Coming Out at Work

[Saffron]

Right now, my biggest concern about transitioning is how to deal about it at work.

Any useful links, books, blogs, information or advice about coming out at work would be greatly appreciated.

In my case it's a small company, so there's not HR. I've read previous posts about the subject but usually are focus on big companies.

Also the industry in which I work is very small in Spain, so once I come out it will be known in all the companies. I'm pretty sure about it cause every time some company fires someone or does something, we all get to know. And until now there've been zero cases of TS, so I'm going to be on the news for sure :straightface:

I cannot try to go steal because of that, even if I change to another company, it's pretty easy to find an old co-worker, and the new boss will know just by asking to the old company (they usually ask).

It really sucks when you work in a industry so small that we all know each other.

I'm even thinking into changing my current career, but I want first to give it a try at my current work, at least trying to think on a good way of dealing with it.



pd. And how you deal with your linkedin page?

[~Seana~]

Wow this sounds familiar.

For over 20 years I have worked in IT a network Administrator or MCSE. In all that time I've never seen a job last longerthana year and a half and some ended after only 30-60 days. The industry has become fully commoditized and you find yourself constantly startingnew contracts ( almost never permanent jobs).

Several times I've gone to work for what i would call consulting firms. Typically 8-10 techs working at whatever small business client will pay them to put in a server or monitor their network and provide support. These opinion are, in my opinion, the WORST to work for. They also all tend to work for the same bunch of companies .

So last year in october the contract I hadbeen working onfor almost 2 years came to an end. I was lucky....sort of. I had a job before it ended. I worked in a helpdesk ( crappy but slightly more stable than doing network work) , as Seana. Now I ended up at one ofthose consulting firms.

Because it was a consulting firm, despite that I was not customer facing ( I ran their helpdesk so I wasnt onsite) I went to work as Sean for the first time in years.Image is everything in consulting. I absolutely hated it! I felt totally out of my skin all the time

In the first few months, I was too busy blowing them away with my skills . But slowly there were questions. Conversations "came up" from coworkers about shaving, one asked about me and I just said " I dont believe I have any body hair" but didnt elaborate. I remember the same employee noting that I had a pink hairbrush. "Works just like any other color." Then a little while after " I just spoke to a Sean on the phone, but it was a girl!" to which I replied yup, it's a bigendered name.
In short, I tried very hard to avoid such conversations, but it was apparent after many years working as Seana I didnt look much like a Sean anymore.I was becoming aware of this.

So 3 months into this job my manager was fired and replaced by someone I would classify as a redneck. A good old boy boys club guy. This guys actions, all I could do was shake my head. One day the company had paid for a few beers in the conference room at end of day. I had to get home as my spouse was having surgery that day but stayed for one.
Previously in the day the owner of the company had been in the Network Center and had asked me to go onsite the next monday to do a wireless assessment. It was unusual I go onsite, I havent driven in a few years but I said yes. Then the conference room occurred.
Some of the employees had had to do some provincially mandated HR online courses. They were discussing this over their beers. In piped up Mr Redneck manager who started to tell a story about a guy who made inappropriate comments to a secretary at the company then when let go, advised them he was transgender and had been off, due to a change in medication.
I spoke up. I mentioned that the NDP, were presently processing a bill in parliament that would make actions such as he just described a criminal act, and how did he feel about that. He then confronted me, and demanded "Why would that matter to anyone unless they were transgender, are YOU transgender? " at which point unprepared for the question I admitted that I was, and I presented male at work only for corporate image. The next day the onsite was cancelled, and within a week I was let go without notice after 5 1/2 months.
That was in March. I'm still unemployed. I cant apply for ANY job without fear of this firm divulging my transgender status. In the end it will spell the end of IT work for me. I'm good at it but it doesnt matter, i dont present the right "corporate image" . I have a big family to support, 4 kids and a wife and my youngest is full autistic.
I really dont know how I will present applying for a job. I dont know where to apply but I avoid IT completely . It hasnt consistently paid the bills for a long time. The guy sweeping the floor usually makes more than I do.
When I worked as Seana, it was for a company that appears on the top 100 list for GLBT equality, Pfizer and Hewlett Packard in the US . They have HR departments and policies that complywith local law.. I dont know how I would handle it with a smaller firm, apparently I didnt do it right this last time . You may, like me, however decide that changing industries may fit in better with your current lifestyle. The reality is that bigots are out there.

[Jorja]

I did some research on Spain and GLBT issues. Of course, I could not find what I was looking for. It appears that Spain is a forward thinking country. They have approved same-sex marriage and have rather good GLBT laws in effect. However, I could not find much on how they feel about transgendered people. You will need to do some research on this subject. I would contact the GLBT associations in Spain to start.

As for transitioning on the job, you say it is a small company. They may have a loophole or two to get around the laws. You know, like under 20 employees this doesn’t pertain to you. You need to learn what the company policy is. I think you need to look at yourself. How willing are you to take any crap that may arise? You need to determine just how much you can stand because you know there will be some. They will be looking for reasons to fire you. If the company has a dress code, follow it to a T. If they expect formal business wear then wear formal business wear everyday. Do not expect them to tolerate your micromini skirts and stripper heels. Be on time and willing to stay late. Do your best every day. Make the company proud to have you as an employee.

Other than that, set your transition plan. Set a date for transition at work. Go talk to the owner of the company and let them know your plans well ahead of the date and keep them informed along the way. When that date arrives, just do it.

Good Luck

[~Seana~]

Jorja,

All of that is good advice, except for one thing. Whether you present at work or not ( I wasnt when I ran into a problem) if people KNOW that you identify as such on your job, you open yourself to bigotry . And in the end it doesnt matter what laws are in place.

I could have taken that company to court. I'd have been right. And I'd have lost. They would have made up any other excuse. If the bigotry is there, no law will protect you.

Seana

[Jorja]

However, I could not find much on how they feel about transgendered people. You will need to do some research on this subject. I would contact the GLBT associations in Spain to start.


Jorja,

All of that is good advice, except for one thing. Whether you present at work or not ( I wasnt when I ran into a problem) if people KNOW that you identify as such on your job, you open yourself to bigotry . And in the end it doesnt matter what laws are in place.

I could have taken that company to court. I'd have been right. And I'd have lost. They would have made up any other excuse. If the bigotry is there, no law will protect you.

Seana

Seana
You don't suppose that is why I said, "However, I could not find much on how they feel about transgendered people. You will need to do some research on this subject. I would contact the GLBT associations in Spain to start." And "you need to know the company policy. Who knows, maybe they will treat her like a Queen and there will be no bigotry. It is better to know what you are dealing with ahead of time rather than plunging in head first.

[Saffron]

I did some research on Spain and GLBT issues. Of course, I could not find what I was looking for. It appears that Spain is a forward thinking country. They have approved same-sex marriage and have rather good GLBT laws in effect. However, I could not find much on how they feel about transgendered people. You will need to do some research on this subject. I would contact the GLBT associations in Spain to start.

The previous government (left wing) used same-sex marriage as a reclaim during campaign, this party had a deputy that was transsexual. She is the one who did a lot of pressure on the government in order to obtain health care support and the law that authorizes ID change for TS (transsexuals now can change their gender listing and name in Spanish civil registries without undergoing surgery). That was around 2006/2007. All spaniards have an ID card, and we use it to identify ourselves in any situation, e.g. when paying at any store using credit cards, so it's a big deal.

But right now, the right party is currently the new government, people voted only based on the actual economical crisis, thinking that the right party would fix it. And now our country is in the worst situation ever (unemployment is up by 26%). You can take a look at the international news to see how happy are people in Spain right now.

This government tried to shut down same-sex marriage, and all the legal rights and health care support for TS.


About the company... Here in Spain basically you cannot fire a worker (who has a permanent contract) without a reason, and if they fire you for a discriminatory reason, you can sue them and choose between re-obtaining the job or get an compensation. At least if they fire me I'm currently eligible for the unemployment benefit.

Currently I'm more or less sure that they won't try to fire me, at least not in the short term, I don't want to sound pretentious :) but I'm good at my job and here it's difficult to find a replacement in my areas of expertise. But I'm not sure if I could handle all the puns (even if there's no harm intended), comments at my back, and the possible rejection from co-workers.

Being European, I'm thinking of going to UK to work in the future. In UK I can double or even triple my salary, there's a lot more of companies and I can do a fresh start. More or less.

About spaniards being open minded... here it's very similar to the rest of the occidental world, there's open minded people, very religious people, and even fascists. For example here you have bullfighting, which is atrocious, and there's both people who support it and people against it.

[Brittany North]

Some of the links I sent my manager when I came out at work:
http://www.gendersanity.com/shrm.html
http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace
http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/A_Sample_Transition_Package

There's some stuff in there that's a little US centric, but not a bad starting point. In my case it all went swimmingly :) Good luck!

[Babeba]

I'm surprised she hasn't popped her head in here, but Melissa Hobbes (badtranny) has recently transitioned (is transitioning still?) and is full time now at her work. Her website/blog is www.badtranny.com. (www.badtranny.com)

[Saffron]

Thanks for the links! :)

[josee]

This is an important topic Saffron. Thanks for bringing it up.
Transitioning at work is my biggest fear. I also work in an industry where everyone knows each other. I also interact directly in person with customers on a daily basis.
I still plan on doing it but it may end my career in this field.

[Saffron]

I want to add another useful link:
http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/publications-on-transgender-inclusion-in-the-workplace