, the same rules for dealing with society still apply. it is just that the really passable ones need to take extra caution.

[Jorja]

From my point of view, and I have been doing this for a long time, if you are post-op it is not necessary to tell unless 1. You two are talking about marriage. 2. If the public found out about you it would ruin his entire life. For example, a politician. I am sure there are a few other instances but I have not ran across them as yet.

Now if you still have a dangler, that is a different story. Once the cloths come off he will know. You might as well be honest about it right from the start. That way there is no excuses or misconceptions from anyone involved.

[CharleneT]

I definitely agree with Kelly about the limbo land being a horrible place. Thank goddess I am past that now. Good luck and be strong to anyone on the road now....

[Gisellen]

I had a fling with a guy in Berlin...he was an American from Florida...lol...go figure. In Germany and I fall for homemade Floridian...lol. Anyway, we hung out for a few days. We had a great time together...and he had NO idea. No intercourse involved, just some harmless fun. And he respected my boundaries about not touching my down there. He's a photographer, so he took pictures of me. Afterwards, I never heard from him again. I think his friends realized cuz some of them can tell better than he does.

This is exactly the reason why I prefer to tell them. It's not strictly about having fun, but I don't want him to be embarrassed in front of his friends when he finds out. He was super sweet, and he did NOT know. I get confused sometimes. I'm thinking, how can they NOT know? I just wanna pull my hair out sometimes.


From my point of view, and I have been doing this for a long time, if you are post-op it is not necessary to tell unless 1. You two are talking about marriage. 2. If the public found out about you it would ruin his entire life. For example, a politician. I am sure there are a few other instances but I have not ran across them as yet.

Now if you still have a dangler, that is a different story. Once the cloths come off he will know. You might as well be honest about it right from the start. That way there is no excuses or misconceptions from anyone involved.

I have a guy now who loves me for me. He even wants me to meet his parents and his friends. When I ask him, "so what if they know?" He responds, "then I guess they know, you are a woman aren't you? What's the problem?" Honestly, I don't know how some of these guys do it. When I hear them say these things to me, I just cry. The things they say are so beautiful, I'm so happy, I break out and cry. I'm actually a bit scared. I've never met parents or friends of a guy before. It's scarier than skydiving!

LOL, what's so funny is that before HRT, even when I was hurt badly emotionally, I could never cry. Nowadays, I watch reruns of Oprah and I'm wailing for hours at a time. It's crazy. But I love it. Emotions for everyone!!!

I agree Nicole, I'm afraid of the deception. I'm afraid they'd feel embarrassed, then retaliate. Fortunately, I've been very good at reading their susceptibility of girls like us.


Men are typically lieing sacks of s*** when talking relationships. Once you are post-op, there is no need to "disclose" anything. Especially cause even the sincerest of men are just looking for a one night stand anyways. They always act like they want something long term but that is not in a man's nature to follow through.

One thing that would probably make a post-op more marketable though is the fact that the men who are with them don't have to worry about her getting pregnant.

The only time you would need to disclose anything is if marriage is looking like a serious possibility. Just keep in mind that to a lot of people, even a passable post-op is just a "man" once the info about being TS gets out. For the pretty ones there is an added danger - men feel really deceived. That usually brings out their hostile side and is how some TS end up dead. For us ugly or non-passable TS we don't have to worry as much cause very seldom has anyone told me, "I never would have known" (except those trying to flatter me)

Point is - what used to be in your jeans is a "need to know" subject and some creep looking for a meaningful overnight relationship doesn't need to know squat.

Look no offense but even though you pass well and can afford surgeries, it sounds like you still have a lot to learn about being TS. Whether one passes well or not, the same rules for dealing with society still apply. it is just that the really passable ones need to take extra caution.

[kellycan27]

I have a guy now who loves me for me. He even wants me to meet his parents and his friends. When I ask him, "so what if they know?" He responds, "then I guess they know, you are a woman aren't you? What's the problem?" Honestly, I don't know how some of these guys do it. When I hear them say these things to me, I just cry. The things they say are so beautiful, I'm so happy, I break out and cry. I'm actually a bit scared. I've never met parents or friends of a guy before. It's scarier than skydiving!

Congrats! A lot of us know how hard it is to find a caring and loving guy.. sounds like a winner! Do you not feel the same way about him? I mean it sounds like you are happy to have found him, so why start a thread asking about dating TS dating sites... when you've already found Mr Wonderful?? I know I ask a lot of questions..... must be the accountant in me. When things don't add up I get curious.

Kel

[Nicki S]

I definitely agree with Kelly about the limbo land being a horrible place. Thank goddess I am past that now. Good luck and be strong to anyone on the road now....
Thank you Charlene. I will take all the luck I can get :)

[Elsa Larson]

Pre-transition, I was on the free sites as a man seeking a woman. I corresponded with some nice women who remembered me from high school, met with some nice women and dated one. I found the free sites were a nice adjunct to the local singles dances. My women friends often complained about the quality of the men who contacted them.

Post-transition (Aug 2012), I re-joined the free singles sites as a woman seeking a man. Most of the initial activity was from scammers and sexhounds. After sharing my email address with some men, I found a lot more activity in my spam folder.

As to TSDating.com, I have corresponded with a few decent guys but have yet to meet with any of them. Most of the activity seems to be from creeps and sexhounds.

My women friends are disappointed with the men at the local singles dances, too. I know a LOT of GGs who have not had a real date or romance for several years.

Maybe it's easier for the young, pretty women. But as a 60-ish woman seeking companionship rather than sex, it's a slow process.