Straight male friends...

[LunaDarling]

Hello everyone! i would just like to know what your relationship is like with straight male friends? have you came out to many? do you have many? what are their responses like? ive found it very uncomfortable to talk to my straight male friends, and now that i think about it, ive only came out to one... on the other hand, a whole bunch of my GG friends know, and are very supportive of Luna. im just super afraid that ill never be treated the same again, or like they will feel that they have to walk on egg shells around me or something, or even just cut me off completely... any thoughts?

[Jamie001]

Hello everyone! i would just like to know what your relationship is like with straight male friends? have you came out to many? do you have many? what are their responses like? ive found it very uncomfortable to talk to my straight male friends, and now that i think about it, ive only came out to one... on the other hand, a whole bunch of my GG friends know, and are very supportive of Luna. im just super afraid that ill never be treated the same again, or like they will feel that they have to walk on egg shells around me or something, or even just cut me off completely... any thoughts?

Hi Luna,

I have a very profound thought for you. If you come-out to a friend and that friend rejects you, they he was never a real friend and it is better not to have him as a friend. It is a real test of friendship. Do you really want friends that are so unaccepting that you can't be yourself around them? Are those guys really friends?

[Marcia Blue]

I came out to my best friend from high school. He and his wife are both OK with it. I knew they would be accepting, as they are a very liberal couple. My friend might have a slight leaning towards being a CD. He likes to CD for Halloween. They treat me the same as before I came out to them.

I really think that male friends that are to be in the loop, need to have a very open mind. Even then you can never really know how they will react.

[Jamie001]

I came out to my best friend from high school. He and his wife are both OK with it. I knew they would be accepting, as they are a very liberal couple. My friend might have a slight leaning towards being a CD. He likes to CD for Halloween. They treat me the same as before I came out to them.

I really think that male friends that are to be in the loop, need to have a very open mind. Even then you can never really know how they will react.

If they react negatively and cannot accept you, then they were never a real friend. They were just simply an acquaintance and it is better to move on.

[LilSissyStevie]

Hello everyone! i would just like to know what your relationship is like with straight male friends? ...

I try not to judge them or hold it against them.:heehee:

[Cynthia Anne]

Defineing friends the way I do; all my male friends accept me for who I am! Which by the way has made my list of male friends much smaller!

[Persephone]

I spent years hiding from my friends, male and female. But when the wall of my closet started to fall I started to come out to my friends, quite a number of them. And so far, no-one has rejected me.

Most of my friends are rock-ribbed conservatives like my spouse and me. Most certainly not a problem in that group. Live and let live is a core belief.

Was I scared to come out to them? You bet! But my spouse and I did it. And when I finished telling them my secret nearly every one said the same thing to me, "But we're still friends, right?"

I was working on one of my high tech hobbies with my best male friend today and he and his wife had a gift for me when I arrived at their house. They'd been to the California Science Center here in L.A. to see the Space Shuttle Endeavour and brought this back for me:


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/NASA-Space-Crew-Doll.jpg

I thanked them, we laughed and joked, and he and I went back to working on stereotypically male stuff.

Your individual milage may vary, and you may get hurt in the process, but I am so glad that I took my heart (and my guts) in my hands and told them.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[NathalieX66]

One of my best friends, who is married & has two teenage daughters, loves me to death. He knows this side of me. What rolls inside his head, I do not know, nor do I care. We are still best of friends, that's all that matters.

[Tracy - new dresser]

with my friends i know they wont reject me or leave or anything but none of them can keep secrets lol thats why uve said nothing. im sure theyre clued on though, always ask about my legs and why lol :)

[noeleena]

Hi,

nothing hidden every one knows about myself what i am & who i am. about 2000 people that i see, they too know me , well in the groups im in womens & mixed, so as for men yes they know me i work with a few, & we are a close community . if im a member of one group others from other groups know about me, so no hideing at all. & no need to,.

To be fair we have under 3,500 people in our Village, they all at some time knew who i was / am, & im known in other larger centers, again no issues,

...noeleena...

[ReineD]

MY SO feels the same way you do, more comfortable telling GGs than her male friends.


They'd been to the California Science Center here in L.A. to see the Space Shuttle Endeavour and brought this back for me: [image of Barbie dressed as an astronaut]

Just have to say ... I'm so pleased to see Barbie as a worthwhile role model! :D

(I've been harping quite a bit against her on the board lately, but she is redeeming herself.) :p

[Meghan]

My straight, male friends are at arms-length at best. I seem to relate to their wives better than I do to them. They struggle with that, a little, but at the end of the day nobody is really all that surprised.

Meghan

[JaytoJillian]

Friends? What friends?

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I have several, I have not come out to any of them though. If and when I do, and it's accepted I would probably still be treated like one of the guys, and the usual male bonding joking/ribbing, consisting of "Wow Jocelyn you look kind of fat in that dress." "Jocelyn did you gain weight since the last poker night?" Which really would not be a problem with me.

[Rogina B]

I have been around enough to know that "straight" is all relative.[Hence my signature] I don't tell people that I open to,I show them in the flesh..in the mainstream world,just how comfortable Rogina is. But,like Reine's SO,I probably run a 5 to 1 ratio of showing GG friends to showing males[straight or otherwise]. And if they can't deal with it,then they weren't a friend anyway. Sometimes ex's aren't so cool with it as it violates the comfort they have in the"good memories" and they begin to wonder if you liked"their clothes or style" better than them..

[I Am Paula]

I have male aquaintances, and male colleagues...and female friends.-Celeste

[~Joanne~]

I have very few male friends, mostly GG's, I just don't believe I fit in with them. Never been a car person, never drink, never cared for sports, the list goes on and on. I do, however, have a few really good ones but I haven't told them a thing. It's not any of their business and won't affect their lives, or mine, one way or the other for the time being. If they were always around or such then maybe but it's not the case.

For the record though, I haven't told any of my GG friends either. Only my best one, my GF, knows ;)

[STACY B]

Straight Male friends ?? Yea RIGHT ?? They say they are ?? LOL,,,,, How bout just male friends in general ? I say if they don't live with you or you don't see them on a REAL REGULAR basis ,,Let um find out from someone else or Better yet they will figure it out ,,,Maybe it's the hair due ??? Hey why do you have GIRL CLOTHES on ,,, Laundry Day !!!

[LunaDarling]

awe, youre all very sweet and i appreciate the kind words. persephone, your story was glorious and made me very happy, thank you. it sounds like a lot of us are in the same boat. i think im gonna just continue what im doing and only tell the people i feel comfortable with. all my friends know eachother, so im sure the word will just get out. if im confronted then ill tell em strait up, but if not, then who cares right? im just gonna continue to become more and more comfortable as Luna and if they dont like it, then they can just kick rocks. Love Love Love, Luna.

[AlyssaS]

I have a lot of straight male friends, but haven't told anyone. I'm not at that point of my CDing where I'm comfortable letting people know. I have a lot of typical male hobbies (sports, poker, board games) so I prefer to keep it separate, at least for now.

[docrobbysherry]

Testing them by telling them you're gay, or dress, etc., is not fair!:thumbsdn:

When my daughter got too old for Indian Princesses, all the guys and daughters in our group stopped getting together. Except the families that were friends before.

When I got separated, then divorced, most of the couple/families that WE socialized with quit inviting me to get togethers because my ex was going.

When I couldn't play golf any more because of my bad back, those single and married guys began leaving me off their events list.

If I told everyone I dressed, I'd likely be left off every other social list I may still be on.:sad:

Does anyone else see a pattern here?
I think it has a lot more to do with hanging regularly with the folks have the MOST in common with and r MOST comfortable with!

Personally, even tho I haven't spoken to some of these guys in years, I feel if I really needed their help, they'd be there for me and, me for them.

I believe THAT'S what being "friends" with other guys is all about!

[Daisy41]

None of my male friends have abandoned me for my dressing. None of my male acquaintances have given me a hard time about it either. All of my male friends are straight as far as I know.

[Laura28]

Wow good question, I have never told any of my friends or for that matter anyone other then my wife. i dont know if i could? i guess i am still very much in the closet, someday maybe i will get out.

[lingerieLiz]

When my wife told her friends about me, I'm know that some of wives told their husbands. Nothing ever came of it. One evening the discussion came up about sexual orientation among the guys. I was going to explain CDing, but a wreck happened outside so we went to see what happened and never resumed the discussion. I talked to one of the wives about it and she was very accepting.

Since then I have gone shopping with my wife and several of the women including stops in the lingerie department. I've talked about our purchases with the women. Other than someone telling me thay liked something no one has ever mentioned, That's a woman's top or anything else. Well, except one night when I kept having a strap slipping one of the women said, Don't you hate it when the straps keep slipping. So I guess everyone knows and accepts it.

[Persephone]

It looks like most of us who have come out to friends of either gender have met with a pretty good degree of acceptance.

But I think that there is something to add here, and that is that once you open a can of worms it expands.

You may be able to open up to one or two friends and have them maintain your confidence but if you go beyond that it will expand like ripples in a lake.

For example, I came out to some friends because I was out and about in their community and didn't want them nor their teenage sons taken by surprise if they ran into me. So they talked with their sons and, sure enough, we all met up (with me en femme) about a week later. No problem.

But there was another couple who are not in that community and my spouse and I figured that they had no need to know. Until my son pointed out that one of the boys that now knew is best friends with one of the other couple's sons and they were even planning on rooming together at college.

So we had to have "the talk" with the other couple, etc., etc., and so on.

Ultimately there are very few of our friends who don't know, and most of them live very far away. The result has been the most wonderful time of my life! I still have my friends, perhaps in some cases we have even become closer, and I am free to be me out-and-about (except that now I have concerns about going out as a guy, but that is for different reasons and is a whole other Oprah show).

Your milage may vary.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[NicoleScott]

If you come-out to a friend and that friend rejects you, they he was never a real friend and it is better not to have him as a friend. It is a real test of friendship.

Crossdressing for me is a very personal thing, and there is a pleasure component to it. There is no reason for me to come out to my friends, so I don't. I have friends that differ from me on many issues - on politics, religion, etc. I have friends who are very racist and homophobic. I hate that about them, and they know it, but we have other things that bond us together. I suspect that any disapproval they would have regarding my crossdressing (if they knew) arises out of ignorance (must be gay, wants to be a woman, etc. common stereotypes). I wouldn't want my friends to test my friendship with acceptance ultimatums, so I'm not going to test theirs. If I allowed every issue to be a litmus test for friendships, I wouldn't have any friends.
But I'm a guy who likes to dress up occasionally, mostly in private. I might feel differently if I had a strong feminine identity that needed to come out.

[Jamie001]

Testing them by telling them you're gay, or dress, etc., is not fair!:thumbsdn:



I think you may have missed the point. It is not about testing your friends, it is about being yourself around your friends and your friends' ability to accept you. If your friends can't accept you for the real person that you are, then they are not really friends.

[NicoleScott]

It is a real test of friendship.


It is not about testing your friends...

OK, now I'm really confused.