Dating: anyone have trouble?

[FurPus63]

Hi
I've been trying online dating and having a terrible time. With men, all they want is a one time sexual experiment. Women seem to have other issues that get in the way. Just wondering if others have had as hard a time finding "someone special"?

Paulette

[Danika140]

I've tried the online dating a few times because I am always gone somewhere austere so it's the only way I can connect with people. The issues I run into is not meeting people as long as I present myself as a "normal" and fully functional male, but when I tell them that I am TG. Most women come up with some shallow excuse like it's my choice to be TG and then bail. Others are ok with me being TG as long as I don't express...etc. I haven't tried dating men as I am only attracted to women so I can't provide any experiences there.

Almost feels like a damned if you and damned if you don't scenario.

[JackieMarie]

I have tried finding a guy online but its never lasted any length of time. One wasnt willing to do anything out and about because he couldn't tell his friends or family he was dating a trans girl. The other i was really into but he was never around. Not to mention the effort of weeding out the ones who just want sex and could care less about a full relationship with you. Im going to start trying to meet someone in person. Hopefully that will change my luck.

[Jorja]

If you would like some advice from someone who has been at this for a long, long time, Online is ok but just go out there in the big wide world and just be you. Mingle with everyone, straight, gay, bi, lesbian, male and femaleThat certian person will be attracted to you sooner or later.

[Badtranny]

If you would like some advice from someone who has been at this for a long, long time, Online is ok but just go out there in the big wide world and just be you. Mingle with everyone, straight, gay, bi, lesbian, male and femaleThat certian person will be attracted to you sooner or later.

I can't really add anything to this, but when has that ever stopped me? ;-)

Sex partners are easy to find, life partners not so much. Ya just gotta get out there. Bring your own ball, and someone will eventually want to play with you.

Don't have a ball? Well that's something only you can fix.

[docrobbysherry]

I've been on line dating for a few years now. I find it very difficult. Even tho I'm a straight guy looking for a GG. Never mentioned my hobby yet. Some of the ladies I've met and chatted with have met guys they've dated for awhile. But, I'm not doing well.

Looks, is unfortunately a HUGE part of this kind of dating. Because u really can't get to know if u like someone meeting this way until you've dated them a number of times!

Admittedly, it's harder at my advanced age. The ladies I meet in their 50's and 60's have mostly lost their figures and have lots of life baggage. As do I. And, I've never even gotten around to Sherry yet!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

on okcupid i just got an invite message from someone in my area...i responded politely and his response included the disclosure that he crossdressed and would i be ok with it?? LOL ---

Like i need that in my life!!!:heehee:

[Babeba]

Kaitlyn! Please don't tell me you're shooting him down just for that! It's very sweet of him to disclose so early and that could mean an awful lot of things! At least meet him for coffee if there's something else good about him!

Kay, having said that - I have never had luck with online dating, either. I've had a few nice dates here and there but that's about it... It's a tough way to find love even without the TG/TS issues so don't feel down and like they somehow intuit your trans-ness and lose interest because of that.

Also: PLEASE make sure you all are careful about meeting people from online! Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be back, and have them check up on you. Keep to well-lit, public places and don't let them see where you live... I know you all know the drill, but please do be careful.

[Kathryn Martin]

Also: PLEASE make sure you all are careful about meeting people from online! Tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to be back, and have them check up on you. Keep to well-lit, public places and don't let them see where you live... I know you all know the drill, but please do be careful.

I agree with you, but I think that scene has changed somewhat. One in five couples now meet in the internet, that is 20%.

My spouse and I met on the internet in 1999. We are still married.

[Nicole Erin]

My experiences -
Craigslist is the worst. You cannot believe the creepy factor of that dating section.

OKCupid - Nasty looking men who looked at my face pic, thought I was cute, messaged me, I would tell them to actually READ my damned profile, they would get to the part that says "I am Transgender" and lose interest. I did meet two people who, well it is like this -
One was a GG a bit older than me and we talked a lot, layed out our baggage and things seemed maybe promising. Of course she flaked out. A couple weeks later i get some apology note saying she was without her computer but got it back. OK granted. But then never heard from her again. We never met in RL but things looked really good at first.

One was some guy who is a CD but doesn't dress much, CD is a side hobby. No problems there. However, he doesn't work and lives off of whatever friend will have him when he gets kicked out of the last place he was squatting. He is wanting to live with ME in the future. THAT isn't gonna happen.

REAL problem with web dating is this - a lot of people don't want to make an effort for a relationship. Leaving the house is too much hassle.

To me, having an online relationship with someone with a name like IndyGuy1978 or OhioGal39 (formatted city, gender, age) is NOT a relationship.

[ArleneRaquel]

I've had one date, with a male, in the last 4 months or so. :sad: I guess at my age, 64, my dating days are fini, even thought when enfemme I look much younger. Btw I've never tried online dating & I doubt that I'll ever do so.

[angpai30]

I have tried online dating, but haven't had any luck either, but I have had several men try to pick me up at work. I speak and then its like um, ok I'm walking this way now.... Angela - Picker Upper walking this way ----> LoL!! Oh well, what can we do? I have tried raising my voice and putting more emphasis into it, but haven't been able to keep the inflections good... I either go to low or to high and most people can't hear me when I go higher so I tend to go with my normal voice because people can at least hear me.

Angela

[I Am Paula]

I've never had an interest in online dating, but since I've been out and about for over twenty years, I've been hit on enough. Since the hit is ego satisfying, sometimes I'll chat with a man, and even let him buy a drink. Most of the men are married, suburban, Volvo driving dads, who want to live out a fantasy they've had since seeing Dame Edna on T.V. Also, the wierdest part, they all think the best opening line is "I'm not gay, or anything, but...". Well, I hope they're something! -Celeste

[Linda St. John]

That last line is pretty funny Celeste ...I hope they're 'something" too ! I'm not sure what these guys are after exactly but if they are turned on by Dame Edna - I don't think I need to know.
I don't actively try to pick up guys ..I'm having a quiet beer or two on a bar patiio ,dressed fairly androgenously, but long hair and tits equals a try , and I hear :Can I buy you a drink ? If I'm not interested, I'll answer in my normal male voice and they usually hightail it out of there leaving the bartendress and I giggling.
But ...This summer one or two actually pulled up a chair and went into their spiel without any hesitation ...amazing !
Actual dates ? ..nah - not turned on ...yet ! :heehee::battingeyelashes:
Linda

[AudreyTN]

i've tried and get no serious replies. I either get invitations for threesomes, or I get big unattractive women messaging me and im just not interested in big women. not my thing. so I have given up for the time being. maybe when I move to Denver after I graduate, I'll find someone.

[sandra-leigh]

I think I checked out some dating sites about 15-ish years ago, got no responses then.

I was on a sex-positive site for several years, made a few GG friends. The unmarried amongst them usually complained about how hard it was to find a good partner, and then turned around and chose people who weren't good to them... No one expressed any interest in me, not even a "you're a good person, if you were here I'd try to set you up with some of my friends". At most that indefinite "you'll find someone who is right for you some day". People were willing to correspond, but for finding someone it would have been a dead end, at least for people like me who aren't bubbly and glamorous.

I have thought a few times about what I would do if I were single and looking. The answer I've come up with is that I would talk to some of my acquaintances. I've gotten to know a number of GGs socially who seem to respect me enough that I think they would be willing to recommend me to women they know.

[Confetti]

Hi dolls,

I must say it was a misadventure, the interesting people I met out were married or into stuff tha still makes me blush.On line was a variety of really messed up people pretty much looking for things I won't do or looking fir someone to blame for problems . I reconnected with my dear friend just to have dress up and looked at the main problems why we stopped going out. Living far away and a wandering eye didn't help but after this space our time is a lot more rewarding. Interesting on the site seemingly for women too people reached out as if they were looking for business owning a boutique.I wish it was less sexual environment more girls with dolls having nice time.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I have been dating this nice guy for months and I feel like a complete woman should in love.

[Babeba]

I agree with you, but I think that scene has changed somewhat. One in five couples now meet in the internet, that is 20%.

My spouse and I met on the internet in 1999. We are still married.

I'm not saying people don't meet that way... Just, it's always best to be safe than sorry.

It also means 80% of people DON'T find their partners on the Internet.

Also, since the only time I have ever been asked for a survey, 'where did you meet your partner?' It was when I was deleting a dating site profile... I'm a little skeptical if that statistic. I think if you're looking for love you have to be open to finding it anywhere.

[FurPus63]

So....how do we find people/lovers? Sitting in a bar trying to get picked up is stupid and dangerous. I'm not sure what to do. When my hair is done nice like in my new picture...I think I'm pretty passable...but when it's not...I'm not. Either way, nobody's ever made a pass at me, except in a gay bar. Like many have said, whether in person or online...men just seem to want sex....and I have a real disadvantage being pre-op and attracted to het men. Boy what a delema but I keep trying. Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.

Paulette

[Nicole Erin]

If you are attracted to men you are in a better spot cause for us MTF TG, we have better chances with men anyways.

[ReineD]

So....how do we find people/lovers? Sitting in a bar trying to get picked up is stupid and dangerous. I'm not sure what to do. When my hair is done nice like in my new picture...I think I'm pretty passable...but when it's not...I'm not. Either way, nobody's ever made a pass at me, except in a gay bar. Like many have said, whether in person or online...men just seem to want sex....and I have a real disadvantage being pre-op and attracted to het men. Boy what a delema but I keep trying. Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.

Paulette

I'm not the best person to give advice on this since I've not dated much in my life (married young, and was with my SO soon after the marriage ended), but I can repeat what I remember reading in Ann Landers: volunteer, start new hobbies, join a gym, take fun classes, join a church, become a regular at some coffee shops, organize outings with your friends, get the word out among your friends, make more friends.

I sympathize though. I guess men in general have just as many issues being with someone who is trans as do GGs, unless they want sex. I'm in my 50s, so I'm in a "hard to find someone" demographic too. If I were single though, I'd do all the above.

[abigailf]

This thread caught my attention because I am just starting to consider this.

I've never tried online dating, but I am a tangible shopper. I like to see and feel the merchandise before I order it. I wouldn't want a situation where I have a hard time returning mu purchase :)

I read someplace that a great place to meet guys is at the airport. One can find more successful men there than anywhere else. As a traveler I tend to agree with that, however many people I meet guy or girl are usually in a committed relationship. Though they could offer a fun mile high opportunity.

You shouldn't be afraid of the one night stands. They could be fun if you keep it safe. Plus you never know, it could lead into something more.

[Rianna Humble]

I haven't tried online dating, although I have considered it a couple of times, but I do take part in activities that might enable me to actually encounter Ms right. However, I do not feel comfortable with looking for a relationship until I am whole. In the mean time, I just enjoy friendship.

[ReineD]

I read someplace that a great place to meet guys is at the airport.

Reminds me ... the local grocery store too, right after work when all the single guys are stopping in to get something for dinner. You can tell they're single by what's in their grocery basket. :)

[Michelle.M]

My experiences -
Craigslist is the worst. You cannot believe the creepy factor of that dating section.

While that is true (I have seen way too many creepy ads) my last pre-transition relationship began with a Craigslist ad. It was a lovely relationship and only ended because I was transferred by my job.


OKCupid - Nasty looking men who looked at my face pic, thought I was cute, messaged me, I would tell them to actually READ my damned profile, they would get to the part that says "I am Transgender" and lose interest..

I have a friend who has done well with OKCupid and seems to like the results she's getting. But, I did have a profile on another dating site and you're right. Even though you specifically state that you're TG way too many guys can't be bothered to read the profile!

One thing, though. I found that it was so incredibly easy to weed out the decent guys from the shiftless bums, the unemployed, the socially inept, the misogynists and the tranny chasers. Yes, and there were many of them and those types amounted to about 98% of the men who contacted me, but the few that I thought were worth a reply were excellent candidates!


So....how do we find people/lovers?

I met my current boyfriend online and he was charming and a perfect gentleman right from the start. We're crazy about each other and I've never been happier.


Sitting in a bar trying to get picked up is stupid and dangerous.

Well, maybe not, if you're careful and aware of your surroundings. After all, people DO go there to socialize, right? A TS girlfriend of mine met her husband at Karaoke night in her favorite country bar. But I stopped going to gay bars long ago. And the reason (get ready for a big surprise) was that the only men I was meeting were gay men! I'm not interested, thank you!

Although it's comforting to gravitate to safe places at some point you'll need to get out of the tranny ghetto and move on over to the real world. Jorja's right. Go to where people are and start meeting them. Eventually you'll find someone you want to get to know better.