Coming out to friends

[xdressed]

So in mid September I moved into a student house with my SO and 3 other friends. Naturally my SO is well aware that I crossdress and is very accepting, even though she doesn't always understand it. She is the only person I've told except for an ex I have long since ceased contact with, and I feel that my other house mates should know too. I want to tell them before the christmas holidays start, because when we get back from them my SO won't be here as she'll be on a 5 month exchange trip to Finland, and I think it's important that she is still living with us when I tell them. I don't want it to seem like I had to hide it while she is around, and chances are they will have questions for her too, which would be better asked in person not over Facebook or the like. I've tested the water with them quite a lot, we watched an Eddie Izzard DVD in the first couple of weeks of moving in which made it clear to me that they are generally accepting of crossdressing. I also dressed as a woman for the recent October MCM Expo in London and again for Halloween, the expo requiring me to be dressed round the house twice just to see how long it takes to do the hair and make up so that we knew when to get up, so they are already used to seeing me in full femme mode. I think the fact that I was confident about it and also quite passable meant they weren't particularly freaked out by it, and by the end of Halloween it had seemed normal to everyone. This is me on the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIDdmUpyMUQ&feature=youtu.be

My only real questions are, do you have any advice coming out to friends that you live with as I only see advice on telling a partner or parents, and should I tell them one at a time or as a group? One of my house mates in particular I'm completely positive she will be accepting, whereas the other two I am still positive but not to the same degree, so would it be better just to tell the one first?

[ChelseaErtel]

I don't have that experience, I'm into my 50's and just told my wife.

But, I will give you my gut feeling. It sounds like your are going about it correctly. Having your SO there is the best thing you have decided to do. As for separately in a group, I think in a group. Get it done and over with, you aren't married to them. What is the worst that could happen.

I think, if I had a friend/roommate and they told me something this private I would be flattered. But, hey, I'm really a girl so I could be wrong. But I don't think so, they are your friends. If they reject you, then they really weren't your friends.

Good luck.

[Daisy41]

Don't mistake how they take crossdressing of others as how they would take crossdressing with you, or even how they take it for Halloween. The circumstances change when it's a normal thing for someone they know. Even I think of someone differently when I find out that they crossdress, we're only human. I would straight up ask how they would feel about the idea of you being a crossdresser. Make it clear you aren't out to make them uncomfortable and be aware of their own feelings and being open to their questions and concerns.

[Cynthia Anne]

I like the idea of the group sesson! Like show and tell! Get-er-done!

[Beverley Sims]

It will be different once the truth is out, one way is to tell them is to say you appeared in couple of drag talent quests and found that you liked the theatrical side of dressing.
This is usually more acceptable than a mistake at birth story.
I did the talent shows and was good at it so for me it is the truth.

[MsRenee]

Get em all together and tell them you have something to show them. Thats how I did it we all met at a bar and I came around as they got their first look af me. They knew already but this was their first met. They loved it and bought the first round. We all had a blastout that night.
Renee

[xdressed]

Don't mistake how they take crossdressing of others as how they would take crossdressing with you, or even how they take it for Halloween. The circumstances change when it's a normal thing for someone they know. Even I think of someone differently when I find out that they crossdress, we're only human. I would straight up ask how they would feel about the idea of you being a crossdresser. Make it clear you aren't out to make them uncomfortable and be aware of their own feelings and being open to their questions and concerns.


I think because they've seen me in a dress quite a lot recently (twice in preparation for the Expo, during the expo and on Halloween, plus all the photos of those times on my facebook) out right asking one or all of them of how they feel about me being a crossdresser would be much the same as just telling them. I feel things would work out better if I told them outright rather than dropping hints all the time or getting caught. Plus at the very least I can take their reactions so far as a good sign.

I guess telling them all at once probably is the best way to go about it. It might feel a bit awkward for the other person if me and my SO sit them down one at a time like it's a meeting or something.

"Hi, come in. Can I get you a coffee? Ok good, down to business, I'm a crossdresser. Now off you go, send the next person in"

[justmetoo]

I agree about telling them in a group, especially if you can do it as a sort of natural conversation. I think keeping it natural/normal/informal, between friends, is a good way to go. Be yourself, be honest, and be confident (I know, easier said than done! :lol: ). Best wishes!

[xdressed]

I agree about telling them in a group, especially if you can do it as a sort of natural conversation. I think keeping it natural/normal/informal, between friends, is a good way to go. Be yourself, be honest, and be confident (I know, easier said than done! :lol: ). Best wishes!

Yeah the only real problem I have atm is how to start the conversation. I mean yeah, the fact that they've seen me dressed up several times already means I have an easy way of bringing it up, but should I call a house meeting to make sure everyone is in the same place at the same time? The only way I can really guarantee that we'll all be together at the same time is if we're watching a film or something, and I'm not sure how I'd really bring it up from that.

[TinaMc]

I have read stories where people have told their friends, and their friends have been reasonably accepting but at the same time a bit stumped as to why the CDer felt the need to tell them at all. Why do you feel that you need to "come out" to them?

That said, if it was me and if I'd fully decided I think I'd call a house meeting, throw on Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and then disappear for a few minutes (yeah right!) to get prepared and then hopefully time my big entrance to the scene where they are doing Finally, by Cece Peniston. You wouldn't even need to say anything, actions speak louder than words, certainly in this case. ;)

[Cristine]

I've been battling this one for awhile. So I thought of telling my best friend of fifty years and sometimes lover. Well that one didn't turn out all that well. Words like, "I do know you!!" or "What was our love making all about?" Oh things are better now but those initial reactions from my friend really stung me deep. And now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my son!

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Tell them all to come and you show them dresses that is how you feel about yourself.

[xdressed]

I have read stories where people have told their friends, and their friends have been reasonably accepting but at the same time a bit stumped as to why the CDer felt the need to tell them at all. Why do you feel that you need to "come out" to them?

I want to tell them because these friends live with me, and I can't stand being a prisoner in my own home anymore. I want to be able to occasionally get dressed up in my bed room and then walk out of the door without any fear of them finding out.

As for everyone's other suggestions, I'm pretty sure coming out to them dressed isn't the best way to go about it, that will probably be a bit too much. I think one of my house mates is starting to suspect me though, I doubt she'll be shocked at all when I tell her.

[xdressed]

OK I've chosen a date to do this, I've decided Wednesday 5th of December. That way it's long enough after The Expo/Halloween to not be too soon and it's also after our project hand in, but not too near to the start of the Christmas Holiday's when we'll all go back home for 3 weeks. I'll call a house meeting (or maybe even tell them after watching a movie together in the early evening). I think choosing a date like this will make sure I don't get too nervous and leave it too late too do anything

[kelliT]

It's been easier as I've been doing my friends one by one. Follow your gut feeling

[justmetoo]

Good luck! And please let us know who it goes. :) (My guess is it will be fine and you will feel better)

[mike~the~islandman]

The friends I've informed about my CDing were very accepting upon the news! :)

I can't think of any advice to give, other than be honest.

[xdressed]

Good luck! And please let us know who it goes. :) (My guess is it will be fine and you will feel better)

That's my guess too ^_^

(I probably wouldn't be doing it otherwise lol)