When dressing is not enough...

[Nichola]

I recently took a bit of break from dressing, didn't dress in almost 6 months, then had a great day getting back to it. What struck me though, is that I'm not sure it's enough anymore. I've always been happy enough just dressing at home, been out just once which was great, but feel like something has to change.

So this leads me to a couple of questions.

So for those of you who are out & about, was there a crunch point when you just thought 'this is it', felt like you had to do it, or wanted to do it so bad, you made the leap into getting out?

& for those of you who dress at home or in private, do you feel you'll always be happy this way?

Nichola:doh:

[Melissa73]

idk, i stopped for over 2 yrs..... married my wife and we all moved in together. I figured i didnt need to dress anymore! However the "urge" kept hitting me and my repression turned to stress and frustration. And whe i came out to my wife, she was supportive (just recently) and she came out too as being gay... Now we are an open marriage.......But she gave me the confidence to wear panties 24/7 and i love it ......course now i just want more and moremy next step is to try to venture out dressed.

[AlyssaE12]

I dress at home and I know that this will not be enough but I am not sure what steps to take next. But going out dressed is something that I know, whether I like it or not, I am moving towards.

[Barbra P]

I fully dress about once a week and enjoy spending the time putting on my makeup and making myself as feminine as possible but most of the time I feel like it isn’t enough, I want to go farther, I don’t want to just look feminine but be feminine.

[Julie Denier]

Dressing at home now and then is the best I can hope for, both with my family situation and the image I present. Believe me, I ain't foolin' no one ;)

[heatherdress]

Nichola - I enjoy being dressed at home and it continues to make me happy. But I have developed feelings to do more, experience more, when dressed. I intend to go out more, participate in local CD group events. I think I would also like to develop some local friendships with crossdressers.

[ChelseaErtel]

I have been dressing since I was 6 or 7. I've gone through purges, doubt, guilt, and the like. Each time I went back to dressing it I needed more. I went from just clothes, the the undergarments, to the shoes, to the hair, makeup and then jewelry, then shaving my whole body a long with shaping my eye brows.

Then that wasn't enough. I had to get out and just do daily life dressed. So, I practiced my movements (video), worked on my feminine voice and with the help of this form went out. Now, I'm a closet case, in therapy working on telling my wife of 28 years (13 year old daughter and 20 year old son) and our marriage has been platonic for years.

So, when I had to travel most of October, I decided I'd dress as much as I could. My work hours were odd (5 pm to 12 midnight) so the mornings and days were mine. I also had on full weekend included. I won't get into all the personal baggage, but I absolutely loved it. I had four full 24 hour days dressed, and the other 10 days I only had to go drab for the work hours.

I was able to shop, try on clothes, sight see, eat out, and do my photography all dressed. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it. After a time, I almost forgot I was dressed, it just seemed to be a part of me. The down side, maybe, is that I discovered things about myself I hadn't realized - I really wasn't happy in my man mode.

I cannot give up dressing now. I know I will never purge again. I have found my self looking at web sights about Feminine Facial Surgery, electrolysis, and the like trying to discover what to do, and what I feel and who I am.

But hey, that's me. What does it mean, who knows? I do know I discovered my feminine self, and where that takes me only time therapy will tell. I'm going to try and enjoy the journey, but I know there is some pain on the way. Funny, my wife said some years back that I turned into my mother - kind of ironic - and I realized today that has more truth in it and not.

Woopsy, personal baggage came out any way. All I'm saying is that there are so many different types of transgender people from just a few bits of undergarments to transsexuals and everything in between. We all have to find out our true nature and be sure it's not replacing something that is missing or wrong somewhere else and strive to be honest and true to yourself and those you love.

I have more, but my inner self said to "shut-up!" Sorry for droning on, but then again, one doesn't have read any of this do they?

[suzy1]

I seem to be the odd one out here. I am conscious of my strong feminine side. It’s more than just dressing in feminine clothing for me.
But I have no desire to go out dressed. When I am out and about I am still me. I have no need to present as a woman. Inside I know who I am.

So dressing only when I am at home is lovely. And that’s enough for me. I will always be happy this way. In fact I can describe my life as very satisfying.


SUZY

[Ashley Lyn]

I've been dressing for 55 years... starting as a young lad with the love of petticoats and skating skirts... (luckily, I had a sister)..:)
As time went on, I realized that I should have 'gone out' when younger and could have easily passed, tho' the SO was not supportive...:sad:
Now that I have a supporting wife, who says she is fine going out casually in public, I just don't have the urge to dress for my age..!!
Thigh highs and mini skirts are my thing... the wife laughs.. BUT, have recently thought about trying jeans, blouse, boots etc., to fit in..
And now the urge is returning..:daydreaming:

[kendra_gurl]

Nichola that crunch time comes when you look into the mirror and can no longer see your masculine side. You only see the female staring back at you and become comfident that no one else will see "HIM" either. Thats when you have to put it to the test.

[Sallee]

I love getting out, I do dress in private when time allows but if I have the time I love getting out. I have been dressing like most of us FOREVER and have been out and about a lot over the years. I find that after getting out over several consecutive days I grow bored and want pants again, LOL, where others I have met want more fem. It is like the Thrill is gone after a few days especially if I seem like I am passing fairly well over the fem time. I start with lots of angst on the first day but by the 3rd or 4th day I usually am feeling confident and begin getting bored maybe it is because I feel less noticed. :daydreaming:
I guess it means nobody really cares

[sandra-leigh]

My leap into knowing I had to go out was approximately 1 second after realizing I was a cross-dresser at all. Maybe even less time than that. Indeed, now that I recollect more clearly, the "out in public" part mentally came first, and was then followed by "I guess that makes me a cross-dresser".


But I have no desire to go out dressed. When I am out and about I am still me. I have no need to present as a woman.

Better check your account security, cuz someone using your account posted about their enjoyment of going out walking on a boardwalk with high heels. :)

[Barbara Ella]

I began dressing only 13 months age at age 65, and with an initially supportive wife, we did things that pushed what i thought I was capable of. I got to dress whenever, and was full femme. She had a relapse, and reverted to a DADT, dress only when she was away. During this time I went out four times, as posted here, bought dress, blouse, mall walked, pumped gas. These were a great start at being me. Wife had a change of heart again, and wanted to know what I was doing. Put a stop on driving through neighborhood and in town dressed. Have not had the gumption to drive to another town, get a room, and dress just for an afternoon out, and it has not felt right since then.

I needed to get out, others might not. I still feel the need to be out enfemme, but given the logistics, it might not happen again, so I will try and find whatever happy I can at home.

Barbara

[paulinescotlandcd]

Given my kids always seemed to be around I HAD to get out. First to a local support group and then later I did attend a lovely Christmas dinner. Not been out in ages to meet my old friends but as I got a new wig today might consider going to a drive to Perth this weekend. I have been dressed a lot recently and have been tempted a few times just to jump in my car.

[Jamie Christopher]

Dressing at home was something that I eventually had to "leave behind" and venture out the door into the public, to be more in touch with my growing feminine side. I didn't look back.

Jamie

[~Joanne~]

for those of you who dress at home or in private, do you feel you'll always be happy this way?

Nichola:doh:

No, absolutely not. I have gone out once with my GF and just drove around, then, many years later tried it solo (which got me pulled over, frazzled, and back home). Today I went out solo and had a really great day even though I only made one stop, it was a leap from a baby step that I usually make.

Now that I am out to the GF, which I believe plays a strong role into it whether your out or not to anyone, and have a trip finally I am hoping for plenty more where that came from. Maybe even with a sister :)

[Stephanie47]

I'm an in home cross dresser. Do I want to get out and about? I've gone for walks in the evening. At first it felt exhilarating. Then it became boring. Walking around and not interacting seemed, well, a let down. I, as a six foot person and 195 pounds, feel like I will blend in- NOT. If my cross dressing brings me peace and stress relief, I think that feeling would be lost. Now, I will admit the thought of going to a cross dressing convention, such as the one in Port Angeles, WA seems enticing because I would be surrounded by like minded individuals, who I would probably not ever encounter again (unless I so choose to do so). Right now I am content. Sometimes the expectations can exceed the actual event.

[ArleneRaquel]

Since 2003, then a break, back to 24/7 in 2004. I can't see me ever returning to drab for an entended period of time ever again. The urge here is total & complete.

[Leslie Langford]

My moment of truth came about 5 years ago when my wife and I went through an especially rough patch in our marriage (and yes, crossdressing was one of the elephants in the room). So much so that I decided to check into a motel for a week to get away from that volatile situation and also because we both needed a cooling down period...

Partly out of anger, partly as a way of "getting even", and partly because this was a rare opportunity for unrestricted crossdressing, I took some of my stash with me with the intent of maybe taking it to the next level. That I did, and with my evenings free now, I experimented with different outfits and looks, bought a new wig, and practiced my make up skills. The other incentive was that my beard had become almost all gray by then, so the dreaded blue beard shadow was no longer a major concern. Once I was satisfied with the way I looked and feeling reasonably sure that I might "pass", I decided to take the plunge.

After a number of false starts, it took me the better part of half-an-hour to muster up the courage to open up that motel room door and go forth into the big, bad world. In some ways, it felt like standing on the precipice of cliff and trying to decide whether or not to jump into the unknown below. And like most of us, I was convinced that a flashing neon "Crossdresser, Crossdresser" sign would magically appear above my head, all eyes would turn towards me, and the finger-pointing and smirks and laughter of derision would soon follow. And as all those who have gone before me have experienced as well and had the same initial panic attacks I did, I soon discovered that no one batted an eye or gave me a second look, no one cared, that it was all good, and essentially a non-issue for everyone except me.

I haven't looked back since, have had nothing but positive experiences along the way, and have done things en femme that I never thought possible. And the irony of it all is that if my wife hadn't precipitated that fight which partly centered on my crossdressing and which ultimately caused me to storm out of the house that way, I might never have had the courage or opportunity to experience the euphoria of venturing out en femme this way, and might still be a closet case today.

So in some ways, much as my wife might object to my crossdressing and how it has evolved over the years - and especially my going out in public - to some extent she must shoulder some of the responsibility for why things turned out the way they did.

A side benefit for me was that it also opened up the doors to my meeting some of the GG's who are now a part of my life (my make up artist, nail techs, consignment store owners etc.), and who are actually intrigued by "Leslie" as opposed to being repulsed by her. Not just that, but these ladies truly seem to enjoy "her" company - and this is in stark contrast to the way my wife still basically regards my crossdressing, and how she almost succeeded in brainwashing me to regard it as the perverted, shameful, and "un-manly" activity that she sees it to be.

This has provided a much-needed balance to my life and has also helped make the DADT situation that I must endure at home a bit more tolerable.

[RenneB]

I'm going with the likes of Leslie and Chelsea.... great replies girls. After I found out that I wasn't the only one in the world born like this... yea had to find this site to figure that one out... really... I really started to examine how I looked and what I wanted to do in my 'free' time. Getting out of the front door took a whole lot of baby steps... but eventually, I chased the butterflies away and no am out and about practically every weekday doing errands and shopping.

If I had one piece of advice to give, it would be "get out while you're still young and look great"... 'cus in a couple of decades you're going to look back at this and say to yourself, darn I should have gone out when...

Renne.....

[JamieQ]

Yes...I had to do it and get out into the public eventhough I think I really did not prepare (mainly makeup, etc) enough for it. In home or private for me just is not going to get it. I just cannot get out enough now, but I did become a little bit less confident after I tried to take pictures of myself. I think I do not look near as good as I thought, but then again most acted like they did not notice or if they did, they did not care!


I'm going with the likes of Leslie and Chelsea.... great replies girls. After I found out that I wasn't the only one in the world born like this... yea had to find this site to figure that one out... really... I really started to examine how I looked and what I wanted to do in my 'free' time. Getting out of the front door took a whole lot of baby steps... but eventually, I chased the butterflies away and no am out and about practically every weekday doing errands and shopping.

If I had one piece of advice to give, it would be "get out while you're still young and look great"... 'cus in a couple of decades you're going to look back at this and say to yourself, darn I should have gone out when...

Renne.....

I think that last sentence is true!

[sharonlb]

I guess my crunch point came because I am lazy. Let me explain.

I work from home, and I usually dress while I work. After my work day I would change into drab clothes to go out. In the last month or so I started getting tired of changing every time I wanted to leave home, so I started to go out dressed. The fears that kept me in turned out to be greatly exaggerated. The worst that has happened to me is nothing, which has done wonders for my confidence.

As an added benefit, I don't have as much laundry to do. Sometimes it pays to be lazy.

Sharon

[franlee]

When dressing alone is enough you are either a very easily satisfied peson or are on your last leg. Even to those that have never ventured out of the closet there has never been a thread on here that showed them to be 100% content. There is always a little something we want to add, change or try. Even if it is for our own eyes only.

[Marleena]

Nichola I needed to be me. Me was a TS in denial though. You've gone from 6 months of no dressing to wanting more now. The good thing is you look great as a girl so it shouldn't be that difficult of a step for you.:) Try to find TG social groups or clubs to get your confidence up, or you can do some safe "mini" outings. Many of the girls outgrow the TG groups though. Just a few ideas for you.

[LelaK]

Dressing at home has always been sufficient for me, but now I'm wanting it to feel more feminine. I'm over 60. I want to have the feel of soft attractive feminine garments on me as often as possible. I'm starting with undergarments. I plan to have those for a couple months, then maybe move somewhere where I can dress up more and do it more openly.

[AnitaH]

I'm not sure what the trigger was, but sometimes you're just not satisfied with the status quo. I was a closet crossdresser and had a chance to dress at home over the course of a few days while the wife was out of town. While dress I had to go out the back door onto the deck. I was only on the deck for a moment but suddenly I knew that I HAD to be out and about. I hadn't gone out with that intention but being totally in the closet was no longer enough for me.

AnitaH

[kimdl93]

Nichola, there absolutely was a time when I finally knew I had to get out into the world. The moment had been building for weeks...but when it finally came the first step out was so seemingly minor. I'd been gone and not dressed for a week. And over the past weeks my curiosity about going out in public and my desire to present as female were growing stronger day by day.

On my first day back i got dressed completely and then recalled that I needed to move the lawn sprinkler. No way I was changing back to drab for one minute outside my front door....so I stepped OCR the threshold, then out into my front yard. Moved the sprinkler then back into the house.

The world kept right on spinning and there was no mob with pitchforks at the door.but that small step got me thinking...what if. Later that week, i went fully en femme to MAC, then later still to a restaurant and a gay bar to finish the day.

[Vanessa Amber420]

Hi Nichola, I've always dressed at home. I do plan on one day going out in public. Dressing makes me happy.

Vanessa

[rachaelsloane]

Hi Nichola,
Like many here, I only dressed at home, then a few life happen's events, I joined this forum and met many new friends and knew that going out would be happening soon. I finally made the decision that my first time out would be at the River City Gems annual formal "Sparkle". I went, had a fantastic time and then knew that going out in SF would not be a problem. I now try to go out once or twice a week with one of the girls I met here and we have met some wonderful people and have had many interesting conversations.
I know you're not in an area you can readily go out, but try, as it does become addictive plus you get to hear compliments on your outfits.
Rach

[Tracii G]

For me it was seeing a different person in the mirror looking at me saying hey who are you?
Went out that night and never looked back.
Each time I go out its a different experience

[Tina B.]

Nicola, I've been in the closet for 62 years, never told anyone other than my wife, and I'm very happy to remain in my closet, I've never felt the need to be validated by the world at large, but then I've never cared much about the option of the world at large.

[Beverley Sims]

I am more cautious around my home town but when I am away Beverley is out a lot.

[RainyNightGirl]

I can see my story in so many of the other persons who have posted here. I realised earlier this year that going out was something I had to do. I first went out escorted and had an amazing time. I could hardly believe I had done it. Now I have been out several times on my own and I just get on with it. It is so true what every one here says, no one out there really cares at all. Now, I want to develop my own social life as Natasha, I just do not like being alone even in guy mode, I just want to have company and spend some time with other people as Natasha, whether they be TG, GG or male, I just want to have fun as Natasha and not spend time wandering around aimlessly or finding things to do talking to myself.

If you want to go out, just go out, it is really no big deal at all.

Natasha,

[Sarah Doepner]

There's an old Abbott and Costello movie where they meet Frankenstein and Dracula and the Wolfman. Costello describes his encounter with Frankenstein as "Step by step, closer and closer." And that's how I got out the door, not by running to or from monsters, but step by step, closer and closer. Every time I dressed I pushed it just a tiny bit farther and tried something new or different or tried to improve some aspect of my presentation. It took years before I would even consider leaving the closet, but when I did I found the rest of the house was nice but there was no way I'd go outside, until I did. I would take some of my essentials with me when I traveled for business or claimed to go camping and wound up in a motel. It was a closet on a string and before long I "Needed" to get fresh ice or there was something in the car that had to come in. I was inventing excuses to go out at 3:00 in the morning and rush back to the room. Finally one day I looked in the mirror and saw a female version of myself and decided she should go out to do a little shopping. I stood for a half an hour with my hand on the door knob and stayed in the room. By the time of my next trip, there was no hesitation. I'd done the step by step and gotten closer and closer and without setting it as a goal, it happened naturally. I go out when I can now and even though I realize I'm not very convincing in my presentation, I enjoy being out too much now to stop. I can't tell you what it is either. It just feels like the right thing to do.

[sandra-leigh]

There's an old Abbott and Costello movie where they meet Frankenstein and Dracula and the Wolfman. Costello describes his encounter with Frankenstein as "Step by step, closer and closer."

Wrong movie. That is the "Slowly I Turned (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr6VBg1SiYI)" "Niagara Falls" routine.

[Desiree2bababe]

I never was happy at home and never thought twice about venturing out. Silly, I know for it wasn't long before my secret was known. Can't believe some of the bold things I once did. But even so, the fun part is being seen and sometimes being treated just like a woman, so out I went.

[julia marie]

I can't wait to go out in public, even just walking down a street, maybe shopping in a resort area. Just feel the need to lose a bit more of the belly weight to feel better about it.

[linda allen]

When I was keeping my dressing from my wife, I went out in public five or six times "dressed" while she was out of town. I had to change in the car and had only a cheap costume wig. I took photos and got better each time and it was fun. I probably fooled 75% of the people I passed.

Having brought dressing into our marriage, and with my own wardrobe, wigs, shoes, pads, etc., I'm now back in the house because my wife is uncomfortable with the thought of me going out and possibly embarassing her (and me). I think she will get over this fear at some point and I would really like to get out again. All I'm lacking at this point is beard cover and makeup. I'm going to suggest evening drives after the sun goes down for a start and see how that goes.

[Kelly Smith]

So for those of you who are out & about, was there a crunch point when you just thought 'this is it', felt like you had to do it, or wanted to do it so bad, you made the leap into getting out?
Nichola:doh:
I never consciously decided to go out. One day I called one of the big cosmetics stores for a makeover. I showed up in wedges, toenail polish, women's jeans, a lace camisole and a simple white blouse. I was carrying a wig in a box. The girls did the makeover, made the wig pretty and gave me hugs. I felt so good I went shopping at Macy's. All the SAs at both stores were extravagantly kind and supportive. It was completely spontaneous.

[BLUE ORCHID]

idk, i stopped for over 2 yrs..... married my wife and we all moved in together. I figured i didnt need to dress anymore! However the "urge" kept hitting me and my repression turned to stress and frustration. And whe i came out to my wife, she was supportive (just recently) and she came out too as being gay... Now we are an open marriage.......But she gave me the confidence to wear panties 24/7 and i love it ......course now i just want more and moremy next step is to try to venture out dressed.

Hi Michelle,
Oh what a strange twist this turned out to be.
I'll bet you neither one of you saw this one coming.

[AllyCDTV]

I have been perfectly happy staying at home. I've only gone out about 5 times in the last 4 years. I felt too much of my attention was diverted to things like walking correctly, not getting into an accident or worrying about a car break down to find it enjoyable. I have done a lot of Web cam chatting so perhaps that has overridden any need I might have to interact in real life.

[MssHyde]

dressing at home was just not enough for me anymore, it felt like too much of a lie. I needed to be seen as a woman, to be seen as I felt inside.

[ArleneRaquel]

I need to get out everyday & strut my stuff. Just me & my ego.

[MssHyde]

Nichola that crunch time comes when you look into the mirror and can no longer see your masculine side. You only see the female staring back at you and become comfident that no one else will see "HIM" either. Thats when you have to put it to the test.

well said! you look lovely by the way!

[Touchofclass]

I have been dressing privately since I was 8 years old. I have been to a few support groups in drag. It is always a challenge to get the courage. I don't really feel the need to go to public places fully dressed. The vast majority of my time is spent in guy clothes. I grew up thinking so little of myself that I am determined to live with pride for the rest of my days.

[GeminaRenee]

For a long time, being dressed behind the safety of closed doors was enough. It wasn't until about a year ago that I started to feel choked off by staying in. So I got up the courage to go return a video at 2 am. I wasn't wearing anything provocative - just jeans and heels and a sweater with a jacket. But it felt incredible to feel the wind on my made up face, to hear the click-clack of my heels on pavement, to stand up and have this part of myself completely exposed to the world around me. After that, I knew I had to keep going out. Hiding behind closed doors was no longer acceptable to me. I'm quite happy I took those first, thrilling steps.

[Katie Lynn cd]

I almost only get to dress when traveling and it is always in a hotel room. I would love to take the next step and venture out I to the real world and it does eat at me on the inside. On a couple of occasions I have walked into the hallway late at night and it does make me feel good to be out. But that is the extent of it. Maybe one day I can have the courage to cross the next line. I truly admire those of you who can be so comfortable with who you are to be able to take that step.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nichola, I,m happy dressing at home but sometimes I think that I'de like to go out.

[DebbieL]

I recently took a bit of break from dressing, didn't dress in almost 6 months, then had a great day getting back to it. What struck me though, is that I'm not sure it's enough anymore. I've always been happy enough just dressing at home, been out just once which was great, but feel like something has to change

First question, why did you stop dressing? This can be a good indicator of your identity. If you quit because you were afraid of being caught, moved in with a new GF or Room-mate, or some other "Logistical Issue" - then you may be transsexual to some degree. If you just quit because it was a hassle and it wasn't fun anymore, then you may just be a transvestite cross-dresser. The transgender spectrum spans from the fetish dresser who only wants to dress in certain items and only in private (we'll call her a 1) to the girl trapped in the boy's body who will either change her gender or die trying (literally). When did you first start dressing? When you were young, were most of your friends boys or girls? At a party, do you hang out with the boys and discuss sports, fishing, hunting, and NASCAR, or are you hanging out with a bunch of the women talking about food, fashion, and creative projects, you're probably too young to talk about your kids, but do you talk about nieces and nephews?


So this leads me to a couple of questions.
So for those of you who are out & about, was there a crunch point when you just thought 'this is it', felt like you had to do it, or wanted to do it so bad, you made the leap into getting out?

There are two answers to that one. I've been dressing since I was 5 years old, when I was about 11 I was the same size as my mother, and could wear her clothes and her wig. I went out a few times, even walked to the store and bought some candy. I loved it and I was excited, but I made the mistake of under-dressing and climbing up a tree into a tree-house with another boy behind me (I played with boys but PREFERRED to play with girls). He saw my teddy and told the other boys on the block that I was a "panty-waist". Of course there was the usual violence that resulted from such disclosures in those days, so I went back into "Deep Cover".

I didn't come out for real until I was about 33 years old. I was doing the 12 steps and sharing my 4th step with my sponsor. That particular 4th step had a LOT of things about being transgender and tratransgenderednssexual, so he asked "does she have a name?", I hadn't picked one yet, so he told me to pick one. He then said "So when will we get to meet her". It was the first of August and I said "Halloween" and he said "That's a start". He was straight and butch and not attracted to me, but helped me to come out, and introduced me to women he knew would be supportive. I went to several dances and parties. My marriage was already over, we had been going through the motions, but hadn't had sex of any kind in over 18 months by then. We ended up seeing a marriage counselor and she admitted to the therapist that she had hoped that I would "out-grow it in a few months". The therapist explained that she was not a lesbian or bisexual and that I was a transsexual. He further explained that she would never be attracted to Debbie, and that if I tried to "Kill Debbie" - Debbie would kill me. He had had treated several transsexuals and found that most of the ones who went through transition - even if only to she-male, ended up quite happy. Those who tried to go back to being boys usually ended up killing themselves or being killed within a relatively short time. She started dating another man and soon after that he decided he wanted to get married. I told them that they had to wait 1 year - I wanted to make sure he could handle it and wouldn't bug out. If it didn't work out, we could stay married, and I'd still love her.

I started the therapist sessions for transition therapy. I actually needed to be treated for "battered spouse syndrome". I was also getting assignments of different environment, going to a Lesbian bar as Debbie, then going to the same bar as Rex, doing the same with gay bars and straight bars, as well as 12 step dances. I didn't drink, but the assignment to go to bars was to provide an environment where I could dress more "girly" and still fit in. It was very helpful and before long I was living as a girl 120 hours/week - the other hours were time at work or commuting home. As soon as I got home from work I'd put on my make-up, get dressed, and go out. Soon I was introduced to a couple of women who were bisexual and considered me a perfect match. I might have married one of them if she hadn't gotten an offer worth at least $5 million to get married, including adoption of her children. It was an offer I couldn't match.

I probably should have transitioned, either in Denver or in the NYC area. NYC had a TS friendly population. I let circumstances, a vindictive ex-wife, and the threat of supervised visitation derail my transition, and ended up unable to visit my kids, only talking to them via monitored telephone calls, and even when I did raise the money to come out to Colorado and visit, my ex seemed to have all but 2-3 hours completely booked even though the visit had been planned for weeks or months. One time I was in town for 3 weeks and only had 3 2 hour visits with the kids. Today, the kids are all grown up, they love and accept Debbie, and even shared some of their little kinks with me (my daughter wanted handcuffs for her 18th birthday, my son wanted a riding crop for his 21st). The kids are happily married, and I even have two grandchildren. I eventually remarried to a woman who knew from the beginning that I was transgender. She loves Debbie, but is not so keen on the prospect of transition.

Some questions. Do you have anyone you trust enough to tell them about Nichola? It can be really good to have a supportive male or female friend on early outings. You might want to start with some drives, at night. Bring your identification, with you, just in case. Then consider going to a GLBT friendly nightclub or bar. Feel free to just have fun, and let them know that you are transgender and that you are there for the first time. Don't be bashful about stating your preference for men or women in terms of being gay. If you say your are a lesbian, that means you are looking for girls who like Nichola. True Lesbians are not going to be interested, but you may be just the ticket for a bisexual.

Keep in mind that these early outings are simply to experience life dressed as a woman, and to be accepted. You don't have to find the love of you life, you don't have to even get laid. You don't have to commit to getting a sex change, and you don't have to try to down-play your desire to be feminine while in femme mode. Drag Queens dress up for entertainment purposes, and often lampoon women, often they are gay and often they are not transgender, though some are transgender and some are even transsexual. Most transsexuals move on to being show-girls in vegas type acts, or doing other work where they are perceived as women. Once you've labeled yourself, and shared that with 10-12 people, you will begin to experience something magical. 10-12 people is the point where the network forms that makes anything possible. One of those 12 people will know someone who knows someone who is bisexual or really likes transvestites and transgenders. They will introduce you, and she might even ask you to take her home - if that's what you want. If you are married, you should talk to your wife or GF. She may be surprisingly supportive.

If you are not in a committed relationship, this is a good time to drop the pretenses. If you are transgendered, and you try to hide it by acting, dressing, and talking as masculine as possible, the women you attract will probably NOT be accepting of your dressing. On the other hand, if you joke.about dressing, compliment women on their outfits, especially their jewelry, and make-up, and ask "do they carry plus size?", you would be surprised at how fast one of these women will introduce you to a woman who can't wait to feminize you.


Nichola:doh:[/QUOTE]

[Nichola]

Thanks for the responses, it nice to know how things are & have been for others. It was just what I was looking for & it made for an interesting read.:)

& DebbieL, thanks for taking such time for such a detailed response & I'll try to answer some of your questions.


First question, why did you stop dressing?

When did you first start dressing? When you were young, were most of your friends boys or girls?

Do you have anyone you trust enough to tell them about Nichola?

I took a break, maybe because of the feeling of all dressed up & nowhere to go. I feel I need a little bit more, maybe getting out could be the answer. The one time I did go out, it felt wonderful.
I was 6 years old when I first started dressing, most of my friends were boys. I was very secretive about it, & didn't want to incur the wrath of my parents.
I've told one person face to face, but that was a disaster.
I enjoy being a guy too, but feel without my feminine side I'm nothing. I do feel it extends beyond the look & the clothing for me, but I try to keep it under control.
This is what can be so confusing to me, because I do enjoy both the feminine & masculine sides. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be 'normal' but despite the ups & downs it's kinda fun being a little different.:)

[kimdl93]

...I enjoy being a guy too, but feel without my feminine side I'm nothing. I do feel it extends beyond the look & the clothing for me, but I try to keep it under control.
This is what can be so confusing to me, because I do enjoy both the feminine & masculine sides. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be 'normal' but despite the ups & downs it's kinda fun being a little different.:)

Your comment here is a great way to emphasize that there is more than a simple dichotomy of CDrs and TS. There's a whole spectrum of possible combinations and frankly, I think most of us will move to different points along that spectrum over time. It is fun being different and you don't have to life your life to anyone elses expectations.

[Jaymees22]

Hi Nichola, I've been dressing for 6 months now. I have gone out to a few parks and walked around. I also went grocery shopping in a different town and to a drugstore I don't usually go to. It just seemed to be something I had to try, but now that I have done it I feel content to stay at home. I remember my mother always felt trapped at home because she had MS and it was difficult for her to get out. So when I started dressing I felt trapped in the house too. Now I realize I'm not really trapped I can just change into my male clothes and go out. I get frantic if I don't dress for a week or two, how did you handle 6 months? Hugs Jaymee

[UNDERDRESSER]

I've been fetish dressing for a long while, but these days, don't feel that much from it. Have been dressing pretty much full time in panties for a couple of years now, because I appreciate the comfort, and i think mens underwear looks dreadful generally. Since getting together with my fully accepting and supportive GF this year, when I stay at her place, I change into a skirt and thigh highs, the yoga pants she gave me, or just the other day, I just stayed in the womens tech outdoor pants I recently bought. Since I came out to my GF, I've gone for a walk with her late at night in skirt and thigh highs, and another on my own. I am developing a desire to be able to wear a skirt in public, ( or a kilt type garment, don't see much difference ) I am trying to come up with a "look" that will work blending male/female clothing. I want to dress in a way that displays my sexuality in an acceptable way, I am male, and straight, but I wish to express a softness and sexiness that men aren't usually expected to have.

[krissy_toronto]

When Dressing is not enough? Damn I think that everytime I get all dressed and just enjoy myself indoors. I really so badly want to venture into the real world. My wife is encouraging of this but I'm scared to death. If other gals in my city were game, I'd be out in a heartbeat but alone? The few little trips out I have done I was shaking the whole time and don't even get me started about going out in broad daylight. LOL

[reb.femme]

Hi Helen,

I recently had a break from dressing, brought about by medication, but am now mentally back to where I was. Prior to this event, I had starting getting out en femme when away with work. In my hotel room, I felt like a caged animal and I just had to get out. One biting of the bullet later, out I went. However, I seem to have regressed to the closet of late due to a lack of hotel stays.

I know I will never be happy with just dressing at home, so I’m looking to meet like-minded souls locally and have contacted the Beaumont Society. Just waiting for Helen (London rep) to get back from holiday to progress this avenue. I will post up about what happens from there.

Like that very alluring avatar by the way.

Rebecca

[Diversity]

Hi Nichola,
I must admit that I am having the same feelings as Heatherdress, Kendra_Gurl, and others as you have also described in your thread. I'm with you on this. I am getting to the point that I want to try to go out sometime. I only have dressed at home and the urge to explore the next step is becoming stronger. I am going to let life take it's course and just relax and enjoy the path I am on in this journey through life.
I must say that Leslie Langford's post is really encouraging, as well!
Di

[ClosetED]

Dressing in private give you the acceptance of just one, and that is active acceptance. Wanting to go out, you hope to be accepted as a feminine person by others. It does not imply you want to be a woman or want to be sexually treated as a woman. Passive acceptance that you appear to be a woman ( visually passing) may be all that you desire. Interacting more closely with people may be the next step and may be active acceptance. If going out is too scary, then gaining acceptance thru this site may be enough. Each person is different.

[minalost]

I've been on this cusp for a long time now. The thing holding me back is my wife's instistance that I not go out in public dressed as a woman. It's actually getting to the point that I actually feel less frustration just NOT dressing up. I also feel the urge to "blend" my gender more and more when out in drab: fem jeans, mascara, lip gloss, painted nails, jewalry, more and more "underdressing..." It feels like something is going to give fairly soon, but I really don't want to risk my marriage over this. Sigh, the trials of a married crossdresser!

[TGMarla]

I'm not yet sure what's going to happen in my near future, but for the most part, I've been quite happy and content dressing at home, and venturing out every once in a while. It's fun, it's exhilarating, but ultimately, it's not something I find altogether necessary for myself on any kind of a regular basis. I'm happy simply being at home most of the time.

[AmyGaleRT]

I didn't think I'd want to go outside either. But not long after I came out to my fiancee, there was one evening I was all dressed up, it was pretty late at night, and I saw a bag full of trash all closed up and ready to take out to the dumpster. So...I did! It was a real thrill, feeling the cool breeze through my tights, hearing the "click-click-click" of my boots on the asphalt, seeing a brilliant full moon overhead. I walked out there, deposited the bag, and walked back, unhurried and unconcerned. No one was out there at that time of night, and the stars did not tremble in their courses.

I've done that a few times now, once even encountering one of the neighbors as I walked out the door. He stepped to one side and let me pass by carrying my big bag, not saying a word. I'll never know what he was thinking, but perhaps he was just showing some courtesy to a lady...or clearing the way for a person with a heavy load.

I've gotten to the point where I've driven the car a couple of times, accompanied by my fiancee. I've even driven straight through downtown on Friday night, past the bars, and no one there noticed anything special about the lady behind the wheel. (Of course, some of them probably just barely noticed there was a car there! :) )

Now I am able to actually conceive of doing things as Amy I'd never thought possible. I want to go shopping with my fiancee, even if it's only to Walmart. I want to walk into an Ulta and feel like I belong there, instead of feeling uneasy like I did taking my fiancee there in guy mode. I want to get my hair trimmed as Amy, so it'll look more natural en femme. And I wouldn't have thought I'd ever do any of that, before now. It's a combination of my fiancee's acceptance and the example set by the ladies here that's inspiring me. :)

- Amy

[Sonya]

I enjoy being a guy too, but feel without my feminine side I'm nothing. I do feel it extends beyond the look & the clothing for me, but I try to keep it under control.
This is what can be so confusing to me, because I do enjoy both the feminine & masculine sides. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be 'normal' but despite the ups & downs it's kinda fun being a little different.:)[/QUOTE]

This is what i also have problem with myself, i really do enjoy being a guy as well and doing socially accepted man activities. At the same time i love dressing up and looking feminine. I really do not mind my hairy legs, arms and chest in guy mode but i can not stand them in girl mode. I would love to also go out dressed regularly but that means i have to be clean shaven and hairless to look good.