Mood Swings and Growth

[Meghan]

I still think being more emotionally and spiritually connected to myself is on average better than not being connected. However, I think there are some unintended consequences.

Specifically, I think the process is touching some pretty raw emotions and not all of them are positive. I have been extremely moody lately, especially in the last couple of days. I have had some pretty great moments, but those have been offset by some pretty nasty snapping and even uncontrollable crying.

Since I have been out, I have had some underlying need to connect with others like me. But, in turn, those connections mean keeping more and more commitments (like writing back when I say I will).

The problem might be that I am feeling more social stress than ever because I don't want to let anyone down and keep the new connections open. If I miss a commitment I am getting pretty down on myself, and this is only going to compound as I get busier because the potential is there to miss even more things.

Maybe it's losing a known enemy. I have spent my whole life worried that others would find out. Now that I don't care and I am pretty much out, new and unfamiliar fears could be filling the void.

I am curious about what others have experienced as they have come out. I have to think moodiness is a part of emotional growth, right?

Meghan

[Kelley]

Hi Meghan, I have had a lot of the same feelings you describe lately. Before I came out to my wife of 30+ years I kept my secret hidden away and was quit content to live as a regular everyday guy. A lot of that life was a lie, I put up a lot of fronts to keep the image. After my wife found out I reevaluated my life a found a very strong desire to drop all the fronts and walls and live as I feel. This is where the the conflict comes in. It is very difficult to come out to the world when you have spent 50+ years building a different life. I have begun to feel like prisoner in my own home. I can't be my self when my son is home or shop, go out in my social area. I feel so much better when I dress the way I feel and have the freedom to go out without the fear of someone seeing me. I hope to start coming out to family soon but I don't think the the emotional roller coaster will ever end

[kimdl93]

Your creating stress for yourself. Make Fewer commitments and allow sufficient time for those you make.

[ChelseaErtel]

I'm sure you have seen that there are many types of TG people on this forum. Everyone's path is different. My normal was dressing in secret when I could. Then I found I just wanted to dress 100% time, anything less was depressing. Through discovery, therapy I have found some very conflicting emotions. I don't want to destroy my family. My wife an I love each other, but not as husband and wife, but as companions. So, I'm in a quandary. I'm "almost" certain (that changes depending...) I want to transition. I have fantasized about being a woman and living as one for so long, but always deeply suppressed.

So yes, I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Even before I told my wife this last Thursday. I do think that emotional growth does bring with it some moodiness.

[Daisy41]

I've found a lot of my apprehension comes from the fact that if people aren't talking to me about crossdressing, I assume they disapprove of it. For the longest time I kept worrying that my wife was going to reveal that she had a serious problem with it all this time. I'd see she'd get distressed when I dressed or annoyed when I asked how I look. I learned that it wasn't the crossdressing that was annoying her, but the fact that I waited so late in the day to get ready and it was putting us behind schedule for where ever we planned to be.

The perception that she secretly disapproved actually caused me to be moody and snap at her. It was unfair for me to perceive something that was not there. I ultimately had to connect what was going on with how I treat everything else in my life. When I start a new hobby, I get worried that my wife will tell me that it's taking up too much of our time together and she'd be upset with it. Reality is that she doesn't mind at all and she loves the quality of the time we spend together. With that said, I associate crossdressing with everything else I do and realized I was just being myself in my worries.

I finally accept it and honestly, mentally I feel much better. I have nothing to hide from my wife anymore. The only thing I get upset about is the fact it's hidden from my parents and her parents, with good reason, but that doesn't affect my day to day emotions all that much anymore.

[Beverley Sims]

I think you are over thinking your perceived problem too much.
Creating stress and worry.
Take up a hobby to get your mind off it. :)
I mean think of other less worrying things.

[LelaK]

I believe emotions have a purpose similar to physical feelings. Physical feelings of pain or discomfort are meant to warn us that harm is being done to some part of our body. Uncomfortable emotions are to warn us that harm is being done to the mind. Misconceptions are the main things that harm the mind, I think.

I believe all uncomfortable emotions are based on fear, and fear is an illusion, or misconception. Fear is stressful, but by realizing that the fear is an illusion, it disappears and along with it the stress does too.

Just hoping that the fear is an illusion isn't enough to make it disappear. Instead, it's usually best to ask yourself what is the fear and how is it an illusion. If I'm sad, it's because I fear being without someone or some valued experience, that I won't have what I need to be happy. Or I may fear that a loved one will not have what s/he needs to be happy. If I'm angry, it's fear of having things turn out unfairly. I think it's not too hard to see what may be illusory about such fears.

I usually find crying to be pleasant, rather than painful. Crying eases pain. So does moaning. I fell and fractured my heel once and it was painful, but I found that moaning took away the pain. Crying is healing.

[SusanCACD]

I for one understand your feelings, and I have been one to miss a meet up with someone I had meet on the www. It's looks flaky and it is to be sure, but to actually make a date to meet up with "one of us" is a non starter. I will not let anyone down again. I guess it regulates me more to the closet to be sure but I would rather have that than to be considered a flake. I find it really hard to just allow myself to be me.
Susan

[Lady Catherine]

If you really think about it, of course we're going to be emotional as we grow into our new roles and the stress of making sure we don't disappoint the people we love and care about in our lives. That's a lot to carry around with us all the time. When I get over come, I try to just step back and breath and clear my head so I don't say or do something I will regret later. Life isn't easy as it is. Our lives are definately living a more stressful life, especially if in the closet. (Even partially) Hopefully it begins to get easier as we experiance the life we chose.

On a side note, Meghan, I can be at someplace like the Dolphin Mall in about an hour, so if you ever need some one to talk to in person, I will do my best to accomodate. Sometimes seeing that support in some ones eyes is the comfort you need.