Daughter's boyfriend

[Stephenie]

Last Night my daughter and her boyfriend were talking and it came out that his father is a cross dresser. He doesn't live with him. He doesn't think that Cding is acceptable. He said that his father would come home at night and put on his mom's clothes and tell her that he was a better looking woman than she was. (nice way to get a spouse to be accepting). He had some other things to say about how he didn't think that CDing was right. Well the whole time I could feel my wife staring at me, even though she didn't look over at my the whole time. Later she said that it was interesting and should make me think. I said that I would never tell her take I was prettier. During the time he was talking about his dad I tried to show that it was not something that I found strange or unacceptable. My daughter found the whole thing quite amusing. I didn't think to ask how old he was when his parents divorce, so don't know if it is first hand knowlegde or what his mom has told him. I will ask about his age soon.

So how would you have handled this kind of thing. I have not come out to any of my kids and I'm sure telling one would be the same as telling them all.

[TGMarla]

Well, how old is this boyfriend? Is he mature in any way yet? How long has he known of his father's CDing? Perhaps he simply has not yet had the time to reconcile the fact with himself. How was his relationship with his father before he found this out? How close are you to your daughter? You need to assess this before you ever come out to your daughter. How accepting is your wife to you? What are her thoughts on this young man's father? She probably thought, "My God, it's an epidemic!"

Showing tolerance in such a situation is always best in my opinion. But don't just use it as a springboard for yourself to show the world how common and acceptable it really is. You'll do yourself more harm than good. But hey, if your daughter's relationship lasts, perhaps you've found a new shopping partner. :D

[Lydia]

How would you want his father to handle it if HE were hearing about you? That would be my first thought if I were in your shoes. I've heard people discussing others they've seen/heard of and just listen quietly. It's true as pointed out above (I'm sorry, but forgot the respondant's name) - making any 'claims'/defenses could start a snowball rolling for you! Neutral ground is safest. Lydia

[sara_also]

I agree that it could be a touchy situation. And sometimes it is best if we just keep things to ourself.....However I wonder what would have happened if he said my father is a child molister, drug addict, acholic, wife beater,,,,
you get the picture. And also the attitude of a person is their attitude no matter what they do. Anyway happy dressing, and holidays
Sara

[DonnaT]

I would have made it a point to ask why CDing wasn't acceptable, and kept asking him questions of why. Plus I would explain what it means to be transgendered and why it is necessary for some people to CD, transition, etc. The boy needs to be educated, it seems to me.

Of course he probably would have asked me how I knew so much, and I would have told him I have several friends that are either CDs or TSs, that there are millions TGs in the US.

[kathy gg]

HI Stepahnie,

You are asking how should you have handled this....well first off if your children dont' know, have you and your wife discussed ever telling them? IF she is not ready for that, well that right there is you answer to everything...you have to be on the same page, otherwise you are putting her and your kids in an uneven situation.

Also, so what this boyfriend had a bad story to share....unless these two plan on getting married, why worry about what this kid thinks? Unless he has plans on marrying your daughter, it is not your job to educate him on trans issues.

Also, and I am sorry to diagree with donna (sorry hun) but really kids date different people many times over before finding the 'one'. WHy put yourself in a position to gettting outed by someone who already has a bad image of what crossdressing is. And also, this kids dad does sound like a jerk, cd or not. Based on what has happened, you can't really blame him I think for feeling the way he does. Maybe as he grows older his world view will change, who knows, but really until they get super serious I would not dwell on it.

You did the right thing, the less said the better.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

a closed mind is a dangerous thing and is "caveman" thinking

i thought this was the 21st century for janes sakes:rolleyes:

[KatieZ]

I think the boy was lied to by his Mom and the boy believed what she told him. He definately needs educated about CDing. But the one to do the educating is his Dad. Perhaps you should contact him and let him know what is going on with his son. Without outing yourself you can tell him you have a friend or relative that is CD and you understand.


Hugs