Should I tell? Shouldn't I? Figuring out what i'm doing with this.

[BobbieCrescent]

I've been dressing for a while. It's definitely gone through phases, and i'm certainly glad i don't have to completely hide it and stash things under drawers and in the back of closets.

That being said, i still have no idea where this fits into my life or how to figure that out, and i have momentary surges of interest in outing myself simply to be able to talk about it with other people than the few i've trusted, and my wife.

I'm just not sure a) if it's only a sexual/fetish thing, should i really be trying to tell people about it, or is that just weird and creepy?

b) if it's not, how do i figure out how and where this fits in to my life, and learn how to get over the shyness of not going outside or showing anyone ever. I just chickened out on doing any sort of costume for our halloween party a few days ago, and i'm mildly annoyed about it.

additionally, even if i do consider it more a part of my life than just a momentary thing i enjoy, does that mean i fit somewhere in the 'trans' spectrum? the few people i've talked with that were trans seemed to be almost offended that i was trying to include myself.

I'm pseudo-planning to dress up for a convention in january, but i am worried i'll back out on that too.

[docrobbysherry]

Why don't u just relax and enjoy the ride, Bobbie? Do what u want when u want. Why do u feel a need to rush things? Why not take baby steps until u see the goal line? THEN, grab the ball and jump over it!

[CD_blue]

Not much I can say to you to help. Only that you aren't alone in this as I am also conflicted with this myself and can be hard on myself with it. I decided after getting advice here that I am actually going to try to do some small simple things that shouldn't draw too much attention and out side of my home town. When I will do this (if ever) remains to be seen but perhaps this would be something you be willing to start with? Then see where it goes for you?

Also I am new to cross dresser community and not sure of my place in the spectrum. I have heard couple things saying being pure cross dresser offends some within the community but I don't know how this all plays out with whom. Something I still am trying to figure out.

Regardless, I wish you the best of luck out there! As you can see you aren't alone at all.

[kimdl93]

Lets start with the last question first. There are a significant number of CDers who object to the suggestion that they are part of the transgender spectrum, because they feel their motivation is not reflective of any degree of interest, desire or sense of ambiguity about their gender. We can leave it at that. If you felt that dressing was purely a way to get off, you probably wouldn't have asked the question.

So, what if you acknowledge some degree of ambiguous feelings about your gender. That's no reason to come out beyond those absolutely nearest to you. You are entitled to keep this to yourself, forever, if you wish. Only come out to a larger number of people if your desire to express femininity begins to feel unduly confined by secrecy. You owe no one this information besides your wife.

[Tina B.]

Bobbie, Bobbie, Bobbie, I have never understood why so many feel the need to shout it from the roof tops. Unless you feel the need to go out and be among the family and friends dressed, why the need to tell all. As you said yourself, you don't know what it all means to you. Is it just a bedroom fetish, or is it an undeniable part of who you are? Until you figure that out, why go out and tell anybody? First give it time and think about why you are doing it, how far do you want to take it, and just who needs to know. First to thine own self be true, once you figure out what you want from it, then and only them can you figure out just who needs to know.
If it' just a sexual thing, why does anyone need to know, unless you are going to be sexual with them, if it's a Trans thing, how far are you planning on taking it. Does grandma really need to know, and how will that benefit her. How can you explain what it's about for you, if you have no idea yourself, start there.

[Tracii G]

Bobbie you need to sit down and read,educate yourself on what transgenderism is.
I'm sure you have an idea but are somewhat confused.
Maybe see a therapist who deals only with transgender issues.
I never understood the need to tell anyone. Especially if you don't know what their views are on the subject.
Would you go to the mall and scream I dress in womens clothes and expect understanding? Not a chance in hell that would happen probably the opposite.
Same goes with friends and family why tell them at all?
You know they are going to ask questions like are you gay or even worse a pervert or some kind of sexual deviant.
If you are not sure what you are then how would you answer their questions?
An "I don't know" from you is not a valid answer is it?

[heatherdress]

Don't worry so much. Time will answer your questions. Don't be concerned when you hesitate or change your mind. Don't feel creep or weird. Don't feel you have to tell anyone else. Experience and enjoy the things which make you happy.

[Barbara Ella]

Bobbie. Just do what you enjoy and feel comfortable doing. If that means staying at home, so be it. If it means dressing and going out, fine. If you are not sure, it is best not to worry about what may be in your future. If you keep doing what feels right, you may eventually begin doing more things. If you are confused about where you fit, you just haven't gathered all the information yet, and are still developing. Just because you cannot see where you fit does not mean you do not belong. You are here because you wear women's clothing. Keep that thought and keep on trucking There is no rule that someone must know anything. Don't worry about backing out on anything. If it feels right you will do it.

Barbara

[Beverley Sims]

You are over thinking the situation too much.
Do not worry about telling others, they probably won't be interested.
Stay closeted until you want to go out.
Then go and enjoy yourself. :)