Hints for Shopping En Drab (guy mode)

[outhiking]

Since I don't present in public, I have to buy my female clothes while dressed in normal, that is boring guy clothes. Here's a few hints to those who may find this type of shopping necessary, but intimidating:

1. Scope out the store beforehand. Know where the things are that you are interested in a few days before going into shop

2. Read up about the clothes, make-up, etc. that you are interested in so that you shop prepared and have an idea of what you are looking to purchase

3. Go in just after they open on a weekday

4. I like to be well groomed and in business casual clothing (hoodies and sunglasses make me feel like I look like a potential shoplifter)

5. Walk confidently to the area that you are intersted in and browse for the item(s) you want. Smile pleasantly at anyone who looks your way

6. Double-check that the size is correct and that the item has not obvious flaws - who want to come back for a return. Use a basket so that you can fold the article into it and it won't look so obvious

7. Walk calmly to the register, smile at the cashier and make your purchase. You are doing nothing illegal, immoral or shady

All-in-all, you can get in and out in about 10 minutes and with each trip you'll gain more confidence and find that you can start to browse a little more leisurely and actually start to enjoy the process. Shop for pretty things at first if you want to look like you are buying for your significant other, but then go for it.

Good luck!

[Robynne]

Also, if the opportunity presents itself, I go to the register with the most mature cashier. They are generally the friendliest.

[Beverley Sims]

7. Walk calmly to the register, smile at the cashier and make your purchase. You are doing nothing illegal, immoral or shady

All-in-all, you can get in and out in about 10 minutes and with each trip you'll gain more confidence and find that you can start to browse a little more leisurely and actually start to enjoy the process. Shop for pretty things at first if you want to look like you are buying for your significant other, but then go for it.

Good luck!

I have to look at this tongue in cheek.
You do have good advice for beginners here.
As you progress you realise how shady you have been over the years.
At the end of it all wear a dress and put on makeup, you don't have to do it all in 10 mins and you get to spend a lot mre money.

[ChelseaErtel]

[QUOTE=
At the end of it all wear a dress and put on makeup, you don't have to do it all in 10 mins and you get to spend a lot mre money.[/QUOTE]

So true. Good advice for starters. Remember that any establishment the opens their doors for business just want to make sales. I bet if you didn't pass in the least, you could go to Texas, go to a gun store and buy a weapon and the SAs would treat you wonderfully. Now, after you leave the store - run!!!!!!

[I Am Paula]

Being a pro level shopper, and very outgoing, I chat with the SA's all the time. I've had numerous conversations about guys shopping (obviously for themselves). Universally, they say they don't mind, will be glad to help, and let you use the dressing rooms. However, thier biggest creep out is guys lurking. Wearing sunglasses, wandering the dainties for a hour, not making eye contact or ignoring offers for help. Look like the uni-bomber, you'll be treated like the uni-bomber. I realize that confidence is some thing that has to be built, but just keep saying to youself...'I'm allowed here, no one cares what I'm doing here, the SA would sell a drug addled lab monkey a mini skirt (she's just waiting for closing time)... that pink top is to die for.' Hugs-Celeste

[Daisy41]

Great tips, outhiking! I follow all of these tips myself and it makes shopping much easier! The only thing I haven't done is tried on clothing in drab in women's specialty stores. Where as stores with a men's department, I will gladly haul clothes over to the men's fitting room and try stuff on there.

The biggest apprehension I ever got from shopping in drab is having other women shopping around me, even at sizes they obviously wouldn't fit in. I feel as if they're more "hovering". They seem to bounce right next to me, shuffle the racks then bounce away. Other than that, I shop as if I were shopping for my own clothes.

[Sara Jessica]

Very good starting out advice for the beginner.


Being a pro level shopper, and very outgoing, I chat with the SA's all the time. I've had numerous conversations about guys shopping (obviously for themselves). Universally, they say they don't mind, will be glad to help, and let you use the dressing rooms. However, thier biggest creep out is guys lurking. Wearing sunglasses, wandering the dainties for a hour, not making eye contact or ignoring offers for help. Look like the uni-bomber, you'll be treated like the uni-bomber. I realize that confidence is some thing that has to be built, but just keep saying to youself...'I'm allowed here, no one cares what I'm doing here, the SA would sell a drug addled lab monkey a mini skirt (she's just waiting for closing time)... that pink top is to die for.' Hugs-Celeste

I'll put myself in the pro shopper category as well and Celeste makes some really good points for those who wish to graduate to the upper division coursework ;). Even with experience and the best intentions, we can sometimes give off the wrong vibe as I found out earlier this year when I chose not to disclose that I was shopping for myself. I came across as a potential shoplifter, something that I learned after I eventually disclosed when I found something I simply HAD to try on. I am still their customer to this day and learned how I came across during my first visit when talking to the SA's. No harm, no foul and I definitely learned something.

[Stephanie47]

When I was a novice shopper I found ways to minimize my fears. I will conjecture, the younger you are the easier it is to buy for the other woman. It seems the older we get, the less likely it is for us to actually buy for a GG, wife or girlfriend.

I use to tear out the ad from a newspaper and write a brief note indicating the correct size to buy. It was a shopping crutch. "See my wife gave me the ad of the item she wanted so I would not make a mistake." Or, " checked her clothing for the size."

Shop for a wig at Halloween. There is plenty of time to buy at multiple locations. This is the best time to buy false eyelashes, too!

Shop a Christmas and Valentine's Day for pretties, including dresses and outfits. ASK FOR GIFT WRAPPING! Christmas is also the best time to buy makeup gift sets that include implements and a wide range of colors of eye shadow, etc. Great time to sample and buy perfume for your woman.

Do the same for your wife's or girlfriend's birthday. There is no limit for the number of birth dates she can have. ASK FOR GIFT WRAPPING.

For makeup, if you know the brand and color, shop at a variety store. It is a lot easier to throw a lipstick, eyeliner, etc into the shopping cart with groceries. You can write what shade the lipstick your wife wants on any manufacturers coupon. "See my wife wrote it down so I would not make a mistake!"

I know there are those who have suggested to just shop en femme, but, I am a realist. I also concur, please look like you're an ordinary guy, clean, casual attire. Do not go overboard with the 'masculinity.' Don't show up with greasy hands, torn up tee shirt and jeans, unshaven for a week. Homer Simpson will attract attention.

[Sharon B.]

I have gone into a woman's store in drab attire but under-dressed as a woman and have been offer to try on certain outfits. At the very least from under the door it looked as a woman trying on something as my toenails had nail polish on them along with nylons on, also had a bra on but no silicone inserts.

[Sara Jessica]

Stephanie, it's best to just dispense with the excuses. The SA's have seen it all and will likely see right through any story that is conjured up. Besides, when lying, we often give off unconscious signals and/or body language which can increase that creepy factor without our even being aware of it.

[rocketscientist]

Also, for the newbies, if you are in one of the "big box" stores they may have the self-scan checkouts! No interaction with cashiers required. That said, I do most of my shopping en drab. Most of the stores and thrift shops I go to VERY frequently must have figured it out by now! The people there just usually give a sly smile and often compliment on the items I am purchasing( "OMG! That is sooo cute") LOL. They never have just asked if what I am buying is for me and I haven't volunteered that information.If they did ask, I would probably tell them the truth. Hugs, Tonya

[IngeInCO]

I've just been going in and shopping lately. Haven't tried things on but no worries looking through the racks or check out

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I know there are those who have suggested to just shop en femme, but, I am a realist.

What does that "realist" mean. There are crossdressers who shop en femme all the time without problems. There are crossdressers who shop en drab without "silly excuses".

You're not being a realist at all...you're actively trying to NOT deal with the reality of being trans.

Veronica

[Lady Slipper]

Wow, Outhiking, I use all these techniques when shopping, whether for a dress or an alternator! :devil: Good advice all around!

[sissystephanie]

When you are out shopping, you are spending money. In todays economy that is all the SA's are concerned about, unless you are also a sholifter. The SA's don't really care if you are buying for yourself, or your SO. All they care about is how much you spend. Over the past 60+ years I have shopped either enfemme or in drab in probably more stores than most of you have seen. Just be in control of yourself, and buy what you want!!

[tifftg]

I consider myself a more comfortable shopping pro in drab and enfemme. When I am in drab I am always underdressed so that if I decide to try something on I can tell a little more easily how it will look and fit. Stay confident and you will be treated fine.

Shopping is so much fun when buying women's items, the selections and all the styles. Practice makes perfect.

[TxCassie]

And the most important for newbie shoppers en drab or en femme, BREATH! Relax, and BREATHE! The only one looking is your fear.

[abbie_lynn]

I always shop in guy mode (occasionally under-dressed). I find its more awkward than anything. I have a couple of tips too:

1) I tend not to care too much what random people think I'm doing, in general if a girl was buying guy clothes you wouldn't bat an eye so I fool myself with that logic. Panties, bras, and maybe makeup are a bit different, at the register I'm usually worried about some kid yelling "mommy, why's that man buying a bra?", I tend to wear nice guy clothes and be on my phone the whole time just coming off as preoccupied.. Combining the purchase with guy stuff helps too.

2) The chance of running into a co-worker or something is far worse than anything a worker at the store will say (to me at least). So for those who share that concern going to a store in the next town over (if feasible) is nice. Especially if you aren't sure what you want and are going to be browsing. It's a lot nicer to be able to relax and I think if you're not nervous-acting you're less likely to arouse unwanted attention.

I've yet to "open up" to a store associate.

[Terri]

I have shopped in Femme as well as in drab. I try to be honest, relaxed and friendly to the SA and have found them(without exception) to be friendly and helpful in return. As a matter of fact, they are often enthusiastic about helping.

[StevieTV]

Stephanie, it's best to just dispense with the excuses. The SA's have seen it all and will likely see right through any story that is conjured up. Besides, when lying, we often give off unconscious signals and/or body language which can increase that creepy factor without our even being aware of it.
I have to agree with Sara Jessica. Go in with confidence and know that you're there to purchase something. It's better to chat with the SA than to be abrupt. Smile and be polite as they meet so many jerks during the day. Yesterday I bought a gorgeous magenta scarf and the SA at the cash said to me it was beautiful and wished she saw it first. I replied "too bad, it's mine". She smiled and told me to enjoy it.

[Megan Briana]

I usually go shopping en drabbe. I always try to go to the young ladies on the register. They always give a knowing smile, BUT they also offer fashion tips, encouragement, and appear very please with seeing me there conversing back with them. I am not usually outgoing, in fact I am very shy. So, when I go out shopping I make sure Megan is right there to pick up the conversation when I start blushing. She hasn't let me down once. And I have gotten one or two phone numbers this way too ;)

[wilt575]

I consider myself a more comfortable shopping pro in drab and enfemme. When I am in drab I am always underdressed so that if I decide to try something on I can tell a little more easily how it will look and fit. Stay confident and you will be treated fine.

Shopping is so much fun when buying women's items, the selections and all the styles. Practice makes perfect.

You are so right about the fun, for me drab is a little more of a challange, since I had implants awhile back, but not impossiable. Also try an shop stores with self check out, no cashier to eye(hold up for all to see) your purchases when scaning them.

[Jamie001]

Be proud of yourself and what you are purchasing even in the cashier holds the item up for everyone to see. You are not doing anything that is illegal. Women buy men's clothing everyday. We do we make such a big deal out of buying women's clothing? If anyone asks, just tell them that you are buying for yourself. Don't lie - you will only feel bad later...

[Melissa73]

i remember once, i was at target. I had selected a pink bikini w/ cherries on it. took it to the young female cashier. she smiled, and replies "I bet it'll look good on you!" I hesistaed and kinda nodded, but didnt say a word, as i was embarrassed. and paid the lady and walked out. But i can never ever forget it...

Michelle

[wilt575]

Be proud of yourself and what you are purchasing even in the cashier holds the item up for everyone to see. You are not doing anything that is illegal. Women buy men's clothing everyday. We do we make such a big deal out of buying women's clothing? If anyone asks, just tell them that you are buying for yourself. Don't lie - you will only feel bad later...

Did not mean hold up to show off, meant holding up to find scan tag to ring up.

[Tina B.]

When shopping in drab, remember one thing, you see gender, the store sees green, it's all about the money. I have not had a SA give me the look in 15 years or better. I used to avoid young checkers, and men, and I've found lately young male SA's don't seem to care either.

[sonna]

just do it....................

[CynthiaD]

I've shopped in drab at almost every store in my area (central Texas) that carries women's clothing. I don't rush. I take as much time as I want. When I check out, I go to the shortest line. I don't care how old the check out person is, and I don't care what gender they are. I've had a couple of odd looks, but it happens so seldom that it surprises me when it happens. Take my word for it, shopping in drab is no big deal.

[STACY B]

I got it ,, But what do I do with my Purse ? An how do I get my money out when I get to the register ?

[Cassandra Lynn]

Since I don't present in public, I have to buy my female clothes while dressed in normal, that is boring guy clothes. Here's a few hints to those who may find this type of shopping necessary, but intimidating:

1. Scope out the store beforehand. Know where the things are that you are interested in a few days before going into shop

I get that your trying to be helpful, but i can't help but point something out, forgive my sarcasm and all that.

I'm really hung up on idea #1 here. :idontknow:

I assume that the "scoping out" trip would require actually entering the store, so since your going to be in there, if you do see something you like why not go ahead and purchase it then?

A. It might be gone a few days later
B. You'd save yourself another trip and with today's fuel prices, you might as well spend the dough on the clothes.

I'm not sayin....i'm just sayin :Peace:

[Meghan]

Just thrown in a pack of gum, or a candy bar, and everything will be fine!

I have heard everything in my 20+ years of shopping. I had a hard time buying a wig in Oklahoma once, but in general I have never really had a problem.

One recommendation: be prepared to deal with this question: "is this for you?"

It seems to come up a lot, at least for me, and typically it's younger cashiers who I think are naturally being curious more than anything else. Usually, I smile and just say "yep, do you think it will look good on me"? Foundation could be for TV work...for example...so whatever works best for you but be ready for this one because it could throw you.

Beyond that, shopping in drab used to be a bit nerve-wracking because of the off chance that I might run into someone I know, especially when I was closeted. Now-a-days, I simply don't care.

Carry yourself with confidence and you'll be fine. I have never, ever been denied when trying to by something. I have aborted a trip or two for one reason or another, but generally speaking, the rush from not knowing how it will turn out is often the best part of the shopping trip!

Meghan

[bridgetta]

Yes yes yes. Exactly right. The fact is you are allowed to purchase what u want

[EllieOPKS]

I used to be so timid going into the ladies section of a store I would almost have to double down on my blood pressure meds. Then it hit me one day. It's like playing poker. YOU are the only one that knows what's really in your hand. I've decided there are only two scenarios that you need to address. At the check out, if you want to keep everyone at ease you can always request a gift receipt with the purchase.
The other circumstance is the very very rare sales assoc. that thinks they own the store and this actually happened to me about a year ago. I was in the lingerie section and the SA (an older lady btw, you know the type, with 1/2 lense glasses on her nose connected to a chain around her neck.) in a very obnoxious said "WHAT are you looking for???" my answer was direct and without hesitation "I want to look at crotchless panties about half your size and if you have anything edible in cherry or strawberry I want to see those as well". The look on her face could have stopped a watch.

[jsunic_1978]

The younger ladies and also the guys now are always friendly. society is finally coming around.

Also, shopping in drab is the best way to start. SA gets to know us. Then I go as Jenn. ALWAYS HAD GREAT EXPERIENCES :) The SA even walks with trough me trough the store, carries on conversations and really goes out of her way whater I know exactly what im looking for or need advice as they always are very polite and helpful. It's not how we dress, its how comfortable we are with our selves.

[Jana]

Been there, done that. Good tips for the more unexperienced/shy crowd. And remember, in the end, your MONEY interests stores far more than WHAT you actually buy. So, ladies, shop till you drop! :)

[outhiking]

I get that your trying to be helpful, but i can't help but point something out, forgive my sarcasm and all that.

I'm really hung up on idea #1 here. :idontknow:

I assume that the "scoping out" trip would require actually entering the store, so since your going to be in there, if you do see something you like why not go ahead and purchase it then?

A. It might be gone a few days later
B. You'd save yourself another trip and with today's fuel prices, you might as well spend the dough on the clothes.

I'm not sayin....i'm just sayin :Peace:

I'm usually scoping when shopping with my family or my wife. Plus sometimes have to wait for the paycheck to roll around.

[Angela Campbell]

It is really no ones business who you are shopping for. I have been married twice and both times my spouse would not go shopping. They both hated going in a store and also had bad taste in clothes, so I did the shopping for them. I knew the sizes, the styles they liked, colors and such. I just went into a store and bought what I needed. No one ever asked me who it was for, no one ever called the police on me, no one really noticed. Now if I am shopping for myself I don't really care. If someone asked me who it is for I would tell them...ME. No need to lie. It is not against the law for a man to buy panties and a skirt and top.

My advice for a newbie........just go buy what you want. No one really cares if it is for you.

[JohnnieCD]

I've visited a stripper boutique in San Antonio called Secrets Boutique by Carie that advertises to be CD/TG friendly. They are a custom shop, it's in a sleazy part of town and I was apprehensive about going there and drove past a few times before I got the courage to go in. They sell male posing suits so I decided those would be my reason for shopping which as it turned out, I love the suits. Rocking bright colors and sexy tailoring as well. Anyway, the sales staff is very friendly and pointed out the limited number of male suits and said they sell most of their suits online, but will custom make anything I want.

They have some of the cutest GG outfits that are actually casual wear that I would love to have but afraid of embarrassment to inquire. I'd really like to have CD/TG friend that has already over came this fear to go shopping with to settle me down. Does that sound weird?

[outhiking]

Naw, not weird. I think we all find comfort with others who have similar experiences.

[StarrOfDelite]

So true. Good advice for starters. Remember that any establishment the opens their doors for business just want to make sales. I bet if you didn't pass in the least, you could go to Texas, go to a gun store and buy a weapon and the SAs would treat you wonderfully. Now, after you leave the store - run!!!!!!

If armed to the teeth why would you run, you'd be the meanest mutha in the valley!

[JenToronto]

Excellent tips!!

[Wanna be Heather]

you are absolutly right although I am just new to CD, I went shopping for myself several times and i always get help from the staff.

[joanna4]

I really like to shop en femme. Making the purchase of a sexy crop top or mini skirt feels natural. The hardest part of shopping en femme is still getting out of the car/walking in the store. It is important to pick the perfect time. I either go really early or really late. I am more comfortable in a store with less shoppers and SA's. They WILL see you but if you are in a particular spot of the store, not that many people will be right next to you when you are shopping. Another thing is parking, finding a good parking spot for in and out without getting your car noticed if you drive a vehicle that stands out.

[lingerieLiz]

The first time I went shoping for panties I was so nervious that I heard a SA tell another, See him he is trying to shoplift those panties. I almost ran out of the store I was so embarrased. Soon after I went to work in a clothing store. I actually did watch a guy shoplift a bra. I told the SA, but he was gone before she could do anything. Ended talking to her about what i was after and bought a slip.

We are our own worst enemy. Relax, walk in, browse, try on, and enjoy. I'm a people watcher, but have discovered that women don't like being watched while buying lingerie. If you want to clear out a section of lingerie. Just stand in the area and watch the women. They become uncomfortable and will disperse. I've had a woman ask me one time if I wore bras to which I responded yes. She was shocked, but OK with it. I've talked to women shoppers in the lingerie department about inventory. Had one woman walk up and tell me she wished her husband was as comfortable as I was with helping my wife and her friend get the right sizes.

[Annie M]

This one sort of bothers me I often see women buying men's cloths and shopping in the mens department yet as men we are scared S#$tless to even enter the domain of women's department. We break out in a cold sweat if we have to go to the cashier, we case the place like we were planning a bank robbery. You even see men who will hang on the edges of the department while their wives shop... "ya wont catch me touchin' women's stuff... " Personally I love the women's wear departments even if I'm not buying for me! the colors the feel and styles no wonder I like to wear women's clothes. Go to the mens and you get 50 shades of brown gunny sacks, oh boy. So why are the macho men afraid of buying women' stuff, just do it, you don't need to explain to the cashier really you dont. Men can be so gutless at times.

[Tora]

By shopping in Drab, underdressed, at smaller shops, or Macy's, the recon will tell you about the dressing rooms and staff. I have found a semi private dressing room at many stores. The smaller shops, I try to shop early and will respect the GG's shopping, so as not to cause a stir. I am not ashamed, just want to fly under the radar. The SA's are well aware of my presence and intentions. How else can we be certain about proper fit and appearance, without trying on a item. The BIG box stores are too big a hassle, for me.

[Layla Michelle]

I'm new to San Antonio and a novice CD as well. I've been to Secrets and the staff was super friendly and non-threatening. I'm also looking for friends to shop with, hang out, experiment with makeup, etc. Let me know.

[Jamie001]

Since I don't present in public, I have to buy my female clothes while dressed in normal, that is boring guy clothes. Here's a few hints to those who may find this type of shopping necessary, but intimidating:

1. Scope out the store beforehand. Know where the things are that you are interested in a few days before going into shop

2. Read up about the clothes, make-up, etc. that you are interested in so that you shop prepared and have an idea of what you are looking to purchase

3. Go in just after they open on a weekday

4. I like to be well groomed and in business casual clothing (hoodies and sunglasses make me feel like I look like a potential shoplifter)

5. Walk confidently to the area that you are intersted in and browse for the item(s) you want. Smile pleasantly at anyone who looks your way

6. Double-check that the size is correct and that the item has not obvious flaws - who want to come back for a return. Use a basket so that you can fold the article into it and it won't look so obvious

7. Walk calmly to the register, smile at the cashier and make your purchase. You are doing nothing illegal, immoral or shady

All-in-all, you can get in and out in about 10 minutes and with each trip you'll gain more confidence and find that you can start to browse a little more leisurely and actually start to enjoy the process. Shop for pretty things at first if you want to look like you are buying for your significant other, but then go for it.

Good luck!

You forgot the most important step which is trying on the article of clothing.

[jsunic_1978]

Im always wearing womens sneakers and jeans while in drab. womens shoes just look so much nicer. nikies, champions, asics. Now I want womens puma and adididas :)

[Ms. Laura]

Ach! I'm so jealous of all you brave shoppers! I go in and turn beat red, I swear! I can shop for my wife, but she's a 2! No mistaking that.

Thanks for a good thread on tips, techniques, breathing and just not worrying about it!

[jsunic_1978]

im pretty well established at these stores I go to now, yet, Im still a little embarasses going as jeff :) I think the sale assiciates like jen better LMAO jen smiles more and more frillie :)

[Jamie001]

This one sort of bothers me I often see women buying men's cloths and shopping in the mens department yet as men we are scared S#$tless to even enter the domain of women's department. We break out in a cold sweat if we have to go to the cashier, we case the place like we were planning a bank robbery. You even see men who will hang on the edges of the department while their wives shop... "ya wont catch me touchin' women's stuff... " Personally I love the women's wear departments even if I'm not buying for me! the colors the feel and styles no wonder I like to wear women's clothes. Go to the mens and you get 50 shades of brown gunny sacks, oh boy. So why are the macho men afraid of buying women' stuff, just do it, you don't need to explain to the cashier really you dont. Men can be so gutless at times.

The reason that typical men are so gutless is because when they were children it was driven into their head that anything feminine is to be avoided like the plague! As a boy gets older he receives more input that to be interested in anything feminine means that you are a gay homosexual, and if you even show interest in feminine items/pursuits you are ostracized and even physically beaten. That is the reason that most normal men would rather rush into battle where this is a 50 percent chance that they will die rather than entering the women's department.

[Monicamaryjay]

Stephanie, it's best to just dispense with the excuses. The SA's have seen it all and will likely see right through any story that is conjured up. Besides, when lying, we often give off unconscious signals and/or body language which can increase that creepy factor without our even being aware of it.

Yes, I agree.
I think it is very easy to give off the impression that we are dishonest when we make up lies to ourselves.

I would rather simply be confident and pleasant but keep any excuses or reasons for the purchases out of the conversation.

Plain and simple, it is not any of their business what you buy the clothes for or for whom you buy them.
Monica

[Deedee Skyblue]

You're not being a realist at all...you're actively trying to NOT deal with the reality of being trans. Veronica

All trans are different. My reality is different than yours, and everyone else's. The way I deal with my reality is the way I deem is best. There are a lot of positive responses to this thread. Are we all actively avoiding reality?

Deedee

[Aaron Zwidling]

I can certainly understand the shyness around admitting you are shopping for yourself as that used to be me for many years, however I got over that some years back. Once I had tried doing it a number of times and found that most SA's are fine with it or don't care it got a lot easier for me. Now I just pick out what I like and ask to try it on, usually with no problems whatsoever. A case in point was last week when I spotted a bra I loved in a small boutique. I found my size, brought it to the SA working the store and said "Can I try this on?" She replied "Absolutely" and showed me to the change room. Once I emerged from the change room she asked "How did things work out" to which I replied "I liked the fit, I'll take it". We chatted about when the spring line would be in as she rang up my purchase, after which I paid and left the store.

One thing I do find funny is if I don't mention what the article of clothing is the SA typically won't mention it either. For instance neither I nor the SA ever said the word 'bra' during that recent visit even though I tried it on and bought it. I've found the same thing when trying on dresses and the like. It's as if not naming what the clothing is makes everyone more comfortable about the whole process.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi OT, Here's how to do it drive to the store, park the car, go into the store, pickout some pretty clothes or shoes, pay for them,
drive back home, park the car And go in and try on your new clothes.
To me the only difference between shopping at Home Depot and Dress Barn is the DB has prettier things.

[suchacutie]

We found Tina when I turned 55. I got married when I was about to turn 23. In the intervening 32 years I shopped for presents and everyday things for my wife often. It never occurred to me that there was an issue. Sometimes the SAs would ask if I wanted help and sometimes not. Since I didn't then know I was transgendered, I was the complete innocent showing an interest in doing something for my wife.

So, here I am now, still buying for my wife, but for Tina too. There should be no difference and since I had the experience for years before Tina, I have never seen any issues. There are still a few SAs who think men can't shop for women no matter what, and I do gently disabuse them of that fact, but then they are incredibly embarassed and can't do enough for me :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Ach! I'm so jealous of all you brave shoppers! I go in and turn beat red, I swear! I can shop for my wife, but she's a 2! No mistaking that.

Thanks for a good thread on tips, techniques, breathing and just not worrying about it!

Hi Ms. Laura, The more you do it the easier it gets.

[Ariamythe]

This has been an interesting thread to read.

There's one piece of advice here that's both absolutely necessary for a new shopper to hear, bur is also completely useless: the advice to "Just go in and buy it, and admit it's for you, and don't care what they think; it's not against the law and they just want your money" advice. While I get that it's a good reinforcement to hear it said out loud, I can safely say as one of the "newbies" around here that the message is zero help when you're in the middle of the store trying to screw up enough courage to walk down the makeup aisle. I wonder if some of the longtime CDers here have forgotten how anxious and weird their first shopping experiences could get! The hypersensitivity to every look ("Is she staring at me?!"); the feeling that you stand out like a sore thumb and that everyone will notice you're not where you should be; the sheer anxiety caused by being in a part of the store you're not supposed to be in. It's not rational, but it can cause a new shopper to bail and flee if it becomes overwhelming.

Personally, all the little tricks -- gift-wrapping, having "her measurements" on hand, etc. -- are vital for new dressers. They help ratchet down the anxiety and make the shopping experience feel more normal. Like training wheels or water wings.

On a personal note, I've found that the local big blue corporate megalith box store has been a great place for me to train myself and build up my confidence. First, the store is huge, so it's easy to go unnoticed in the crowds; second, the fitting room attendants, when they're even at their posts, are lazy and don't take much notice as to what's in the stack you're trying on; and thirdly, the cashiers tend to be souless and dead-eyed and not at all interested in commenting on what you're purchasing. The fashions are nothing to write home about, but it's sort of like training in the bush leagues for me. It's not about the results so much as the experience.

[Deedee Skyblue]

There's one piece of advice here that's both absolutely necessary for a new shopper to hear, bur is also completely useless: the advice to "Just go in and buy it, and admit it's for you, and don't care what they think; it's not against the law and they just want your money" advice.

I don't mind this piece of advice - it is true, though, as you said, it doesn't necessarily make it easier to shop. What bothers me is the people who imply (or say) that there is something wrong with the rest of us who DO NOT feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it is still true that there is a taboo about men buying and wearing women's clothes - no matter how people try to say there isn't. And there are still places where wearing women's clothes can cause problems for a guy. It will be nice when this isn't true, and all of us just being here and supporting each other will help make this happen, but suggesting that being aware of this taboo and letting it affect your life is judgmental - and I personally don't need to be judged here on my lifestyle choices.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. Just remember that we are all different - and we are all coping as best we can. And just because I cope differently than someone else, doesn't make my choices wrong.

Deedee

[Jenniferathome]

I don't understand all the preparation described here. When I am in guy mode and buying a dress, I walk up to the sales person and ask for help. 100% of the time, they assume it is for my wife and I am being a good husband. 100%! In fact I just bought a great dress at Anthropolgie last week and the the female SA congratulated me on my style choice and asked if my wife had an Anthropologie account (she did).

Now, I'll add that I'm 5'7" and 155 lbs so I'm not asking for a size 16 or anything but the clothes can clearly fit me. Still I'm too much of a guy for them to think it's for me. In fact one time, I was returning a skirt to Macy's and the SA said something like, "oh you didn't like this skirt?" And laughed as she was clearly making a joke. I said, "we'll I have the legs for it but it didn't fit." We had a good laugh together.

Remember the average person on the street does not even have cross dresser in their lexicon. It's so far out there, they won't jump to that conclusion first. It's always wife/girlfriend.

Relax

[outhiking]

Thanks Jennifer. "100% of the time, they assume it is for my wife and I am being a good husband." This doesn't work as well for basic foundation garments unless you are getting something special. Still, I think most SA's and people in the stores don't care and you are probably right in saying that "the average person on the street does not even have cross dresser in their lexicon".

[Ariamythe]

I don't understand all the preparation described here. When I am in guy mode and buying a dress, I walk up to the sales person and ask for help. 100% of the time, they assume it is for my wife and I am being a good husband. 100%!

That's great. Clearly, you've been doing this awhile and are comfortable with it. The point to a lot of this, as I noted earlier, is to help those of us who aren't comfortable with it. It takes awhile to get over social conditioning and the fear that we are doing something wrong. For those with anxiety, all this advice helps us get over our anxiety.

[Jenniferathome]

Thanks Jennifer. "100% of the time, they assume it is for my wife and I am being a good husband." This doesn't work as well for basic foundation garments unless you are getting something special. Still, I think most SA's and people in the stores don't care and you are probably right in saying that "the average person on the street does not even have cross dresser in their lexicon".

I have to give you that one. Buying a bra and panties is not a normal "good husband" gift. Thank God for the Internet and self checkout!

[Esteafanie]

OMG!!! That is so true. At first I used to feel like a thief, will rush from the Lingerie dept. to register, out the door and into my car...shaking!!! Thanks to this site and confidence, I am able to browse and choose with more calm. No more money spent ont wrong sizes...LOL!!! Definitely remember the part of not feeling "You are doing nothing illegal, immoral or shady". Changing your own perspective and mentality about yourself, helps to shop with pride and confidence.

Still enjoying it!!!!